All you introverts out there

All you introverts out there

    | Jan 25, 2020
SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs
We'd love to hear some tips from introverts that have successfully negotiated the minefield of RHP. Despite all the gripes on here, online is probably the easy bit for the introverted amongst us. Out in the real world we've found two on two meets probably work better and we're comfortable and generally ourselves somewhere quiet over a few drinks. Clubs are a completely different matter though, with all the best intentions going in there's a fair chance we'll be that couple sitting in the corner! You could probably say stick to what works, but clubs have a certain appeal even if they scare the crap out of us. We probably need to fine tune our eight ball game as a start!

How have you made it work as a pair of introverts or a single for that matter? There's got to be a magic potion that doesn't involve tequila 😬

- Posted from rhpmobile
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Miss_Falconer   TV/CD 56yrs

.

I have no tips. The only thing that works is having a wingperson with me to help break the ice with strangers so I'm not left in the corner like a stale bottle of beer.
It's all varying degrees of state of mind as well, even with a wing person. I need to be comfortable with my appearance so l can feel at least a little sexy within myself so my confidence is up and about.
My confidence has soared over the 5 years I've been in RHP, putting myself out there but it's no certainty I'll soar like an eagle on the night but hopefully won't grovel like a turkey on the ground.
I find that there is an important thing to recognise and accept that you are an introvert and there is nothing wrong with you. We are all different and it's just a natural part of that.
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
sweetas_j   Woman 37yrs

Absolutely agree with what Annie said. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. I just keep telling myself that once I get through the terrifying part of meeting someone new, it might turn into something amazing 😊
As with Annie, my confidence levels have increased during my time on here, but I am still an introvert at heart 💓
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
SSExplorer   Couple Man 46yrs Woman 34yrs

Great post Spicy.
As the more extroverted one of this couple I’m put in the drivers seat but if I’m honest there’s a fair bit of the introvert in me too.
Even online doesn’t work for Mrs S as not only is she very shy when it comes to sex but she’s also very trusting. When we started we both did the online stuff but she soon tired of the lies and deception so leaves it to me. It’s safer for us that way but does limit our success as we will fall off a lot of people’s filters. This limitation has likely been a good thing though as the few experiences we have had have been really nice.
We have tried meet and greets but find them difficult and stressful and we haven’t been able to relax and be ourselves.
If anyone has something other than tequila we’d like to have some too :)
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
SuperFoxxxy  

Woman 48yrs

Selectively Social, Introverted single lady here

For me, self confidence is the key. I also pick and choose my environments and company depending what mood I'm in. I'm not attracted to way over the top extroverts as I find they oversitimulate and drain me. I'm happy to sit back and watch them in social settings. I do attend clubs, however it depends who I am with etc. I could never go alone. It's just to fearful. It is OK to sit in the corner and watch. Nothing wrong with that. Many do. During my time on RHP, I have met 200+ people, I believe the key is for us introverts is pick and choose what suits us at that time, so it allow us to focus our attention deeply. One thing I will say is, extroverts will never understand us introverts, yet introverts do understand extroverts. Lol!

Ms Foxy
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
JasonsChain  

Man 38yrs

As a natural introvert I've never enjoyed parties and usually abhor small talk of any kind. It's hard to generate any kind of intellectual conversation at events.

Online is much easier as you can analyse and assess (introvert porn) and work out who might be operating a cerebral level sexually.

I've enjoyed my time here for that reason.
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs

Interesting thoughts all round! We definitely know our type and while we accept it, it'd be nice to feel comfortable stepping outside the square occasionally. The wingman idea has been mentioned to us quite a few times, it's just hard when your wingman and best friend is just as introverted as you are! We've been to clubs with friends before, but almost felt guilty not wanting to cling to them 😬 Although it was nice to see how a couple that I'm sure could get a brick wall to talk back to them with a bit of effort work a room!

SSE, a meet and greet we got to over your way a year or so ago was probably the most comfortable we've been in a larger group setting. It was very much about how it was run, just awesome people! We're the same with online stuff, I've got a much thicker skin for the bs that comes with anything online 😐

We'll find what works for us eventually foxy, definitely no rush... we aren't going anywhere.

More champagne than tequila if I'm completely honest!
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs

As an aside, we started out thinking clubs and meet 'n greets would be easiest because we were so time pore. We were so wrong! Hopefully we'll come full circle, but it needs a bit of personal growth on our end. It's a fun journey no matter where we end up though 😊
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SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs

🙄poor
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KittyDeluxe   Woman 49yrs

INFJ

I find it difficult to meet new people, but it's not the introversion that causes that. Introverts need alone time to recharge and process.

What makes it difficult is severe social anxiety, which I do CBT for (cognitive behavioural therapy).

I find meeting people in a not too busy environment where we can have a conversation and I can arrive a little early to get my shit together works for me.
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SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs

Kitty, that's an interesting insight. Just had a quick read, we're both probably what's described as restrained introverts. Have a read on the the four types of introverts, it's not something I'd come across before. Social anxiety is something that effects a lot of people, but not widely talked about. I've used cbt for other things in the past, it might be worth a revisit... I'm never one to discount things
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SSExplorer   Couple Man 46yrs Woman 34yrs

I just did the google thing. Yes I think we are both restrained introverts as once we are comfortable with someone our introversion disappears hence why we can fully enjoy sharing ourselves with others sexually.
I have a huge dose of thinking introversion, which is more of a curse.
To Spicy and other introverts, what are your kids like and did you actively promote them to be more extroverted?
We give ours off the lead to really explore and they seem to be so much more extroverted which I feel is a good thing.
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Prettylilkitty   Couple Man 40yrs Woman 41yrs

I find this an interesting thread. As an introvert, I too lean towards smaller gatherings 2:2, as opposed to parties. I take a while to warm up but once I’m comfortable with people, I’m told I seem very confident (even when I don’t feel it) I like to chat online a little prior to meet as it helps with me becoming comfortable with new play mates prior to meeting up. Thanks for this forum topic, S
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SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 40yrs

SSE, we're definitely the same when we get to know people. I can think of a few friends that would laugh at you if you told them we're introverts! Just because of the way our friendship developed they've probably never seen that side of us, we're ultra comfortable around them and they should take that as the biggest compliment! It still doesn't help in large social environments 😳
One of our kids is just like the two of us, the other one must have been swapped at birth! Nothing obviously different in how we treat them and it's our girl that's the extrovert. It's got to be more nature than nurture 🤷‍♂️
Jan 25, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
SuperFoxxxy  

Woman 48yrs

Kitty

You are so dead set right. I agree 1000% with your comment, "Introverts need alone time to recharge and process." I have found not many get that nor understand. Sometimes, I really do enjoy my own company, especially if I have had intense days. I do it especially just before meets going into social settings. Mainly when I'm getting ready. Once I have had that recharge time, I'm roaring to go!

Ms Foxy
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Aradia   Woman 36yrs

I'm INTJ. Which as a woman is about as hard as it gets for an introvert.

I survive mostly by knowing everyone will think I'm odd and largely avoid me so I'm well used to enjoying my own company.

Hubby and I occasionally go to sex clubs but it's always the same. We mostly go for novelty value because it's too hard to meet people there as people tend to go in their own groups anyway. And the women tend to reject me just because of what I look like so they can get a bit lonely too. It's easier meeting people for one on one but even that is difficult to wade through the masses of average and endless "how are you's".

At parties I survive by getting in early. Social lubrication always helps too.
Jan 26, 2020 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Missb4u   Woman 47yrs

I’m an intj to. There are actually quite a few of us on rhp as it’s been mentioned before.
I have terrible social anxiety and getting to that first meet is the hardest thing for me.
I like to be with extroverts as I find this easier and it makes me more of an extrovert to be around them. I admire how easily they do all things social.
I have also done clubs once with an introvert and honestly it was a disaster not something I would do again. The time I went with an extrovert was amazing and one of the best nights I’ve ever had.
Sooo how do I do rhp as an introvert.... I take loads of time to decide to meet and then when I do decide to meet I have to plan it on days/weeks I’m feeling social.
Occasionally the stars all align and I’m feeling really social and get a great message from some that sparked my interest and I get spontaneous and just do it without too much thought and these have so far all been really good meets.
For me the anxiety is around getting there and the first meeting. Once I’m there I’m good for one on one meets.

Vodka helps and knowing myself and when to plan
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curiousgirl35   Couple Man 37yrs Woman 37yrs

I still havent met anyone from rhp!
Im fine with online chat and its a good way to see if that person can turn you on with their words, but most cant be bothered. Its a five minute chat then " see you later if we arent meeting". Im like, "I havent even opened up yet!"
It is definitely hard being introverted and not show your true self easily. I guess alot of people think I am a timewaster or have no intention of meeting anyone.
2020 will be the year of meet/greets for us.
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non_such   Man 54yrs

Introversion and social anxiety are not the same thing.

Although a greater proportion of extroverts suffer social anxiety than extroverts, that correlation does not imply causation. Introversion is simply a personality type whereas social anxiety is a disorder that can be treated. Extroverts can also suffer from social anxiety, usually as a result of their social advances being ignored or rebuffed. Extroverts are not necessarily more confident, they simply mask their insecurity with bravado. Introverts suffer anxiety before the party; extroverts suffer after the party.

Many introverts use it to explain their shyness or anxiety and that leads them to think that their introversion is a character flaw. It isn't and should be celebrated since introverts have the calm minds and focus to achieve far more than grasshopper extroverts.

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Pascal

I identify as an introvert but rarely suffer from anxiety in social situations, and can be quite an exhibitionist. I agree with Kitty's observation that introverts need time alone to recharge, and long periods without solitude can drain me, Introverts tend to form deeper relationships with fewer people, so find the shallow nature of most social gatherings tedious. We often feel uncomfortable in social gatherings because we feel we need to behave like extroverts and fear we will be shunned if we don't. We should just do whatever we feel comfortable with.

If you suffer from social anxiety I would focus on addressing that rather than worry that it is a result of being an introvert.

Solitude is the richness of self; loneliness is the poverty of self.

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non_such   Man 54yrs

*Although a greater proportion of introverts suffer social anxiety than extroverts,

damn...why can't you post-edit comments?
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SuperFoxxxy  

Woman 48yrs

I believe there is a huge difference between introverts and anxiety.

Anxiety is diagnosed under mental healt. Social anxiety, defined as the fear of being judged. It’s a self-consciousness from huge fears. Introverts do enjoy time alone and can be comfortable with others, when they choose and feel safe. We feel off others emotions. Kinda like an empath. We choose, Not when others want us too. One can be a social anxious introvert. That's OK, if it is professionally dianosed, not a self diagnosis.

Ms Foxy

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