Ghosting

Ghosting

    | Aug 11, 2019
awomanwithneeds   Woman 35yrs
How many have you been ghosted? Just curious. Been talking to one person on here. Seemed wonderful kind of too good to be true, should have been the warning signs yeh?

Supposed to meet today at around 11am, its now 2:30, he's not coming, not responding to any messages anywhere. I feel devastated, the opposite of self confident, like shit, worthless.

Its honestly not as easy as picking yourself up and brushing yourself off. This is some messed up shit.

Literally the first person I committed to meeting.



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Adventures99  

Man 28yrs

Shit that sounds terrible. That's so messed up if they did that on purpose - name and shame? If it was just because a personal emergency came up and they couldn't let you know in time then that's fair enough though.

Not everyone is like that. And it isn't personal.
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badboyhere   Man 49yrs

Hi there. I feel your pain. You have described exactly the types of feelings that we all go through when this happens. You look forward to the event only to come up to the time when the meet happens and you start to wonder, are they having problems finding the address, traffic problems, why am I not getting a message from them telling me they will be 10minutes late. This turns into half an hour, and then half an hour turns into an hour and this when all the negative feelings of worthlessness and failure start. The best advice I can offer you is that for every let down there is honourable RHP member that will commit to a meet up with you and both of you will share another great experience. Stick with it because the great experiences are just around the corner. Best of luck in your search xx
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sweetest_taboo   Man 45yrs

Nerves

It's not a reflection on you and shouldn't affect how you see yourself or your self worth. There are guys who are good at posturing and posing but as timid as a mouse come crunch time.



Good on you for committing to a meet. Don't take anything personally, it's really not you that's screwed up.
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kittyzkatz  

Woman 32yrs

It’s an awful feeling

I’ve been ghosted and it was horrible. I actually saw the guy multiple times. Developed a trust before the first meeting too. We were in contact casually for around 5-6 months. I started to let my guard down and even began to like him. He led me on by saying things he didn’t mean and I got played. In the end, he just ghosted me and cut off every single contact. I was a wreck for a while and confused. Because of him, I’m careful not to let my guard down anymore and I’m selective on who I meet. I understand not every guy is an asshole like him though.
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Qefenta4   Woman 100yrs

It's

All about timing and inclination.Some people just get cold feet and are too cowardly to let you know.

It's all about them,not about you..happens to most of us.

Hugs Q
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Nodramajustfun

No excuse

Looking at the woman that this has happened to, I'm astonished., If they have no excuse then there are only 2 things that explain it.

1. They have just decided that they are gay, it which case they would probably explain it and would love to have a girlfriend to talk too, so count that excuse out.

2. They are limp dick inconsiderate knobs who do not understand that any women that agrees to meet them should be placed before themselves and totally respected.

I am sorry that there are men out there that think this behaviour is acceptable. Fucking idiots.
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Mischeviouslad   Man 48yrs

Ghosting or in this case.... flaking.... can be avoided through some simple preliminary methods

First and foremost.... always speak via phone before meeting. Always.
That will prevent the vast majority of it
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BabydollJadeDU   Woman 39yrs

There are so many valid reasons why someone didn’t turn up. Unfortunately it’s probably the most common reason, they weren’t who they pretended to be and get their thrills from imagining what it would be like to be with someone as amazing as you. But they don’t understand how devastating it can be, to put yourself out there, be vulnerable and feel the rejection when they don’t show.

As a rule, if I say I am doing something, I show up. Whether I am sick, under immense pressure at work or if I get a better offer, I still go, because it’s the right thing to do. And sometimes, you are surprised, sometimes they are better than you thought....

But never blame yourself, if they don’t show, you probably dodged a bullet because they are either selfish, will use you, and think of no one but themselves. Or are weak and cowardly.
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Exploring2019

I always message an hour before meeting confirming - if they don’t respond then I don’t go. Peoples time is a valuable commodity these days and there is no reason to be disrespectful to anyone - if a person changes their mind that’s fine but they should at least have the decency to communicate that. Block the person and move on - it takes seconds to send a message if they are not coming so there is no excuse. I’m sure there are 100 more guys on here that will be more respectful to you, best of luck!
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awomanwithneeds   Woman 35yrs

But Im not amazing




But I am not amazing. In no way do I put myself on a pedestal. I am no fussy on looks, only on personality. And he seemed to be the perfect fit for me... I don't know how or why they do it....
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Kokoflamingo  

Woman 56yrs

As others have said




Its not you. Ive been ghosted a lot via messaging. After a couple of messages where we seem to be compatible, he wants to meet so I suggest a day and place and Poof! Hello Casper.There are some men on here who give their egos a little stroke or who are social misfits living out a lie on dating sites. Being someone else. Tyre kickers, time wasters, whatever you want to call them. Thats why Ive changed my profile to social meets only for now. I think most people have experienced it and its a crap feeling. There are some great guys on here so dont give up just yet....youre a lovely person and deserve more than a fake waste of space x
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SuperFoxxxy   Woman 47yrs

It is not cool to actually name a person's profile name in name/ shaming them.

Never had it happen to me. The thing with ghosting and to stop it is, do not do it to the next person. Until you actually met them face to face, there should be no expectations or pressure. Until then, they owe you nothing, you owe them nothing. They are just a profile with writing, words and pictures (that's if they have them), that's it. If they ghost they were just not that into you and someone else has caught their attention. Next.

Ms Foxy
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SuperFoxxxy   Woman 47yrs

Also

Agree with other posters. Put a safe plan in action prior meeting. IE: phone chat etc.

Ms Foxy
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SpicyKale   Couple Man 45yrs Woman 39yrs

Exploring2019 has the right idea. Sometimes you need a tough skin on here. We were ghosted a couple of times early on and as a result it's mr here that does most of the online stuff. When you're organising time off, sitters for kids etc.., then you're ghosted! A message a couple of hours before is a great idea. As a couple we always have a date night together if we have a no show, as a single we're sure the feeling is even worse. It made us very cautious early on and we've probably missed out on some genuine people because our BS meter is a tad too finely turned. Our own mental health is way more important than other peoples crap. Single guys can judge away, but you get an idea on why some of us get a little gun shy.
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MsJonesy   Woman 53yrs

It is a hard thing to do

But don't invest until you meet. That may sound cynical and cold hearted but by not doing so, you end up hurt - like you are now.

Until you meet in the flesh, they could be anyone. Pictures can be (and are) ripped off the internet and used for a fake profile. Words on a profile are just words, and similarly can be ripped from anywhere on the internet. There is a bloke's profile on here which is at least 70% of my old profile wording, from when I was actually seeking people.

All I can suggest is to not invest too much in online chatter and building an "incredible" connection. It will be incredible, just not in the way you imagined 😩

Be kind to yourself, you have taken a hit. Don't let the fucker bring you down x
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EarthQueen   Woman 48yrs

Unfortunate

That this had to happen on your first meet. I know it feels personal but don’t measure your worth by another persons inability to turn up ( for whatever reason) .As ML said Phone call before is good. I know we rely on text a lot and it’s less confronting but talking to the person will help you quickly decide if it feels right to meet and help a little to determine sincerity. Chalk this one up to life experience and use any lessons learned going forward . This site can mess your head up a little or a lot . Hugs x
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FatFunFiesty   Woman 39yrs

Name and shame.... so not on!!!! 👎
Irrespective of being stood up.
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FatFunFiesty   Woman 39yrs

Can't offer any further advice that others haven't already. Never happened to me, even after 9 years, so VERY lucky. You do need a very thick skin on these sites though, that's mandatory. And the longer you're on here, and meet more people, your bullshit radar will become quite refined.
Don't let this flaker ruin ur experience...... delete and onto the next x
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EarthQueen   Woman 48yrs

Sorry

Re. Your question have I been ghosted. Yes once for a meet but I was kind of expecting it because I laid out some ground rules he didn’t like. I was getting a vibe and it was no great loss.

I’ve never ghosted but I have called off meets at 11th hour because I got a bad gut feeling due to something he said or the tone. My safety comes first. If I get any inclination of bad vibe I bail. Doesn’t happen often though . I usually get to know people well through chat first and if they want to initially fast track or be pushy and I’m not feeling it, it’s a no.
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ce_la_vie

You obviously invested too much thought and time into a complete stranger.

Keep it simple messages only over short period then meet. For a no expectation coffee.

Seems u need to work on yourself more. Because a stranger can't tell your worth online. Nor should u take anything on personally from someone who means nothing to u.

Sounds like some online doming was involved.

More than likely just some weak keyboard warrior screwing with your head and getting off on what he can get women to do online.

Having said that naming and shaming is never a good reflection on you. Better to just report it.

Better luck in future

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