1st timer with an experienced partner

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  I'd venture that communication is the key. My wife and I are newbies to the swinging scene, too, and yes, although it is nerve wracking as hell, there's a bit of eroticism in it as well. I'd suggest that you communicate to your partner what each other's boundaries are first, as in, how far you're willing to go, what's off-bounds and what's in-bounds, etc. Perhaps it would be best to just ease into things into of jumping in the deep end. I'd also suggest that you communicate with the other couple what you're looking for. For example, you may just be wanting to try a swap-for-foreplay only, and not the full exchange. I believe most people are happy to accommodate you. As for keeping in contact, well, that's really up to you, isn't it? If you're comfortable with them, then by all means. If not, you guys can call it a day and leave without recriminations. Whether you want repeat performances is also really up to you and your partner - some couples may work for you, others won't. But communication is definitely the key. Talk to your partner, talk to your chosen couple, and work things out before you take the plunge. Tell them how much you've got butterflies in your stomach, how nervous you are, and so on. Then just hash it out. People are generally nice and more than willing to help, but nobody can read your mind. If you want to discuss things farther, give us a shout and we'd be happy to take you through the process we went through.

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  communication is definately the key here. my husband and i talked about it from here to tomorrow before embarking on this journey...and we still talk about what's ok and what's not ok. as the previous poster said, make sure you each know what your boundaries are, and make sure you communicate those to your "friends"; you'll find that they will also be very respectful of those boundaries too.. Also, don't be afraid of letting your "friends" know that you're new to this experience, we were all newbies once. the most important thing is that you are comfortable first and foremost, and don't agree to anything just for the sake of it. just a thought....perhaps visit a couples club and have a look at the interaction between other couples to guage your comfort levels....

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  Firstly, good on you for having an open mind and having the fortitude to give it a go, and if/when you do, hope you all have a great time! As far as expectations go, i think there are nearly as many and varied expectations/agendas as there are couples and anyway nobody really knows what to expect till it happens. The style of play you allude to is quite common, and acceptable, Just make sure you make it obvious in your profile what you want, and nervous, well most of us suffer from that, i would be more concerned if you were'nt. Cheers Nev

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  Thanks guys. Obviously, everyone was once a "newbie". But, it's good to see people actually saying it - I guess it helps. Makes me feel alot better about it. I think a party may be the best way to go. Like you said, that way I can see what goes on, the interactions between others and then have an idea about the possibilities available to us both. I think just hooking up with someone here straight away may knock me for 6, to be honest. lol Thanks again everyone, it's good to hear that there ARE great people on here who are more than willing to offer advice/help.

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  Just make sure that all boundries have been set So that theres no problems later and make sure you are in the same room not deperate

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  playfulhorse

  17 years ago

  just get in there and do it!

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  Just to put a twist on this subject, while I was with my gf of 3 years (ex now), we often talked about 'experimenting' with other people but had no idea on how to go about it, until my ex informed me that a female friend of hers from school had a crush on her who was engaged to a male she had met somehow. One day we called them up, had a chat for a bit which ended up into this subject. We set a date, at their house but between calling and arriving we both talked about what we would and wouldnt be comfortable with each other doing certain things, the day we arrived it started out just as a chat as 'mates' untill my ex started playing with me, then the other couple joined in, mind you there was no guy on guy action, but there was girl on girl and my ex ended up in a sandwhich as well. While we were driving home we were talking about it, we both enjoyed the expierence but probably wont do it again, Im not sure about my ex but still sorta keep in contact with this other couple. Both of us were nervious before but once we started we were ok. Good luck

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  In my opinion.. I think you should both go to an erotic massage venue.. I once went with my partner and if you have yet been before it is definately a must try! What happens is.. you go in, say how many hrs you want to stay, pick a girl from the ones who come out to greet you.. then in my experience she took us both up, gave us a bubble bath.. some champagne and then gave me a nude massage whilst my partner watched and then slowly joined in. We then gave him a massage together and then me and my partner massaged her. She was very gentle and had boundaries of her own that she let us know before we began. she didnt do anything oral or sex so it was just touching and kissing.. so it was good for a first time experience with a girl because as a newbie myself i didnt feel like i was underpressure to perform because it wasnt that kind of atmosphere.. But it was definately great to add another woman into the mix. higly recomended! :) x If anyone wants any details of the place we went to let me know!!!

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  RHP User

  17 years ago

  I like the massage idea and diffinately communication is the key. Dont be surprised if the friend / friends you choose to play with arnt nervouse themselves sometimes. Untill the ice is broken on the topics of who has what boundries i beleive all envolved will have some doubts as to what expectations they would be up against. A good way to lay out boundries rather than just a list is mix it with things you would like to try. Often it can be just as important to know what everyone wants to try as well. Definately set boundries but also giving the event direction with such ideas of desires is generally also welcomed by all envolved. I dont see this as laying expectations rather than letting them know what will really turn you on. I have had only a few experiances both as a couple inviting a third person to play when i was with my ex and also as the third person with other couples. I had one couple try to push me past one of my boundries and i refused and they respected it and i was able to relax knowing i was in cotroll of my boundries. I also agree with another thing mentioned abouve about not having to go all the way first time, nothing wrong with just playing or nothing past oral or even just some full body massaging. I personally felt more comfortable restricting to touching kissing licking, oral and nothing more my first time and it gave me a taste to say yes i want more but also gave me the opportunity to decide it wasnt for me without feeling that expectation your feeling right now. One thing to keep in mind is there really shouldnt be any expectations of anyone. Once boundries are disscussed between all envolved, which is a great starter over coffee or a drink, respect for those boudries is very important and well from there the only true expectations would be the ones you have of yourself. As for not wanting close friends out of it, just make that clear to people and they will respect that, nothing wrong or bad about telling someone it is a once off or possible infrequent play meets if they are not happy with that then they should go find someone else. Bassically how much contact you have with your play friends is one of your boundries to be respected. Wish you the best in your adventures of pleasure and exloring new things hope all goes perfect for you both.

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