RHP

RHP User

F74

A funny thing happened to me

May 26 2013

The lighter side of life, you know those moments when your body lets you down, you open your mouth to the wrong person at the wrong time. When you fart in the lift, have tucked your skirt into your knickers?   Me. Giving a lecture, introduce a guest who is going to talk on the topic. A cop,big handsome bugga   me in my power suit, looking all propper,packed lecture theatre   I introduce him,he shakes my hand on the way to the microphone   I fart like a cannon in a cave   yep, I kind of dribbled away, and left the lecture and there was a bit of a pause, I thought whew,but no   the place errupted with gales of laughter.   what was worse I had to go back in for my part of the lecture. faaaaaaaaaaaaaaark!

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    when did this happen???? ohh yes faaaaarrrrk lol to funny. Shit when we get older there are all sorts of stuff we have to deal with lol one is definitely farting. lol

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I am currently working on a "fart muffler" I cant go into to much detail about it due to patenting & design rules etc, but basically it contains lots of granulated charcole and a thick wadding of a special secret sound absorbing, spun kevlar (the type used in bullet proof vests.)I havent setteled on a name for this very handy device just yet but a few on the short list are:Silent but deadlyThe Stealth Bomber Smart ArseSmarty farty pants, and theThe Ripper Nipper.If anyone can come up with a name for this I will send them a years free supply for free!tuscan red if youd like to give me your postal details Id be more than happy to send you a few dozen of my prototypes for you to test out :DPs Eat lots of baked beans and vist your local library/cinema/elevators and so forth.If you could also test it out whilst sitting down that would be great too and Id suggest maybe trying them out in a few churches, taxis and restrurants etc

  • sweetgem

    sweetgem

    13 years ago

    And you're an intelligent woman, so I'm sure you have made the class paid more attention to your lecture in your humourous way :-)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    And if there were any deaf people in your audience, eventually they would have got what the hilarity was all about, when the smell wafted to their nose. And that's why Farts smell....so deaf people can enjoy them too.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    That's classic, I'm sure many ppl went home & where still giggling to themselves hours later, fart joke's never seem to get old lol That's something that would happen to me, except I wouldn't of been able to keep a straight face afterwards :-/- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    That put the wind up em :p- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ... of the court of petty sessions accompanying a friend of mine who was there for some minor incident . Probally about 25 - 30 people sitting there and all as quite as a church mouse.. Being young and never in a court environment before he was quite nervous and it showed. He kept fidgeting and reading over his notes all the time, then all of a sudden he dropped one. ? No one moved and most ppl like myself pretended they heard nothing.. Then I started to get a fit of the stupids trying to hold back that stupid belly laugh you try so hard not to get.. I looked up and a girl sitting opposite us had this silly grin on her face . Thats all I needed, at the same time both she and me burst out laughing.. As much as I tryed to hold it in ' I couldnt.. So I promptly got up and headed for the door, with the girl right on my heels... We got outside and just let it out... For the hell of me, I just couldnt get myself settled enough to go back in.. Every time I got to the door, off I went again..So I waited outside in the cold for a hour til he came back out . Then he abused me for not staying with him in his hour of need.. funny...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'boingboingboing' I am currently working on a "fart muffler" I cant go into to much detail about it due to patenting & design rules etc, but basically it contains lots of granulated charcole and a thick wadding of a special secret sound absorbing, spun kevlar (the type used in bullet proof vests.)I havent setteled on a name for this very handy device just yet but a few on the short list are:Silent but deadlyThe Stealth Bomber Smart ArseSmarty farty pants, and theThe Ripper Nipper.If anyone can come up with a name for this I will send them a years free supply for free!tuscan red if youd like to give me your postal details Id be more than happy to send you a few dozen of my prototypes for you to test out :DPs Eat lots of baked beans and vist your local library/cinema/elevators and so forth.If you could also test it out whilst sitting down that would be great too and Id suggest maybe trying them out in a few churches, taxis and restrurants etc "TUSCAN" :)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Well folks the results are back in already, and, unfortunatly it is not looking too good.I think we need to triple the charcole loading, quadruple the wadding thread count and add more velcro to the gusset area.The seated results are the worry and Im pretty sure recoil and back pressure are the main culprit.Some of the results are not printable due to legallities and a current law suit with the local Thai food chain *The Poo Ping King* but below are some of the publishable ones,,,, Our courageose test pilot (AKA crash test dummie) nearly had an accident in a taxi and ruined a near new sheepskin seat cover in the process when after firing the fully primed methane cannon in a confined cab (with the windows up!) the cabbies turban partially obscured his veiw after he tried using it as a makeshift teargas mask, thus causing him to run two red lights go the wrong way up a one-way street, go through a giveway sign, go 7 times around a roundabout the wrong way and then get hopelessly lost. (the above could have been classed coincidental had it not been for the soiled sheepskin)Was nearly struck down by lightning and narrowly avoided being trampled to death when fleeing the local church, but unfortunatly was cornered by the Vicar 2 blocks away and had to say penance and do 25 hail marys)Cleared a packed Maccas of tradies during a friday lunch break and set off the fire sprinklers in the process.A swat team was called in when the manager phoned the authorities reporting a vile odour and possible terroist activities.Aparently there was also a bit of a ruckus out the front when the tradies traded a few blows over *who did it* On the upside the standing results were outstanding!could travel in lifts privatly and get to the front of quewes in banks ect in a flashplenty of space on the dance floor to kick up your heels and getting to the packed bar for another round was a quick and painless process.Anyone intersted in investing in a Zumba style, pilates for your arse sphinchter type tightening CD?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Huh ?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Made coffee for the team but mistakened the salt for sugar...- Posted from rhpmobile