M58
A moral dilemma....
November 02 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
I often wondered that too. I know some couples who hold parties and insist on bareback parties. I never went to any as i always insist on the use of condoms, but I have often wondered what someone would do. And what if someone was at a party and had multiple partners and got pregnant?? I don't have any answers.
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RHP User
16 years ago
My gut tells me that it should be the woman's choice, seeing that it is the female that has to go through with the pregnancy, but legally (at least in Queensland) the rights of men and father's are being increasingly enshrined in family law issues. what a difficult situation to be in.... lovebittenxoxoxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
If couples as you said desserts insist on bare back..both couples should ensure that the woman cant get pregnant...there's the after morning pill...Also..they might look clean...but that can be a trap as some std's can be seen or detected till the later stages then bam you can catch something nasty.....Or if one doesnt take great care...thus falls pregnant and keep the babywhich a few have due to the fact husband is infertile...then when its born...it can be affected by such std's...has been known to have happend.Im with you desserts no condom no play...i aint playing with fire...even if they have dr certificategood post Jose very thought provokingxoxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
Of course I always wear a condom to prevent std's and i've had a vasectomy so the moral dilemma is mute at least for me. Men do not have choices regarding abortion. We have opinions. The choice remains vest with the mum. That's how it works. Men sit on tenderhooks wondering whether the decision of a stranger will impact on them emotionally and financially, yet we are legally toothless. That's the real moral dilemma. A political question Jose. Way too serious!! Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
Understandably, its a difficult position to take, especially when abortion is an option (not a very nice thing) but i do believe men should have more say, Just 'doing the deed' isn't really accepting the emotional and financial impacts for the next 19 years or so, especially when it was a random hook up.Although thats alittle off topic from this discussion. This very issue is a big reason as to why i avoided sex for 11 months, Having lived in Toowoomba (Toowoomba having a very high birth-rate) it became increasingly dangerous to be a single male.....I got the feeling i was child support waiting to happen. That may seem alittle harsh....but go shopping during the day there and you see literally 100's and 1000's of young women pushing strollers. This feeling manifested into not enjoying sex, aided by the lack of connection with women I was meeting (or meating if you so wish to read it that way) it was a reasonably easy thing to do. Whats more the thought of STD's floating around and my willy falling off (enjoy that visualization people) and I pretty much conditioned myself into not enjoying sex at all. I moved from the 'fuck everything that moved' of my late teens early 20's to a more 'demand connection before physical action' mid 20's. Which made these sites pretty well null and void for the most part, I have however met a fair few friends off this site (and sites like it) But tend to be called a 'time waster' quiet often.So back to the original topic, Its a difficult question to answer, afterall we all have free will, bareback parties would certainly be a no go zone for me though, as is women who tell me i don't need a condom
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RHP User
16 years ago
totally agree with con doms for casual sex once got caught with one of the best looking ladies well she said she was clean but a mans got two heads when it comes to sex ann he doesent think with the 1 on his shoulders anyway thats my opinion i may not like condoms but always use them
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RHP User
16 years ago
Birth control is something we take very seriously and being one of those couples where the Mr has had the snip, we insist on using condoms during play but have found the condom had failed at least twice which was horrifying on several levels.So... I went to the doctor to request another form of birth control... Cheers... Mrs P
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RHP User
16 years ago
I will address this post if the couple are not married. All I can say...yes Jose..Accidents happen. A couple or non couple (fling) needs to address this together..My opinion as a woman that IF..they cannot agree and she wants to keep the baby then she has to be able to take care of the child herself. It is her body that carries the child. And if she so chooses to want to keep it and he does not then she should unleash him of any further future responsibility..best way is both sign legal documents. I feel that if you both had sex without a condom..You are BOTH responsible. simple fact. But there are woman who come to a time in their lives that find themselves pregnant and wish to keep the baby. Nothin wrong with that.it is a life growing inside you....Just remember that he might not feel the same and you have to be adults and compromise. ..To err is human and to forgive is devine. These are my thoughts and how I would handle this kind of situation...Just seems fair to me..You can't expect a guy to coff up money if you want to keep the baby...That is selfish.. A woman has to be able to go it alone to support the child if he does not want to keep it. Just seems fair to me..... deep thoughts.. sweetpetite41 xxxxxxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Guys who have been in that position sweet have no legal rights at all. I fa pregnant woman knows who the father is, she can choose to keep the child and is backed by the law to demand child support. The choice to keep the baby is hers and the choice to demand child support is hers. The sperm doner has no legal rights in relation to the choice for an abortion, whether that's fair or not is irrelevant... it's the law that counts. Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
I understand that Gaz....I was just expressing my thoughts..And law is not always right.....sighhh... mwa sweetpetite41
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah I know I'm gonna get bagged for this, but I'm a right to lifer, no not religeous, just believe that every child has the right to be brought into this world. If you have sex, with contraception or not, then both of you are responsible for any life created. If you don't want that responsiblity then pull out before you blow or get your tubes tide/cut. No excuses.
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RHP User
16 years ago
prevention of conception can be achieved by using contraception... in our case 2 types just to be sure!!! Pulling out before you blow is NOT any sort of reliable birth control and getting tubes tied seems extreme!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'm old enough and experienced enough to know that I couldn't say for sure what I would do unless I was in the situation. In saying that, I've always held the belief that abortion as a form of contraception is just wrong - not saying that abortion is wrong...I know there are situations where it is warrented - where condoms fail and the like, but if you're going to have casual sex without using birth control (and guys, that means condoms - don't just believe a girl who says she's on birth control) then you have to expect and accept that a resulting pregnancy is a real possibility before even getting your end wet! For me, I am on the pill in the hope that I wouldn't ever find myself in this situation (and am actually seriously considering getting my tubes tied - my uterus has retired) bit if I did find myself in it, then my/our decision would depend on so many variables I can't even begin to imagine it. All I can say is that, for me, it would probably be the most emotionally draining 9 months of my life!
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RHP User
16 years ago
*giggle*....so true about teenaged children being the best form of contraception - I'm not quite there yet, but the same could be said for tweens...oh, and toddlers!! ;)
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RHP User
16 years ago
there is no excuse in today's day and age to fall pregnant "by accident".Contraception is widely available and reasonably priced.But sometimes....the lure of the baby-bonus is irresistible.But to answer the original question...it is both parties responsibility....but ultimately....it's really the woman's.If she really doesn't want an accidental pregnancy...then she should ensure that she is reliable protected....because rubbers break...and those little swimmers of his know where to go!! And I agree with what was said above....if it happens....she wants to keep it and he says no...then she has to ensure that she can do it on her own. This happened to me...and I have never claimed a cent from the donor. (there are ways around the laws).Just my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
to consider THE CHILD, they have the right to know BOTH their parents. It's not our choice to deprive them of that. They also need to be able to have a medical history and know the next stranger they meet, fuck and... maybe fall accidentally pregnant to... isn't related to them by blood...
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RHP User
16 years ago
I find it a bit mind numbing to see young unmarried women with a brood of children, each with a different father. What a nightmare constructing the family tree. In the short run it may attract lots of welfare and or support payments, but must get complicated when the kids start asking questions? An orgasm can be short and sweet but the the aftermath may be long and tedious.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think it relates back to our denial of our sexuality along with other influences that I'll do y'all a favour and not go into. I started a thread @ http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/Hugs-25324 that has more on my opinion there lol.Great to hear from ya!... Mrs P ;-)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Ms Peachy the chances of someone going out and shagging their unknown relative are pretty damn high!!! I mean I do not know members of my extended family but I doubt that we will chance upon meeting and shagging. In response to your comment that a child should know BOTH parents......in some instance it is better for the child NOT to know one of the parents, whether it be the mother or the father. Just because you are genetically connected to someone does not mean you HAVE to have a relationship with them........just like a man needs to earn the title of "dad" and not just assume he can take it. BJ- I agree with you and am in similar circumstance...I think!!!......In that I have also never claimed a cent from what we also label The Donor.......given the violent circumstances there are exemptions available which many people are unaware of and therefore feel they HAVE to claim Child Support.....
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RHP User
16 years ago
What with morals and modesty its hard for people to be themselves without being subject to criticism and at worst the rule of law should one flaunt their nudity. Society has too often asked that we suppress our true feelings. Thinking back to earlier times of formalities and etiquette, that by todays standards are not only considered quaint but often outright silly. But there were also double standards, with rigidity on the surface and all manner of debauchery taking place in the background. A lot has to do with what is consensual and what is alright unwelcome. The biggest trap is being unprepared. Rampant hormones and lustful desires overcoming common sense, leaving one with a long term dilemma. Being open, being educated and being aware of all the pitfalls, is a definite advantage. Putting blinkers on the kids only makes them go underground for their sex education and experimentation. There's a lot to be said for the nudist movement, though the skin cancer risks are a worry. Some of the indigenous cultures had a healthy approach to sex, but sadly the missionary movement worked hard to suppress that. I think the church has a lot to answer for… they have left us with a terrible legacy when it comes to abuse and sexual deprivation. Sex and a full knowledge of our bodies and interpersonal relation skills is something that needs to be fostered for healthy practices and people acting responsibly.
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RHP User
16 years ago
You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine. If you'd lived my life... you'd have a lot more respect for chances too. I met my father who went to the same cafe all the time by the random incident that one of the times I was there, a card with my surname fell out and the owner put 2 & 2 together... That's just one example I can give you using my own life. Personally any chance of accidently sleeping with a blood relative is too big a chance for me. OH, and then there are the stories we hear about where people in relationships (lovers and friends) find they are brother and sister. Where's your facts? :-)Also I did not say the child should know both parents, I said... It should be our top priority to consider THE CHILD, they have the right to know BOTH their parents.It's not our choice to deprive them of that. They also need to be able to have a medical history and know the next stranger they meet, fuck and... maybe fall accidentally pregnant to... isn't related to them by blood...Bearing in mind the topic at hand is about the moral dilemma of getting pregnant to a play pal, please read my post in context along with the fact I've posted at least twice before on this thread about birth control. That's where I'm coming from!Have a good day... Mrs P
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RHP User
16 years ago
I do believe you covered a decent amount of what occurred to me when I posted above lol. Why is it that common sense seems so uncommon?Something that really interests me is how some cultures seem to make it work. There was a show on Foxtel on Sexual taboos that featured CouplesInt from RHP and part of the show was about a culture that has polyamourous relationships as the norm. The women got to choose the men (sound familiar fellas) who would then go to the woman's (13 and above I think they were considered women) house, most likely through the window at night and leave in the morning. The women and men would stay living at home with their parents their whole lives. Apparently it works for them but China is making moves to bring their culture into line with the accepted standard and of course modern life is also encroaching.Thnx :-*
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RHP User
16 years ago
When pondering what Utopia would be like, I can't help but think of sex with all the problems removed. Disease, unwanted pregnancy, ample opportunities and no unnecessary constraints. I guess this could be achieved over the short term by a close group living together who've undergone blood tests and where sterility exists. By whatever means… vasectomy, tied cords, hysterectomy, contraception or whatever is totally reliable, depending on the individual. Obviously one's livelihood gets in the way… but this could exist in a holiday situation. Reminds me of shipboard romances and flings, where there is a carefree environment. Even if this only happened once a year, the anticipation and expectations would be tantamount to foreplay in the mind. The brain and imagination being a powerful tool, without need for artificial sex aids, the eleven months of eagerness, excitement and suspense would surely make that one month of sexual realise something rather extraordinary. Mmmm what to do with the kids?
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RHP User
16 years ago
Utopia...I referred to Mr P on this one and he asked..."In a true Utopia surely we'd have to have more than one month a year?"This would make a great forum thread lolol, cos I figure, in answer to your question, kids would mature faster ;-)
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RHP User
16 years ago
In an ideal world I would like to think that both parties would take into consideration one another's feelings. If It were I in that circumstance, I would panic at first and probably think, what am I going to do? But, that would be a little selfish and I'd like to think I'd slap myself and then start worrying for the women, as at the end of the day, it's her body. She's going to be the one that has to live with the fact she may have had an abortion, and on the other hand, she's the one whose body will be going through all the motions.It's an extremely difficult subject in my opinion, and I'm not sure if I myself would be happy for the woman to 'have an abortion', but I think it's one of those topics where you wont know exactly how you'd react until you're in that position. That's my personal take on the matter anyway.I have had 'scares' with my ex gf before, but in one instance she took the morning after pill which made her violently sick, and me feel like shite seeing her in such a state. That was infact because of a split condom, (never buy ultra thin!) but there were also a couple of occasions where we were caught up in the heat of the moment, decided against contraception (she came off the pill because she had lumps under her arms that her doctor believed were because of the hormones in the pill), and then worried about it for days afterwards until she came on. That was pretty irresponsible of us both, as we were not ready to have children, although if It had come down to it we probably would, because we're both great with kids and spoke about having them, just we felt we could have been in a better position to support a child once we had established ourselves.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah, not a nice thing.It removes a layer of the uterus right? The ex wasn't too happy about this as she felt it could later effect her chances of pregnancy, and that's why it's always sensible to use contraception if you're not ready to have a child just yet. Pulling out is definately not a safeguard haha.
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RHP User
16 years ago
If it's not on....its not on......simple
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RHP User
16 years ago
With vigorous sex I find the confounded thing tends to slip off... Most of the pleasure is dissipated worrying how long it's going to stay on. It's not cos I'm buying a size two big... Lubricate to such a degree it's hard to tell if it's pre-cum or cum... except for the orgasmic raptures, eye rolls, and total lack of decorum on such occasions.
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RHP User
16 years ago
(disclaimer: I'm very, very pro-choice)I wish that the stigma associated with abortion would vanish - so many women make the right choice for them at that time, but then find themselves in a terrible state because amongst other things they have had it engrained in them that there is something evil/shameful about it.I would hope that pills like RU-486 being more freely available the world over may help with this shift in stigma.casualsexboy: the morning after pills is essentially just a big dose of certain hormones (either stronger than a regular contraceptive pill, or often its the same thing - just taking a bigger dose). AFAIK it often triggers a period out of the regular cycle, but that is just the same as any other period - nothing drastic like stripping layers from your uterus.(a bit of a heavy post for me to make, now, off to look at all the hot peoples pics)
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RHP User
16 years ago
There are some people like me that cannot take the contraception pill at all, due to blood clots...so safe sex is a must for all aspects of playing.Choices are the best way to do it. i only play with my hubby and my boyfriend. ( no one else) and that seems to be my best form of contraception.If we did choose to play with others( having said that i don't play with guys ), there is defintely a need for contraception in the form of condoms or other avenues there is NO need to have unprotected sex ever.Some ladies are allergic to latex in condoms, well you can buy Non latex condoms.You can also make dental dams out of a condom, so if you wish to practice safe sex with a female there is never any excuse for not protecting yourself if you choose.There are many methods available now a days out there to make sure you have safe sex.If you do fall pregnant, then the choices are YOURS and yours alone to make. Having had 2 children already...it is a big choice and one that should not be taken lightly.Having said that, there are so many diseases out there, so PRACTICE SAFE SEX...and you will be fine most of the time.Yes there are times when accidents happen, but there are also things to do when that does happen too.Choices are what makes our lives so special, we have so many choices in life and this is just one of the many that we have the freedom to make for ourselves.We went to a gangbang once and watched as guy after guy came inside this lady, they would come and then the next one would hop on...ewwwww, her reason was that she was allergic to latex...grrr. ( DO YOUR RESEARCH)Hence to say we left and never returned.......YUK Play safe peeps and enjoy your bodies.Leesa
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RHP User
16 years ago
why did the irishman wear two condoms?"ter be shoor, ter be shoor"...hehe...interesting replies...so to continue, the moral dimemma continues...(this is a true life story which came from a radio show i was listening to on the abc i think, maybe 6 months ago....time sure does fly, so it might have been longer)...Anyway, the woman gets pregnant and whilst she is looking at the various means of having the pregnancy ended..( i think abortion is the only alternative...but i don't really know)...her only son is killed in a car accident!!.................her husband is still fertile, so she can pass the pregnancy off on him...morally speaking, what would YOU do?...cheersJose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Personally, I have no idea what I'd do, until (God forbid) the day should come that I find myself in that same position,No one should have to witness the death of their child, and grief makes you do strange things.
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RHP User
16 years ago
To answer, or rather respond to the original forum post....... Comeandgetme, you suggest in you scenerio, what if it happens because the woman did not want the man to use a condom, this scenario can be reversed obviously as there are plenty of men out there who do not like them either. At the end of the day, if the woman does not want you to use a condom, do not have sex with her...you have the choice there and then to say no, this is not a risk I am willing to take. However many people are involved, anyone of them have the right to say no to sex if they do not want to take that risk. Condoms break things can go wrong, but then perhaps just a condom is not enough. Not everyone can take the pill but there are so many alternatives that when used with condoms reduce the risk more and more. I would hate to see anyone stuck in the situation you suggest here and could not wish it upon anyone. Play safe xx Sal
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2more4fun
16 years ago
Casualsexboy - The Morning After Pill doesn't shave anything or alter a woman physically thus diminishing her chances of getting pregnant later. It is basically a concentrated form of the oral contraceptive. It quickly tricks the body into thinking it's already pregnant so if an egg did get fertilised it doesn't get embedded in the uterus. Even if the egg does embed, the hormones interfere with the pregnancy continuing. It's by no means a walk in the park for some women (nausea etc.) hence it's referred to as emergency contraceptive and will only work if you use it within 72 hours of unprotected sex (preferably less I am sure!). It should not be viewed as an 'Oh, let's not worry about a condom cos I can take this tomorrow' option.Anyhoo - the above misunderstanding by Casual's lady friend suggests to me that a lot of us are still pretty clueless of contraception and how things work. Yes there are valid reasons for many as to why hormonal contraceptives are not used but there are simply so many other ways to make sure you don't get pregnant. For most couples, I would think contraception is already part of the equation unless they're trying to get pregnant, in which case I think it's make sense to rule 'swapping for sex' out.In direct response to the original post: Yes, I am sure women get pregnant to men other than their own partner because accidents do happen (on top of the attitude of 'it won't happen to me'). Of the case I know, a guy who played with a couple got the lady pregnant and he only found out much later once she had the pregnancy terminated. Her husband didn't want her to tell him but she felt she needed to (me thinks there was a bit more than just sex happening between them). He took it well, and knew that the pregnancy just couldn't continue but I'm sure it did affect him. I'm sure there are some guys who would be absolutely relieved of course.Does the guy have a right? As someone else noted, fathers/-to-be are having more rights which is just and welcome. However, when it comes to pregnancy/abortion, it should ultimately still remain the choice of the woman. If no one can force a woman to have an abortion, then she shouldn't be forced to have a child either. Moral of the story - Prevention is better than the cure. Do what you can so this moral dilemma isn't yours!
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RHP User
16 years ago
We didn't use the pill as an; 'Oh dw about a condom we'll take it tomorrow' option by the way if that is what you're implying (which I hope not), but thank you for educating me. I had never read up about it before as I had never been in a relationship, she told me that it stripped away a layer of your uterus and I assumed she understoof the manner in which the pills worked.More reading up I've gotta do. :'( lol
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RHP User
16 years ago
i dont know what morning after pill everyone else has been having but I took it for the first time abt 6 months ago & its simiply 2 pills taken once that cause no nausea & absolutely no side affects at all for me. It was about $30 dollars & u dont need a script just walk into the chemist & fill in a form. Apparently it used to be quite harsh on the stomach but is not at all now. I found it very convenient & certainly a much better option than waiting it out then having a termination tho of course not to be used as an everyday method of contraception - its an emergency contraceptive & should be used as such. I agree with 2more4fun - stripping the uterus is an over reaction - the pill (normal contraceptive pill or the morning after pill) both work in a similar way by preventing the fertilised egg from implanting itself into the uterus wall - but your body does this naturally each month - this is what ur period is - the blood is your uterus wall that has built up during ur cycle being shed. I really dont think there is any negative affect on future pregnancy - never heard of this & i am sure they would advise you of such if this was the case. If there was any chance for any reason that i felt i might have put myself at risk of pregnancy I would have no hesitation in going straight to the chemist & getting the morning after pill - who would want the complication & confusion of a child born out of a swinging scenario! u would have to be crazy the kid would indefinately have issues. No-one should have to be put in that situation. If it did happen to me (not that it ever would) i would not tell the other person (only my partner). I am sure that other guy was in it just for a good time not to be a daddy so i would keep things as simple as possible & sort it out myself. Once again as everyone else has said prevention is the best form of contraception available
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RHP User
16 years ago
....no mess, no fuss, no itches, no stitches ;)
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RHP User
16 years ago
I read somewhere that some company had come up with a spray on condom. A safe condom that acts like a second skin sounds good... but what do you do with the fluids when you want to go for seconds and thirds... the thing is going to get a bit bloated. Do wonder what sex will be like in a few more decades. The sexual revolution started with the pill in the 1960's and a lot has happened since then... including AIDS. Maybe one day they'll develop a spar that not only provides a lubricant but protects people from the nasties and disables the spermatozoa. Ideal for group sex and gang bangs. Or a dildo that not only arouses but has a built in applicator which lubricates and serves the same purpose. Where the gel enters the vagina and acts like a safe spermicide which also eliminates all known STDs. Who ever thought that you would ever download movies down your telephone line a few years ago... and they would be high definition, widescreen, and surround sound? Or you would be masturbating with a web cam in conjunction with a lovely anywhere else on this planet. One can only wonder what the future may bring?
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RHP User
16 years ago
sorry MissBJ, pregnancy CAN happen even when all reasonable precautions fail, including the morning after pill. Hence why no form of birth control is considered 100% effective.
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