An idiot's guide to dating women...and Jock McPherson

Soooo...ya wanna date a woman....huh?Wellllll....i haven't dated a whole lot of them, but i have a few tips which might help ya out....first, ya got remember the two most important rules....RULE 1...the woman is always right!...and RULE 2...if in doubt, refer back to RULE 1Now that we have that out of the way, onto some basic pointers...If ya think ya might get sex on the first night, remember Jock McPherson...he's the guy who lives next door...an 80 yo geezer wif only 3 teeth, who is 5' 1" tall, that's152.5 cm for the metric guy...he wears a tartan kilt all the time, this means ya can see his hairy legs...and they are bloody hairy...and he leers at you over the fence and keeps asking ya if ya wanna comeover and see his etchings...and he reminds you that he wears no knickers and would you like to have a look...ok, JOCK McPHERSON....ya got it...always carry a toothbrush and some toothpaste...so ya can brush ya teefies (thanks miss honey..mwah)...just before ya go in...and please, please, puh..lease, do not spray deodorant onto ya sweaty armpits...urrrkkkkkk....unless ya meeting gazza...as he luvs armpits the most...have $150 bucks in ya wallet cos YOU are paying for the meal...but if she offers...well...how stingy are ya...huh...???and remember this...if your eyes start wandering down to her gorgeous, gorgeous legs...think JOCK McPHERSONor they start wandering up to her beautiful breasts.....................think JOCK McPHERSONor they start wondering about kissing those luscious lips................think JOCK McPHERSONor you start wondering if she likes oral.....................................think JOCK McPHERSONso...have ya got it...i have more tips, but i fink that will do for the moment...hope it helps...some more tips...think JOCK McPHERSONthink JOCK McPHERSONthink JOCK McPHERSONthink JOCK McPHERSONcheersjose....