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Are human beings monogamous/non-monogamous by nature?

September 24 2018

Or is it just a matter of social-cultural circumstances that dictate the dominant form of relationship, monogamy? If the societies around the world were more open minded and accepting of change, do you think we would be seeing more and more couples who are in open relationships and such? Do you think monogamy as a working relationship model is not as popular anymore? - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

A quite well known book about human sexuality goes into this at depth, do yourself a favour.

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RHP User

7 years ago

We as individuals are surely in charge of our own bodies and our feelings. If people are happy with their relationship status its their business. If you are happier being in an open relationship then so be it. But that doesnt mean everyone would be happier seeing other people. I know I could be quite happy being with one person. But I know couples who are quite happy seeing other people. I dont buy "humans are not meant to be monogamous", though, who says? Its however your own relationship works for you.

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RHP User

7 years ago

There’s a saying, which I will paraphrase Humans aren’t meant to fly, but if we try hard enough and really want to do it.... we find a way to do it. So to with monogamy DG

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RHP User

7 years ago

humans are fallible. We suffer from envy/jealousy and as a general we don't take knocks to our ego that well. Society (ancient religious leaders) used manogamy to look after our fragile psychology. They created social rules that tried to guide us. Even if it was against the animal instincts within us.

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countrytouch82

7 years ago

"By nature". It depends on what nature you are comparing to. Our nearest relatives and ancestors are not really monogamous, if you want to look at nature for long term or lifetime monogamy, it is various species of birds that are your most regular in this, otherwise, there's very few species that match up to the idea. Some others are monogamous but only year to year, having a new partner each year. Others have harems of females, and actually a few bird types have a small harem of males, per female sometimes.

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nightingale8

7 years ago

Is cherry picked science. Still, the examples were enough to make me reconsider my approach to relationships... the Mosuo, Tibetans, certain Amazonian tribes. And here I am 8 years later. I tried asking for the book at a book store. The look on his face as he tried to figure out if that was a pick up line😂 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

There are some couples that are completely happy with each other and never lose the sexual spark, you could put a bevvy of porn-hot women and blokes in front of them and tell them they could go for their lives with whomever they pleased - and both would walk away, probably uttering curses at you.

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RHP User

7 years ago

I think that monogamy is crazy, I mean all women are beautiful, how can a guy be monogamous nowadays, with a lot of frustration I guess. Opinions are changing and sex is something everyone needs and people shouldn't be judged for having multiple partners. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

I do really appreciate various responses and suggestions to read, I’ll have a look. I come from a very strict Puritan background, ironically I have always been attracted to other extreme end. Hedonist by nature, I have always found alternative lifestyles interesting, be it people living BDSM 24/7, poly couples, swingers, cuckolds... My questions are just those; questions. Not statements. Lately I’ve been coming across lot of articles and discussions about this subject, RHP being an oasis of alternative and sexually open minded people, I wanted to hear your opinion. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

"..sex is something everyone needs.." This is not correct.

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spreadourwings

7 years ago

Have read Sex at Dawn, and as a cuckold was hoping it would help answer some questions and fill in the gaps, but sadly it didn't for me/us. Was an interesting read, but didn't find it any more than that.

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EarthQueen

7 years ago

Quoting 'Snap_Dragon' it's probably much more complicated than the 'humans aren't meant to be monogamous!' vs 'monogamy provides much-needed stability and society will crumble if some people aren't monogamous!' arguments. No, monogamy certainly isn't for everyone but there are quite a lot of people who seem perfectly happy with it, and manage to make it work. Its not that simple for most. There are too many variable factors to consider in a relationship. People and their feelings change over time and its easy to become complacent in a relationship. My friend is lending me Sex At Dawn today so I'll look up Sex At Dusk. We often have these types of conversations. I think in relationships people often hide their true feelings at any given time so even if it was a societal trend towards the possible emergence of non monogamy it would always come back to the emotions and communication of any single couple at that given time. Personally for me ATM the idea of polyamory sounds draining. So far in my life I have found it difficult to be attracted to more than one person at a time and I believe I am pretty open minded. I have explored it, but it just seems that i'm hard wired that way. If I'm into someone, I find it hard to look beyond that to someone else.

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RHP User

7 years ago

heterogeneous

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RHP User

7 years ago

On the surface, monogamy offers some sense of security.Thinking practically...which we seem to do more of as we age and mature...I can see why this will appear attractive to many. Particularly to those who have more to lose.And maybe, the inverse is true too...whereas we continue ageing, we eventually reach a point where we start having less to lose...and monogamy begins to lose its appeal( again? ).

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RHP User

7 years ago

expands on what I was alluding to in a much better way.

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nightingale8

7 years ago

I was listening to a program on Radio National some months ago that was speaking about the outcome of paternity tests (the context was looking at the risks of genetic testing, ie privacy etc). According to the speaker, about 11% of paternity tests find that the "father" is not the biological father and that this is true across all cultures studied, even in those societies that impose harsh penalties for infidelity (e.g. Saudi Arabia). With one exception, the Amish (7%). So wholesome. Obviously if you are seeking a paternity test there is uncertainty so the actual stats of children born to different fathers would be much lower. Anyway, it suggests to me that some level of non monogamy is "natural", whether or not you agree it is "moral". I mean, what is monogamy? Sex with only one person in a relationship? Judging from the number of people having sex while not being in a relationship, well the answer is self evident. Oh right, one at a time. Ok, ok 😆 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

This is dealt with in Sex at Dawn, and explains why the human penis is shaped the way it is.

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RHP User

7 years ago

I’ve read both books, Sperm Wars is an interesting read but it’s quite controversial and scientific value has been diminished lately with lot of critics attacking the author’s approach to subject. Ethical slut is a groundbreaking book and you can see why after reading but it had nothing new for me, I never had jealousy issues, neither insecurities. - Posted from rhpmobile

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Are human beings monogamous/non-monogamous by nature?

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