F112
Are men less jealous?
June 28 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Maybe men can disconnect easier, or maybe they hide their feeling far better than most women, or maybe it has something to do with the actual act of sex where we take a man into our bodies that could possibly make it more personal and emotional at times than a man in general experiences? I'm not sure Mrs D! What I would like this man to answer is would he feel the same way in reverse? Knowing that a woman was actively seeing many different men at once.. Would he have a different perspective then? Or would he have names for that woman? If he does surely that would imply that he was hurt and or jealous!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Definately not They just seem to be better at denying it!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
is gender based but more an individual trait.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I don't understand it personally. Men and women alike, I thought, are equally as prone to feeling jealous. I think it really just boils down to what action the individual takes. I get jealous at times with someone I care about, but I try to remember that, if I truly cared about ones happiness, then I have no business in trying to control that happiness. - Posted from rhpmobile
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wingman2014
13 years ago
I think it has much more to do with how comfortable you are in yourself. Male or female , if you are secure in your sexuality and free of emotional baggage then you will be much more likely to grow into a relationship like that.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Jealousy is based on personality and experience, in my opinion.I know in our situation, if my husband were to take on another regular lover it wouldn't work because it would consume me. I've taken on another lover and while my husband was jealous, he was able to keep it under control and not let it consume him. I admire him for thatThat's just us. I know my husband will out up with a lot more than I was due to his personality. MrsSplicey
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think his comment says it MsD. The women were wanting more of his time. Seems like a lot of one on one relationships are the same, that is women want more of the man's time. What is jealousy? The fear of losing someone. If a person is jealous it's because their lover is acting in a way to make them feel vulnerable and unsure of themselves. Therefore in the above scenario it was the man's fault the women were jealous. He obviously wasn't able to work it so that everyone was happy, so he lost them all most likely. :P Jealousy and possessiveness are different.
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RHP User
13 years ago
If women are acting jealous it's because men are not giving them the assurances they need to feel secure in the relationship. Whether it be a serious relationship or a casual one. However, I do think more women convince themselves that there is more to a relationship then there actually is... So when a man doesn't act accordingly thats when the trouble starts. Men don't talk enough... And women talk too much. It's all about communication and managing expectations. Women seem to continue in situations that are not fulfilling their needs, then they blame the man. Is that a fair statement?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'JayJay_66'Definately not They just seem to be better at denying it! Is it just that men are better at hiding it and show it in different ways? When it comes to women we talk about jealousy, while with men we it's competitiveness. Are they secretly the same thing? I suspect it's about everyone wanting to be "the most important one", first choice, "the winner".
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' However, I do think more women convince themselves that there is more to a relationship then there actually is... So when a man doesn't act accordingly thats when the trouble starts. I was talking about polyamorous relationships (where there is potentially love involved) not casual FWB ones.
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
I think men can be just as jealous n if not more jealous then women at times! Mrs C x
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think in poly relationships it takes a certain type of person to be happy with the arrangement firstly. Jealousy can creep in at any stage for any of the parties, men or women. I don't think you can make a sweeping generalization to say that one sex is more jealous than the other. For me, it's because a person feels uncertain of their position so they need to communicate that and the other person needs to allay their fears. It's the only way these situations can work. In my opinion.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Are you not talking about possessiveness? That a man feels they should own a woman or he isn't a man? Certain generations feel this way I think. Wonder if the younger generations do?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'For me, it's because a person feels uncertain of their position (...) That seems to back my idea that everyone wants first position? But I'll let others have a go now, don't want to hog my own thread.
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RHP User
13 years ago
See I think you are talking about possessiveness though, well the way I understand the word. When I say uncertain of your position, I meant that you are uncertain about how the other person feels about you, not that you don't come first or that you are no longer "winning". That's is a terrible way to view love and I for one am happy that I don't have that view. Makes for some very unhappy people. In fact these terms never even occurred to me. Being in love is not a sport or some game. Interesting that people think this way though.
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RHP User
13 years ago
WOOOOOHH Men can be just as jealous as women However on a percentage basis women are more than men and that includes insecurity. I have friends who are in a 2 man 1 woman relationship that has lasted 12 years as she is a very sexy horny woman but at the same time it is easier to please 2 men than 1 man to please 2 women/// Think about it. So to sum it up men can be just as jealous but in most cases Its women who tend to crave more and it might be that nesting instinct or for security reasons or the heart.. Steve
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DonnaBrett
13 years ago
Don't know about in multiple partner relationships situations but in general swinging we have found that if one part of a new to swinging couple is going to have jealousy issues, 9 times out of 10 it will be the male...even though he has usually been all gung ho about swinging in the first place and has probably talked her into it! LOL
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RHP User
13 years ago
100% agree. You need to be confident within yourself. Jealousy and possessiveness are things an insecure person feels.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'chevtrek' Men can be just as jealous as women However on a percentage basis women are more than men and that includes insecurity. Where is the research to back this up?
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RHP User
13 years ago
This is a subject that interests me. I agree that if you are insecure you will likely feel jealous. I'm just not sure the reverse is 100 percent true?
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RHP User
13 years ago
But on an individual basis. In a one on one relationship it's more about feeling insecure and threatened over your partners relationship with another person, if you have low self esteem and low confidence you perceive the other as being better than you in your partners eyes and a threat to your position in the relationship. In a poly relationship, assuming that both women/men involved had the right intentions(they were in fact fine sharing someone with each other) if any jealousy did creep in you would presume it would simply be over time and attentions spent with the other woman, not a fear of being tossed out of the equation altogether. Lol, thinking out loud here... Summary, I don't think it matters, male or female, but the individual. I think it would take longer for a bloke to pick up on the need to feel jealous, and would have to be quite blatantly 'in his face' that he should feel threatened, as women are more in tune with subtleties of affection aimed at someone else, and probably more prone to over thinking things... But not more jealous. If I may MsD, as an add on... Is jealousy a genetic or learned emotion? You have really made me think deeply here, and that is where I have ended up. We see jealousy in children (over toys, best friends etc) I have seen this from time to time in three of my children, and rarely if ever in one...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Direct' Quoting 'chevtrek' Men can be just as jealous as women However on a percentage basis women are more than men and that includes insecurity. was just going to ask the same thing Ms D...made up figures as usualWhere is the research to back this up?
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RHP User
13 years ago
that suggests men are more likely to feel jealousy when the issue is sexual infidelity,women when it's emotional infidelity. Women are more at risk of physical abuse when they either say they are going to leave the relationship or their partner suspects them of sexual infidelity. Women are always certain of their motherhood,men can never be certain of their fatherhood without DNA testing. I think jealousy and possessiveness are linked,jealousy triggering the need to control .or dominate the other....possessiveness. Apparently ,until recently emotion researchers did not consider jealousy, to be a primary emotion. Some people see jealousy in their partner as a sign that they care,but to incite someone's jealousy is a very dangerous game me thinks. A fascinating topic Ms.D x R
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RHP User
13 years ago
http://www.livescience.com/8065-men-women-jealous-reasons.html Goes some way toward understanding why some have feelings of jealousy and others not so much.
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RHP User
13 years ago
We have to teach most children to share and to play nice because that is the best way of fitting into the community or a social group. So why don't we teach children it's okay to love more than one person? That's it's possible? In our culture we are teaching children about love and relationships.... And if we told them something else? What a different world this could be. Maybe we wouldn't have all these divorces. I used to read Mills & Boon as a teenager & back then it was always a man's jealousy & possessiveness which proved to the woman how much he cared. If someone is insecure, low self esteem, etc they may be more prone to jealousy, although I don't think the reverse is 100% true. I am sure the most confident person can have feelings of jealous too. It's when you feel insecure about another's affections. We are all vulnerable in love.
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RHP User
13 years ago
ok please step up , three men ohhh wait I have that but just not living with me really who wants to clean , cook and pick up dirty clothes from three guys? though I do love the company of men, sexy little beasts but I am old and need my sleep I agree with the woman thing most don't mind to share but if there is emotion involved its a whole different ball game. women like attention, especially with sex and intimacy I have never been a jealous woman, if a guy does not want me not much I can do so I don't give a shit. but then I am pretty self sufficient with my life including my heart, it don't get out of the box much to exercise. I do not love easy. if you do love with a great passion a person, it can be a challenge to share their time with other women but if it works its great, as women are great friends and support when the chips are down and besides I could have a bloody night off now and again. when your married you get the pressure all the time to have sex as my husband says I got married to have sex on tap, when I want it and that's why I got married in the first place. so this tap is the good wife but now I have my own bedroom
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RHP User
13 years ago
VERY VERY INTERESTING TOPIC Ms.DI think men do Jealous after all they are human beings.The reason I say this is because women are more "verbally" expressive where men are not so verbal.Most men I know secretly see it as a sign as weakness to show their emotions or been role-modeled as a child not to show them.If I were to ever go into a POLY relationship I would want the control have all the say - but that is me.I would want to be in control.However I am unsure how I would go being a secondry person not the primary one - have never been in that situation.For me personally I think the most loving thing anyone can do is control their anxiety of jealousy in Poly. I think it it how one is able to control themselves in a dignified manner to work out their emotions that go with.If that means expressing ones feelings of jealousy in a matured way, do it!!However how the other person/s deals with and takes on board, is supportive etc etc is a whole other issue.FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's OK to have a little jealousy in any relationships.It can be healthy or unhealthy. I believe there is good and bad jealousy.Good jealousy brings comfort.Bad jealousy brings in Toxic emotions like doubt..Jealousy is a human emotion - we as humans have this trait.Foxy
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RHP User
13 years ago
is true in a way. I think because of out cultural believes and upbringing as children this has a lot to do with our adult choices..I am starting to educate my daughter (17 1/2) that all not relationships are one man one woman.How do I teach her that it's Ok if I myself have never been exposed to POLY relationships.Am I denying her a choice of any type of loving relationship???"Loving" relationships are too complex sometimes.FoxyQuoting 'Meeka100' We have to teach most children to share and to play nice because that is the best way of fitting into the community or a social group. So why don't we teach children it's okay to love more than one person? That's it's possible? In our culture we are teaching children about love and relationships.... And if we told them something else? What a different world this could be. Maybe we wouldn't have all these divorces.
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RHP User
13 years ago
How can jealousy ever be considered good? It makes you feel sick inside.
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RHP User
13 years ago
If someone has total faith in their partner and their relationship there is never any jealousy. I would ever knowingly put someone though the hell.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wouldn't the fact that we have to teach children to share and not be possessive and jealous prove that it is in fact an innate behaviour not a learnt behaviour? In which case you could argue that jealousy is an entirely natural behaviour...perhaps triggered by our reptilian brain
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RHP User
13 years ago
Men can be just as jealous as women, if you go back in time and read the papers the amount of men who have been enraged to the point of killing the wife or wife's lover is testament to this fact.It is about the individual, the circumstances, if all are comfortable with themselves and there is an understanding with all parties then there should be no problems, it is all about communication and not favouring one against the other.If you get one that is controlling and possessive etc then you will have problems, no matter what gender
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RHP User
13 years ago
I've never been a jealous person, until I met one partner who I loved very deeply, while at the same time having tiny insecurities about myself generally and his love for me. The jealousy I felt was pretty powerful and unpleasant. He loved women and would see attractiveness in all sorts of women and I adored that about him. It gave me confidence that if he could see them as attractive he could see me as attractive. But it also ate me up, and from time to time leaked into our relationship. I don't know what he thought about it and while I was aware of how I felt at the time, I have a deeper perspective now. It's a pretty destructive emotion and kind of self-perpetuating. I think he was jealous in some ways too, but much more mature about it than I was. Prior to that relationship I'd never felt true jealousy, but then, I'd never loved anyone else like that either. Unfortunately the relationship coincided with a time in my life when I was trying to bounce back from some really deep insecurities, and while I'd worked hard and was in an OK place, I was a bit too vulnerable. So, maybe it's a situational thing for men and women.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' In which case you could argue that jealousy is an entirely natural behaviour...perhaps triggered by our reptilian brain "Mine!" But wait, that would be posessive...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Its a animal thing, we are fighting for the right to mate. On that level, think about it man needs to spread his seed, woman needs man to hunt and feed her so she can survive to breed. same as men fighting, wars etc its in our nature to do things, Its the process of civilization that tries to get us all to control our impulses that is why we teach children restraint how to get along, how to share but not to share partners , not in this culture anyway. if you look at other cultures, its not all beer and skittles if your one of many wives and in those cases its not often your choice. Polly relationships in western cultures are fine as you cannot actually marry more than one, and as women are seen as property in marriage then there is that factor, as in this is MY wife so keep your dick out of her. or My husband so fuck off you sleazy whore Its also perceptions, when I was married the first time round, to the same man I live with now, I am sure he thought I was fucking around on him I worked in my own business and did long hours , it was in a bar and he would ring me all the time. drove me nuts I have a girlfriend and every time she would go out, her husband would lift her skirt and sniff to be sure no other guy had been there, a sick as that is. Getting away from a jealous man is a nightmare, try getting home every night to find him standing on my door step. I moved, left town in the end as I was starting to realise the next step would be if I cant have you nobody can. some people get fixated even if there is no relationship, jealousy does not need a real target or a real infidelity
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'slm114' is gender based but more an individual trait. However - if you want some statistics lookup how many murders were committed by men with jealousy as the main motive, as opposed to women... If a man cheats the woman moves on, but a man often cannot forgive and acts on impulse :-( Whole movies were made about this LOL
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with Wingman. Jealousy does stems from insecurity and maybe overall women have more things to be insecure about as regards relationships with the opposite sex. Most male insecurity centers around their job, money and their relationship with other men in their social order. Men that get jealous tend to be be a bit controlling as well.I've only just started to investigate polyamory but it would seem to me that a guy that falls in love with a women who is polyamorous has to be a really non controlling, easy going type for it to work, if he himself is not having sex with other women. As someone remarked earlier in this topic...in polyamorous relationships it's probably more about personality than gender.
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