Are you a has been if you have been married

Comments

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Ummm was this a question or a statement? Are you a has been? No. Were you right to leave him? Yes. People have their own little ideals, they have the same right to say no to you because your divorced, as you have the right to say no to them because you don't like their attitude. It all comes down to whether you click with a person, if you don't then such is life.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  For people to consider you a has been shows there immaturity, shouldn't even let that thought enter your mind. Women should always walk from a violent relationship. Keep on fighting

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  You get the hell out of there, bebe. A very smart move. Zero tolerance is the only response for blokes who are so piss weak and cowardly that they think they have to beat up their lover.   Hugs Gaz

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Guys who abuse women (in any form - but especially physically) are dogs  (no disrepsect to maddog of course).   Well done for having the courage and fortitude to make a good decision Kitten.   your x is the hasbeen.   Trev

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  My two cents - I wont cover the wife beater as it has been covered very nicely by the boys, however I can tell you that if you are a has been for being married and divorced then Trev and I are both very happy to join that club.  We have both been married and not to each other.   I call it smart - why stay in a relationship / marriage that makes you unhappy, makes no sense to me.  And if I had I would have missed the best thing life could have thrown at me....   Ignore them, they aint worth it and there are much nicer people in the forums, I don't understand why people go to the chat rooms, sounds horrible someone is always getting upset.   K.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I want to give you the biggest  HUGS!.... Don't let those jerks get to you babe...You done the right thing. Sadly yes there are jerks in chat..And that is all some of them are..JERKS.. Knowing who you are and that you are a beautiful soul..Well that is all that matters..   sweet  kisses sweetpetite41xooxoxox   P.S..Message me if you need hun..can talk on msn xxxxxxxx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I commend you for your action in getting out of a bad situation it was the only thing to do...     Us Listen to gossip not the people in this forum that is for sure.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Hi  bendoverkitten, by getting out now before the violence escalates and you can take my word for it that it will happen as ive seen it as a kid Thus its the best thing you can do for YOU than staying with your ex and brining a child into the mix.Then as a result i didnt know any better,hence i married a physicaly violent man...and after one to many black eyes n bruises,and they got worse over the years and concern for my young daughter as i didnt want her to grow up the same way..so i gave him a punch in the face,hey i even gave myself a shock when i did..but it was the only way i could get away from him.but i did feel bad afterwards thou.Then i married again..but this time to a mentaly abusive man, that was also controlling and lied consitantly,it had gotten worse over the years,now im free,with my two youngest kids,who dont have to put up with the situation any longer...And we women are not door mats that these violent men can wipe their feet on.So good for YOU for not becoming afuture  satistic..but a fighter,people dont always understand unless their lived it..and for everyone that think like that.theirs others that do understand and would say good for YOU to have the courage to get out.But i wish you all the happiness for your future and stay strong!!

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  to the people who have replied you are true and caring people and you can join the has been club any time we has been need to stick together   i never believed that i was a has been and i felt the only way to live was to leave the x   and not a day doesnt go by that i dont feel bad about leaving i had to be strong and i wanted to live and love and not feel like i was walking on broken egg shells   and if some people want to think im a has been i say to them   LIVE ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE THAT BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF YOU     NO ONE SHOULD LIVE THE WAY I DID AND GET TO THE STAGE THAT YOU CANT TALK TO ANYONE   YOU CANT EVEN PICK UP A PHONE AND CALL SOMEONE   YOU SEE FROM THE AGE OF 18 TILL I WAS 30 EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE WAS HELL THE VERBAL ABUSE THE PHYISCAL ABUSE   MADE TO FELL  LIKE I WAS NOTHING   TO ANY MAN THAT BEAT WOMEN  YOU ARE LOW LIFE   AND YOU NEED TO BE ON THE OTHER END OF THE BEATING   IF ANYONE WANTS TO TALK TO ME OR NEEDS SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO THEM PLEASE CONTACT ME VIA THIS SITE   THANKS

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Im sorry to hear what youve been through Ive been on that end of the stick before and it aint nice. If a man hits his wife and or partner then ussually he,ll doit again and if he does it again he never stop.Its hard to understand that a grown man or woman would hurt the people they say they love like that.Personally I think it stems from thier past experiences as all of us are products of our own life experiences.Those life experiences shape us into the people we will be for the rest of our lives,and I feel sad that some people have had such a terrible set of life experiences to make them into such an insecure and self thoathing indavidual with absolutely no self esteem that they need to inflict themselves on those they say they love to make themselves feel bigger or better or whatever goes through thier mind. You should be proud of yourself for having the guts and inner strength to save yourself from what could only destroy everone and everything. After going throw something that harrowing its hard to trust anyone for fear of the same thing happening again,but you must because not every man is like that.Infact vrey few in the sceme of things. As far as hasbeens go ,Its a word that should,nt even be in the vocabulary.While your still suckin air and living life you,ll never be a has been. If he comes back let me know and Ill come over and personally teach him what its like to be on the recieving end . That shit cant be tolerated,Cheers.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I consider myself very very lucky to have never been in an abusive relationship where, from what I understand, it is extremely difficult to escape... and anyone who does escape and overcome such situations has my complete and full respect.   I also agree with Kilee, if any relationship makes you truly unhappy and miserable, then you should try to move on... and that's not an easy choice to make either, so, again, I have the utmost respect for anyone who has come out the other side of any failed relationship.  Ultimately, you will be the happier person for it... and in the end, that should make those around you happy for you also.   Agree with Kilee about the chatrooms too... sounds like a nightmare to me... jesus h christ... how can such fucking idiots get away with making people feel so bad about themselves... best I don't go into the chatrooms... I'm not as nice as I seem in the forums and don't suffer fools lightly hehe lol :P

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  There is never an excuse to abuse someone else physically and you were right to get out.     Things don't work out with couples for various reasons - and it's not necessarily anyone's fault nor is anyone 'bad' or useless or in any way 'less' because of that.    You just have to trust that there will be someone else out there for you and you can move on and get satisfaction and hopefully a long term relationship that rocks your boat in due course.   You are attractive and seem to have spirit - won't go into personal messages - but I'm sure a range of people would be interested in getting to know you better.

  reply

  like

• 

  Almost_Ready

  16 years ago

  Well done BendoverKitten it takes great strength to walk away from a situation like that & by the sounds of it you will move forward from this & become a stronger & better person for it...   Please dont take this the wrong way I am not about to say that any of this was your fault No Way... but as heymumma pointed out, she too has had a similar experience   twice  ....    I have known several people in my time that have had similar problems & have done exactly as you have only to begin another relationship with a person that ends up doing the same thing beating or abusing them.  Is this because they are attracted to that type of person? I hope not, but it is something to consider when you start looking at that next long term relationship.   DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT DOING SOMETHING GOOD   Oldog   ps. BendoverKitten is not a good name should be Powerpussy

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Hey, u know we,re all made up from similar stock.We all have similarities that tend to attract us to certain types.I think the trick is to look at the similarities and find (shit if you can its easier said than done)what few similarities are different,I think thats the key.Unfortunately its a numbers game.You have to go through the turkeys to find the eagles.Best of luck,just remember YOUR the most beautiful person on earth and except no treatment that makes you feel otherwise.Best wishes.Cheers

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  The decision to stay in a bad relationship is one you live with everyday until you find reason enough to walk.   Always set a deadline for behaviour change if it is promised and think to yourself "would I have started this if I knew what I know now".  If not make your plans and bail.   Always judge your partner by how they make you feel about yourself.   The only feelings you can truly know are your own.  The only actions you can control are your own.   Anyone who judges you on a learning experience either lacks experience or did not learn anything from theirs.  They are either ignorant or stupid - neither is a crime - just disappointing.   Congratulations on taking control of your life - so many fail to do so.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  i to (mr here) agree with every1 else in saying u did the right thing...   but same as oldog i have seen this as well... my ex's mum was the same way always seeming to end up with these guyz that just need to be shot really to do the world a favour..   I swear if i made the laws in oz..   enjoy the rest of your life! and i hope u find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect that all human beings deserve.   Scott

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  to every one who replied you are true and special people   YES I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES TO STAY IN THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WOULD HAVE KILLED ME BUT I FOUND THE BALLS TO GET OUT   AND YES ITS NOT ALWAY THE MAN THAT HITS WOMEN WOMEN DO IT TO   WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE END OF VOILENCE FROM ANYONE YOU START TO THINK YOUR A BAD PERSON WELL YOUR NOT I USE TO THINK MAYBE IT WAS ME THAT I WAS DOIN SOMETHINGS SO BAD THAT I WAS JUST A FUK UP   THEN I KNEW IT WASNT ME AND THAT I SHOULD LIVE LIKE THIS   I REMEMBER ONE DAY WHEN HE BROKE MY HAND AND THE COPS CAME TO MY HOUSE THEY TOLD ME TO TAKE A INTERVENTION ORDER OUT   BUT THEY ALSO TOLD ME THAT THIS WOULD MAKE IT WORSE FOR ME SO WHAT GOOD IS AN INTERVENTION ORDER IF IT WOULD MAKE HIM WORSE   THE STUPID THING WAS IT WASNT THE COPS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT I HAD TO GO TO THE COURT AND APPLY FOR ONE   SO I DIDNT DO IT BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF THE COME BACK   AFTER ALL MY YEARS IN THAT RELATIONSHIP IT HAS MADE ME VERY UNSURE OF MALES AND STARTING A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE   I FOUND I HAVE LOST TRUST IN PEOPLE AND DONT WANT TO LET SOMEONE IN MAYBE I JUST DONT WANT TO GET HURT AND IF I LET SOMEONE IN THEY MIGHT TURN OUT THE SAME AS TO WHAT I WAS MARRIED TO   MAYBE ITS JUST A TRUST ISSUE   I KNOW MY WOUNDS HAVE HEALED BUT I DONT KNOW ABOUT MY HEART  OR MY BRAIN HAS HEALED AND HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET OVER SOMETHING LIKE THIS

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  hey kitten..our subconscious can affect us..eg the way we think and act..even to how we react to situations...at times we're not aware of...thus repeat...same mistakes...i grew up in a mental n physically violent home...i tried hard to please all..Then the same thing when i married..i did everything i could to please my husbands...i was a yes sir no sir..how high..you get my drift....it didnt matter what i did..nothing was right.i wasnt perfect enough.....yet i never spoke up was to afraid of the consequencess.....i nearly died with my very young daughter looking on.....Thats when i fought back and punched him in the face grabbing her up and fled....yet that wasnt the end of it thou....avo's are useless unless the police catch them ( guy) in the act of breaking the order.( which isnt always the case) as hes long gone by the the time they get there....thus can make things worse...usually for us women......So talk to some one to help heal you mentaly thus in turn your heart will too...But you'll become even stronger wiser and healthier...in yourself and in the way you think thus you'll make better choices and gain sooo much more benefits....your not alone......big cuddles n kiss....i wish only the best for a fellow winner..fffttfor get those that disst you....they are no one after all said n done..but little minded people who dont have a clue babe.

  reply

  like