Asking if we can have sex..

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  5 years ago

  At RedHotPie, we endorse anything and everything that ensures safe and consensual fun for everyone. We also would like to remind people to be courteous in Forums and perhaps read before posting to make sure your tone is appropriate for the occasion, including the OP. Perhaps the OP was alluding to whether physical cues are no longer sufficient, and questioned if verbal consent is required each and every time. We have chosen to close this topic however but invite our Forums regulars to keep talking about consent. Please however take care with your choice of words and please don't make assumptions about your fellow posters.

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  SpicyKale

  5 years ago

  There’s nothing sexier than enthusiastic consent in our option. You don’t know a partners full history, not going the extra mile with someone that’s experienced sexual assault in their life can be extremely traumatising. The idea that it breaks the mood is completely antiquated and has no place in ENM. Anyone we’ve slept with has been very much onboard and consented way before we’ve hit the bedroom. Someone looking you in the eye and asking you to fuck them 🥰

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  Mrs_Deep_Love

  5 years ago

  I think your opinion on it breaking the mood is widespread amongst men of your generation. I know this because I've had conversations regarding consent with work friends who are your age. Frankly, times have changed and you need to move forward with them.

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  Yeah soz but I don't agree that consent is a fad or a new trend that people are suddenly espousing to "curb" sexual harrassment. Is it "realistic" for a guy to check in with YOU before proceeding to fuck you, or should they just go ahead because they don't want to ruin the (their) mood? Exactly what would you say to your sister, mother or daughter about this? FYI I have never been turned off by someone asking if it's ok for them to proceed. In all honestly it makes me want to jump them with gusto for not being an arrogant and entitled douche because sadly this seems to be the norm. I have however, on many occasions, been extremely turned off by people who think their desire for sex outweighs my right to be safe. Your hard dick does not a consensual sexual act make. If you're so consumed with your own passion that you cannot consider the other person involved then stick with wanking - at least you'll know all parties are on board.

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  Hahahahahahaha. Dude, you are asking for hellfire and brimstone. And will throughly deserve the shitstorm that comes your way. Consent is a sexy as fuck to women, because it comes with RESPECT. And respect is a giant turn on for women. Sorry that you’re only just coming to the party. And when I say “sorry”, I mean it’s tragic and ages you dramatically.

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  2EssesExploring

  5 years ago

  We are both quite shy at the stage where it moves from flirting to consensual sex and find those awkward moments of gaining consent from the other parties and each other is wonderfully sexually charged and really gets us in the mood. My god, when I was younger I was so scared of over stepping the mark that I’d have a lovely lady dry humping my leg and moaning loudly and I’d be like “so what would you like to do now?” 😂

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  2EssesExploring

  5 years ago

  Hmm writing my last response just reminded me of our first time together. We were so nervous. Holding hands for an eternally long cab ride we were so charged up we could barely talk. This was the first time we had met physically after months of talking. She a virgin, me willing to wait as long as she needed to feel comfortable. Well as soon as we were behind closed doors the tension erupted and it happened in a blur. I awoke in the morning to find her sitting in the couch with her legs curled up to her chest looking rather vulnerable, my first thought was “what have I done?” I asked her if she was ok and she replied “Is that it, is it wrong for me to want more?””I want more!” Phew!

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  MsJonesy

  5 years ago

  Yes. You ask. You don't continue until there is clear and unequivocal consent. 'Heat of the moment' should never override asking for consent. That phrase is often used as an excuse as to why someone continued without express consent.... to me its very similar to 'I couldn't help myself', 'you turned me on too much', 'I got carried away'. It most certainly is realistic for people to be able to control passion enough to seek consent - 10 seconds, 1 minute, whatever the timeframe is - pause to make sure the other person is happy to proceed and confirms this. A brief pause is better than a lifetime of regret for one, and a lifetime of pain and trauma for another, don't you think?

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  EarthQueen

  5 years ago

  The way you are writing it is sounds like it's just a big inconvenience for men to check in with women about something that is frankly essential, important and overdue. It's really not that hard. You can make consent sexy. It's not about stopping and reading a page long disclaimer. It's just effective communication with a partner and checking in.

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  RHP User

  5 years ago

  If I was getting into it with someone and they stopped to ask for consent I’d get up and walk out. Society’s ridiculous bullshit can stay out of my bedroom thanks.

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  2EssesExploring

  5 years ago

  Sawadee, us mere humans sometimes have conflicting internal dialogues that we sometimes want to air in the hope that some open discussion can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us. This is what likely draws us to come to a forum to discuss. One may think that one may express thoughts and have them discussed with civility but I guess just as in the days of the Roman Empire if anyone dare say anything that the Small Elite find disdainful then they are promptly whisked off to the arena and fed to the lions. Oh the elite will bleat on about how they are upholding their high and mighty ideals that are just so much higher than us mere plebeians could ever hope to attain and since their heads are usually stuck .....edit edit edit edit....... they will never be able to see themselves for the bullies they are. Of course this is only my opinion, which I’m likely wrong for having as only the small elite are allowed those. Hmm post...not post? No harm in an opinion ever eh?

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  pieadventures

  5 years ago

  I really appreciate respectful, open and upfront communication, and consent is part of that. It hasn’t killed anyone’s mood in my experience.

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  5 years ago

  At RedHotPie, we endorse anything and everything that ensures safe and consensual fun for everyone. We also would like to remind people to be courteous in Forums and perhaps read before posting to make sure your tone is appropriate for the occasion, including the OP. Perhaps the OP was alluding to whether physical cues are no longer sufficient, and questioned if verbal consent is required each and every time. We have chosen to close this topic however but invite our Forums regulars to keep talking about consent. Please however take care with your choice of words and please don't make assumptions about your fellow posters.

  reply

  like