M42
Asperger's (Aspies)
August 20 2014
Comments
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Hottie1
11 years ago
and it is seriously driving me batty (but I completely understand him). He is very literal and does not understand the social nuances and etiquette for social interaction. He has a passion for all things environmental and protection of the environment. I think you need to establish ground rules that both he and you follow and stick to those rules. He will struggle with the spontaneous and change will be difficult. But you are sharing and think of all the possibilities (guests sleeping over, sharing space like bathrooms, fridges etc) and create rules around those. You are both adults and though your housemate may have more eccentricities than others, you need to establish what will work for both of you. All the best.Mary xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Married one...........bad idea. Good as friends not so good at marriage.Live and learn. But just like everyone they are individuals and have different qualities.It is a spectrum thing after all. I will send you a private message as there are things I am not comfortable discussing on an open forum.
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RHP User
11 years ago
haven't you asked this before?
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RHP User
11 years ago
The OP only got a couple of responses last time. Hopefully there will be new forum members with helpful advice.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
A) do some in depth research, educate yourself as much as you can and show a lot more empathy and understanding. B) Move out............get your own place - that way no one will bother you. :) Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
The question is, what is it that has you confused and does it really intrude............ It is a low level of Autism, the person can go one way or another eg, very articulate / difficulty stringing sentences, pedantic / complacent etc............... A person with Aspergers can relate and react on all levels in society, albeit at a higher level......... Which in turn causes moments of anxiety when put into a highly stimulated environment (loud music, lots of people). PM me for more information.
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madotara69
11 years ago
1 in 4 people have a level of Aspergers, somewhere on the spectrum I remember A father, who has it,(can not remember his name) on ABC radio, giving a talk about living with it and his son as well. His son had been arrested under threat of being a terrorist with explosives, turned out he just had a fantastic knowledge of the science and the FBI employed him, once they understood his condition. The Father is a main speaker for the condition and the show Big Bang Theory comes from his input too the condition and the main character of the show is what it is all about. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
And we all love Sheldon :) Coolest character on TV! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
That's an important beginning because what one person with aspergers does might not be what another person with aspergers will do. I agree with Foxy about getting information to help you understand it. And do speak to those people who have offered information from their own experience of living with someone with it. Depending on where you live there could be an Autism Association and they would be able to give you information as aspergers is on the autism spectrum.
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RHP User
11 years ago
First thing I noticed was you called him your "housemate" This tells me that on seeking shared accommodation, regardless of who was in the house first...... you both realised you could live with eachother. So.... live with eachother. The second thing I noticed was that you said he has Aspergers... which, unless you are a medical professional capable of making a diagnosis.... is something HE told you.... and he told you that after you first met and rafter you realised you could live with eachother in a house-share arrangement. So I don't see it as a question of "handling it".... I see it as a relationship.How do you manage ANY relationship? Communication......tolerance..... more communication.... boundaries.... repeat.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, but, yes, in reality, no two people are ever the same.
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
and a lot of people I work with have Aspergers. There are many different ways it manifests itself in everyday life. Every person with aspergers is unique....because every human is unique.They are a person first and the diagnosis second. Send me a message if you would like to discuss anything or get some ideas on establishing house routines etc.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' So I don't see it as a question of "handling it".... I see it as a relationship.How do you manage ANY relationship? Communication......tolerance..... more communication.... boundaries.... repeat. Your housemate is female, OP? You have asked a rather broad question. What are the things she says or does exactly you are having trouble with?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' 1 in 4 people have a level of Aspergers, somewhere on the spectrum I think you're way off the mark there. From the Australian Bureau of Statistics: The 2012 SDAC* showed an estimated 115,400 Australians (0.5%) had autism. This was an 79% increase on the 64,400 people estimated to have the condition in 2009. In SDAC 2012, Autism spectrum disorders were more commonly found in males than females. Males were 4 times more likely than females to have the condition, with prevalence rates of 0.8% and 0.2% respectively. This is consistent with overseas estimates. For example, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention in the US shows boys are 4.5 times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. *Survey of Disability, Ageing and Carers
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madotara69
11 years ago
Though he was saying that many people have a level of the spectrum that are not diagnosed, he talked of the years he lived undiagnosed and that it is relatively new and the estimations of recent numbers have grown massively over recent times. I say 1 in 4, because he mentioned that we all know someone within the spectrum,(his words) however the spectrum is quite broad. I am not claiming too be right, just it was a really good interview, very interesting. Wish I could remember his name, but he is the head of the Autism whatsy thingy.
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madotara69
11 years ago
He is an American, wrote a few books and does seminars all over the world. If anyone has a recent book published on Asperger's, it probably is him.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Yep, I was wrong. Up to 1 in 50 men and 1 in 150 women was the 3 to 4 in 1 ratio I just found and listened too the ABC local Nightlife interview, Raising Cubby, Literary Event with John Elder Robinson. it is the same interview I heard. Can't post the link, but easy enough too find if anyone is interested.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Are having a go at the OP? The truth is people with aspergers can initially present as well as anybody so don't ASSume because the OP felt he could live with his house-mate when he first moved in that things have remained static. I know women who married guys with aspergers who didn't know about the aspergers until such time as they lived with the guys after their wedding. Sure, communication and tolerance and all that sounds good if you are skilled at it, but communicating with someone with aspergers is not always the easiest thing in the world and especially if they also have anger management issues.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' A) do some in depth research, educate yourself as much as you can and show a lot more empathy and understanding. B) Move out............get your own place - that way no one will bother you. :) Foxy I think that the OP is reaching out as a first move to his search for understanding his housemate, regardless of sex. He is not saying that the housemate bothers him. The second option may be difficult for him if he may be is in a squeeze wrt money, and therefor he is trying to handle the 'relationship' is the best way. Who knows, he may like his housemate and the company, therefore makes an effort to get along well. A good sign. Maybe you can teach us a thing or two here OP! Would not that be good? A good post OP and I hope you get a fair lot more advice and information on managing your interaction. Stay positive and all the info is in your fingertips. Google is such a treasure trove of info. Good luck
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why bother with the hassle!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have clinical TT raining & experience in this field, so please read, & not dismiss my advice...Thanks... 1,,, He may not be t aware of the social norms, a s doesn't see the bigger picture, understand the feelings & emotions of others, & may say or do thinks that are considered rude, strange or offensive. If he says or does something embarrassing in yr company, do not be harsh or judgmental. Tell him politely why it was wrong, & apologize for the incident. 2,,, It is best not to try & explain the thoughts, feelings & emotions of others tohim. He may not 'get t' 3.. Encourage him to join you & yr friends in social interactions & conversations at a level he feels comfortable at. He alone knows his own comfort levels, so follow his lead, include by conversing on topics within his own so here of interest. 4. He may tire easily, or feel overwhelmed & stressed in large or nosy social groups...The effect of this may manifest in different ways,, dependant on the person. Do not push him to interact, give space, show you understand. 5.. Language & social nuances such as sarcasm, emotive thought, or alluding to an idea will be difficult for him to understand... This is due to their lack of insight into another persons thoughts or feelings. Use plain & direct language, rather than expecting him to pick up on social nuances or clues... 6,,,, Changes to the hone or social environment may be difficult for him to accept. Tell him in advance that you are having a dinner party, or moving furniture around etc... 7,,, He is well aware of his own feelings, & knows when he is being laughed at, ignored, or shamed... Treat him with respect, dignity & understanding, the same way you would with your friends. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' First thing I noticed was you called him your "housemate" This tells me that on seeking shared accommodation, regardless of who was in the house first...... you both realised you could live with eachother. So.... live with eachother. The second thing I noticed was that you said he has Aspergers... which, unless you are a medical professional capable of making a diagnosis.... is something HE told you.... and he told you that after you first met and rafter you realised you could live with eachother in a house-share arrangement. So I don't see it as a question of "handling it".... I see it as a relationship.How do you manage ANY relationship? Communication......tolerance..... more communication.... boundaries.... repeat. Yes. DG. hence he asked the question. He may not articulated it very well but we must give him leeway to seek info. the things you said above make sense but are motherhood statements. Not helping him out. What he is seeking for in my opinion, is a direction or a strategy in dealing with the syndrome. As most of us are not qualified medically, some posters have been very kind in sharing their experiences and infomation links as per Mary's and Bigmamas posts. These will be more helpful to him. good luck Strallberie.
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RHP User
11 years ago
yeah its tough, the guy is always into wanting to do stuff with me, which i do, but it feels like im a toy for him my tolerance is getting low but he is moving out and back home in two weeks
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sheldon from Big Bang therory. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Genius_Ironman
11 years ago
Asperger's recent went the way of Female Hysteria, Homosexuality, Lunacy and Drapetomania, it no longer exists. Some people who previously had this diagnosis may be now considered as high functioning Autistic. I have been running Mensa for years, and have met hundreds of people somewhat like Sheldon Cooper, to me its no big deal. Give me smart and quirky over stupid and boring any day. The big Mensa gatherings are my favourite place to get laid, for me its like fish in barrel, and smart people are simply way better in bed.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'curiouscuties'Look to: Sheldon from Big Bang therory. No. Don't. Why do people say this? Sheldon is funny figure in a comedy. His behaviour on film is the way it is because gets laughs from the audience. If you must watch something, watch movies like Amelie (she communicates with the boy she likes in the form of games), Adam or About a Boy. Also, the child in Where the Wild Things are has often been described as being autistic.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Genius_Ironman' Asperger's recent went the way of Female Hysteria, Homosexuality, Lunacy and Drapetomania, it no longer exists. True, it was not included in the DSM-V in 2013. A new diagnosis is now Social Communication Disorder (which is actually broader than Aspergers). The new description is clearer and more comprehensive, but the diagnostic criteria have changed and become more restricted from what I've read so far. Important to know though: people diagnosed before 2013 can keep the diagnosis Aspergers. smart people are simply way better in bed. I was in Mensa once, so obviously I concur.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'curiouscuties'Look to: Sheldon from Big Bang therory. No. Don't. Why do people say this? Sheldon is funny figure in a comedy. His behaviour on film is the way it is because gets laughs from the audience. If you must watch something, watch movies like Amelie (she communicates with the boy she likes in the form of games), Adam or About a Boy. Also, the child in Where the Wild Things are has often been described as being autistic. fantastic Australian movie to check out is Mary and Max (the character of Max has Asperger's / high functioning autism).
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