M66
Attached / Separated.
July 02 2013
Comments
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I chose not to meet someone who told me he was only 4 months out of a long term relationship. It was clear that he took offence to my decision. I've since given it some thought. I still don't have an answer. At the time I thought that four months isn't very long to process your life change and have your shit together enough to embark on RHP's emotional minefield. The tone of his response in some way proved my instincts correct. I list in my profile that I'm separated because I am (He can bloody well pay for the divorce). I don't exclude people because they are separated but I've been challenged about my thinking re: how separated?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I suspect some people think that means there is a chance of reconciliation which may make them hesitant. In my case I'm not divorced and may not ever actually do that. My ex has stated he will never start proceedings and I have no reason to, so I guess I remain permanently separated.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
13 years ago
what the fuck does it matter?*skips back off to her drawing board*
-
RHP User
13 years ago
no i dont, i have been separated for 6 years, and only just received divorce papers. Remember for the vast majority of couples the relationship has been dead for some time before separation occurs, and therefore feelings had been sorted out quite a while back. I know i was ready to move on straight away and be happy again-and i did. I didnt need to have a "mourning" period before dating again, id had that while we were together.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Definitely not an instant "no" for me, as I know a few people that are not divorced (yet), but well and truly over their exes. However, I once met someone who said he and his ex still lived together, as it was "easier". That was a no.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I'm a long time separated from my ex but we remain best friends. We travel together, go to family events together, and love each other dearly as friends. He's zero threat to any special man who might come into my life but I do wonder how many men would have the strength of character to deal with our friendship. Few I think. One did, with spectacular confidence and self-assurance. That still impresses me, just thinking about it. I agree with ding26 that often the emotion is over we'll before the separation officially starts.
-
platinumblonde69
13 years ago
I agree with the statement "How separated". I get really pissed off with married men who say on their profile "separated". When I question them about it they say that no woman will meet a married man on here. In their eyes they are separated, but they still live with their wife and family in the same house and she usually isnt aware that they are separated. When I see the word separated I see it as they no longer live together in the same house, as Im sure most people do. Plat
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I have met a lady how was still very much involved with her ex because of their children. To the point, he stayed with her while he was recuperating from a major injury. She was most definitely single in her mind though.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Funlover71' I have met a lady how was still very much involved with her ex because of their children. To the point, he stayed with her while he was recuperating from a major injury. She was most definitely single in her mind though. and logistics are two very different things. Your instincts are another thing completely when it comes to your needs.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I once sat and filled out an e-harmony application took about an hour or more it was draining and I listed myself as seperated...to which at the very end I was given a reply we're sorry but this site is for singles....it would let me log back in and change status as I was never going back.......from then after divorced or single....Seperated means you still have attachment....unfinished business ..... and possibility or reconcilliation.....why confuse others if you see yourself as a single person put that down.
-
sweetgem
13 years ago
Only because I don't know if the man would be truly separated and/or ready to move on emotionally. Not that I want anything serious with the man, but sleeping with someone whose mind state is not clear and well set is a dangerous zone for me to enter, because: 1) I don't know if I would be sleeping with someone else's husband or not and unintentionally hurt his wife. 2) I can't risk the risk of having an angry wife to come and slap me in the face on the street one day for sleeping with her husband lol. 3) I don't wanna be used to settle or satisfy one's needs while his mind is not clear. Sex would be plain and it would be all about him in such circumstances. One experience was enough! 4) There are many single men out there, why choose a complicated one to make my own life complex. Yeah you may challenge me by asking this question: "how do you know the single man who tells you that he is single truly single?". Well I don't usually jump straight into bed with a man, I prefer to meet him in an open and busy public place during the hours when an attached/married man suppose to be home with his partner/wife. If the man finds too many excuse to avoid a meet up during those hours, then it is obvious that he's hiding something :-)- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Ive done a stint on the mainstream dating sites.... and it always struck me as a little curious, that so many women list themselves as "divorced".Sure...... it happens, and I can see why they may wish to identify themselves as that.... but surely once divorced, you become...."single"... DG
-
RHP User
13 years ago
If all you do is play, what does it matter, really? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
13 years ago
or 'unrestrained' ..... lol! It's all a conundrum huh?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Ive done a stint on the mainstream dating sites.... and it always struck me as a little curious, that so many women list themselves as "divorced".Sure...... it happens, and I can see why they may wish to identify themselves as that.... but surely once divorced, you become...."single"... DG point DG, perhaps it's code for baggage ?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
DGThe common view of single is never married. It is not technically correct but that is the perception. They just want to be honest and tell people that they were married. The social stigma of being single and with children I think might make the 'nice' guys shy away on vanilla sites. 50z, I don't screen people out because they are separated. For some of them, they are really over their relationship and just waiting to finalise everything. This is where your judgement comes into play I guess. Em, I agree with you with a separated couple living together, especially if newly separated. It gets complicated and not worth the hassle.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I recently dated a life long friend who separated with her hubby because he cheated on her twice. She told me she forgave him the first time, but the second occasion was too much for her and gave him his marching orders. Waited about 8 months then rang me one night to meet for a few drinks at a local wine bar.. I obliged and arranged for a few of our other friends to be there . Turned out a great night , plenty of laughs and good energy between everyone. Just what she needed. Once the the wine kicked in and the night got late she made it fairly obvious she wanted more . I only ever knew her as a friend and never ever thought of her as a sexual partner . Glad it happened though, and we still remain friends . Nothing serious , but my point is this. Being separated shouldn't mean you should be subjected to further scrutiny when your needs are no different to everybody else.. Don't judge unless you know for sure it's a definite no no.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I think the divorced is exactly that ..single! Maybe it's to show that once they were in a committed relationship and are capable of it?! I'm "separated" from wife have been for 3 years, it was her call initially and I haven't divorced, not through a longing of reconnection but same as paintme , she got us to this, why should it be up to me to finance the way out of it... Ffs it's going to cost me enough anyway!
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I am here to find fwb's, so if someone is in an open relationship, and I do mean open (as I am) and not "cheating" then I have no issue. I used to see men who were cheating, but no longer want to be an enabler to their deceit. Also, they (the ones I have encountered) are too much of a pain in the arse to deal with, i.e. sporadic phone/email contact - can only meet during the day, no weekends away, lies and a whole complicated messy balancing that I don't need nor wish to have in my life.I can see how "single" people would want to avoid separated people, especially if they may be interested in seeking a potential partner now or down the track. It does eliminate the risk of another person interfering with the dynamic which possibly may lead to emotional distress, but gosh, life is for living and I have known many single people that have worse baggage and really don't have their shit together compared to separated people.I don't think it's worth wrapping yourself in cotton wool and having a strict set of guidelines that must be adhered to before you unwrap a little and poke your nose out. This will only prevent good stuff happening as well as "possible" bad stuff.So long as the people involved are honest, communicate openly and are self aware - then take a leap of faith.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
the same applies to Widow/er'sQuoting 'Mischeviouslad' Ive done a stint on the mainstream dating sites.... and it always struck me as a little curious, that so many women list themselves as "divorced".Sure...... it happens, and I can see why they may wish to identify themselves as that.... but surely once divorced, you become...."single"... DG
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I recently had my ex live with me for an extended period of time, I will always care for that man as he was my best friend for many years, he's a good man and he's the father of my 4 children, as such I want the best for him. He will always be a part of my life as he has relationships with my family that have always been independent of me, he has standing invitations to all our family functions and I knew that would be the case. I ended our marriage and had emotionally checked out and dealt with the baggage several years before we separated so I was ready to move on quickly. I don't call myself single because technically I'm not, honesty is important to me, I don't want to get involved with someone and down the track have the conversation that technically I'm not single.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Look, I'm not here to find a relationship, so I don't really care if there is a possibility of reconciliation between the man I'm sleeping with and his ex. Good luck to both of them if it happens. What bothered me about the situation I mentioned is that I could not be sure the guy's ex was on the same page as he was. She may have have assumed "being separated" meant something completely different, and I certainly did not want to contribute to any dishonesty or misunderstandings between them.
-
sweetgem
13 years ago
Post my official divorce, I always list my marital status as "divorced", because while I am legally, technically and literally single and on my own, I had married before. I do not want to mislead any potential future partner about it nor to give him a surprise. Mind you, some men do mind about my marital status, I don't why they care, but it does happen.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
13 years ago
or treat everyone as a person first and foremost. Chipping away at a persons already fractured lifestyle doesnt do you or them any good at all.. Yes' some may come with a few issues and all probally carry a few scars from a bad part of their life ' but why judge a person so harshly when they are probally just normal good people who fell on hard times.Seems a separated person grows a pair of horns with a flashing sign on their forehead saying " beware' Im coming to get you, so stay clear... What a load of BS .. If you are attracted in some way, treat them as you would any other person, you'll know if there's something not quite right the same as you would with a single.. Unless you're looking for a life partner... whats the problem ?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I agree, the reason I ask is because when you send a flirt, separated doesn't qualify as unattached. And fair call I suppose, what I wanted to know was how individuals saw that.Thanks for answering everybody. I will continue to ignore the warning as usual !
-
On_Safari
13 years ago
Am married and don't hide that fact. If I meet another married person seeking same and he is as honest and forthcoming as I am and the attraction is there...Yes I going to enjoy him. As Jay_Me said "If you are attracted in some way, treat them as you would any other person, you'll know if there's something not quite right the same as you would with a single.. Unless you're looking for a life partner... whats the problem ?" Honesty and respect for each other (and to a degree thier situation and absent partner) is also very important. I couldn't venture with a married man who lies about his situation or intent.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I have been separated for 6 months, As punishment for my marriage failing, do i have to serve a sentence of abstinence? I don't live with my ex but we are still good friends, As husband and wife it just didn't work... we don't have any children together but she has a 13 year old daughter that i also care about.... but i will never get back together with her... but I still pay her rent! ( technically the lease is in my name so if i don't i will cop the bad credit rating) and i wouldn't kick them out on the street either ( i know she is taking the piss a little), I'm hoping she will move on real soon... ( Any cashed up single Guys.... "she is a stunner.".... i would be more than happy to introduce you! LOL no seriously)Face shots....i have nothing to hide, so i am happy to put a full face shot! i would rather air all my dirty laundry first, and if you are still interested, awesome! then i can relax..... my situation isn't ideally where i would like it at the moment, but i am always working towards my goals!!! that's why ATM i am only looking for FWB instead of a relationship, and anyway you can't get a divorce until you are separated for a least one year (so i have been told) .... So how long do i have to wait? My looks aren't going to get any better with age, so i have to try and make hay (or roll in it ) while the sun is still shining!
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Yes.Single.... and widowed, if/when that becomes relevant enough to inform someone.I only see two options..... you're single... or you're attached... ...those attachments come in many forms.DG
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Single, Attached or It's complicated? That would probably cover everything. I'm separated, also single, also in something that others would view as complicates but which makes perfect sense to me!
-
RHP User
13 years ago
So..... how many guys in here would choose the "it's complicated" status.... do ya reckon? lol DG
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I would read "It's complicated" as "Hornets' nest". Maybe "Other"? Or would that be read as "There is one?" M**
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I've been married, separated, divorced, in long term relationship, and married again. In between there were ONS, FB, FWB and a very hot secret fling with a housemate. While not in a relationship I only ever considered myself single - I'm either committed to someone or not.I am curious - what's the difference between leaving a long term de-facto relationship and leaving a marriage? One carries the official terms separated and divorced, the other is just single.I would think there's either a clean break or not, regardless of the labels attached. It's the messy break and lingering attachment to be wary of, not the label.Mr C
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Hmmm I was in a long term relationship (4 years) until 6 months ago. We lived together and saw each other every day for 3 of them. I am firm believer that you need to start seeing other people when the relationship ends. And for me, the sooner the better. Obviously it would be stupid to look for anything other than casual - but I do think it helps. Especially in the "she isn't the only beautiful, smart, sexy girl in the world" factor.In my situation, all I needed to do was accept the past and look forward to the future. I had no hang ups, and if anything seeing other people made the break up very easy for me.As someone else said, I wouldn't be so quick to judge - but I would be cautious. If he spam messages you after saying no, then yeh he probably is a little crazy.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
This is a good quote."I have been separated for 6 months, As punishment for my marriage failing, do i have to serve a sentence of abstinence?"
-
RHP User
13 years ago
For quite a while I was on here because I was separated. Over her and effectively single. Then, when the paperwork was finalised, I changed it to divorced. Still over her and effectively single. I jst put those terms in because they seemed to relate to where I was in the process. I never gave it much thought and I certainly never agonised over "should i put single?". Now i have to go check whether it says single or divorced......either way i am still me and still feel, think and play the same.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88159
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10229
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11677
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1009 Comments: 5265
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share