M53
Can men and women truly stay as friends
April 10 2014
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have been at the receiving end of that for years, a great friend of mine has held a crush for 40 odd years. He has had two wives in that time. I adore him but I also just ignore the fact he has loved me all that time. I value his friendship a great deal, he is one of my closest male friends, and I hope we stay this way till we both end up old and off our rockers. Yes you can develop feelings for anyone over time, you just have to be able to accept what she is saying , that she is not interested in you and wants to stay friends. friendships are important, just as valuable as love or relationships,
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RHP User
12 years ago
the" but can't we be friends still",if there his too much investment from your side OP,then it might be fruitless....while there is life there is hope,is in my opinion often a crock.....if she thinks that you have a hidden agenda,she might just run....but then again,I don't know either of you....so do whatever feels right for you xx Q
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sweetgem
12 years ago
Twice in this life so far. It (the rejection pain) was one of the hardest things to overcome, at the time, when the other party said I was like a sister to them! Oh well, at least I have gained good friendships/brothers out of the incidents lol I personally haven't had a male friend whom I can just be really close friends with, without having feelings for him, or he had for me, eventually. So I do think that unless two are blood siblings, otherwise one or another would end up developing feelings for the other person. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
12 years ago
Sorry to hear what happened to you. I believe what you are feeling is quite ok, under the circumstances. Secretly, I think this happens to a lot of people who are in non-platonic friendships of the opposite sex. Bigs Bum and PFFT to those who say it does not happen. If you spend quality time with someone of the opposite sex, of course feelings and emotions are going to happen. It's only natural. I reckon if you value that person and friendship, the key secret is to control those emotions and put personal boundaries in place. It is hard and confusing sometimes, especially if their is sexual activity involvement there. Sometimes it can be a good thing and sometimes it makes it all to messy. Foxy xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
what i would like to know what was the pre context of the relationship?
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RHP User
12 years ago
When you become close friends it's like forming a relationship. The secrets and details you share brings you closer together. Usually one party fall. Sometimes both. It has happened to me before and the hardest thing is trying to keep your friendship while she is seeing other men. I feel for you. But if you value her friendship you will not push her away but keep her close. Sometimes those are the people we learn to cherish most of all and need to call on them later. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Azcronis' what i would like to know what was the pre context of the relationship? it started out as 2 friends that had recently separated from their partners but by the end of the second month turned into a sexual relationship we where together for just over 12 months things were great she was telling me how happy she was with me and glad she found me and so on I thought she was looking for more so 8 months ago I confess my feelings to her a week later she gave me the its not you its me speech and wanted to just stay friends I'm pretty much new to the hole dating thing I married the first woman I fell in love with and we where together 20 years but the last 3 of those she cheated so when it comes to relationships I don't have a clue
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RHP User
12 years ago
allsorts, you scared her dude! You should always ask....... so where do you see things going or what are you looking for, just FWB or more. Then if they say they are only interested in a casual relationship then you can make a more informed decision about whether you tell her about your feelings or not. Possibly statements like "I would like to make this exclusive" are better too. Problem is, is once you have said it you can't unsay it. I know some people are going to come screaming on here to say honesty is the best policy and you should always be upfront, but you have to pick your moment. Personally I prefer a slower approach, otherwise it is all too fast for me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
But let me get this right, you were together 12 mths before you told her? Okay that isn't moving fast. Sometimes takes people are long time before they are ready to jump back into a serious commitment, particularly after coming out of a long term relationship.
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madotara69
12 years ago
It's still a little early to see it as the be all and end all, women have so many things going on at once, it's sometimes just a matter of waiting for them to have the time to think to it all. A big NO fuck off, would be a little different. Then she means it and is not going to think for it, done and dusted. Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm the very best of friends with someone I was in a long term relationship with. We treasure each other.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' It's still a little early to see it as the be all and end all, women have so many things going on at once, it's sometimes just a matter of waiting for them to have the time to think to it all. A big NO fuck off, would be a little different. Then she means it and is not going to think for it, done and dusted. Mado Tara xx 8 months ago, ok that is time to think things over.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Can men and women truly stay as friends? - God I hope so or I'm boned!!! most of my friends are women! Yes, have been in the situation you describe... started to have feelings for a friend, she didn't reciprocate so we just stayed friends. Have also been in the opposite situation where she developed feelings for me which I didn't feel for her. Can be hard to deal with but it is possible to remain friends after the dust settles if you both have a strong enough bond. SG
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RHP User
12 years ago
because I consider the man I am seeing to be one of my closest friends and I would never want to lose that friendship. When I was younger I had more male than female friends because men tend not to bitch as much as women, none of those friendships ever developed into anything more so yes I do believe that it's possible for male/female friendships to be just that. However, I have never gone from lover to friend so whether that works remains to be seen. As Q said, you need to do whatever feels right for you, good luck.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ladder theory explains this - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
12 years ago
My best friend is a man, I love him, he loves me, it's non sexual and never has been, he's always there if I need him, it's a beautiful relationship and we are lucky to have each other.......💋 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Friends forever is certainly possible between a man and a woman. One of my closest friends was one of the boys when we where teenagers, and now I see her more often than any of the boys, nothing sexual, never has been and never will be, just a mutual fondness, respect and reminder for each other of those carefree times.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
Allsorts72 - of course men and women can be friends even when one doesnt have the feelings as much as the other... Dont throw your relationship away with this girl because her feelings are not mutual, as you may miss out on a beautiful thing. One of my best friends is male and we think the world of each other.... We try and chat once a week if we can, sometimes it may go a few weeks, but we are always there for each other even though we live a good 3hours from each other... When you can find a true friend - someone who will never give up on you and fight for the friendship to last - they are keepers... And we all need someone to chat too.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can be friends but its hard to just stop caring about some one just like that
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think it all depends on the attraction of sorts... I'm really good friends with a yummy mummy around the corner ;) she simply gets me and we chat about anything :) our kids all play together :) if I went there I feel it wld change everything and we wld loose that bond of true friendship... I once did sleep with a good friend and sadly we no longer talk :( it lasted 3 years after we fuked but to be honest I'd rather have her back as that friend long before the lover...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Warning69' I think it all depends on the attraction of sorts... I'm really good friends with a yummy mummy around the corner ;) she simply gets me and we chat about anything :) our kids all play together :) if I went there I feel it wld change everything and we wld loose that bond of true friendship... I once did sleep with a good friend and sadly we no longer talk :( it lasted 3 years after we fuked but to be honest I'd rather have her back as that friend long before the lover... I feel the same way about the woman I was with nowI'm giving her some space but I think we are going to drift apart we have not spoken in 2 months
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MissBishere
12 years ago
Is a guy and is 28 and yes he is straight. I believe men and woman can be friends. We talk about everything and anything. He knows everything about me and is the only person to know all of me. I don't think it has anything to do with the sex of a person. It's about the connection. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love him to death but would never have sex with him. We've been buddies for over 25 years now. For a long time he took the place of my closest girlfriend after she did the dirty on me. He is cool with that.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
One of my favourite movies of all time is "when harry met sally" - and the quote which harry says in the movie... "no man can ever be friends with a woman he finds attractive, because he always wants to have sex with her".. I agree with this to an extent... To be great great friends with someone - to me its about the connection, and the sex is just something that may or may not happen... But in a great friendship - sex is nothing like all the other fun things that you can do, the memories of fun times - puts a smile on my face everytime...
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you care about her then talk to her.....contact her.....but she may be worried about your attachment to her.....if so ,then you have to just let go.......sometimes sex gets in the way of friendship ,sometimes friendship gets in the way of sex.....but if you are looking for a long term relationship isn't the ideal to be friends with someone first? xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta2' If you care about her then talk to her.....contact her.....but she may be worried about your attachment to her.....if so ,then you have to just let go.......sometimes sex gets in the way of friendship ,sometimes friendship gets in the way of sex.....but if you are looking for a long term relationship isn't the ideal to be friends with someone first? xx Q I tried talking to her she asked for space its been 2 months now with out a word so I was thinking it is time to let go and get on with it the time with her was a blast though something I hope I never forget
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RHP User
12 years ago
I applause you..it sounds like a wise decision.....lots of hugs xx Q
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