M64

Can we just get the shagging out of the way?

September 04 2009

Seems to me that lots of people try to find someone with a personality and a demeanre that attracts them sufficient to eventually meet and then shag. Well, I could easily be wrong but this may be the reason men are from mars and women are from Venus... Am I wrong to assume that mostly women have this desire for a meeting of the minds before they feel comfortable enough to cut loose in front of a warm fire on their new lambswool rug? I want to challenge this common strategy for getting to know someone better before shagging but first let me explain how these thoughts came about. For some time now, I've been indulging in anonymous intercourse. Sometimes very anonymous, i.e. in the dark quarters of some club somewhere (and my eyesight isn't good)... and Ive indulged sometimes not quite anonymous intercourse ... meaning that I might not know there names... but at least I've seen their faces. Now, it was during one of these anonymous interludes that some kind of magic happened. Sparks flew and intimacy prevailed. I don't just mean fucking... I mean the kind of intimacy that you dont expect from an anonymous root, i.e. loving kisses, prolonged cuddling, pleasant nice naked fondling and "getting to know you" style love talk and wild glorious mind numbing fucking. The first time this happened I thought it was just a flukey chance that someone with so much in common with me would be standing there naked in the dark waiting for me to come along and nip them. Well, that person and I met one night and we have been very good friends now for over 12 months. We meet every other day for our friendship and even though we no longer have sex together we still party hard side by side. Our relationship has developed and there's a kind of love that exists between us. More recently the same kind of thing happened. And even more recently, it happened again with someone else. I should say that there are around 5 souls Ive met this year with whom I am intimately and spiritually connected. So highly connected that it is really more people who are so connected with me than I've met in my lifetime! Get the picture? Ok I'm still having sex with those last two but the point is that we shagged first and then got to know each other... and I think, had we never shagged, we would never have been friends. My thesis today is that shagging breaks down the social barriers we place around ourselves. We are all creatures influenced by our culturally specific and environmental experiences. I think that often our choice of friends are reflective of our maintream social groups and our work environments. Our choices are influenced or even limited by our levels of education and our vocations. However, does shagging someone removes all of these obstacles? I think that shagging someone before you know anything about them unmasks a lot of the garbage that separates us from one another. You meet the nicest people while out shagging... lolz! So why do all the screening first? Why not just get out there amongst it and do some shagging! The boyz have got it right I reckon! Hugs Gazza

Comments

RHP User

16 years ago

Here's the thing.... in the real world when you are out and have anonymous or semi-anonymous sex, you have that raw desire as a connection (or it could be the pheromones *hehe*). It has got to be one of my ultimate fantasies and I wish it were that easy! I can only imagine that that it would be hot and uninhibited! When you're in cyber space, it just isn't that simple no matter how much I wish it were. For me to meet someone I have 'met' on here, I need to feel sure that the other person typing is who they say they are and I am going to be safe and in control of the situation and the best way to do that is to actually get to know them a bit first. Whether we like to admit it or not and no matter how many times we say 'no pressure', deep down there are always going to be expectations of either attraction or physical interaction when meeting someone from a 'sex site', so I think it's important to establish a connection/understanding/personality attraction prior to meeting. Hope that makes sense....

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

Once again gaz you have filled this space with your unique brand of explicit wisdom, And I for one am in total agreeance. imagine how much happier and honest we'd all be, when all of a sudden we have no where to hide, no walls to climb and no masks to wear, well maybe some masks are ok tehe. My point I guess is that intamicy and sexuality perhaps allows us to just drop the guard, and then a more true meeting of the minds may take place. Surely most of us at some stage has laid in bed with with a virtual unknown smoking a cigarette and rambling things that they would never have dreamed speaking just a few hours before. A girl i was once with nearly gave me her complete medical history, ranging from family mental illness to her menstural cycle after we had sex, TOO MUCH INFO.....really, but, I did still feel kinda privelaged that she was comfortable enough share these things with me. note; period talk is not pillow talk.The world would be a much saner place, and not just for the sex starved fellas. However Sonsie has a good point Its just not that simple, Keep spreading the word gazza riteguy xox

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

I think it is a female thing; the getting to know someone first before hopping into bed. This is a gross generalisation, but women want and need to be comfortable with their potential partner first. Secondly, they also need to feel comfortable with themselves in the company of the potential partner; comfortable in the sense that they feel free enough to be as uninhibited and expressive as they like, and I guess women (maybe sublimally) look for that "OK" before jumping in. Does that make sense? My thesis today is that shagging breaks down the social barriers we place around ourselves. We are all creatures influenced by our culturally specific and environmental experiences. I think that often our choice of friends are reflective of our maintream social groups and our work environments. Our choices are influenced or even limited by our levels of education and our vocations. However, does shagging someone removes all of these obstacles? Possibly, as has happened in your case, however, generally no, I don't think shagging removes these obstacles. At the end of the encounter, one's normal influences and prejudices etc will come back in to play again. Having sex puts both parties "on a level playing field" so to speak, but only for such a short time.

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

I think it is a female thing; the getting to know someone first before hopping into bed. This is a gross generalisation, but women want and need to be comfortable with their potential partner first. Secondly, they also need to feel comfortable with themselves in the company of the potential partner; comfortable in the sense that they feel free enough to be as uninhibited and expressive as they like, and I guess women (maybe sublimally) look for that "OK" before jumping in. Does that make sense? My thesis today is that shagging breaks down the social barriers we place around ourselves. We are all creatures influenced by our culturally specific and environmental experiences. I think that often our choice of friends are reflective of our maintream social groups and our work environments. Our choices are influenced or even limited by our levels of education and our vocations. However, does shagging someone removes all of these obstacles? Possibly, as has happened in your case, however, generally no, I don't think shagging removes these obstacles. Having sex puts both parties "on a level playing field" so to speak, but only for such a short time. At the end of the encounter, one's normal influences and prejudices etc will come back in to play again. I am generalising of course.

reply

like
tamworthguy46

16 years ago

Hi gaz....what a touching and interesting story.....Firstly I know the sort of sexual connections your talking about,that turn into a strong mental, and sort of a soul mate experince.....in fact I crave and lust after them....they are the best....I allways say of late....most people say we have one soul - sexual mate.....I say we have many......I say soul, slash sexual because the sex is so important for a bond between 2 people. I have never had sex with another guy and conider myself straight....well maybee a bit curious lol....so i don't have any experiences to draw from in the guy area !......but i am happy that you have found it.....It could quite verry well be more common in a guy guy thing......i think that is one of the main differences between men and woman....that women hold on to emotion much longer than guys, and therfore look for that first, before a sexual contact is made..... I have also had it go the other way, where i have had a strong " not cyber " friendship with a woman, like best friends, had sex, and found there was sparks in that area, and it all falls in a heap....and you loose your friendship ! which is a much greater loss..... In my summary Yeah why not fuck first and see if rest falls into place ?

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

Interesting story you tell and can sympathise fully. Having anonymous sex avoids many complications, as long as precautions are taken. Don't want a bump on the head while its happening or unwanted medical problems. Probably why masturbation is the safest sex, unless you wear it out in the process. Often having sex with someone changes the dynamics of a friendship. Then there's the notion that males and females can't be friends when sex is involved. It's also difficult to remain friends with a woman when she marries, unless you are also a friend of the husband. Recently been catching up with a lot of people, including ladies who I've partied with years before. None of them were shagging partners, just part of a large group who mingled socially. Many were exceedingly attractive at the time, but have since married, some divorced and some widowed. The joy of reminiscing with people ones had much in common with is a joy. Obviously wonder - what if this and that had happened instead. But seeing as so many encountered much in the way of marital trials and tribulations, it's so refreshing to reignite old connections without being burdened by their past baggage. I guess its a bit like friends with benefits, but without the sex and obligations.

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

Personally for me, safety is a huge concern. I absolutely need to know I'm going to be safe with the person I meet from online, and I'll only feel a sense of security from that by taking the time and talking to the person before meeting them. If I find out along the course that we're also compatible, it's full steam ahead. I don't want to again go through a run in I had 12 years ago when I wasn't cautious at all. I wont go through the details, but it got very ugly, and if it wasn't for a good samaritan coming in to rescue me, I would have received more than just a really bad scare. Basically, I was a typical naive(stupid!), lonely country girl who had just moved into the city assuming everyone is what they say they are. I also had a coworker tell me of her experiences of online sites, who again didn't do the screening so thoroughly, met a guy once, it didn't work out, he followed her home and threw a brick into her window which happened to be the window to her kids room. She called the police, but they couldn't do much about it since she didn't know a lot about him other than what he looked like. Twelve years on, I'd like to think I'm a bit more streetwise, one has to be considering where I live and work, I don't invite trouble where necessary. I admit, I do feel vulnerable, especially because of my gender, my size, my living situation, but I don't let that rule me, just exercise a healthy sense of caution when meeting people from online.

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

I once read a psychology book somewhere that says women tend to think abstractly and men tend to think concretely. This means that women tend to take lots of little things and put em together to find an answer and men tend to think of things and break them down into parts to find an answer.Consequently guys get turned on by boobs, asses and just general body parts. Women get turned on by the whole package....cause a hard dick is only a small part of the puzzle they need more...I'd imagine that might explain why some women rather get to know a person...whereas guys will just fuck anything that moves.....Something like that anyway...I subscribe to the theory...Another theory is that the women is in charge of choosing the partner. It is a womans job to select the alpha male. A male will try and dick any women that accepts...they have to spread their seed far and wide. Look at monkeys for an example. Part of a female accepting an alpha male is figuring out that they are one first...ie getting to know them....I dont really know what im talking about so take it with a grain of salt :)

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

I'm not exactly a prude (or I guess I wouldn't have an account here!), but that approach isn't for me, and I'm a guy. I like to be choosy about my sex partners, and part of that choosiness is making sure I'll enjoy talking to the girl. I don't have a problem with what you're saying, just wanted to say that there are guys who like to get to know a girl first too.

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

It is not a gender thing, it is a safety issue. Women are more vulnerable than men, it's a fact and it is something that we know and live with everyday. It is something that does affect the way women interact with men so woman are always going to act differently to men. Do you think that what your describing above isn't one of women's hottest fantasies? But you'd have to be crazy as a woman to put that into practice, unfortunately, until we live in a world where there is no rape, no violence, no murder. Sorry for the downer :-)

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

this is actually why I like swingers clubs on couples nights so much... you can totally fulfill the "shag first, get to know you later" thing in relative safety :-)

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

I totally agree on the safety issue, ladies. I only play in a safe environment.... Or rather, where I feel safe. It's a hang up of mine. If I don't feel safe my dick don't work. But set those fears aside. That's why I like sex clubs where no means no. Where I am sufficiently empowered to walk away without excuses or explanation... run away if I want to... lol... I mean what do I care? It's anonymous and if I hurt someones feelings because I don't want to persue a sexual encounter any further then them is the breaks! It's incredibly delightful to be able to think to yourself "next".... Lol.. Sometimes I say that out aloud! Hugs Gaz

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

... well.. when I say safe.... I do play in the gym showers quite frequently.... and I know that's a bit naughty.. but there's something really thrilling about sexing it up in the showers buck naked, and exhausted from training... lathered from head to tows in shampoo and soap... with the thought of some testosterone charged aggressive 120kg man mountain thundering into the shower room wrippling, oilly and naked .... errr... catching me fiddling under the shower cubicle screen with the guy in the adjoining. Now... that's more than just a little exhilerating! hehe. Hugs Gazza

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

So what happens when you meet a girl and you get on famously talkingwise but the sex is crap, on her part. What difference did the getting to know you part make?? If a good sexual experience is the object of the exercise, then i really cant see the point in making sure you have the same views on life or whatever. And it is the female here. As mentioned already from a safety issue point of view, clubs are great and i really hate getting to know someone first. I just cant do it then. Anonymous all the way then just walk out at the end of the night. On the other hand i guess if you are looking for more than just sex and want an ongoing friendship etc, then clearly it helps if you can get on socially as well. But i agree very much with Gaz and what he is saying.

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

i have a great sex life with my partner , i also like variety meeting new people having great sex and if all goes well meeting up again..........healthy disease free sex what i love all feeling great and exploring each others bodies i love it

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

we've only considered playing with others in the last 3-4 yrs and it would be safe to say the meet we compare the rest to was our first with a guy we found thru the local paper, lolol. He sounded fine on the voice message and we talked on the phone before actually meeting that weekend. But that was all the time we put into getting to know him, there were no pics exchanged. It turned out he was 'attached' tho, something he told us himself the second time we turned up to meet him, with high expectations lol! We'd already encountered the complications of getting involved in others relationships, with a couple who used to be friends of ours, when we first thought to start exploring and had decided that attached were out of bounds for us. Something we have reiterated since then :-D So, we moved on and joined RHP not too long after that and met up quite quickly with another guy. A nice man, but a sexual experience nowhere near as hot, that left me feeling sick in the stomach and negative about the idea of play at all, despite the excitement. After that, we decided to take more time getting to know our potential play pals and make the most of the anticipation. Still, our best play meets on RHP took place with those we (I in one case) were very sure of from the beginning. We still ended up getting to 'know' each other online for several months while we waited for the planets to align tho lolol. We have talked about going to a club and experiencing the anonymous connection there... much more my thing than MrP's tho... and we have learned from experience that it's no good pushing things if we're not both confident. Hahaha, we'll let you know if we ever make up our minds to go. Hugs Mrs P

reply

like

Can we just get the shagging out of the way?

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help