M60
Can't understand women ?
September 23 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
depends on whether it was a decision you both made or just one of you...and yes I have done that,had a friend who became a lover and then we went back to just being friends,for years actually.But it is tricky if you still want more and they don't,best to not see them again,less hurtful that way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
You can't understand women? Well lesson number one: we are all different. So some can just be friends and some can't.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It can happen! I've done it. :) As long as there is time for each other with open and honest communication. Both parties have to work together and compromise. It's hard work, but outcome is to be happy no matter what. Happy if that other person meets someone else. That will happen. Everyone has fears, they need to be talked about openly. Hope this makes sense Wingman. It can turn into a beautiful relationship if both want the same thing. FOXY- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' You can't understand women? Well lesson number one: we are all different. So some can just be friends and some can't. If the sex kept you together it may be the reason the friendship will fade.....how was the friendship defined......and for gods sake communicate.I say too much I say too little well a least I have something to say!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Depends on each persons strength of character and your compatibility out of the bedroom.I believe it can (have witnessed second hand), just as you can be friends with a drive-by (NSA) or you can still be friends with an ex wife/husband... it all depends on how strong you both are and if there is some commonality between you other than the time in bed together.As for understanding women, don't even try, just love them and do your best not to piss them off (though makeup sex can be fun so I've heard).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yup....I agree - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
As long as there was closure for both involved especially if you ended it out of the blue And don't dangle the promise of being together again and then snatch it away that just causes frustration resentment and pain- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I gave up on trying to understand women, and have had more luck in trying to understand a woman.
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RHP User
12 years ago
when I stop fucking someone thats it. It means I don't want to fuck them anymoreI have enough friends
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RHP User
12 years ago
It totally depends on the depth of feelings. If you are friends before it can be very hard as there are already feelings - albeit as friends. With sex comes intimacy and if there were no feelings to begin with then you are ok. As you were friends first you may have a rocky time with it and you may need to give each other time apart first with no contact until things even out. I have experienced this and a time out for both parties was needed because we couldn't be alone without the passion and feelings coming to the fore. Good luck!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Only as long as there were no emotions involved. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have two such men in my life . We stopped being FWBs around 18 months ago when I entered a monogamous relationship and got engaged. They kept in touch, maintaining the friendship. Now my relationship is over, it has not yet become sexual with either of them. It could and may do so in the future and I will always care for these two men who stood by me during the hard dark days of my painful breakup. Not a week went by without their texts or inboxes.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm doing it now, we both get a little flirty from time to time but it seems to be working okay.Honesty is the trick, with yourself foremost, and if you can't do it don't torture yourself or them and just say so and move on.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've had two FWB and have gone back and forwards with both on occasion. Usually because I've found someone I want to date exclusively. Clear and consistent honesty is the key... Mind you I am the female so it may be that guys find it easier to switch? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
If I combined Foxxy's post with Jay Jay's that would pretty much sum up my opinion. I have had it work out fantastically and I have had it end very very badly. Mostly the badly was because of different expectations not properly expressed either by me or the other. To throw a little Meeka into the mix, it very much depends on what kind of a person they are and what kind of a person you are. If either of you can't get to that point where you can be happy for the other one when they meet someone else as Foxxy said, the it's doomed. But when it works, it really works.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I'm in agreeance with superfox. If you have sex with a good friend n then decide that you only want to be friends - be honest n communicate the reasons.... If a friendship means a lot to someone then sex or no sex it will still flourish... There may be jealousy towards each other when sex with another person comes into place - but talk about it, laugh, cry, but if it's a great friendship don't let it end xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
As everyone has said, too many varying factors. But ultimately communication is the key. As long as it's a mutual decision, nobody feels jilted and you can still both communicate about everything, it's more than achievable. I've proved it often. I think it really boils down to the spiritual tie and the emotional depth of the relationship. I am still really close to all but one of my long term lovers. (Probably the messiest and most passionate of all of my experiences) And Meeka couldn't be more right, some women will never be able to be friends with ex lovers, and will never allow friendships of yours with ex lovers. I'm unsure if it's protective or insecure? Or a bit of both. I've been lucky my exes/FWB's have chosen new lovers who aren't intimidated and we all get on like a house on fire. Because the truth is laid out on the table. Beautiful when it works. Really beautiful. Awwww now I'm feeling blessed with how lucky I am.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Depends on the persons some yes some no.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My best friend was a previous lover. We had known each other for several years before we had a bit of a fling - but it didn't last long and we went back to just friends. We go out to dinner and speak several times a week - he has a wonderful new relationship and I am on here! He's the person I go to for everything but just as a friend! It depends on the people of course but it has worked for us!- Posted from rhpmobile
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Wedgey
12 years ago
I think that once the "with benefits" part kicks in it is usually difficult to go back. Trying to maintain a friendship is tricky as backsliding (getting benefits) is always seen as a potential and that can lead to confusion. If clear expectations (boundaries?) are communicated and adheared to it can work, provided both parties honestly agree. The easy option is to cut clean. Maintaining friendships in this situation requires effort. Doesn't mean you have to take the easy option though....
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RHP User
12 years ago
Personal experience...... clise the book, move on. Historical emotive issues will often linger over the friendship and it's easy to "fall back" into pattern which raises those emotive feckles again. But not always. Only you know the history and friendship level between you. And this topic proves what I've been saying about (repeat) NSA arrangements. String theory..... It's real. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
FWB comes with strings... You are friends after all. Don't think anyone disputes that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka.... as Ive said in another (or other) topics......Regardless of how people label it.... FWB, FB, casual sex..........ANY form of sexual connection where you seek to repeat it more than the one-off..... is a string of sorts.Because you want to repeat it... and tie your thoughts to that person.DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you can have a fuck buddy without any strings... But only because you don't actually get to know them at all, they are just a booty call. I can do that with a man and not care for them at all, well I care the same way I would about any stranger. Not sure what that says about me. Lol. Thinking "gee I want a bonk lets call Mr X and see if he is free", is not tying my thoughts to him or a string. He is a convenience the same way I would be for him.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' I think you can have a fuck buddy without any strings Then the buddy part..... doesnt exist... and theyre just a fuck...... But if you want to keep fucking them... you still have that desire for THEM.... And you DO get to know them... on a sexual level if no other.= string.So if our thoughts of what constitutes a string are different.... Im cool with that. DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Okay. To me that definitely isn't a string. It doesn't bind me in anyway... Too many strings so little time DG!!! LOL.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Stop thinking about me tying you up.Sheeeeeeeesh....lol
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On_Safari
12 years ago
(Mot sure if I'm going to go full tilt here or not). I have 3 men in my life that I enjoyed in my 20's. they were friends before becoming FWB's and we also worked together at various times. One gave me my job but it was 2yrs later that anything even remotely sexual happened. The "stringy relationships" continued for years anywhere from 3-5yrs each, 2 I was seeing simultaneously, one knew about the other, the other was not as informed. Not then. Of the 3, 2 were at my wedding. Those 2 are still friends, dear, cherished, adored and valued and I can pick up the phone and call whenever I want and it's like no time has passed and I still get "I love you -insert full 1st and middle name -" as we say goodbye. They are two of only a handful with the priviledge to call me by given names so yes Wings you are "special". Not even HE knows my full name..., One was a rough patch for a while, I was in love with him, I was merely convenient and a pleasant sideline. I ended up taking a leave of absence from work for 12mths to "sort my head out" as he put it when he talked me out of resigning. (sigh) I remember my first day back and the elevator doors opening and there HE was, when he saw me it was nearly like someone punched him in the guts and he visibly looked winded and leaned back against the elevator wall like he'd fall without it. I could hear both our heartbeats thumping out of our chests for the next 2 floors.....and feel his very presence seeping into my body. We never picked up where we left off.....and that is just as well. It's been 15yrs and he is now more distant memory than anything. I don't think as you get older these situations become easier, especially if the man-woman is married. Ultimately they will have thier families, spouses, life, career/job to help them ease back to the routine that was before you. You on the otherhand have work, kids maybe and trying to reconcile yourself to the fact that you "must set it aside for your own wellbeing" and move on as they are/will/have. If that person valued your presence in thier life then I believe it's only fair in the days/hours that remain to you noth that you homoyr each other for what has been given and received during that time (especially if it has been over an extended period of months/years. I may have an sntiquated backward way of thinking but I don't believe saying goodbye to someone I have given myself to 110% and then some has to be ...... cold and clerical or abrupt Wings. My biggest flaw is that I don't fuck, I make love (even if it is porno style), if I give of myself to you then I give of my heart, my soul and ultimately a piece of me that I'll never get back......I may not have been anything more than a charming companion, a convenient and sexual distraction but think I deserve to be able to say "goodbye" in a manner of my choosing. That isn't to say it'll be all snot and tears Wings.....remeber my "exit with grace". A love offered to stay in touch when he leaves me soon, I said I wanted a clean break. When he is gone he is gone. Knowing him as I do I know once out of sight I will be out of mind. (Deeper sigh) he has been a source of distraction from everything else in my life too this past year. He will be missed and I will no doubt cry (but never so he would see it) and given time I'll move on too. Thing is Wings, I think he'll let me have my "beautiful goodbye" whether the honour and feeling I have for him is reciprocated/acknowledged or not......but it is a closure my friend. My 2 ex-FWB's will be there if I share this recent lover with them and they will comfort me, il mio piccolo Italia who only had me briefly will comfort me and you lot always do. Can a FWB be MORE THAN JUST A FUCKBUDDY? Oh Wings, of course they can be your friend, yes it depends on the individual and how many froot loops short of a box they might be BUT, if the respect and ability to communication exists between you both outside of sex and the bedroom then YES an ongoing and rewarding friendship is possible. It may not always be straight away as some distance may be enforced but given time when the rawness of the parting has gone, a "real" friendship might develop. Give that part of your encounter with each other an honorable burial though and walk away with no regrets or hurt. Who knows, one day you might both be giggling over a cask of your tacky wine 😘 and reminiscing over how hot you used to be for each other and thankful for those moments. Or NOT. Just end it with good grace my darling friend, you both deserve it.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
If only I could fuck ..... I think you have a valuable tool there Lady, one that will see your heart safe and unhurt for the most part, but what of allowing yourself to "love someone" Meeks? Even if it does hurt? Because you have said "love" is something you are open to. DG's heart strings, gotta love 'em!! Indagine, just another lump of coal that has the potential to become a 💎Diamond under enough pressure..... loves ya's.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I do love someone 💓 Fuck buddies - who are just a fuck - are not that satisfying. FWB are wonderful and come with caring for the the person. And lovers you love. 😛
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On_Safari
12 years ago
💋
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On_Safari
12 years ago
"The easy option is to cut clean. Maintaining friendships in this situation requires effort. Doesn't mean you have to take the easy option though...." Can I just say I love how you generalise BUT if you were ever in that situation yourself Mr Wedgey, knowing full well as you have stated that friendships in this situation require effort; are you really prepared to make that effort or put yourself there.....say.....more than once a year? Because even Julia Roberts' character in Pretty Woman got offered a great condo which......given my life atm......would beat the shit out of a random shag once a year "for ole time's sake"!! 😎 My concern would be allowing myself to wait for THAT CALL and having it NEVER MATERIALISE. Since I'm completely impractical.....btw that's a smoking picture of your body in repose on your bed mate, nearly as sexy as the one with your riding crop, which still gets me all hot and flustered......2 thumbs up 👍👍 ~ On Safari
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wingman2014
12 years ago
How dare you knock my taste in wine? I'll have you know that wine is cheaper by the cask and if you inflate the empty goon bag it makes a great pillow to help sleep it off . I hear what you're saying- Posted from rhpmobile
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Plain280
12 years ago
We change as life revolves around us, if it was lust at first sight in my experience, trying to remain friends is near impossible as the temptation to recreate an escapade becomes paramount on sighting the person involved, and much to my amazement the feeling is nearly always mutual. This can become disruptive to your current long term relations etc.so the longing becomes your pre occupation. If you have met over coffee, had a few chats the chemistry was right and yes you indulged with each other and circumstances made the meets difficult and you drifted apart and kept in touch and understood the reasons why. There is no reason why the friendship cannot be enduring, in my small circle of friends the oldest still going are two ladies that are happily married and have lives that are very different from mine yet we talk fearlessly about anything and everything about our lives and it is so refreshing. Is possible, use that spongy thing between the ears to make it work.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
I love that I have a few of my darlings still with me all these years later. I'm sure you do too.
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