M46
Changing teams mid game
June 03 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Are you saying that you are now sexually attracted to women? Are you still attracted to men? Are you bi? Before you even think about starting a family with male/female/both partner, get this sorted first me thinks.
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RHP User
13 years ago
This could end very badly for you and others who become involved. Maybe seek counselling and make sure this is truly what you want. It is one thing to want to settle down and have kids, but totally another to be sexually attracted to a woman.
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RHP User
13 years ago
He's already left the building
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RHP User
13 years ago
Going to be some interesting times ahead for him. I wish him all the best.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I wonder.....do people really understand how tough it is for guys who do all the 'hetero' role play things..ie the dating, courting, marriage, having a family.......and then decide at age 30 or 40 or 50...that they are 'gay'? we all make choices when we are young.....and adopt one thing, or another as our own 'personal' ........normal.......... whats so wrong with this guy coming to a point of his life where he feels the choices he's made, need a reappraisal? ffs he was obviously looking for something.......understanding perhaps? ....he said...."Confused out if mind and interested in any helpful comments..." and what did he get? not much. I hope he finds what he's seeking, and yea....it wont be easy....life changing decisions often aren't........
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RHP User
13 years ago
Had something to say, oh well
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RHP User
13 years ago
We've all heard stories of hetro men who've had a family and later in life changing teams for whatever reason. I guess this is the same thing but the other direction. But I am not experienced in this at all and known to be quite daft. Yes, I hope he works it all out.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' I wonder.....do people really understand how tough it is for guys who do all the 'hetero' role play things..ie the dating, courting, marriage, having a family.......and then decide at age 30 or 40 or 50...that they are 'gay'? we all make choices when we are young.....and adopt one thing, or another as our own 'personal' ........normal.......... whats so wrong with this guy coming to a point of his life where he feels the choices he's made, need a reappraisal? ffs he was obviously looking for something.......understanding perhaps? ....he said...."Confused out if mind and interested in any helpful comments..." and what did he get? not much. I hope he finds what he's seeking, and yea....it wont be easy....life changing decisions often aren't........ Perhaps people here simply lacked the experience and perspective to offer anything (more substantial than what they did) the thing about how "tough" it is for "guys" is.... well it's tough not just for guys, (be they hetero or gay) it's "tough" for women as well. I wonder if those guys who "decide" to be what they think people expect of them, or who "decide" to take the path that they feel will be easier for THEM to deal with, consider the repercussions THEIR decisions will have on others? Those guys who deny their homosexuality and marry and father children, only to leave that woman high and dry (and without good options for her own future) when they can no longer deny themselves? Fact of the matter is that life is tough, people are judgmental and self centred and sometimes some of us must pay a price for the actions of others. the above posters IMO have cut directly to the core of the issue here, is he (all of a sudden) sexually attracted to females? or is he being a selfish arse, and putting his own selfish desires to be a father in front of what is ethical? Either way I agree, he needs to seek counselling and fully examine himself and his motives.
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RHP User
13 years ago
That post stinks!! None of us are qualified psychologists, well not that I know of anyway, I think it would have been more wrong of us all to put our two cents worth in and given him some gung ho advice, those who offered any advice were wise to point him in the right direction, poor guy does have some tough decisions ahead of him. Capricorn, if you do come back under another guise, none of that was put across in negativity, it was purely meant to say 'hey dude, that's some heavy shit, think carefully before your decisions impact upon others lives (including any future children) and perhaps seek help if you can't nut it out alone'. Kudos to you for putting it out there.
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RHP User
13 years ago
How so? He bailed before there were any real responses.,,..,which is a shame....I was immediately interested in what people would say, mainly because I spent pretty much my entire first marriage wrestling with my own sexuality. Its a difficult point to be at, and one that I truly sympathize with.... He needs friends not shrinks or counselors.- Posted from rhpmobile
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luvsilver
13 years ago
with what Mike said. After all Hellenheels, Capricorn did post here seeking any helpful comments from forum contributors.He was not seeking free professional advise. Mr Luvsilver
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RHP User
13 years ago
Instead of carrying on like pork chops how about providing some advice then. Anyone have any in case he comes back for a look? Hi Capricorn, I do know of women that have been married, then after the divorce have only ever dated or become involved with other women. I have a good friend that was with a mate of mine for 15 years, they were talking marriage and kids but she has now lived the life of a lesbian for almost 10 years now. And she is very very happy. The women she is with now adores men and never even considered being with a woman before she met my friend. So it does happen. For sure. I don't know if I can offer any useful advice. I am sure people may be shocked at first but your true friends and family will support you either way. Maybe discussing it with a professional who is experienced in this area may help. Or maybe there are groups or supposed groups on the net where people might discuss their issues around this? I don't really know. But I do know that you certainly aren't the first to go through this. So there must be information out there. It's okay to be confused but I am sure you will figure it out slowly. And please come back if you like. xxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
A shrink or a counselor isnt going to give him an insight into what life as a straight guy would be like......an understanding woman might be able to tho... I identify as bisexual myself, and if my own wife wasn't who she is....,.my experience would be very different indeed....- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Supposed group should read as support groups.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Hellenheels' Capricorn, if you do come back under another guise, none of that was put across in negativity, it was purely meant to say 'hey dude, that's some heavy shit, think carefully before your decisions impact upon others lives (including any future children) and perhaps seek help if you can't nut it out alone'. Kudos to you for putting it out there.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Devious' Quoting 'Hellenheels' Capricorn, if you do come back under another guise, none of that was put across in negativity, it was purely meant to say 'hey dude, that's some heavy shit, think carefully before your decisions impact upon others lives (including any future children) and perhaps seek help if you can't nut it out alone'. Kudos to you for putting it out there. That is exactly the spirit in which I posted also. Mike, I believe my questions were helpful. If they scared him away then maybe he wasn't ready to hear them. I'm sure that he will face them at some point as many of us have. Such a major life change needs some adjustment before starting a family, yes? Or should he just go for it and let hindsight be 20/20?
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was in my early twenties I had a gay friend who seemed to be very fixed in the expression of his sexuality....he was the last person who I thought would ever adopt a straight lifestyle...but he did....he is happily married with a wife and now of course ,grown up children. I don't believe that sexuality is fixed but part of a continuum....why are we surprised when a gay man says he is questioning his sexuality and lifestyle choices but far more accepting of straight men who go through the same process.? However, I also have a close family member who had a love affair with a gay man when they were in their early twenties.He realized that he had made a huge mistake and she was devastated by his rejection. There are no pat or easy answers here OP but follow your heart,do whatever it is that you want to do,live your life accordingly and good luck. I liked your posts btw Mike.
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RHP User
13 years ago
But I fail to see where in my post I have said anything at all about Capricorns life appraisal being 'so wrong', it was neither conveyed or even entered my mind when posting, my thoughts when posting were 'this is really difficult and not to be taken lightly at all, and the guy has a lot of thinking to do if he is not to be unhappy in future years and also to not cause the unhappiness of other people in the process.' Also if you find a counsellor/psychologist who is good and specialises in sexuality they are not there to 'give you insight into what life as a straight guy is all about', after all everyones lives are different, but to work through your problems, asking you questions you may not have asked yourself to get to the core of the problem and figure out if there is an underlying reason as to your change of heart. Finally to answer one of Capricorns questions, the only one I can actually answer with unswerving honesty and insight, Yes if I was attracted to, and enjoyed being with a once gay man who had decided to date women I would go out with him, but If things started to become serious and marriage and babies were spoken of, I would have to be very sure from our relationship at that point to know that this was a decision based on his love for me, his sexual attraction to me, and not a means to have a family and be 'normal' in society's eyes, If there were any doubts in my mind I would probably suggest we find a good counsellor and as Meeka suggested, a support group so we can gain the perspective of others who have experienced the same situation. I wouldn't want to be left 'holding the baby' on my own if it turns out it has all been a huge mistake, or stuck in a sexless marriage for the sake of the kids. Yes, there are plenty of single mums out there, but nobody walks into marriage and babies thinking that it's going to go belly up...
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