M43
Cheating Wife!!!! Girls comments???
September 30 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
I understand the feeling of betrayal of trust that comes from finding out your partner is cheating. It's difficult and painful. But my own personal opinion on cheating is that it's not as evil or wrong as it's made out to be in our culture. Both women and men cheat. Cheating does not mean your wife doesn't love you, or that it is a character flaw or that she never cared about you. There are a lot of reasons for adultery and it takes a hell of a lot of diligence to stay monogamous. Obtaining accurate data about human infidelity is difficult because people lie about it but some studies indicate it is quite common, with 50% of men confessing to at least one affair and 30% to 50% of women admitting to cheating. It's a lot more common than most people are willing to admit to. I would not throw away a marriage for a one night stand, or even if the one night stand happened again over the course of a long relationship. If you can forgive her, then I say STAY. If you can't forgive her, then you are going to make the both of you miserable and then, yes, better for both of you to move on.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Mate, get over it. Wife #1 did it to me. it took me a few years to grow up and accept that shit happens. If you enjoy her company and have fun together then just tell her your upset but want to put it behind you and move on toghether. Remember, sex is not love....its just sex, for women and men.....You have to realise, you dont "own" her. You choose to spend time together , thats all. There are very few relationships where there is no cheating, the maturity comes with how you deal with it. Generally you can sort it out and move on together when you step back and get some calm rational advice.Just for perspective....if she hadnt done it....fair bet one day you will.....so now you have one in the kitty for a rainy day.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yup.. that's what it is called... the seven year itch. I'm well beyond my third "itchy year" this year. I'm kind of satisfied that the one is a myth... and Im working on the two for now. We really are capable of loving more than one person at a time, despite what our parents have told us. So what if my wife got pissed one night after seven years of marriage and had a wild night with someone she met at her friend's wedding while I was away studying. I can live with that. It didnt have to mean the end of our marriage and here we are.. cheating still 24 years alter. All's well that ends well my friend. It's all a question of perspective, forgiveness and understanding. If you are still in love, well what are you doing single? Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
Thanks for the advice guys ill take it into consideration!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Intriguing, not ALL women cheat or stray on their partners. A lot of women I know will put that extra effort into their partnerships to keep the male happy, putting their own needs on the backburne. There are also women who stay in relationships even after their partner has strayed - and more than once!!!!It takes a lot of work for a decent and healthy relationship to work, communication is the major contributor. I'm sorry this happened to you, she obviously didn't respect the relationship as much as you did.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Great comments Cheekynaughty agree totaly very wise man.
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singlewood
16 years ago
Your all concerned that your wife has cheated on you, but what i feel many have missed is that your a member of a sex site, are u cheating, is it whats good for the goose in not so good for the gander, hey just asking
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well I think 'get over it and build a bridge' is very harsh. Guys and Girls some sympathy here for our fallen brother!!! But kudos to all the great responses here. So Intrig the question is mate does she still want to be with you? Did she admit the one night stand? If so, lay the cards on the table for her. thiis is a MASSIVe wake up call for you and a possible awakening to some serious sexual adventures. The fact you are ON RHP and are looking for girl and other couples means that you are 'into it' So has this boat flow, no sorry plane departed the station... is it to late to sit down and talk this through? RHP is fun, but its much more fun with a sexy lady with you. Perhaps you two need to talk about sexual desires. Tell her you you quite fancy a FFM and that she owes you one. Go out to CI and feel that rush the first time you walk through the doors. Ask her what she wants, its amazing how many of those boundaries melt after each adventure. So sniff and kick the dirt and lick your wounds and keep living in the vanilla world, that tells you that love is forever and marrage and family and all that stuff is the way to be. You perhaps had everything in the world you wanted and she for one reason or another was bored. I had my seven year itch and like Gaz says you either scratch it or In Gazz's case you should seek medical attention :P Sorry gazza mate love your work. Talk to her, communicate. Is she bored with sex? Was she just Pissy, Horny and all the other dirty little dwarfs they didn't show you on Snow White whose names i don't remember right now. Just look at your life like this. You're on your death bed and you're looking back over the things you have done, the expereinces you've had. Will you go all Quagmire from Family GUy and say "giggity giggity" as your last words. Or 'oh bums I wish I had done that...?" Something to talk about with HER... or save talking show her these posts. Good luck and you know what I"m sure Sal will now feel the urge to comment on this now that I have. Andy
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RHP User
16 years ago
ditch the bitchoh thats right she might say he meant nothingand at the time neither did youby the way have you been asleep for this time period as I cannot understand how you didnt knowI make it my business to know what my boy oh is up tooalso the threat of violence always stops him
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RHP User
16 years ago
Take your medicine I_watch_yous. You're knickers are showing. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
Tie her up, tell her you know, and punish her for it in the most sexual way you can. Have the best night of your life.Then tell her it's over.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes I think the "Itch" is pretty well documented and can affect male or female. I think it's good you're disappointed but not angry. There's always reasons for all behaviour so delve into each other and see where you end up. You may just end up closer to each other. Advice like "get over it" and "ditch the bitch" is very narrow minded especially not knowing the details. Show me a person who is completely noble, just and fair and I'll show you a liar!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes I think the "Itch" is pretty well documented and can affect male or female. I think it's good you're disappointed but not angry. There's always reasons for all behaviour so delve into each other and see where you end up. You may just end up closer to each other. Advice like "get over it" and "ditch the bitch" is very narrow minded especially not knowing the details. Show me a person who is completely noble, just and fair and I'll show you a liar! ...oh gee I just worked out you were 20 when you started this relationship, I guess she was around the same? In these times when there is so much information about everything out there then it is near impossible for the childhood sweet heart to stay pure!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
See?? this is why i like swingingYou get to eat the forbidden fruit....and your partner is the one feeding it to you.But as an aside....if i were your woman and found out you were on a site like this without my knowing...i would consider it cheating. Emotional cheating. You dont have to actually stick your cock in someone for it to be cheating.So who cheated first?? Maybe shes just getting back at you? Just my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I say unless u both agreed to her being with sum 1 shes ur wife and u made a commitment of faith to one another until u BOTH agree otherwise, sure who cares if ur into partner swapping but if u were in love with her and she has broken ur trust by lieing going behind ur back and having sex with other people i say save urself alot of heart ache and late nights of thinking and getting down and devorse and start again
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RHP User
16 years ago
Flame suit on.. Is it really cheating when both parties in the relationship are getting out of it exactly what they don't get with their partners? A friend of mine ;-) is in a long term relationship with a friends wife. They've both been married for years with grown up children, in relatively sexless relationships where the partners just take them for granted. They see each other weekly and go to the movies, go for lunch, go shopping, buy each other gifts, do everything newly in-love couples do and have sex like teenagers at every opportunity. It brings some excitement into an otherwise boring life. Don't say they're being selfish for just enjoying what they can do with each other because they've both tried to return to their own relationship what they are getting out of the liason It is possible to be poly-amorous (is that the term?) and love two people equally over a long period of time. And before everyone gets all self-righteous and starts criticising, just remember where we are - on a sex site. My 17.5c
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RHP User
16 years ago
why do people have problems disposing of people in their lifeeverywhere you see itlosers stay with loserslosers surround themselves with losers
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RHP User
16 years ago
My ex fiance was fucking guys all over the country, as she was a flight attendant.....engaged and carrying our first baby.I thought she was my soulmate,turns out I was the fool being used for his money and personality.She ran off with an SAS toss bag and aborted our baby, told me she miscarried!! As far as I've seen....women are worse than men in this regard as for women it's emotional...for men it's just about fucking.Clearly the woman has thrown you away and you mean nothing to her, plus it's the excitment of always being desirable to other men.All I can say mate is the hurt and memories will always be there...you now have to learn to live with it all and try to get on with your life.You only get one chance at it...why waste it wallowing in pain whilst she lives it up at your expense??
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah, I_want_yous eventually us charasmatic people get tired of chasing people away... so bollocks... I reckon, friends are like seagulls. You feed 'em once with something nice or tasty and the buggers expect it from you all the time.. They're always hanging around.. Jeese, it's hard to be alone and get some "me" time, you know. How do you do it? Hugs Kell
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RHP User
16 years ago
For everyone wondering, I only joined the site after this happened, so the interpretation that Im cheating couldnt be farther from the truth!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
if you are still in love with her forgive her, a one night stand is very different to having an affair. sex is sex and love doesnt have to be involved.i played up years ago before marriage and we broke up briefly, now we have 2 kids a mortgage and a white Labrador. happy days!!!!and as others have said it may be a good opportunity to discuss the idea of swinging, mix it up a bit!!!!i believe there is at least one for every body, and its part of being a human to make mistakes, where would we be if nobody ever tried anything new?naked, hairy,cold and hungry!!!!life is too short for anger and disappointment, will eat u up more than anything else.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Intriguing.. question is did you join this site for advised revenge because she done it to you or clearly have intentions on cheating as well??? Why not sit talk and maybe discuss an open relationship...As long as you both know where each other are going and and obviously work threw any jealousy factors...And of course always wear and use protection In any relationship you need to have trust honesty friendship blah blah blah..If you haven't got this nothing will work But another question can you trust her now since knowing this?? TIT
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RHP User
16 years ago
gidday,first question...have you ended your marriage, i assume no....so....i am not going to dwell on my own personal life, but try and give you some good and simple advice...when u thought u had found the one, u were right...a relationship is not plain sailing...it is a journey where u both grow together or u both grow apart...and a relationship takes work, hard, hard work...and it is not just the woman who has to do the work, the man has to contribute as well...i am talking emotionally here, not just physically...ARE YOU UP TO IT?Do you still want your wife?...if yes, get the fuck in there and find out what is going on in her head...i don't know about forgiveness, but i do know about compassion...rather than looking at it in the ME, ME, ME, try looking at it in the HER, HER, HER and then the US, US, US...everyone makes mistakes...are you a one-hit-and-your-out, or are you in it for the long haul mate?...and one other thing, u can't be a namby-pamby about this...either get in and fix it!!!! or get the fuck out!!!!Cheers Jose
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RHP User
16 years ago
Oh gee I_watch_yous has intriguing83's wife pegged as a loser with only one scrap of info. I'd love to meet all I_watch_yous friends and family - never met a bunch of uber successful people who have never made a mistake in their life before, she must be very lucky!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Intriguing... first up apologies..... i havent read all of the posts in detail, i have read some of them and skimmed others - so if someone has said this before or i have missed something - sorry. Otherwise...... I understand yr initial feelings at discovering your wifes infidelity... and it appears from what you say about yr relationship that it has surprised you... and you are probably looking for answers... hence you joined rhp... or poseted this q at the very least. There will be a reason though and to me the important thing here is that you both understand why this happened. Maybe your wifes affair was a spontaneous action which responded to an urge or desire that your wife has to explore new sexual boundaries, but for some reason that she hasnt been able to communicate with you prior.... who knows but you and her. I have never experienced infidelity from either perspective - but i do believe that as a society and as humans we over emphasise the emotional aspects of infidelity. Now I am not saying that you shouldnt feel hurt or betrayed - you should and it is natural - but if you can move past that and communicate openly with each other then like anything in a relationship the two of you have an opportunity to grow in yuor understanding of each other and take your relationship further. Sorry if this is a long post.... but i guess in summary i am saying that just bc she cheated doesnt mean she doesnt love you . People change over time and as our relationships continue and we grow as individuals so to does our perspective, desires, wants, needs , dreams and boundaries - we fall into patterns of behaviour and we react to stresses, pressures, opportunities and excitements in ways that maybe even surprise ourself at times. You need to talk and listen to each other and try to understand why.... from here you can both evaluate how you feel about the future together and apart and then make a decision. You yours and yr wife her own and hopefully you are both in agreement... if not then you know that you have parted from a healthy point. Im not sure that makes sense. i have just got up , but i hope it helps and that the two of you find that this brings you together rather than pushes you apart.... All the best. 2B :)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Wonderful post. Clearly wisdom comes with maturity!! Like moi.LOL XX
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RHP User
16 years ago
MissBJ...I just had to say that I love what you wrote about swinging...."You get to eat the forbidden fruit....and your partner is the one feeding it to you."Couldn't of said it better. Very true hun.Mrs 2young
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RHP User
16 years ago
a few yrs ago i cheated on my hubby with a guy from work. i didnt have sex with him but went out on a few dates and intended to but my hubby found out b4. at the time the reasons i did it was justified to myself. after it all came out we sat down and talked about our life and y i did it. we decided we wanted to stay together and worked on the issues we both had and our relationship id so much stronger now and we have so much more trust of eachother. so if u want it to work and she dose to sit, talk and make it work
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RHP User
16 years ago
pygmy dog: scrap - the man said his wife played around on himintriguing83 simple error come on now
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RHP User
16 years ago
...........and from a female point of view it sucks!!! My ex cheated on me for years, pity I only found out the extent of his liaisons ONCE WE SPLIT. I felt absolutely used & abused & it killed my confidence.Why, if you commit to a marriage/partnership do you find the need to stray?
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RHP User
16 years ago
My ex fiancé was cheating on me over a period of at least a year.As a flight attendant with stunning looks,free hotel rooms & being a sexual fantasy to people...the temptation was too great for her.I know she basically fucked anyone attractive...and aborted our first child so she could run off with an SAS guy who promised her this fantasy life.No doubt she's cheating on him too!! My point being that I learnt love,trust,respect and adoration as well as spoiling her meant jack shit!!She was living her life & all I was was the dumb sucker who paid for everything.She was 31 and I was 28 when she finally rubbed it in my face and moved in next door with the guy...fucking him like a porn star with couples/single girl sex parties.throwing their used condoms into my courtyard!! Going from being told your her beautiful man and her asking me to make her pregnant to hearing her fucking randoms...and turning 30,just destroyed me and my confidence. Now it seems I'm too old for any females that are slim,attractive and childless.God forbid showing interest to any women with stunning looks or under 25!!!Seems if you have boobs or a six pack,or are under 30 you're in demand.As soon as you hit 30 you're thrown on the shit heap!! Yes I'm still very hurt & bitter about what happened & how I lost it seems the best chance of my life to be attractive to women and find happiness...but deep inside I'm hoping that one day I'll convince my dreamgirl to fall head over heels in live with me & get married.Going off this website with 99% of women being bi...seems maybe I'll finally get to experience what the six pack Ken doll brigade get given every day!!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
ok.... miss jemmas opinion on this one..... i always thought there was that perfect special "ONE" as well.... but now all that shits blown out of the water! lol. it seems that "the ONE" idea is now outdated and replaced by a few compatible "ONES". i also think, its NOT human nature to be monogomous! if it was, people wouldnt be cheating left right and centre. i honestly belive that you can really really love more than one person. and im fine with that. i believe that yes, he loves his wife, and yes, he loves me too. i give up on monogomous relationships now, they just dont work for me. i remain faithful (most times lol) but miserable, and my partner always ends up dumping me for the town bike in a very cruel fashion. so, to hell with it. love and let love and be happy playing i say! another thing... thats why i love BDSM relationships, everything is more open, everyone knows where they stand, in my experience there is much better communication and no need for sneaking. kinky people rock my fukkin world LOL. thats my two cents... i cant help heal a broken heart, i can only fuck you till you forget..... love jemma
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have similar experiences and remember my ex partner's so called "Work Trips".Life is always in spectrum of colours and shadows.They are ever confusing.What keeps the clarity in is to decide black and white.The fact that a partner has had sex with someone, been dating them or stealing items and giving it to a third party does not matter as much. What matters is that in a friendship, partnership or family trust is broken and will never restore to where it was.Someone's body or heart has flown away and despite any attempted returns can fly again.Unless one is in a Dominant / submissive relationship where one is agreed to own and posses the other by mutual will and consent, your temporary license has expired.Its time to move on in Damage Control Mode.Communicate as much as necessary to minimize any lateral damages to yourself, your beloved or once loved and family's on both sides.If your confidence , mind and body is still in shape, give yourself a breathing period and then find someone compatible without showing any hints of desperation.If you are too fragile, live a healthy life , enjoy your liberty and celebrate your regained freedom.However, don't degrade yourself for the sake of it.A liberated soul is not any less precious than a captivated one.There is no real need to undermine and ruin the any more days of your life.Celebrate it and fly high.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey you got the 1 ok now think of the fun you can have together its all good clean fun and so what you didnt get 2 be the first to cheat its ok now 2 play catch up and talk to your partner, find out what else she is thinking and be a man and live life as we all would like 2 . If she goes home with you at the end of the nite she is still yours so think your self lucky theres alot more out there that would love to be in your shoes ( and in her pants) and if your lucky theres a lot that want you 2 but mabe they just dont want 2 be married to you just have some fun is all. Good luckDoctor Goldy
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RHP User
16 years ago
In my experience men mostly cheat for sex and lust but with women it is generally many other more emotional reasons and sex occurs because of them. Attention, love, caring, an interested ear, good humour but most of all communication and making the woman feel 'special', especially when she may be emotionally fragile. All of these things from another can make a woman be attracted to another man, to the point where the physical action is the next step. Of course some men will play the 'nice guy' just to get sex (rarely lasts though!) but many others are genuine and the mutual attraction goes the next step. Again in my experience, when it gets to that stage it is very hard for the woman to go back and the male who has been left usually acts with rage, anger and hurt, rarely looking deeply within themselves as to what may have led to her cheating in the first place. This makes it impossible to fix. She may have done it purely for the sex but IMHO very unlikely. Romance, gifts and holidays are nice but it is the little things like sitting down at a coffee shop with a cuppa talking, really caring about how her day was, cheering her up when she has had a bad day and making her feel that she is sexy, gorgeous, wanted and appreciated. Noticing the slight change in hair colour and telling her how great it looks means more than a bunch of flowers without connection, if that makes sense. You can only fix it if you can truly understand the reasons and correct whatever they were and second, only if she wants to. Once she has 'moved on' it is too late.
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tamworthguy46
16 years ago
Hi mate Yes everyone has been there, and everyone has their own little bits of advice.........But what realy matters is what is the right solution for you and your life..........There are so many complexities in everyones lives and relationships, that pinpointing reasons and solutions here on forums is impossible. My advice is, Forgive her and possibly yourself ? and continue allong as before, with maybee some better communication and some realistic expectations, if that is what suits you ?.......easy peasy ! " it's only as big of a deal as you want it to be" Or spend a couple of grand on professional councilling and still get to hopefully the same conclusion !......The Professional option if you both don't want to open up to eachother and the blame is on one person. Good luck...Tam
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RHP User
16 years ago
that is very sad to hear...but have u been on rhp before ur wife did this ? I just have to ask...mayb she did it bcoz she wanted to see if she still had wat it takes and the opportunity showed itself but didnt mean it changed her feelings towards u...cheating is a tricky thing but i beleive if ur partner is out hunting for it and actualli putting in the effort to go and sleep with ppl behind ur back then that is without a doubt cheating...BUT if she did it as a slip up or mistake and a once off then i think she deserves a second chance 6 years is alot to throw away over a 1 night stand I cud understand if it was an ongoing affair ...mayb uz shud have a mature chat about it and if uz still love each other then try 2 work things out.hope that helps :-)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Wow thats a lot of advice& I guess everyone has a different opinion due to their own experiences. I recently cheated on my husband - I cant believe I have just said it. The reason tho was different. We did not have any chemistry on my part & for the most part of 4 & a half years sex was something I HAD to do not wanted to do...I am such a sexually driven person but I married a guy because he was (& still is) a fantastic guy. Altho I loved him very much in every way our massive failing was no compatibility in the bedroom WHICH IS ESSENTIAL TO ANY MARRIAGE! I thought that things could change. That I would grow to have a great sex life with him because I loved him but I was lying to myself & denying the most natural of instinctive feelings. He never really got to know me because we never connected physically & I found myself looking outside of the relationship. It got to the point that I would avoid sex like the plague & god I cant imagine how bad that made him feel but I was stupid (I see this now being on the outside of the situation) I met up with a guy who I had had amazing chemistry in the past & because I was so crazy horny it was like my whole drive was just to fuck this guy. I shouldnt have gotten married in the first place but u know wot they say 'hindsight is the best foresight' & I didnt know then what I do now. I dont know how this may be relevant to u but I know that for myself, if a girl goes outside of the relationship its either for one of two simple reasons 1) she is not sexually satisfied currently 2) She is craving attention - now let me just clarify point no.2 (which is y i think this site is so good...) If a female is craving attention it doesnt nescarrily mean she is not getting it from her partner sometimes its just that there is something lacking in that person that they feel they need to fill - I know this has been the case for me many times in the past & I have always found it extremely difficult to love & lust - its either one or the other. I have always craved the fantasy, spontaneity & randomness of one nighters & brief encounters. I have always HATED myself for being this way, always thought I was a really bad person but now I am beginning to realize that who I am is who I am, horny, lusty, flirty & all that goes with it! I wish I had of been friends with my husband first before we had a relationship & let him know this about me. It could have taken us in a whole different direction & I would have given him honesty from the start - unfortunately I was not strong enough to do this back then...The whole experience has made me realize that altho the ideaolgy exists absolutely EVERYWHERE out there that there should be 'THE ONE' & only person for each one of us that maybe its not that simple & we shouldnt stop from expressing ourselves just to fit the ideaolgy - some people are not meant for monogamy i guess & some are...or maybe we will eternally ask ourselves the question..if i do meet THE ONE then will i want wholeheartedly to be monogamous for the rest of my life ?? & was the person who I thought was THE ONE not really the one becoz he or she cheated???? I guess at the end of the day its going to hurt no matter what advice you get however I truly believe that the pain that we go thru is directly related to how much we can grow from the experience & that if we didnt have any life lessons to learn we wouldnt have the experience...u look like a gorgeous guy - who knows u may have thought she was the one but the next girl u meet might be more than u could have ever imagined..good luck xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
mate go overseas, meet some hotties, fuck the life out of them and all will be good.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Thanks for shaing MissJane. You've struck a lot of the same bells resonating in my head. I think when the Christian ideal of "the one" came about way back when the average human lifespan was much lower. In the 1850's for example, the average human lifespan was 40 years of age... However, two-thousand years ago average life expectancy was less than 20 years of age.... so a lifetime of marriage was like 7 years or something... I mean... LMFAO... the seven year itch is real! If we are going to live this long, we are either going to separate, cheat, make an arangement, or at times be miserable together. It's that simple, I think. Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have only cheated once. I have regreted it everyday for the last 15 years. It wasnt until she was gone thet i realised that she was ' THE ONE '. Is this the first time she has cheated or is it the first time she has been caught ? If you love her, forgive her. Otherwise tell her to find a new address. ' THE ONE ' only comes around once in a lifetime. Best of luck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Wow what a subject - Gaz love your rationale on the 7 year itch makes complete sense. Only problem is I could never forgive a cheater......funny how I have no problem sharing Trev with other girls as long as I know about it.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am sorry to hear what has happened, I have been the cheater and I have been cheated on. It is not the sex, it is the lies and betrayal and breach of trust that hurt the most, but like Andy said, talk to her. There may not be excuses but she has her reasons and you can come back from something like this so long as you both want to. I think being on RHP is a knee jerk reaction (if as you say you joined after you found out). Be careful, if you want to save what you have together then being on RHP and sleeping around does not make you any different to her. Whatever happens I hope you find your happiness. Be true to yourself and do what you need to do for you. What has been discussed so far? Does she still want to be with you? Take care xx Sal
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RHP User
16 years ago
Cheating is painful, what you don't know wont hurt you, is bull shit, it will hurt you 10 fold , because you will eventually find out. I could not forgive any one that cheated on me, but have no problem sharing my man so long as I know, thats the rule, simple, its the ultimate relation ship, its not for every one, finding the right partner is the hard part , but when you do there aint nothing better. I think majority enjoy playing naughty lying games with people they love, it seems more acceptable than what we do. You should find enough hotties on here without the trip xxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
My line of work requires that I spend long periods of time overseas and often without the ability to even make so much as a telephone call. I have a partner, and I am confident that my partner has not cheated on me. But even if she has, at the end of the day what has really changed..... If she still loves me and wants to be with me? If you and your wife still love each other, just put it aside and move on, perhaps you could even use it as an opportunity to further enhance your sexual relationship with her, ie; you have done this, now I would like to have a threesome, or, whatever..... tie her up and bang a hottie in front of her? You really have to put it in perspective; if it was just spontaneous lust driven sex with a one off partner after a night on the piss, write it off as an 'assisted wank' for her and weigh it up against the other six years of your relationship.... On the other side of the coin there is the fact that it may be a continuing thing... without trust you may as well give up... Try to take your emotions out of the equation, then assess the situation on face value... and go with your first instinct. Perhaps take a step back and look at your own situation from an outside perspective. I hope this has been of some assistance. Good luck with your decision making process.
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RHP User
16 years ago
sextonic..it's hard to read your comment in full, i mean with that arse pointing at us..distracting to say the least :-) what's this topic about again? Trev
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RHP User
16 years ago
a friend of mine who chose bio-chemistry as her career told me many years ago that the seven year itch is a measurable chemical fact. but the catch is you need to have a child for it to kick in.about seven years after a woman gives birth she's ready to slap the little bugger on the arse and go again. so says nature. but we grew up and the poor sod will have to wait another 11 years before he can vote. it's about this time that her body chemistry changes and she's pretty likely to find her mate smells a bit wrong. it makes sence, if you want a diverse gene pool, therefore a healthy one, you ladies need to get busy with a few men. so intriuging, do you have children? cos that's what makes the itch. maybe what other people describe is just plain old boredom? we all get bored with even our most loved toys at one time or other.LRE (can be bored with his favorite boardgame)
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RHP User
16 years ago
To add my 20 cents worth, I believe that your wife was not exactly cheating one you. Cheating involves more than a one night stand with the same person or persons. My thoughts (being a woman), your wife wants your attention! You can be at home, with her every night, but are you actually with her, or just in the same house or room doing something else? My bet is that she was feeling lonely and someone paid her some attention which she acted upon. If she didn't love you she would have already left you, or she would be in another relationship. The fact that you are not angry is a positive step. This will take many months to get through, assuming that you and your wife don't want to separate. There is one word that will keep a relationship and marriage together - communication. Maybe you could discuss joining RHP together as a couple if you believe your marriage is strong enough or worth enough. Mrs F
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting HotOzCouple_cc: Tie her up, tell her you know, and punish her for it in the most sexual way you can. Have the best night of your life.Then tell her it's over. I wish someone gave me that advice when I found out my partner of 7 years was cheating on me. PERFECT ADVICE! and yeah Gaz, I reckon it was 7 year itch too. I was looking around, had some interest but was a 'good guy' and didn't do anything. I can't remember how long it was after that I decided to get on sex sites and have some fun. It was definitely within 3 months tho.
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RHP User
16 years ago
ive sat here and red all of these post on this subject but what i want to know is what did you do to make her want to cheat you cant just think that everything is ok in your marriage because after a while you grow out of attraction to that person you might love them but you may just not be attracted to them maybe your wifedidnt feel sexually attracted to you maybe she need to spice up her sex life im not say your at fault or anything like that but if you marry someone you take the marriage guide lines and one of those is in good times and bad times i never cheated on my husband i left mine because he was a wife beater maybe you need to take your wife out to swingers parties and have fun together if its just you and her having sex day in day out it can bore the ass off anyone one spice it up AND IF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE THEN DONT GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE JUST BECAUSE SHE HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND TALK TO HER ABOUT IT LISTEN TO HER AND DONT MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU JUST LOVE YOUR WIFE FOR WHO SHE IS
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RHP User
16 years ago
I "cheated" on my first wife, there was no sex no emotion and not really anything left in our relationship but two children. She asked me what I would feel like if she cheated and I said "at least I'd know she could still do it!" There are plenty of really nice people out there, get over her and move on ASAP
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RHP User
16 years ago
Even if the OP never cheated I can guarantee you have seen a sexy woman and thought about it . And if the opportunity was there its really unlikely it would be a clear cut simple choice not to shag .Even if your mind says no your body can be saying yes .I dont know what happened with your wife . But if you love her before this you still lover her now . Yes she has done something she shouldnt have and broken a trust . Im sure she knows that and would feel crap if she knew you had shagged someone else .If I was you Id go have sex with another woman . If its good enough for her its good enough for you .Im going to get flamed for that , but if you do when you meet her and talk to her and maybe try and reestablish trust you will be meeting as equals and not as an aggrieved partner
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RHP User
16 years ago
redi2try F 43yrs Thornbury Oct 04, 2009 Report Abuse | Reply with Quote | Reply been the recipient........... ...........and from a female point of view it sucks!!! My ex cheated on me for years, pity I only found out the extent of his liaisons ONCE WE SPLIT. I felt absolutely used & abused & it killed my confidence.Why, if you commit to a marriage/partnership do you find the need to stray? Redi2try Agree with you 100%,there is no need and no excuse what so ever to cheat on your partner.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Im sure that PLAYMATES on RHP ,Are more then likely cheating on their partners.Maybe not all ,but do know of a few at least on RHP.SO WRONG ,STOP IT NOW PEOPLE,B4 YOU HURT SOME 1.
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RHP User
16 years ago
nothing in life seems to remain constant, especially emotion, responsibility and commitment. My interests as an 18 yr old was very different to when it was 30, then 40 and now at 50. What I was wanting to achieve and looking for in a relationship has changed. I always believed that when 2 people marry then their lives were intertwined and would grow closer and closer- an image that is bolstered by the numerous fairy tales we are fed growing up, you know, live happily ever after! But can we live together as we watch the other change into being what they want achieve in life? In those early years that are clouded by youthful passion and ideals, where we always put on our best face to attract a mate, how can you really know what the other person is really about. After 6 yrs I did stray and when asked why I had a check up I explained that I had had sex with a woking lady. we moved on and after deciding to have children, 13 yrs into the relation, I experienced another aspect of how people change and the pressures of children. My wife used the phrase depression for 4 yrs but I suggest that the reality that the fairy tale of raising children was dashed and her ideals had to again change. 2 yrs ago I came across an email to a previous male acquaintance where she had told this friend, who she had invited to stay with us, that she could't wait to see him face to face and look into his eyes and tell him everything, also it went on to say that if she was really honest she didn't love me in the fairy tale sense when we got married. When I did ask her about it, her reaction was extreme and that she considered she had been violated and raped emotionally, - because I had read her email. I think it was more the shock of being found out. Are we not allowed to change, to grow and experience the kaleidoscope that is in front of our life before we die. It is only my opinion but what women and men look for or want out of life is inherently divergent. Respect for the differences, and in the pursuit of whatever, hopefully you don't ever hurt anyone along the way dzynr
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RHP User
16 years ago
6yrs is a long time and for her to hve only strayed once in this day and age is pretty good, its not about that she doesnt love you or shes not happy....i know alot of people male and female who hve cheated and dont even know themselves y it happend, gve her a chance to fix things things btween you and you may just find your marriage strengthening. if your unable to let it go your better off splitting as it will destroy both of you, as hotozcouple said, tie her up, punish her and have fun finding new sexual boundaries together, best of luck
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RHP User
16 years ago
no it was I who strayed after 6 yrs but it was her emails that I came across concerning her love interest for another, it went along the lines of - "if I am truly honest I didn't love him in the fairytale sense when we got married and,- even if we have to wait 20 yrs before we are together"- There had been slight mention over the last 20 yrs that if one strayed, a one night stand then so be it the most important thing was to still love each other and grow old together ( part of the fairy tale ideology) so the question I have from a males point of view for any lady who would like to give me their opinion, is if we as men don't have any deep emotion and will have sex with whoever but still want to care for support and grow old together with the person he fell in love with, how can it ever match the females divergent attitude of love and emotion? I also understand the complex nature of the changes a female has to experience, the heady days of dating and falling in love, just 2 people in a selfish period, then the urgency to have children, followed by the birth and the complete dependance of the baby. Only too quickly the reality of them growing up and not needing you as much, plus having to go back to the drudgery of work. Who really want the mundaneness of everyday life. On the other hand as a male we start working at 18 and will work till we drop, without having to go through those great emotional changes. We are fairly simple beings looking to have sex with whoever crosses our path, but the female has a more complex life pattern to deal with. so if her emotion(love) has gone elsewhere has she already moved on to the next paddock and unable to return, or is it possible to graze amongst a number of pastures like we do with sex? thankyou Dzynr
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RHP User
16 years ago
In the animal kingdom I don't believe there is a species of pack animal that is monogamous. Some species mate for life but they don't live in large communities or packs. I personally don't believe that anyone is immune to cheating under all circumstances and I have told every partner I've had since I was 20, that should they have the urge to run off and bonk someone else they should just show enough courtesy to let me know first. I try not to penalise people for being honest and I think everyones lives have various boxes and sometimes your partner can't or doesnt fill a particular box. I would be inclined to try and patch things or at the very least salvage the friendship as she must have been your best friend for a long time. Why are we always more forgiving of strangers and friends than we are of family and partners?
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