M60
Could being a swinger be a sexual identity like being Straight, Bi or Gay?
April 14 2014
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Swinging would NOT be classified as a sexual identity like being straight/gay But rather I would class it as a lifestyle choice like monogamy/polygamy As for saying the stigma associated with being gay is similar to that of being a swinger.....I disagree completely. I will go as far as likening swinging to someone who enjoys lots of sex with different people or with the same person but in a group or whatever but just lots of sex Definition of swinging: sexually liberated or promiscuous - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
You enjoy group sex... that isn't your sexuality. Unless you are saying you are a pansexual? Any discrimination swingers get is due to people not understanding what it is about and because they view you as promiscuous and someone that will fuck just anybody. That is what lots of people think. They don't swing because they have standards you know. I think it is more the rush of having sex with new people and the group dynamics, and the debauchery of it all which is what you are missing and why it is so exciting. But looks like your partner is not enough for you to give it up. Are you bored with your sex life?
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RHP User
12 years ago
LOl, the post is a philological one not an opportunity to seek help with my situation, but thanks for the concern. I am interested in peoples point of view. I would like to challenge your thinking that it is because of the "group dynamics, and the debauchery". Having been in the scene for over 25 years I have seen those there just for that, but for others there is something quite different and very personal. The parallel with homosexuality is to draw on the possibility that just as homosexuality was treated as debauchery n the past, there is the potential that sexuality does go beyond what our latest acceptable standard currently is and because it is not felt by one person that there is potential that it could be something else for another. As I said cat and pigeons.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Swinging is a lifestyle choice....but it sounds like you and your partner have made different choices..perhaps you need to discuss it further if it is so important to you.... .xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
We were known as "people" not "labels" :) Have a nice day :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi guysI appreciate the interest in providing a public counselling service, however the quest was to discuss the below. So the whole thing got me wondering if the way we define sexuality is much greater and as we become more open the more we will find and hopefully accept. I explained my situation as an example of my journey but not for relationship advice. I am more interested in your thoughts regarding sexuality vs choice.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What if for some it isn't a choice? I know for most it is, however is it possible for people on a web site of "open minded people" to consider the potential that for others it may not be choice but rather who they are?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Consider yourself to be be a swinger, so for you that has become you are. But is it all of who you are, or part of your mindset? If someone has had fantasies of being dominated from a very young age, would you say we should add Sub to the list as well? I don't believe "identifying with" and "being" are the same thing, and I think you're confusing sexual identity with sexual orientation. I agree there is a stigma though and swingers are considered to be loose and undiscriminating, like other posters have indicated. Maybe in 100 years it will be the norm?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Labels are an interesting thing aren't they. We don't like being labeled yet we seek definition. "I think therefore I am", is often a way of people identifying themselves and society accepting classification, e.g. a person identifies as being ... therefore they are. I am not a fan of labels, and you are right in regards to adding to the list. Maybe it is more that as human beings we are basically sexual and it is more a mindset of openness to anything rather than a specific sexual identity. I spent some time in Paris recently and noticed the Libertine culture was very accepted as a part of French society. It would be interesting to hear from anyone who has spent more time in France in regards to this.
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RHP User
12 years ago
i have a pet cat ,,,,,,and i breed pigeons ,,,,,,sometimes the cat sleeps in the pigeon cage with the birds ,,,,,,wonder if that makes them all swingers ,,,,but then again its quite possible ,,,,lol the cats name is juicy lucy ,,,,,,,??????
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madotara69
12 years ago
Guess you have seen most of what swinging becomes, spending so long involved with it. We have nothing on such experience, just a few, though I believe you are speaking from the feelings swinging brings to you, and that is where you are feeling empty to them. I think I can understand your question, as that if you feel and what it is to be gay, then staying away from those feelings would feel the same in a way. Our idea of swinging is very personal and emotional, we are truly in love and best friends, we get a real passion for sharing that with others, we don't need to swing, we don't often swing, we have only swung with guys in threesome situations. (a lady once sort of a fair while back) We have almost swung with a guy for no feelings to the threesome (pushy), and we have swung with a guy who became one with us. (for a while) For us swinging is all about our love, so if love can be gay, or bi or anything like you suggest, then yes, maybe you have that something missing and why so the feelings are as strong. ( You must have experienced some of that love in those times?) Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Still disagree. Is monogamy a sexuality then? I like group sex and can't imagine giving it up totally... But I don't associate with being a swinger at all. So what am I supposed to call myself then? My sexuality is who I am attracted too... Not what I do with them or how many people I do at the one time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mado you are having threesomes... I don't see that as swinging. The traditional description is the exchanging of partners. So I wouldn't even see a man, OP, who is playing outside of his relationship as swinging at all. Don't know... I don't actually like the term much.
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RHP User
12 years ago
MeekaMy question was no to suggest that anyone has to be labeled but rather the quest was to explore if for some, again not everyone the potential that being a "swinger" (and I really dislike the title) can be part of sexual identity and not just choice. For you I completely accept that you don't associate with being a swinger and make the lifestyle choice. What I am suggesting though is that for some that may not be a choice but just who they are. I am definitely not suggesting this is about sticking everyone with the same badge and completely respect all the different reasons people become a part of this lifestyle. MadoTaraYou guys sound great and like you, play time is still very special and connected. When it is with a partner it does become an extension of the moments you share together and what you bring back to each other, even days afterwards. ---I know how easily the written word can be misconstrued so please know that nothing I ever write on this forum has any intention of harm or malice, just exploration with like minded people who's opinion I value and I really enjoy the discussion.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Mado you are having threesomes... I don't see that as swinging. The traditional description is the exchanging of partners. So I wouldn't even see a man, OP, who is playing outside of his relationship as swinging at all. Don't know... I don't actually like the term much. But that is only because we have not played with a couple yet. We are a couple though, so doesn't that traditionally mean we are swingers, never seen singles as being classed as swingers as to the tradition, maybe swinged. he he.
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madotara69
12 years ago
swungabouts
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't think you are a swinger at all - but the couples you have sex with might be However, swinging is definitely not a sexuality IMO, but is more of a lifestyle choice. From my understanding, swinging is often described as 'the lifestyle'. But, I think that if one is in a relationship and one wants to play outside of that (not with one's partner) then maybe one has an addiction to sex, the rush of sleeping with new people? Not sure...
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madotara69
12 years ago
Otherwise we are all just star dust The Voice ( Alan parsons project) It's almost a feeling you can touch in the air You look all around you but nobody's there It's been a long time now since you've been aware That someone is watching you (he's gonna get you) Sooner or later when your big chances come You'll look for the catches but there will be none Remember before you grab the money and run That someone is watching you (he's gonna get you) Before you run and hide He's gonna get you You got no choice Because you can't escape the voice Jumping at shadows that come up from behind Scared of the darkness that's there in your mind You're frightened to move because of what you might find That someone is watching you (he's gonna get you) Before you run and hide He's gonna get you You got no choice Because you can't escape the voice. You could be here for a month of Sundays, trying to express feelings in here OP
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RHP User
12 years ago
You've swung for the best part of 25 years I think you said.... Like smoking, it's a habit. We're habitual creatures. If you feel as though that that's what makes up the inner you....then yay you. But do we honestly need to recognise every single trait of every single person as a means of acknowledging who you are?? As you're happy with it, I see no reason to make a movement out of it. Have another nice day :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sex At Dawn ,Ryan and Jetha suggest that perhaps in prehistory group sex was actually the norm and monogamy was not....indeed there is little evidence to suggest that monogamy is anything more than a choice.....not intrinsic to human nature.....if these have been your thoughts and feelings since childhood OP it is perhaps because you have been able to avoid the conditioning that most of us have been subjected to.....so OP,how you wish to express your sexuality maybe more normal then you think.....perhaps there is a word to describe a person who prefers having sex in groups xxQ
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madotara69
12 years ago
Organic
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta2' Sex At Dawn ,Ryan and Jetha suggest that perhaps in prehistory group sex was actually the norm and monogamy was not....indeed there is little evidence to suggest that monogamy is anything more than a choice.....not intrinsic to human nature.....if these have been your thoughts and feelings since childhood OP it is perhaps because you have been able to avoid the conditioning that most of us have been subjected to.....so OP,how you wish to express your sexuality maybe more normal then you think.....perhaps there is a word to describe a person who prefers having sex in groups xxQ Qefenta2A person who can look beyond the individual and discuss the concept, but I suppose we should expect nothing less than great wisdom from a 99 year old..lol. You may have a point, the social norms are actually very young in comparison to the history of human society and a very western/christian. Before then the Greco-Roman civilization could hardly claim being the greatest representatives of monogamy or even serial monogamy. Even the modern concept of Love in relationships has been identified in research as being something that is relatively new.
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DTE_couple
12 years ago
Swinger means you are in a couple and swap partners with other couples.Swingle is a single person who has sexual activities with swingers. He or she has their own sexuality being straight, gay, Bi.That's the way we look at it. But each to their own we guess.Cheers
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi guysI found a reference to what Quefenta2 was discussing unfortunately RHP obviously does like links and removed it. If you Google "Monogamy unnatural for our sexy species" you may find this interesting reading. CheersRobin
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