M60
Couples in open relationships
July 25 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
G'Day deltoid All I can say is what has worked for us...and that is....open communication....saying what you feel and listening...truly listening to your partner...and yes....there are bound to be some 'teething' issues as you exploe new boundaried and step out into new adventures. Its well worth it in the end....we are so closely connected and secure....its just wonderful.
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RHP User
16 years ago
G'Day deltoid All I can say is what has worked for us...and that is....open communication....saying what you feel and listening...truly listening to your partner...and yes....there are bound to be some 'teething' issues as you exploe new boundaried and step out into new adventures. Its well worth it in the end....we are so closely connected and secure....its just wonderful.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well, as for finding someone else that she might prefer.... I just thank my lucky stars for every minute that I have had the pleasure of my wife's company. All the rough times over the last 23 years are insignificant by comparison. From my experience married or not, you can never take your spouse for granted, no matter how well or poorly you treat them. Sometimes this means you have to learn to let go of your possessive side... free love, bebe.
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DonnaBrett
16 years ago
While we generally only play together as a couple in 3 some, 4 some or more some situations we do also play separately if the opportunity arises. These little adventures either take place at our home (when one half of us is not there) or at a third persons place or maybe hotel..there's even been some car encounters LOL. Sometimes the other partner knows it's happening but mostly it's a secret until after the fact. To be told what 'just happened' after the fact is a big turn on actually : ) To be honest there is no room for jealousy in this scene...if you have those feelings..DON'T do it..it will only lead to heartache & hassles!
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jandv
16 years ago
I would really like to try it but maybe with another committed couple?? Maybe a get together once a month or so?? I will be watching this post to hear thoughts. Good post OP.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Much the same as above. Loads and loads of talking about it. By that I mean after the event. We generally play together and you still need to keep talking about it to keep those insecurities at bay and keep it a fun thing and enjoying each other. good luck
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi Deltoid, Many others have asked us the same question. We have realised that if you haven't got it straight between the ears, you may be struggling with the issues you are mentioning. We believe that you are only ever in charge of your yourself and cannot tell the other what to or not to do. We are together because we want to be. At this stage in our life we choose to be together and we love each other dearly. We let each other go, to do what we feel we need to do and see it as a gift to each other. If you make that believe part of you, it becomes easier. We always tell each other what is going on and normally introduce the "other" people over a drink or dinner. We also constantly talk to each other about how do you feel. It gives us a deep respect for each other. This makes jeleousy issues and doubt almost disappear. But if you do not have that clear believe that the open relationship will work for you and there are jeleousy issues, steer away from it and find other avenues to have a fulfulling relationship. We go to others for lust, and we go to each other for love (and a bit of lust lol) Sexperiences
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RHP User
16 years ago
My lady knows where and when and who I play with at all times, she is my angel, she knows I need to have sex when I can. We have no secrets and she has turned my life around in the past few months. Its a long story BUT all good. Tony
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RHP User
16 years ago
Just as the name implies...being open and honest.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Open relationships can work for some couples, other's not so well. If there is 100% honesty that each partner is only having "encounters" for the sake of gratifying their sexual urges, then it can work well. To be able to have that level of security with your partner and trust them implicitly shows true bonding in any relationship. I've seen disasters and I've seen success stories, if you can be truly honest that your committed to your partner, then lucky you that she or he allows you the freedom to explore. There's an old saying, if you love someone let them go, if they love you they will return. Some men don't realise how lucky they are that their women allow them such dallyances and are mature enough to realise that when it all boils down, it's just sex - you're the one they want to wake up next to each morning, not some stranger. If you're considering it, talk it out with your partner, be honest and don't hide anything. That's where the trouble starts.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I agree............without honesty, it's just an affair
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RHP User
16 years ago
good topic, with honest communication, the freedom to play with others has been very beneficial to our relationship.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think Witheringchick said it pretty well, but i would go a step further and say succesfull open relationships happen when a couple have a deeper love than most ordinary couples that allows them to move past the point where they are possesions of each other, and instead can support & nurture each others desires, yet be comfortable that they are most important person in each others lives. Of course trust openess, communication and honesty are paramount.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Jealousy is just an emotion and like all other emotions you learn to deal with them but it is okay to feel it.
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RHP User
16 years ago
hey deltoidWe have had an open relationship for a few years now. It brings us a lot of joy. The honesty and open communication that my husband and i enjoy is something i have never shared with a man before. Talking openly and discussing issues close to the heart like jealousy, sexual urges, intimacy, friendships and more brings us closer together. Being open breeds more love and affection. It enables you to feel more secure and never doubt your partner. The key is honesty
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think that we are all victims at some time or other of the above but in a relaitionship that has no secrets is honest and open then it has less chanceof taking over. We create jealously but if we give it no room to grow then we are in control. As was said above talk honestly about your feelings and trust that even though we feel these things we can control them. Couples who play together and are open and honest can still feel sexual jealousy but can also not let it destroy or manipulate their lifes. There are several books out there that explore this and perhaps it would be worth reading them. Honesty is the best policy
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RHP User
16 years ago
Having or starting a open relationship is not something you just start over night. I could take years before the realisation that both of you think its possible, it takes time as there is issues to be dealt with, jealousy is a a huge emotion that can be very distructive. If you both can handle this then try it but remember it a 2 way street and you may find the female get more attention than you and can you handle that, beware of the dangers.
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RHP User
16 years ago
The jealousy can also take many different forms and like everyone has said is so important to be open and talk about. We had a few jealousy issues when we first started but it was often that mr sexy was jealous of all the attention that mrs sexy got, he often found it hard to find women who were willing to sleep with a married man yet mrs sexy had no trouble finding men willing to sleep with a married women. SO in that sense jealous can come in different forms. It is important to talk and talk and talk about everything ....But in the end having an open relationship for us has been the greatest thing ever and dealing with these emotions has made us better people and a stronger couple. Plus we have had so much fun.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Why is there a need for a Couple to have a open relationship in the 1st place???????
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deltoid
16 years ago
Thanks everyone for their responses, clearly the consensus is open honest communication and lots of it and that such a relationship can work if approached properly. As to ubd2009's question Why is there a need for a Couple to have a open relationship in the 1st place??????? an equally valid question would be why is there a need for a couple to want another woman or couple to join in with them??? I am in no way passing judgment on either of you as a couple or the choices you make, but the reasons that many would disapprove of a couple having an open relationship could equally be applied to a couple looking for others to join them as a couple. reasons like if you love your partner and are committed to them why would you want to have sex with someone else, regardless if your partner is present or not. So to answer your question, just look at the reasons you are looking for what you are, there is a good chance the reasons are not to different to the reasons people choose to have an open relationship.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'ubd2009' Why is there a need for a Couple to have a open relationship in the 1st place??????? I think you will find for most couples who have an open relations there is not a "need" but a want. From your profile you want to have a threesome well some couples want to have an open relationship. Same Same For a lot of couples having an open relationship means they get to have the sex they want with new people without cheating on their partner. For other couples they may have gotten together young and maybe are each others only sexual partner and they want to try sex with other people without destroying an otherwise perfect relationship.For other couples they may love each and have a great relationship but have different sexual appetites and needs so an open relationship lets them stay together and get all their needs meet.Interesting fact to keep in mind too Humans are one of only three mammals that "mate for life". Scientist believe that we started "mating for life" when we started walking up right because then a mother could no longer carry their babies on their backs and collect food and protect herself and the baby therefore she needed someone to help carry the load so to speak thus humans started mating for life.
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RHP User
16 years ago
heya deltoid long time no chat come back to the wa room we all misss yaaaaaaaa my fiance and i have both been on here for many yrs and we know about the partners each other have prior to us getting together the only difference now is we speak to each other about our boundaries before we head out each time cause there might be a night when one of us dont feel like doing anything honesty communication is the best policy and a big one never cross the boundaries anyways thats my twenty cents worth ms fantasy here btw
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi all. I am not sure if my comments are suitable for this topic but here goes. I am attached but also seeking a private life. My husband does not feel the need to have sex outside our marriage but I felt it was very important that he knew about mine. For many reasons and I suppose mainly because my cheating nearly destroid my first husband. I didn't want to do that again and I didn't want the guilt it left me with either so after 7 years of marriage I broke it to him gently. I want to see other people. No he wasn't a fan straight up and yes he knew I had been unfaithful to my first husband so it didn't come as a complete surprise but yes he had a choice in the matter and no he didn't have to put up with it if he didn't want to. I held my breath and waited for the response. My husband is a patient and level headed mature man and he chose to take it on the chin and live with it. He did not want to lose our friendship, my children and our lifestyle over my playtime. All that said out of respect I am always very discreet. Never use our home. I do however keep it real and talk about our special arrangement and how greatful I am to have it and to check in every now and again to make sure I am not keeping him from meeting another monogamous girl. His only other preference is that I see a married man with children. It still always gives him a little smile to himself when I leave the house at five in the morning wearing ligerie, killer heals nice hair and makeup to one of my so called appointments. His comments are always the same. See you tonight Darl and what would you like for dinner. What can I say. It works for us.
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RHP User
16 years ago
opening our marriage was the best thing we did! However, it took many years of discussion and conversation and playing together as a couple to get to the point where we were comfortable with each other playing separately if we wanted to do that. We also still play as a couple too. We do it because we both love the variety it affords us, and we both love hearing about each others fun. It has strengthened our bond and our marriage in a way I never expected it to, which was a great side effect, but to make it work we have very open lines of communication and talk all the time. Mrs MC
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RHP User
16 years ago
It has strengthened our bond and our marriage in a way I never expected it to, which was a great side effect,Just dont understand how open marriage/relatioship can strengthen your bond?????????If you dont have the strength there in the 1st place.
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RHP User
16 years ago
ubd2009 I didn't say that we didn't have strength or a bond in the first place. We've always had a very strong marriage and bond, so please don't make the assumption of anything otherwise. Only a very strong marriage based on honesty, trust, communication and committment would be able to successfully sail the open marriage waters, in my opinion. And the same can also be said for couples who indulge in 3somes, 4somes and moresomes. Do you not think that having 3somes, 4somes etc is a form of open marriage? After-all, one half of the couple is allowing the other half of the couple to have sex with someone not a party to that couple. Is it your opinion that people in open marriages travel that path because they need to fix something in their marriage? If a couple travels the open marriage path simply in order to fix their marriage, then their marriage is doomed to fail, in my opinion. Please, express your opinions by all means. But please do so in a manner that is not condescending or critical of others that don't share your opinions or views. Different strokes for different folks. Mrs MC
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am an older husband, and prefer her to have her fun with other guys separately. Partly because less embarrassing than having hubby there, so she can be more liberated. Partly because i wouldnot enjoy watching her being done by another guy or guys. I would feel left out and shocked. The good thing is that she keeps me fully informed on every move.So we get a big turn on going over it. Dangers are the other guy will claim her for more than just the occasional fuck. Some guys do not respect the married relationship and would like to break it up. Some say "If you were mine, I would never let you fuck others!" ...making her sound more precious and me a mug. .... I see that as dishonest talk. Other risks include her being seen by our friends and family walking around town with another guy's hand on her bum..... Restaurants, concerts, cars, hotels...she can be seen anywhere.. Fortunately the other guys have been respectful of our privacy. And when it got too much, with too many messages etc, we agreed to have a total break for a while. This worked well.We feel ready for more now.
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RHP User
16 years ago
UBB2009 "Just dont understand how open marriage/relatioship can strengthen your bond????????? If you dont have the strength there in the 1st place." Ubd2009 You are right an open relationship can not strengthen a bond if it is no there in the first place. Any couple who is not committed to each other and willing to be open and honest will ruin anything they may have with an open relationship but for a couple who trusts each other and are committed to total honesty and communication then an open relationship can enhance what they already have. But what I don't get ubd2009 is why are you anti- open relationship when you are opening your relationship to other people????? And to all of us enjoying an open relationship - it is a shame that those who have never tried an open relationship criticize and judge but then they may never be able to understand how it can make an already great relationship even better. Furthermore if a monogamous relationship fails people don't blame monogamy so why should people blame "open relationships" if an open relationship fails.
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sexydreams
16 years ago
having more then just hardcore sex is much for exciting. We would love to talk later on as to what each other has been up to.
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MsRisQ
16 years ago
I am in an open marriage , in fact we go a little further and subscribe to the polyamourists perspective that love is something that is not limited and does not have to be limited to one individual. When we first started opening up our marriage, there were insecurities and that is something that has to be addressed in your relationship as well as within yourself. Open marriages are successful when there is plenty of communication, where both partners are sensitive to each others needs and desires and are self aware enough that when they get swept up in the heady cycle of "new relationship energy" they can disconnect enough from it to support and nurture their pre-existing relationships. The most important take home message I found from it all was- if there is discomfort with what is happening in your relationship, the problem does not necessarily revolve around the opening of the marriage- the reaction is a symptom. It is more to do with problems in communication, respect or personal insecurities ( He won't want me anymore because....)How did I come to these conclusions? From reading about how other people tackle these problems as well as my own experiences in as a polyamourist.( oh, and just so you know- no I am not any sort of hippie or stereotype that is normally is associated with poly. I came to it verrrry slowly....)
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