Couples with boyfriend/girlfriends on the side - Polygamy??

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  love being in a threesome relationship. I cant explain how it works, it just does.  To hard to try and explain in words, the only thing i can suggest is a lot of communication.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Polygamy – n.Having two or more spouses at the same time. According to the new dickshunre no doubt we all now have on our desktop these are spouses...not playmates. its hard enough being married to one person...2?  ffs...best is a nice bi couple so all the fun games can be played. Mars

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I'm just curious to know why you want a gf/bf when you swing with other couples anyway? I'm not asking in a judgemental way, just curious.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Bryan and I and Coops have been living a polyamory life for months.We pretty much all live together and it works very well for us as we all enjoy eachothers company.It is hard work on my part, as you can imagine, to make sure needs of both of the guys are met at all times, and that is not just sexual.There is more to our relationship than sex, we are lovers. ( not Bryan and Coops ) lol, No bi action here, and we are good friends.We do everything together.I think it takes a special relationship for one partner to be able to share you wife or hubby with another on a very regular basis.Not talking fuckbuddies here, we are polyamory....( a relationship with 2 men ) not a fuck buddy dont be confused.We see this lasting a very long time, and it is so easy for me to love both guys, they are both awesome and caring and i thiank them so much for showing me how to love myself.Someone said the other day it is like time share..and yes i suppose it is.But dont think for a minute...how lucky i am, this is hard work for all of us, and especially me. Emotionally and sexually there are needs that need to be met on all fronts. We continue to talk and talk and talk about everything.We are lucky that we can be open and honest about our relationship to all that we know.All my family knows, all of his friends and family knows, it is just simply how we live.People should not judge anyone , unless they understand, and we dont understand how it works ourselves, so how can we expect others to understand.We take each day as it comes and enjoy every moment we all have together.Leesa, Bryan and Coops.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I love this subject, it's so fascinating.. everyone I know has different relationships, different views, different cut off points, different ideas about how it works/doesn't work...   I love the idea of polyamory, when deep emotional relationships develop and often all involved live together... all the people who practise polyamory that I have spoken to say it can be hard work at times but all relationships can be hard work at times... can't they? It's like anything that you care about deeply... you work to protect it. Having said that, for me it would be almost impossible because the key is communication and I tend to withdraw when things get too hard lol   Most people I know prefer the term polyamory to polygamy because the term polygamy seems to be more associated with extreme sects, like Mormons, etc... I don't know if there is also a real definition of the difference between the two terms?   Completely different are fuck buddies, friends with benefits and regular playmates... there is much less (and sometimes no) emotional involvement. It's just sex.   What has worked for me in the past, really really well in fact, is being a regular "friend with benefits" of a couple... I say "friend with benefits" not because I object to the term fuck buddies but because we are also friends.. we all three go out to dinner together, meet for coffee, go shopping (me & her :P), even some holidays together... without always sex but also without falling in love... so, at least for me, no jealousy, no stress, no juggling people's feelings... and when we do get together to play... we all play together...perfect ! LOL   And even then, it can get complicated.. the husband loved the idea of polyamory, emotional as well as sexual attachment, whereas the wife, while being very open sexually,  wasn't open to the idea of sharing her husband emotionally... and I can completely understand that too!    I've never had a fuck buddy... someone will have to explain that better to me! Is it a person that you meet up with regularly & exclusively for sex? What happens if one of you just wants to hang out and watch a movie? Is that dating? LOL

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  when mrs sexy and i decided to open up our sexlife to other parties it was initially as an 'open relationship' situation. outside of a few ground rules we were pretty much free to meet other people and pursue whatever we wanted with them. it seems that we kinda went about things the other way round to most couples but we feel that it gave us the right set of experiences to know what to expect from swinging.this is still a standing arrangement between the two of us even though we do play a lot more together than separately these days. mrs sexy has a guy who she sees semi regularly as well as the ususal flood of interest to her solo account on amm.  as an attached male i found it very difficult to find legitimate playmates as most single women i contacted (on another website i don't frequent anymore) would assume i was just having an affair and being dishonest and subsequently be quite rude. outside of a few trysts with some very immature work colleagues with daddy issues and some random hookups, i have been put off trying to find myself a regular playmate and much prefer what we do now. i suppose in terms of answering the original post, there's no need for things to get 'messy' as long as you stick to the age-old rule of thumb when it comes to swinging; communication, communication and COMMUNICATION!mr scc

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Hmmm... What do you mean when you say your "very curious" Andy? .... lmfao.   I've balked at answering this question because it directly targets me. Messy is an understatement. Trouble is these things happen by accident.   Lately Ive acknowledged that I am a polyamorous bisexual. This particularly came to the front of my thoughts when I met a guy in an anonymous sex situation and fell in love. I mean... I love two people, right. It just kind of happened. Of course, I am married to one of those two people and the other... well, let's just say life is too complicated to go into details. I have no doubt that I have the capacity to love more than two people. When people say... "I found the one".... I think to myself .. "well honey... wait until you've found the two!" And it stands to reason that we can love more than one peep ... I mean, most of us love more than one person, we just don't think of them all as lovers..... and some of us prefer to dedicate our sexual expression to just one person... but some others of us prefer a fukfest party plan. So what. Live and let love.   How people arrange their lives when they have stumbled into a situation where they have found "the two".. or more... well, that's the challenging bit. As it turns out, I didn't plan this at all... and in my instance, the circumstances surrounding "the two" is completely incompetently handled. I make plans for a living... but this plan I feel is too complicated for me to sort out with any promising results. Seems to me that Lessa Bryan and Coops have some advantage. They probably all met in the swinging scene... whereas I met one in the church choir and other other in the swinging scene (I made that up but you get the idea) So, I'm left with the situation of bumbling along until it all falls to shit... or walking away from an impossible situation, broken hearted. Let's not even consider how it impacts them. Either way, someone gets hurt. So, what I need is a good defence and in the interim, I'm a pariah. What do you do if you find the two?   Warms Gazza

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I myself am very curious about this topic as i wish to know how u actually find someone that wants to be in an OPEN relationship to start with, as i honestly do not believe u can find everything u need in just one person. I for years have done the whole "normal" relationships, but always get bored after a few years , as i am always looking for more, usuall dissappointed that i can find it in that person. Now dont get me wrong i have been "in love" when in a relationship, but now after another failed relationship, i am turning a new leaf ad dont wish to just settle for what society believes is normal and actually want to find what is going to make me completly happy. Where do i find it ?... maybe not here but its worth a try i guess. Any ideas would be appreciated..

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Technically polygamy is multi marriages.  I was watching some interviews the other week on the subect with some people from the largest polygamy community, which is situated in Utah called Hilsdale.  They have there own schools, churches, police etc looks like any nice normal suburb really except in each of the house there are multi marriage families and OMG lots of children.  It was a really interesting look in, but living in a kindergarten every day oh not for me.   Now on the other hand as CI correctly identified polyamory is the term for having multi loving longterm relationships, now that I can do, and have done once hehehe. Well if classified as one. Although we were living together, we were all single. I agree with Leesa it is hard work in a tri situation if u are the single one. Yup I would do it again too, if my lifestyle suits, which it pretty much does. However saying that I could do it as singles and I could do it as me a single with a married couple, but somehow I dont think I could do it, if I was married.  Hmmmm.   So what do people think the criteria is to be deemed a polyamory relationship? Do you have to live together? What is longterm? Do/es a couple/s have to be married? Where is the line between open relationships and polyamory? Define the differences  between defacto, swinging, open, casual, playmates, fuckbuddies, polyagamy and the rest....? Lots and lots of questions. Answers could be very interesting on what people think?   Good topic Andy was finking of whacking something in similar after I watched the doco.   xx Miss Honey xx

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Just pondering the nursing home situation with oldies who have severe short term memory loss and don't know if the male visiting them is their son, brother, husband or boyfriend. Or the other way around if its a male. They could blissfully be doing it with all and sundry and not have any regrets the next day. A life without complications that you can remember. I guess those taking substances may not always know who is Arthur or Martha. But I prefer a clear head when having sex, which is probably what a dementia patient has too?

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Just an answer to Gaz, No coops is not a swinger and was not we simply met him here on RHP and it went from there.That is why we, ( Leesa and Coops ) dont play. We are in a new relationship and we are taking or time with it all.We are still adjusting to each others needs and communicate all the time.I ( Leesa ) choose not to play anymore at all, as Coops and I work on our relationship together.You see it is like 2 different relationships for me. I have my hubby Bryan, and then there is me and Coops.Both relationships have different needs, and as i never really played anyhow. it doesnt affect me at all in making my self exclusive for coops. Having said that we do have 3 somes together occassionally, but that is not the focus on our relationships, we all work together in what works for each relationship and it is awesome.I am in love with 2 guys, and each guy has different needs. I am so very lucky to be able to live this and i cheerish every day that i do.I love you guys and thanks for loving me.Leesa

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  i totally agree with gaz that we can love more than one person at a time.xxxxx

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