M44
Cycle of Acceptance or Rejection
May 25 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
You are well meaning, sincere and thoughtful in your messages all the time, the numbers are still well against you. I used to message quite a lot, but only had one or two meetings from about 100 messages that I instigated across 4 'adult' sites. The other meets I have had, have been from replying to messages, flirts or some other invite sent to me first. They're not very frequent, but they happen (although a response is still unlikely, and you have to watch for scammers). Also, you have to be prepared to try with people who may not be your "type", sometimes they will end up being a great experience. Nowadays I rarely send any messages first, and only if there's some quite specific reason, social interaction, common interest or some specific criteria I match making contact likely. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Rejection and denial of offers is an every day part of life. Say you go to your favourite restaurant, and order the special... "sorry sir, we're all out" DO you rant and rave like a petuant child and abuse the waitress, calling her a fucking whore and saying she only works there because she cant get a job anywhere else? Highly unlikely.... yet, thats a very common ... very pathetic response in here. The people you message dont know you... the REAL you.They only the profile, email and photo representation of you,..... unless communication progresses further. So to say its rejection isnt quite true... unless ofcourse, the profile or message demands to be ignored, or flat out rejected.... and most apparently seem to. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'd be ecstatic if I had close to 54% reply rate and I'm a damn nice genuine guy. Wouldn't worry about it bloke just enjoy the ride as you say
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RHP User
11 years ago
a good salesman can tell when a customer is there to buy or kick tyres.... So he will usually only invest in those that are ready to buy.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I guess I was trying to say that despite a decent response rate I have had few actual meets. It was probably irrelevant/misleading information since it is boosted by messaging convos. My lifetime response rate would be far lower but I don't have those stats. Looked at another way it is still approximately 40 messages that I wrote which were not responded to. That's a decent amount of rejection in less than a month. I don't want to sound like I am complaining. I am just trying to be honest about my experience on here in the hope that others will do the same. People are fascinating creatures lol.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Haha well I have seen some tantrums in restaurants too. I am not sure your analogy is completely apt though. If the waitress said that "We have some but you sir cannot have one because I am not physically attracted to you" then it is more of a personal rejection. I'd love to hear stories of people behaving like petulant children though so we can all have a laugh. I will share mine. I saw someone who I have interacted with online in the past and it always peters out I assume due to lack of interest on her behalf. I should just take the hint but I am blinded by the massive crush that I have on her so I try again lol. She replies to my one line, copy/paste joke approach that I use sometimes with a response that heavily implied that I am a "big dick" which could have actually been her sense of humour and not an attack on me personally. I took it personally, replied that I have only ever been polite and respectful to her and heavily implied myself that I think she is a "massive bitch". Then I blocked her. It was a heat of the moment post rejection dummy spit that I regret and wouldn't repeat if I could do over again. But I can still find it funny and laugh at myself about it. Anyone else have a dummy spit story to share?
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RHP User
11 years ago
deepestpurple it did not sound in any way like you were complaining was just being humourous in myself. It is a well written post and I do see where you are coming from and great to see your honesty. Yep people are certainly fascinating and strange creatures
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RHP User
11 years ago
We rarely message anyone and recieve next to no messages, so we barely get rejected or line up meets. We also have learned to read between the lines in a lot of profiles and move forward without the hassle. For example, 90% of the time if someone puts the word fit in their proile it usually means they are searching for an athletic type themselves. We find it easier to attend parties and/or meets, as the online thing doesn't really work for us. Mainly just here for the chatrooms and to view the events coming up.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' DO you rant and rave like a petuant child and abuse the waitress, calling her a fucking whore and saying she only works there because she cant get a job anywhere else? I think there are two reasons for this. There are lots of men think women on adult sites are easy and gagging for it and are not actually worth respecting. And then there are the men, just the same as the women do, get disheartened, over it, the constant rejection wears on them... and they snap occasionally. I think anyone who continually tries to send and reply to messages regularly goes a little balmy after awhile. That usually means it's time for a break!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sometimes people pick up an item from a shelf then change their mind. It happens. No big deal. Just like men and women change their mind. Don't be disheartened. Just keep trying, it's not personal. You have a good reply rate. If it doesn't work, shrug, say goodbye and move on. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I like to win. Its an ego thing. My expectation is to be the one that gets the gig, top of the class, first past the post. It is not handed to me on a plate, but the joy of winning is in its self reason to put in the extraordinary effort required to get what is required. I seek the challenge, the easy win is not a win, The win is best when on the onset the task seems impossible. But that does not mean I win all the time. Sometimes I have to let go for another more in need, sometimes my best does not compare. Though mostly the win is not something that can be achieved, cant win a race that is not run, a challenge taken but never actually there. The guess of a random dice roll. Pure unfeeling luck can not be won. I am not alone in liking to win, but many fail to recognize that there is at times no race to win. A gambler that sees the win as skill and the loss as a unfairness in the system. A deliberate targeted personal attach, as real as the skill that gives a win. It is such a game here, a roll of the dice. A small random intrusion into another life, a letter. Written with much thought or as a lazy why not. Does it reach them too late, seen glanced, then to sleep and forgotten. Maybe a busy day, week much to do, reading a letter as a momentary distraction. A small "that's nice" crosses the readers mind, minutes later forgotten. Or does chance see the reader in need, lonely in the moment, a chance phrase touches the soul. Delivered a minute later and you are unseen in the que. Delivered on the second, the thoughts, the moods, the crack of thunder, all chance, luckily aligned to connect. As random as a roll of a dice, as the gambler the win being that of pure skill. The loss a deliberate personal snub. Play as a gambler and enjoy the self gratifying win, and suffer the unfairness of the more frequent loss. The game here actually does not have a losing side. A rejection is not material lose, your have nothing taken, nothing owed, no penalty or encumbrance but that of your own mind. It also means that the win is not one of skill, you are not against a lineup of fitter, faster, stronger. You are equal, the roll of the dice will favour no one. So you never lose and luck inevitable delivers the prize, playing guarantees you that. Play smart knowing there is no winning, and if you are like me no need to suffer the indignity of losing.. Mind you when the contact exchange is made, then the starters gun fires. Your choice to run.
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RHP User
11 years ago
nice post Blindman, that's something I like about this game. Making it only 5 makes it more fun because you have to put some thought into how to use them. And like a dice you can get a few different outcomes. Haha, this game is actually pretty fun.
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RHP User
11 years ago
deepestpurple good effort old chap keep pluggin away many hurdles and lessons in the online dating game ! I do recall one gentleman a while back posting that he had sent (if my memory serves me ) 180 messages for a return rate of 5 messages !! And he had not met anyone in 12 months!! Call it what you will but i replied with , pull ya finger out what do you expect i been here 10 months and sent over 5000 messages and recieved over 3000 replies 64% reply rate hahaha !! Yes i did have a slight problem and still trying to get off the tit 😜 so to speak 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Try not to come across as "jaded" (even if you are!), particularly in a profile, when people start using more capital letters and exclamation points. Avoid sending negative messages/emails, even if you think it was warranted. It's hard enough to find good friends and playmates without making enemies. Remember, everyone has there own problems. Single males: as above. Single females: too many overly simple, rude, or disrespectful messages; dealing with stalkers/harassers; people who seem genuine but quickly turn nasty when they don't get their way. Couples: managing work/life/family balances, finding other couples without emotional dramas/hangups, more problems keeping things secret etc. And other groups such as TV/TG have other dramas. Although of any group, I do envy couples the most, because if other plans fall through, they still have each other to take out their sexual frustrations on!
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RHP User
11 years ago
with messages when they first join and it is physically impossible to respond to everyone unless you quit your job and make RHP communication a full time occupation. I tried my hardest to respond to everyone who messaged, but I just couldn't. I didn't even get near the flirts (a complete waste of time for the most part I think). It slows down after a month or so and I think it's polite to respond to messages sent unless they're along the lines of "hey babe, I want to bounce you on my cock" (yes, I have actually received that message). However, there are a fair few guys who do a complete dummy spit when they're politely rejected and this sours it for the more reasonable men who can take the rejection on the chin like a grown up. I'm always pleasantly surprised when I receive a message back thanking me for responding after I've said 'thanks but no thanks.' The onus is on the men to do all the work which is a little unfair. Most women don't pay for membership generally because they don't have to, but I decided to become a paying member because I am not a fan of being passive and I like to have some control over my experience here. In addition I'm looking for women and two guests flirting back and forth at each other without the ability to take it any further is a little frustrating.
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RHP User
11 years ago
There is an often quoted (misquoted) reference to Sun Tzu who wrote a book titled The Art Of War.And if the interaction between men and women is termed the battle of the sexes then war and battle go hand in hand. "know thy enemy".(correct full quote is "It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle".) Now.... I apply this phrase to mean ... understand that which you seek to attract - (in your/my case = women)...... learn what motivates a person, learn what appeals, what intrigues, what compels...... and understand the ordeals they need to contend with, especially in this asylum where a tidal wave of concentrated shit messages and friend requests from totally unsuitable strangers swamp new members. See also... walk a mile in their shoes. Knowing yourself to me, is about understanding your ego, your egos need to respond in certain ways, and what rejection is and isn't. (read Eckhart Tolle - "Practicing the Power of Now".. brilliant little book that one.) It helps in all aspects of communication. DG
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Sexycheeks2
11 years ago
You sound like an intelligent & sensitive man 'Deepestpurple' - and your words reflect it. But if you dive into any venture with expectations, you're bound to have some disappointments. To be honest, when I'm horny & feel like some raunchy company, I just log in and zoom in on my objective! I don't send unnecessary messages, because there's nothing to say unless the other person is also interested. I send flirts - as a result of which I either get blocked, or they come running - both of which are fine with me! :-D Often it leads to good friendships with benefits - and when it doesn't, I don't dwell on it. Wish you the best on your journey :-)
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