M54
Dating site and dealing with rejection.
December 05 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think people come online with far too many expectations or preconceived ideas about what they will get out of it. If you come to it with an open mind and not expecting anything other than chatting to a few people and making some friends then it is hard to be dissapointed. With the expectations people have comes pressure when they do not meet said expectations and thus further dissapointment
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RHP User
13 years ago
I close up my profile for a while! While I have met a few guys from here, I can honestly say that there are probably two that I would've had sex with again...Had they not waited 6 months plus to contact me again! It can be very soul destroying when you get on so well and they seem to like the same things sexually that you do...but when you meet they do none of the stuff they proclaim to LOVE! Also it does get you a bit down when you are talking to someone and can't meet them at that moment and then they start calling you fat and all sorts of names! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
13 years ago
sure Ive had a few meets with people that things arent going to go further with. Ive had chats with people that nothing more has eventuated...Ive had the one night stands....the travellers....etc However, I have also been extremly fortunate too meet some absolutely wonderful people I comsider as friends and even more relevant (where this site is concerned to many) is the 2 wonderful lovers I currently have. One has been around for a while now and the other is a fairly recent addition to my life however both men are fabulous people and I have an awesome time with them. How do I deal with rejection? Honestly? Its their loss not mine. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
13 years ago
I don't take things too personally. I love to chat with and meet all sorts of people who have similar passions as mine - whether sex eventuates or not. Its fun talking about it and I have the belief that I have something to learn from everyone. Sometimes we chat again, sometimes we don't. I have a motto in life (forgive me for getting a bit philosophical but) "Never expect anything because then you'll never be disappointed". But thats just me. *holding a peace sign*
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RHP User
13 years ago
Truthfully, I have probably met only 5 or 6 guys from just exchanging messages in the 2.5 years that I have been on RHP and half of those didn't lead anywhere and the other half were a disappointing one off. I have met loads of people that I have come to know well from the forums though and 90% of those have been non-sexual with only two people that I can truly say I have a real and deep mental connection with. At the end of the day, I don't put myself out there. Yes I go to sex clubs here and there but the fun for me is being with my friends. I do enjoy group sex and I suppose I bonk randoms then. But in my day to day I am not interesting in fucking just for the same of it. It bores me if I don't have that mental connection. I quite often have my account set so that I don't get any new messages. Truthfully this Internet dating thing isn't for me.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I recently got a message from a young God, you know the type all beautiful muscles and nice face. But even more importantly his profile interested me and he sounded genuine. And in a long long time I was excited about a message. Second message.. He starts talking about me and him having a threesome with another forum member. A 19 year old girl. Can't believe how disappointed I was. But then again... With he way I write and the profile pictures I have up I suppose I shouldn't expect anything more. I don't want to be someone's experience, I want to have someone interested in me as a person.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Good thing too. My ego has had enough of a battering from all the comments from women in the threads about penis size (sob).
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RHP User
13 years ago
being Alice down the rabbit hole,or sometimes the rabbit down the Alice hole.It all depends on your perspective.It is always a pleasant surprise to encounter interesting people whether here or on the surface,otherwise known as real life.Sure I have had less than riveting experiences but then you meet someone ,not necessarily for sex and you realise just what an amazing connector the internet is.Two weeks ago I met not just one, but nine sexy fascinating people from the forums.Nothing depressing about that.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was just having a look through datefinder and accidently picked guys, there was 105 guys looking for dates and only 5 girls of which 3 don't have pictures and 1 looking for a woman. A girl said to me today online is a woman's world and she is right, women are spoilt for choice here. I have no expectations of anything other than friendship on here anything else is a bonus.. That being said I have met one really awesome couple for a coffee, been chatting to a really nice girl and been invited to a party on Friday. All in the last 2 weeks :-D I'm not expecting anything from them and knowing the odds are against me as a single male, eh I expect to get rejections along the way so I won't be disappointed if I do. Dan
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RHP User
13 years ago
Sometimes people want things they can’t manage.A man or woman might want you around, but isn't in a place to give you what you need right now.If a person is working on the fundamentals of their own path,or perhaps say finding themselves. They won’t have the mental energy, or the time to be a whole lover/partner to you. Sometimes, even someone you feel immense chemistry with just has no space for you at that time.I am an Everything Happens for a Reason person,not matter how or why people enter and leave our lives..They give us a gift when they arrive and take a little something when they leave...
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
No expectations - no disappointments Ppl are on here for all different reasons, some are on for just sex, porn star sex! Others are on here just for the perv, others to find love n others friendships! Some ppl get on this site thinking sex is a sure thing n everyone will adore you n the sex will be everything n more! This then disappoints when this doesn't happen!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was on this site for a few years before meeting my current partner. It certainly had its moments and there were times when I did get all down and depressed about the rejection . It wasnt so much the no shows or the flat out "I am soory you are not what I am looking for" as I honestly did not get many of those. It was more the fact that they would meet once twice or three times and that was it. No more contact. NOw that leaves you wondering just what it was that you did so wrong. Eventually I just worked out that if it wasnt right, it just wasnt right and not to take things personally. It was the nature of the game. I too have met some fantastic friends from RHP. Many of whom remain friends, many many that it was never a sexual thing at all. I guess you just sit back, enjoy the ride and do not expect anything.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Rather than have high expectations, just go with the flow ie. chat first to see if you have something in common if you get past that stage then meet for coffee if you are sure they are on your wavelength, then when you meet if there is chemistry then take it from there. Understand that this is an adult website not your normal dating site so not all people are going to want lasting relationships but just fun times, with no strings attached, if you are lucky to find someone with similar thinking and just in it for fun and no complications then you have it made, if along the track it gets serious and you both want a relationship then go for it but don't expect the other person to want a relationship just because you do as the understanding is a Friends with Benefits situatiion or just casual fun, given that in mind no one gets disappointed or let down as you will accept what will be will be.
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RHP User
13 years ago
was here as a single a number of years ago, and found that if i rolled with the rejections, and took them as incentives to try harder or differently, things worked out.... as it turned out, things worked out very well indeed, and perserverence and honesty paid off....i met a wonderful lass who i became very good friends with....and ended up dating for nearly 12 months.... just be honest, and dont place too high an expectation on your outcomes.....what will be, will be....
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes we are still men and yes we still love to have sex as much as we like to breath. But if you have that intellectual stimulation as well it is so much better for all concerned. Just my option.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I suspect that for most of us, sites like RHP have a "use by" date. It's fun for awhile, even empowering for some, but eventually the constantly moving on, the continual vetting of candidates, and feeling somewhat like a prime rib in the window on display can prove draining in the longer term. For me, it's not the rejection that gets me down. It's just that i want someone to really "get me" Meeka said it well: "I don't want to be someone's experience, I want to have someone interested in me as a person."
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1playfulcpl
13 years ago
wat we dnt get is why they contact u things progress up to where ur going to meet an then im not playing anymore or im taking time away but u no through other friends they r still playing sum ppl just get a buzz of fucking other ppl around,we find it hard enuf with work an kids for sum adult fun if ur not real take a hike an leave the real ppl alone
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RHP User
13 years ago
I noticed all of the posts so far are from the regulars, apart from one, and follow a similar tune. You all have the confidence within yourselves to put your opinions on these forums and therefore you aren't relient on others for yourself self esteem. I think this is the same with internet dating, I know how good I am and, if other can't see it, bad luck. I was hoping this may give newbies and lurkers an insight into how to handle this site. I've meet some wonderful people on this site. Yes, I've had disappointments but good has completely outweighed the bad. Although some of the bad has been alot of fun.
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RHP User
13 years ago
This topic is a no brainer in my view. I mean OP here's an exercise for you to try. I want you to get yourself in front of a brick wall, and just let your head fall onto the bricks. Does it hurt straight away?? No, you get that weird feeling but you do it again, and again and again. Soon enough you get harder and harder and THEN the pain sets in. So a question for you, do you keep slamming your head into brick wall just one more time to see if it's going to be different?? If you do then you're crazy. Much the same on ANY dating site. Everyone just has a different pain threshold. My threshold ain't that bad, but that's just simply because women (and men in the reverse situation), will come and go all they like, but the true and genuine people will always stick about.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with Jonah if you join any dating site with high expectations I think you are setting yourself up for huge esteem whack on every rejection you get and the same goes when you approach a girl in a shop or bar etc...I think the main thing to remember is we all have very different tastes in what we like. If we all were attracted to the same ppl how boring would that be?? Cornflakes every breakfast anyone lol....the fear of rejection also keeps interest and excitement up, the thrill of not knowing what may happen, will she reply at all? I tend to go with it and enjoy the whole experience we all payed for :) it's part of it no need to take it the heart cause we can't get them all....
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RHP User
13 years ago
A lady friend of mine.. of a couple of years.. with whom I have never been sexual... has had a good old drought in her life for awhile.. On facebook..I posted on her wall..... (just to get a response off her..and her friends) "Hey XXX do you STILL want me to set up that account for you on RedHotPie.. so you can pick yourself up a stud or two?" It got some good responses from her friends.. funny sexually explicit ones... BUT.. I'll be damned.. a week later.. she has arranged a date... !! SHE set her own account up.. and scored!! three months down the track.. she is still seeing the guy fully sexual.. ..and they are pretty damned happy... Damn.. you gotta hate that don't you??!! You start a joke.. and the persont eh joke was about... SCORES!!!!! *grins* Good on her.. I love her to death anyway..and hope it stays working!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Its hard to take when you meet someone, think there's a spark there, he says he'll call and then he doesn't. Just... nothing. But all the fantastic people I've met more than make up for that. When it doesn't happen I just believe the universe is looking out for me and helping me avoid a bad situation.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Get of line and meet in the real worls Join a club or get out more often Cyber dating is where Attractive = Ugly Fat Fuckers = Average Lazy Cunts = Sporty
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RHP User
13 years ago
Meeka said it well: "I don't want to be someone's experience, I want to have someone interested in me as a person." Its to do with the heart of the matter. I know that its a very destructive path for a lot of people here on rhp, especially women. The way to a mans heart is not through your vagina, they used to tell us girls it was through our cooking in my day. There is a sense of longing in all of us. We want that connection but like meeka says we use each other as an experience. I often tell my girlfriends to do the five date rule of no sex when they meet a new guy, off-line thought normal social interaction. Internet interaction is indeed the rabbit hole. We take a bit of that magic mushroom, our ego gets so inflated that we cant fit through the door of happiness, we eat the other and we become so small in our misery Yes you may be one in the trillion that meets a person on rhp and lives in happy ever after sexy land. Rare as rocking-horse poop. What you will find in here is sex , If your a woman some guy some where will fuck you, simply because you have a hole. They will stroke your ego, and whisper in your ear. They may fuck you, but then after that they say things like” do you have a girlfriend” who might like to fuck me as well, or do you think you can russel me up a threesome? They seriously want to be their pimp. People get the now shows, the drive by check out and then on their merry way. The men with no condoms, the men to tight to pay for a coffee. I have seen my single female friends go through more shit than I care to mention. And their moral and self worth goes down the shitter. I see men deceived by women wanting money from them, or just playing with them like a cat with a mouse. The good looking hotties, they are doing just fine its a meat market for them. The not so pretty and the vulnerable are getting kicked to the curb and yes they run up against that wall, smacking their head over and over. Why? Because they are longing for someone to see them, to hold them to kiss their eyes closed as they sleep to say, its ok I am here for you. I am so lucky I have that man in my life, all I lack is a good fuck now and again. Perhaps I can forgo the good fuck and just settle for being loved. And meeka, you are a delight and I can see why your smart enough to stay away from the random s on here, they want to eat you alive and there is a hell of a lot more to you than the tits and arse. I think many of us put up the sexy pictures to deflect away from who we really are. The boobs are a red herring , there is heart and soul and emotion under the sexy facades.
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RHP User
13 years ago
We poison our rivers,chop down our forests and truncate our emotional lives.It hurts to feel. Our branches of emotion and connectedness have been so carefully pruned,trimmed back and bonsaied.We no longer feel our pulses race our hearts beat. The white noise of our frantic lives blocks out the sounds. We forget we are human,more than a body,more than hormones more than a chemical cocktail. We briefly touch each others lives casual aquaintances .We waltz together, move on without a flicker of care. A progressive dance the Baptists called it, switching one partner for the next. Now it's prey dancing.
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RHP User
13 years ago
can get you down but I try to stay philosophical about it. In real life you are not going to be good friends with everyone you meet. Its pretty much the opposite in you have a small group of close friends so why should you expect it be different online. I am only a forum person now but yes everyone knows the odds are stacked for guys. I think the best way is to keep being yourself and be confident who you are then trying to change into something your not. I would like to think these things play out the way they do for a reason.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thankfully I don't share Tuscanred's cynical views on the subject. Yes we all get rejections but if we have patience and keep looking forward, instead of dwelling on what didn't eventuate, we don't end up feeling sad and sorry for ourselves. Life is too short to waste time trying work out the "why me's".Constant rejection and failure can be grinding but only if you let it get to you. So what if it didn't work or someone said no, it's their loss and not your problem. Stop looking at online dating as a way of finding "that special someone" and look at it as a way to pass the time until you find them.And don't "just settle for being loved" over a good fuck because you are selling yourself short if you do.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Suck it up, there's life on the other side of this screen. This is more like one crazy online video game without the animations, unfortunately some don't move that much after you meet them either. It's no big deal unless you decide to let it be, it's a very two dimensional experience on the best of days. Move on have fun, and if that isn't happening you can always quit. Most of all have fun and enjoy the occasional good ones you meet along along the way.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm sure others mentioned expectations, but for some reason I keep going back to Jonah ;)A wise person (possibly Yoda) slapped some sense into me many years ago as my feelings were being hurt and I was repeatedly disappointed in a friend’s behavior. Those words of wisdom which still echo in my head today were: “You can only be hurt/disappointed if you have expectations” If you expect something to happen or expect people to behave a certain way or worse, look a certain way – you will end up depressed in no time kicking down the Dr’s door and begging to be medicated (hmm I can see the positive in that also :) I now skip through life not expecting a damn thing, but I’m constantly amazed at how many wonderful things happen “when I least expect it” (boom boom) but it’s true. I have loved my time on here and have met some beautiful people (inside and out…he he). If I don’t meet any more, I feel blessed with the one’s I have spent time with as they have added to my journey and made me smile. Live, Love and Learn
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RHP User
13 years ago
I am just here for the Banana bread and a coffee.Am not here to hurt/offend or use people,my mum taught me well. I have respect for women as i have a sister and mum,both strong women in my life(who would beat me down to a pulp if i hurt a woman)Sure sex is great,but having a relationship with someone who you respect and care for is what its all about.I came to the conclusion a while ago RHP was not for me,as alot of swingers here.I have never had group sex and never will as i just want a relationship.I don't get rejection from here as i don't see a woman ,not replying to my mail as being rejected.If anyone has chatted to me in a chat room ,i just try and make jokes and laugh at life.I don't put the hard word on women as......* life has taught me that you cannot make people like you*or make people want to spend time with you,if they want to they will.I am more than happy to meet/chat to someone for coffee and banana bread ,with no agenda behind meeting.Don't hold things against people,just live laugh and love the lovable !Regards
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RHP User
13 years ago
"Stop looking at online dating as a way of finding "that special someone" and look at it as a way to pass the time until you find them." Thanks for this line Mistress TWhen I first started internet dating I used to take things a bit serious but now I only meet the people who sound interesting to me. Doesn't mean I am going to have sex with them, and they might not want to have sex with me once we've met. As for rejection, I don't view it as rejection if we don't get around to having sex or we only have a once off. I figure nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I slam the door in their face...i shut them out....i sometimes vent to other forum members THANKYOU I have a girlfriend who once used to internet date and she reaffirms to me when we chat that this is guys on the internet......i came with no expectations and unfortunately have let others at times into my personal space. Attitude .... I have told men straight out nothing serious but there are some that want to convince you otherwise then dont follow through.Expectations.....Change --- you can go into a situation thinking it will be a one off or could turn into a nice FWB then because of the person that may change. Deepdarwoods77.....unfortunately because of those odds men will then tell you anything to get you to choose them.....I think this is the case and forget that people have feelings and they fall for that. I realise we need to flirt and try to seduce people I dont mind the bullshit to get you into bed its the deception they allude to you about friendship that is emotionally abusive.It surprises me when I see the same faces from here on the vanilla dating sites and the same guys who want casual are looking for love there I wonder why they think it will be different there. I occassionally get the idea to go back there thinking I might find a nice guy and then realise same guys.....So even being forwarned I still am a person with feelings and emotions not with a partner to go home to when all turns sour so NEXT move on I dont want this place to turn me into a sour person and I think if two people are going to be friends etc that will happen.
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RHP User
13 years ago
What's rejection?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Have you been on Jennylee's profile again. Cheeky boy!
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RHP User
13 years ago
RHP really needs a "LIKE" button :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
And don't "just settle for being loved" over a good fuck because you are selling yourself short if you do. OR Don’t just settle for a good fuck, over love or you could be selling yourself short. I am sure somewhere in the middle is a good place to be. And Ms Devious your a beautiful young sexy woman, educated with class not all women are like you on here at all. Yes my views are cynical, I have seen off-line the damage done to women I know. I have seen the struggles of men who are not the buff, young studly fuck and fly guy who want a relationship but the girlie’s go looking for the gods, and the gods are fickle and cruel at times. Because the odds are so good in a woman’s favour she gets laid a lot on on rhp if that is what she wants. but after a while the cotton candy gets a bit to sweet and a woman who is single may want more, she is getting fucked by guys who are number ten on the scale, and that is not a reality its just a game. Then the magic mirror has to be broken and its a reality check, what man would be interested in me if I was not opening my legs? The RHP pool is often a shallow pool, and if you dive into it you can sometimes bump your head on the bottom. So the lonely , overweight , uneducated, people on struggle street, People with mental health issues like depression Those with no family no friends , they all come looking for some kind of connection And some people take advantage of that. When they get rejected it stings and it may affect some more than others depending on how strong they are feeling at the time. I enjoy my RHP flings , I like meeting new people, I get a buzz out of my sexy adventures. But I do not invest myself in lost causes , I cut through the crap and get exactly what I want But then,I know what I want, not everybody does. And when I sleep I am tucked under my husbands wing, knowing that there are decent men on the planet. I would think for me things would be a lot different if I never had that. I know one thing, I would never be on rhp or any other internet date site, I have tried that and it was horrid. I would rather be alone and never have sex again in my life. I have had years of no dates and no sex so I know I can manage if I have to again. On second thoughts, I could always just be here for the forums
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RHP User
13 years ago
*smiles* it is what I feel when I think of you.. and "WISH"
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RHP User
13 years ago
i get rejected all the time and just think of it as oh well wasnt meant to be and just move on to find the next lady to talk to and will keep doing so till the right one turrns up. i use to let it get to me but now i just think oh well they dont know what they are missing i have been told by a friend i meet on another site that i have heaps to offer the right woman and she is out there for me and to just keep looking and she will be there one day rejection is just part of everyday life be it at work or in our private life we all deal with it in our own way and i choose not to let it get me down and it wont anymore its better to be happy with who you are than be depressed about what others that dont even know you think. sexis great but friendship counts even more in my book now and it is better to have friends than nobdy at all if the sex part does happen take it as a bonus to the friendship
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RHP User
13 years ago
everyone for this very timely topic. Yep, whoever said 'it's their loss' - spot on! There are some rather strange people out there in RHP land!
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RHP User
13 years ago
No doubt there will be 1001 opinions on this and a lot of the views will be shared ones. To give a few......a woman i've spoken to on here felt these sites were unfair for males as woman can punch below their weight choosing guys as if it were a meat market. Another woman was shocked with her experience closing her account saying these people are not people i want to associate with. There will be varied reactions. Personally i wouldn't say its been an eye-opener or that i've been shocked, but rather its confirmed what i already knew about women.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Rejection is why god created alcohol. A few drinks and all is forotten.......
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RHP User
13 years ago
Rejection from many aspects of life including here made me a better person I think. When I first joined here I was a 24yr old 58kg twig of a boy. Not many women wanted to chat, let alone meet up with me. I understood why too, I'm not naive. So I hit the gym and trained... and trained... and trained. Now i'm a 28yr old 96kg beast of a man. Point being that we all take rejection differently in life, some hide away from the world for awhile and others see it as a means to make themselves even better. I chose the latter and even my more recent pics doesn't do my physical transformation justice. So to the women (and there was a few) that knocked me back over time both in real life and on here. I say thanks, no grudge, you helped me mould myself into whom I am today.xox
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RHP User
13 years ago
The Tom half of the AllyKats equation here.Well God help you if you're a single male here from what I've seen - except if you're relatively young, drop-dead gorgeous, intelligent and funny. But as a couple we've found that it's just party central. Sure you get rejected and you reject but at the end of the day (or night) you just laugh about it and then go looking for more prezzies to unwrap. The couples here we've met up with and played with make the rejections meaningless - they've all way exceeded expectations.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' And Ms Devious your a beautiful young sexy woman, educated with class not all women are like you on here at all. I've dealt with rejection, just like most of us here. When Meeka said "I don't want to be someone's experience", that also struck a chord. I guess that's a downside of being a relatively well-known poster. More than once have I been told by guys they were excited to finally meet "The elusive Devious". Flattering, but frankly it makes me think I won't live up to their expectations. I believe I am smart and attractive, but I'm also a real person, with real flaws and real insecurities... And you can hurt me. So be gentle.
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RHP User
13 years ago
We all walk a path in life and try to learn from our experiences.I tend to find you always get hurt when you do not explain your feelings.When you do and you communicate ,its pretty hard to get hurt.Its good for people to know where they stand in a relationship/life.I get excited going to the cake shop
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RHP User
13 years ago
people here MsDevious, are I imagine often objectified.That goes for both men and women. Some they comfortable with that but sometimes being so attractive can also lead to rejection.The reason being, that someone who does not view themselves as being quite so physically attractive won't accept the contact for fear of rejection. In RHP land we have a somewhat disorted view of others because we are looking through a filter, reality is often at odds with what we see here. Sometimes when we meet peolple in the real world we can be surprised,the persona that has been constructed is often at odds with the real.That is why, as Tuscan has said ''step away from the screen...go into the real world''. x R
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Saskia72'Have you been on Jennylee's profile again. Cheeky boy! Almost every day, ...why?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Great topic to start Fun... I think I've previously posted in here about how I treat RHP as just one part of my world, no different to meeting people in real life, and how confidence in yourself, and in your life, can be usually detected by others pretty quickly. Rejection does hurt, no matter what, where, how, why or when you are being rejected... Online dating is no different - perhaps we just a little more invested in thinking we may score, or that our expectations may be a little higher than in real life given people here have signed up for some sort of sexy experiences... Taking the time to write messages and contact people who then don't feel you are a good match takes a little getting used to online... However, why would we want to meet someone who doesn't want to meet us anyway ? I usually graciously accept their rejection, and then congratulate myself for being awesome... some push ups, a bit of babyoil, and a mirror usually does the trick... ahem... or so I've been told The funny thing is - I meet more people in real life than in RHP and other sites like it... partly because I probably suck online :( The funnier thing is - most of the people I have met from RHP and other sites have mentioned that I am more cheeky, funny, better looking and personable in the flesh than online... Funny world eh ? A
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RHP User
13 years ago
Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, one thing I have learnt is not to take anything serious or personal on this site. Who knows what attracts us to some people and not to others its a chemistry thing, everyone has the right to say "no" and "not interested", so really just gotta cop it on the chin and move on. Personally I believe if you are looking for love and a relationship on a site like this, you will luck out alot more on here then sites that are provided for that reason. You have be prepared if you are looking for more than what someone willing to offer, you have to be prepared to be rejected. At the end of the day everybody's agenda is out there, especially most single people, we just want to get laid with all the complications of dating. And like Kizza said "Live and Learn"
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RHP User
13 years ago
To each their own. This is my honest input into this topic. I am on RHP for the forums only and if I meet “FRIENDS” along the way great! I am not here to meet somebody or ANYBODY for sex or any other purpose other than friendship. I am not saying that cannot happen to others, it’s just not what I want from this site and no matter how unattractive I make my profile, it may diminish the messages and flirts, however, there is always plenty more people, that want to push the boundaries and contact you no matter what you have in your profile? (I’ve changed my profile many of times, to field the people that do not and will not read my profile and now J). I personally, would much prefer to meet people in a social situation as opposed to moving things forwards in a hurry through cyber dating and dating sites in general – this is where I believe that dating sites are “soul destroyers”. Meeka Beautifully said: “I don't want to be someone's experience, I want to have someone interested in me as a person”. I soooo Agree!!! And you shouldn’t Meeka, from what I have read in your posts, you are an honest woman who wants to explore her sexuality and people have misconstrued this as been easy – I don’t get that, you need to be who you are without judgment and preconceived perverted assumptions of other narrow minded people looking to fulfill their fantasies?? Meeka: You shouldn’t have to tone down who you are on this site? All ther forum posted love you for who you are... Miss Poppins “You can only be hurt/disappointed if you have expectations” I love your mantra! Those words are so easy when we are confident... there are a few many people on this site looking for “love” (from what I have read???) I totally agree with this mantra on this site or any other dating site if you are looking for an experience and a bit of sexy fun only – nothing more. Kizza1973 ( you are adorable) I hope you find the perfect woman for you and your old fashion ways on this site – In written context, you are the guy that every girl, looking for love want s to find on RHP – Why you haven’t found this is beyond me?). Tuscanred .Leaving the best till last(on both posts): You are the woman we want to be now and in our 60”s (ALL WOMAN OF ANY AGE, NEED TO LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF WISDOM OF TUSCANRED) - Opened minded, honest, insinuative , fun! Your words reflect my own in this post topic to the tee... Thank you wise woman for your insight and knowledge! Enigma of Love: From what I have seen on this site. I think woman get to bat way above their average, not below. In the real world, some woman would never get the chance in the real world – maybe I’m wrong – there are quite a few really attractive guys on this site, looking for sex and I can guarantee they would not look twice at the girls if meet in a social situation? Cyber, in my opinion, brings out the dog eat dog mentality of competitiveness whether you realise it or not ? Usually, you meet the person in flesh and realise this may have been the case – Again, no idea, just heard and read far too many stories?? Funlover71: There is no cure for disappointment or being let down. Some people are wired to have many casual encounters and to be able to separate sex from emotional attachment and others are not . My advice for those who are looking for love on any dating site is it can happen, however, the odds are SLIGHTLY better than winning lotto. If you want to find love, put yourself out there in a social situation – something that you are interested in. It may be dancing, it may be singing or toast masters, hiking or something else – put yourself in a social situation where you are going to meet like minded peoplein a social situation, who enjoy the same things as you. Cyber relationships are built on what you perceive, not what you feel and see... This is my perception of how I see internet dating .
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RHP User
13 years ago
That made me laugh and I agree totally. I hope you don't mind me saying that I have met you as you and I met for a drink a few weeks ago. And I definitely felt a little bit like I was supposed to live up to some sort of "image". I think you even challenged me about living up to my "reputation". I don't mean this in a bad way but it has definitely made me stop and think. What sort of image am I projecting on this forum? Is it fair of me to be disappointed in men who only want to meet a chick that seems to do outrageous things when it comes to sex (I think that is what some people think???) when this is the only side that I show of myself on the forum. It has been a time of reflection.... maybe time to actually set some goals or even New years' resolutions. Meeka xx
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RHP User
13 years ago
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RHP User
13 years ago
The only opinion people should be worried about ,are the opinions of the ones who love them. Their family Everyone else is "An Idiot un till proven other wise."<<
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RHP User
13 years ago
I guess I am a little to 'abrasive, creepy, weird, whatever, and I do get a little upset sometimes, but I guess it is from my own doing as I don't 'sell' myself too well, so I have been told. And yes, dating sites ARE soul destroyers. NOTHING matches meeting someone in person, whether it is just a date, or casual sex (don't think I have considered any sex to be casual, it is too personal for me). I believe if you are attracted to a person enough to have sex with them, you are giving them a little piece of your soul, even if it is 'casual', as sex is a very intimate act. So yes, it can be a 'soul destroyer'. I have met far more people by 'random' chance, where some seemed to be very close to being 'the one'. I don't really even know why I am here sometimes, have met a few nice ladies, but for the most part, it is just a perve from a creepy guy:)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think you have to approach these sites with an open attitude and no expectations. That way there is no disappointment. I think some people have an idea of the person in their head and are disappointed when they meet. Just have to remember to enjoy the fun while it lasts and know that you will have to filter through a few that are not the right match for you both.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was told years ago when newly single that I would need to have a thick skin to go on any kind of dating sites....How true that statement was!! Have only been on RHP a few months and its def different, I have met some lovely people aswell. for me the thing that stands out the most is honesty and being straight with people....I really dont like being led up the garden path...this has happened a couple of times, its just plain old manners and respect to let someone know if your'e not interested..SIMPLELets face it, you cant get rid of em if they are
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RHP User
13 years ago
we can wallow in our self pity, or we can take the opportunity to understand the reasons behind why we feel so rejected. It may be painful at first, but liberating in the end. coping mechanism = No expectations, no disappointment ...a good rule to adopt with life in general!! ...or there's always Bob Marley and a big fat spliff to see you through
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RHP User
13 years ago
Please try not to take it personally. Most people probably find it easy to ignore others in this situation because they feel they can hide behind this veil (the screen). Its more about them than you. Trade your worry in spending time loving and believing in yourself. Hope this helps.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have to agree Meeks that your image of the red hot cyber goddess, does not reflect the warmth and intelligence of the whole woman. But then we do not have to show all of our facets , its just a cyber web site and off-line in your normal activities people would not assume your some raging sex goddess. If people saw me, like I was this morning, mop in hand cleaning my house. Down the beach all bedraggled with my dog, they would just walk on past. On this thing we get to put a little spot light on ourselves, but only part of our selves. The sexual side is amplified to the point of a distortion. And yet we get surprised when we get the short end of the stick, with what people see through that prism of distorted sexual perceptions. Its an image we cultivate and create, and I have to reflect myself at times what is it I am saying to people on here. Who am I really? Having sex with strangers is just part of my desires, the sexy goddess is advertising the shell of me. the rest belongs to my husband. I can also though offer some warmth and a shoulder to cry on and a open mind and I listen. I try to now limit my meetings and stick with the men that see beyond my adverising Being the all singing all dancing all fucking is exhausting and we cant always keep it up. Self reflection is always a good thing to do. We can often reject our true selves as we get lost in our own press on RHP. All in all it can be a good place to meet people, the trick is to learn from your mistakes and use it wisely, as like any tools of the trade it may just get away from you and cut deeper than you think. And thank you Bees knees for your post , not bad for an 81 year old woman
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' I have to agree Meeks that your image of the red hot cyber goddess, does not reflect the warmth and intelligence of the whole woman. But then we do not have to show all of our facets , its just a cyber web site and off-line in your normal activities people would not assume your some raging sex goddess.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' And thank you Bees knees for your post , not bad for an 81 year old woman You are welcome. You are welcome. Yes, it appears I have doubled in age since joining RHP in September
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RHP User
13 years ago
If I do feel rejected I take some time out for self preservation as I call it. There are some wonderful people on here to meet and have found that the couples are the best experience. A FFM experience is intimate as they take you into a world of there relationship. Its full of tenderness with the caress and sharing equally with each other. Its considerate and very hot and you can walk away from it feeling great and having met some wonderful couples. There is no worry about an attachment emotionally for me as I am being respected and cared for by the couple whom are already attached so that's a no go zone for me.Wish some of my male encounters where more like this, but think sometimes we can get scared of sharing a connection in case it involves them more emotionally. I would rather share a moment of intimacy and feel like like they took a little of me when they left. Then a unsatisfactory roll in the hay. (oh yes still looking for the elusive middle ground)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Devious' What's rejection? When some one won't come to Melbourne to meet me
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting '1800mixalot'Rejection is why god created alcohol. A few drinks and all is forotten....... Plus while you're having a drink, you may find someone at the pub to console you.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Seems to be the buzz word on this topic. Personally, I have a strong sense of who I am and rarely let other people affect my ego. I do believe these site can be soul destroying depending on your expectations. But trying to find a realationship in the real world can be as tough. Yes, I've had a couple of disappointments but most of the people I have met or have been in contact with by phone, as they are interstate and just want a friendship, have been genuine and good people. Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions and I hope this helps a few people that are having difficulties navigating their way through the minefield that is internet dating.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Ive had two coffee dates with ladies that seemed to go well but didnt leed to anything. Ive had one no show from another lady and two from men but the men sent their appologies and wanted to try again.
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