F39
Does including 'open to a relationship' in your profile hinder certain members from making contact?
October 13 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
It absolutely does. Which is why I put it in my profile awhile ago, it was much more effective than saying I was on a break and please don't contact me. I get few emails these days. If you remove the word fun and NSA from your profile this also has an impact. In my experience most guys are looking for casual roots and even one night stands... The minute they see you might be interested in a relationship if the right guy came along you scare them off. I still think lots of men don't believe a woman can separate and sex and love or emotional attachments. They secretly fear the bunny boiler.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've been on 'adult' sites on and off for quite a few years now, and yes I would say that including your willingness to form a relationship definitely would be a deterrent for some - and I would go as far as to say many - guys on here. The regular male forum posters can protest it until they're blue in the face, but the stereotypes around females who express their sexuality persist, and the reality is that for many men this site represents NSA sex only. Many would not even consider the women on here as being potential 'relationship' material. You can see it in so many male profiles - they waffle on about how they've just ended a relationship, and they're just on here for 'fun' until they want the next serious relationship (with a woman who is 'worthy' of their mother's approval). Or there are the men still in relationships who - surprise surprise - are not getting what they want sexually out of the relationship and come here looking for it. And what Meeka said about lots of men not believing that women can separate sex and love, I agree with.Now, in anticipation of the comments that I'm 'man-bashing', and all the anecdotal stories from men about how they or someone they know met their significant other on such-and-such website - I am not saying that ALL men are like this and that there aren't any men open to the idea of developing a relationship with a woman they have met on RHP or a similar site. Obviously it happens. But I do believe that the enlightened are in the minority. Unfortunately the 'madonna-whore' complex is still alive and well for many men, I see it all the time in the profiles I read and the messages I receive.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Another male point of view put forward in the past is that men really like sexually liberated women, and women on RHP. However, they feel that women who are swingers, into group play or have lots of partners would never be satisfied with one man long term. Therefore they have doubts that RHP women would be faithful to them. And possibly they have a fear that they wouldn't be able to satisfy them long term either. As these men have said, this is why they don't consider women on RHP as relationship material. Interesting, hey.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Luckdragon & Meeka have covered it all.Its a great way to get near to no contact in this site, weeds out the tyre kickers and one night standers extremely effectively.Doesnt seem to have the same effect on the really younger guys....but hey,we all know they dont often read the profiles anyway. lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
And I agree, being open to a relation doesn't mean wedding bells start at the first meet. I think those that are embarassed about meeting on sites like this - and other sites too - need a good reality check. I mean, who really cares about how you meet, just as long as it works for both, right?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
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RHP User
12 years ago
I bloody well hope it does. Agree with all of the above 👍
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RHP User
12 years ago
Perfectly said, thanks for how you both explained it :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
An absolutely adorable lady I know recently asked me why I'm on this site... my answer probably wasn't that coherent owing to the time of the morning and slight hangover. Basically it was supposed to be "I like the idea of this site, what it represents and the kind of ladies I would meet here" (and she was a classic example of one)... not sure if it came out that way.Does 'open to a relationship' scare me? Nope, I know a few ladies on this site I would like to get to know better with the view to a future. Guess that just makes me one of the "enlightened minority" Now I've got that off my chest, I do agree with all the above from Meeka and Luckdragon, and I don't think it is man-bashing. I think some people (male and female) see this site as "Dating for Sex" and miss the "Dating for Love and/or a Relationship" aspect which they associate with other more "mainstream" sites.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That is interesting!!To be honest, I know I have seriously started wondering whether I will be able to do the traditional, monogamous relationship thing ever again....so I suppose there is some justification in those guys' reasoning. But then again, not all the women on here are into swinging and group sex, or have a lot of partners...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love how I can have sex on demand and live out some quite extraidanary experiences. One thing I wasnt looking for somehow came along. When you meet someone who is equailling you it seems rather pointless to pursue. Many journeys ahead. Two minds can come up with a hell of al ot of kink. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's good to see that others are on the same page. It's funny, on a site where we each promote ourselves as being so open minded, some still continue to be so close minded where the possibility of forming a relationship is concerned. During an ongoing casual 'friendship' (heaven forbid I mention the R word) we learn so much about each other, that touch which gives he or she shivers, where exactly he or she likes to be kissed, what filthy little thoughts he or she has running through their mind while at church on a Sunday morning.. Sometimes when you know someone through and through like that, it just happens and sometimes it just never will. I still stand by the fact that; I am open to the Possibility of a relationship, with the Right person, whether they are a member of RHP or not :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Do you think that means that most (generalising here) men love to play around while they are single however when it comes to relationships, marriage, etc they want the traditional monogamous relationship. No outside play?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think so Meeka, that's what it seems like anyway, and I like that but still.. I guess I myself am a bit of a minority, I'm a one man type of woman regardless of if it's casual or more but that's just me.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think.....and I can only speak for myself.....but I'd be happy to explore some aspects of a partners journey. But if there was something I wasn't too keen on trying, I'd be quite happy to let her go and do her thing. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can't disagree with a word you've said actually. But I will add, I think that wherever there's bees, there's honey.....and wherever there's honey, is hungry little pooh bear. I see 2 things. One is that for some of us blokes that are genuinely open to a relationship, they are tarred with a very bad brush..... The second thing I see is that for some men, taking the easy route so that they don't need to change is quite often the reason they run at the mere thought of that dreaded "R" word. And really, who could blame them?? Like anyone change is not always chosen, but done so out of not having any other choice. I could be wrong though.- Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
12 years ago
maybe, this site is only an interest to all who are here, for the chance to express their sexual desires with some remote hope that they will not be judged for how they feel.In the real world? Most walk around thinking none the less for what is on display throughout this site, it is just not typical social conversation.People get hurt with relationship breakdowns. Men get hurt and it is instinct not to show it. Women it is their instinct to show it.I am only guessing, most people on this site just don't want to stand straight in front of the chance for being hurt. That is about the only difference I can see with these worlds apart.But I like it, we can see what the real world would not be caught even in a whisper, as we pass each other with a smile.It is all a step in the right direction.Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
I loved that post :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I definitely read "open to a relationship" as "looking for a relationship".If I was after a relationship I'd be on RSVP.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Another male point of view put forward in the past is that men really like sexually liberated women, and women on RHP. However, they feel that women who are swingers, into group play or have lots of partners would never be satisfied with one man long term. Therefore they have doubts that RHP women would be faithful to them. And possibly they have a fear that they wouldn't be able to satisfy them long term either. As these men have said, this is why they don't consider women on RHP as relationship material. Interesting, hey. You'd have to agree that point of view is reasonably formed and not entirely outlandish ? If I recall in a recent post Meeka you indicated you have met (in person) 100 people in the 3 years you've been here ... and I am sure you are not the most active female member ... I can't see any man coming close to this - there wouldn't even be 100 RHP women within an hours drive of here ? The point being that while women may very well be able to 'get it out of their system' and decide to move on / back to monogamy, we mere men may struggle to comprehensively understand this given the fact we are unable to so thoroughly explore and experience it they way you can.Are you actually confident within yourself that you could do it over the long term ? Given that you've enjoyed 'NSA' sex with many men who were effectively 'strangers' and KNOW that you can indeed separate the sex from the emotion - the normal 'limiters' are not all present and accounted for ?Every Rose has it's Thorn.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Between the sheets and a lady on the street from my observation in the real world so it makes sense to me if you meet someone on an adult site like this you both share an important part of the relationship that is the connecting factor. I am open to a relationship of such as well but to find a man in the real world is hard to back to you as everything is so upfront on here thus skipping a lot of steps along the way. I just met a man in the real world and he stated he had never met a woman who was so banging up front about having sex, so the judgement is still there....
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RHP User
12 years ago
There can be a degree of insecurity about being the "only one" in someone's life, if they have drunk deeply from the rhp well. But common sense says that if your partner wants to be with you, then you must be doing something right. Essentially everything is up for negotiation, presuming that you love, respect and care for each other. I think you've all read enough of my banal, boring married sex life, the rest of the relationship was adequate (and would have been tremendously improved had she been open/interested in exploring sexually). If you are open to possibilities... Bring it on, woman of rhp... I await you :) Hp xo 💌 Because I'm worth it...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Do you think that means that most (generalising here) men love to play around while they are single however when it comes to relationships, marriage, etc they want the traditional monogamous relationship. No outside play? From a guy and looking at it logically from a different perspective.If you exclude the amount of guys on here that are either don't want relationship at all, married or in relationships looking for NSA - with or without knowledge and consent of partner/cheating and put a figure of that for arguments say 75% of all guys profiles on RHP. If you divide the rest (25%) as half just wanting NSA only but a monogamous relationship and half looking for something serious in an open relationship then is somewhere around 10-15%. Then add into the mix personality, attraction and location into that available 10%-15% and it is understandable LD and Meeks why its may be so hard to find what your looking for. Cheers,W.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What about us few guys here that wld he happy to find a coffee buddy and if anything happens eitherway there then so be it if not so be that as well... Some of us guys have no expectations and don't only contact based on the words but more the combination of words and that gut feeling it could be good for laughs if anything...
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Tall74nHard9
12 years ago
with all contributors above. It's nice to see some serious consideration being given to an OP's question. As many have alluded to, generalizations just aren't going to reach any meaningful conclusions, and you really need to know what the individual on site here is seeking for themselves. I would imagine to many of the guys here would be looking for a woman who is open to the idea of enjoying themselves in a 'social' sexual situation. Many would not necessarily be looking for a relationship here, but as the OP has asked, some would be perhaps hoping, or even happy to find a lady here for a more permanent arrangement, although not necessarily having that written up in their profile. In answer to your question, as some of the ladies have noted, your statement of being open to a relationship will certainly keep a number of guys away. But the guys that actually bother to read your profile and see that that is not the only criteria you have listed, and that you are still open to play, will still contact you to see if you're interested. Read their profiles carefully first and see what their goals are. You'll soon find out if they are worth your time and effort. Insofar as some of the other comments noted about a relationship further down the line, you will both find out how to play with some appropriate communication. If you have both met on this site, for example, you both already know you both wish to explore sexual boundaries to some degree. How far you want to go should be the subject of further discussion to see what you're both comfortable with. If there are not many overlapping areas of interest about further sexual interests, it's time to move on. Tall
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Tall74nHard9
12 years ago
... I can't see any man coming close to this - there wouldn't even be 100 RHP women within an hours drive of here ? Try within a DAYS drive of here. Tall
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Araps' Quoting 'Meeka100' Do you think that means that most (generalising here) men love to play around while they are single however when it comes to relationships, marriage, etc they want the traditional monogamous relationship. No outside play? From a guy and looking at it logically from a different perspective.If you exclude the amount of guys on here that are either don't want relationship at all, married or in relationships looking for NSA - with or without knowledge and consent of partner/cheating and put a figure of that for arguments say 75% of all guys profiles on RHP. If you divide the rest (25%) as half just wanting NSA only but a monogamous relationship and half looking for something serious in an open relationship then is somewhere around 10-15%. Then add into the mix personality, attraction and location into that available 10%-15% and it is understandable LD and Meeks why its may be so hard to find what your looking for. Cheers,W. Oh I'm definitely not looking for a relationship at the moment Araps I suppose I would not be averse to something more serious developing should I meet someone that I can really connect with on a number of levels (and it doesn't matter to me where I meet such a person), but I devoted most of my 20s and early 30s to relationships and I'm really much more in 'exploration' mode at the moment. As I mentioned earlier I'm not even sure I could go back to the whole monogamy 'deal' now, even just the little I've experienced in the last few months has opened my eyes to how much more is out there...
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RHP User
12 years ago
What I don't understand, is why people on RHP etc call the streets the "real world." Being up front and honest in ANY relationship is part of the relationship isn't it??? I just seriously think that - I for one will accept this as well - relationships these days aren't really relationships as the couples are not talking....that people aren't being honest.....and that people are dulling themselves down to settle for something that's quite less than what they truly want, simply because they don't wish to be alone. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have met 100 men and women at meet and greets and parties. I have had sex with maybe around 15 of those people in three years. Hardly outrageous. I have only been around 25 men in my whole life! Again not outrageous I wouldn't have thought for a single woman in her 40's. Not sure what you are implying. I wasn't saying it was an unreasonable view at all. It's something that I bet most of us women would never have even thought of. Ever! It's interesting because of the different ways men and women think.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What I want is an open and trusting relationship where we can play together with others. Sleeping with strangers Alius is not really my thing at all. I go to parties and clubs with my lover and friends and it's the interaction between us and others that that turn me on. If my lover isn't with me... I often don't play at all, in fact I find it a little boring. For me sleeping with total strangers is a bore. Something I have said more that once. I am 100% not into one night stands either, the few that I have had were not intended to be ONS. I would always sleep with someone with he hope hat a friendship could develop. This is a classic example of someone assuming things about me and the fact that I am on RHP therefore I must be a certain way. Obviously I am not a virgin... But I am definitely on the low side when it comes to numbers. In fact there are girls half my age that out me to shame. Yep I know, because I like to talk about sex and things I do with people I know not strangers!! People make certain assumptions about me. My own fault really. I am disappointed though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What I want is an open and trusting relationship where we can play together with others. Sleeping with strangers Alius is not really my thing at all. I go to parties and clubs with my lover and friends and it's the interaction between us and others that that turn me on. If my lover isn't with me... I often don't play at all, in fact I find it a little boring. For me sleeping with total strangers is a bore. Something I have said more that once. I am 100% not into one night stands either, the few that I have had were not intended to be ONS. I would always sleep with someone with he hope hat a friendship could develop. This is a classic example of someone assuming things about me and the fact that I am on RHP therefore I must be a certain way. Obviously I am not a virgin... But I am definitely on the low side when it comes to numbers. In fact there are girls half my age that out me to shame. Yep I know, because I like to talk about sex and things I do with people I know not strangers!! People make certain assumptions about me. My own fault really. I am disappointed though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Grrrr With that attitude men don't deserve a sexually liberated women.
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RHP User
12 years ago
those 'straight' dating sites (RSVP, Zoosk, POF etc) but find that you are far more sexually... hmmmm... driven (?) intense (?) open (?) than those you meet on there?In my experience if I am honest about my sexual needs/limits/desires with someone from a straight dating site I am put into another box, but if I keep Betsy under wraps I am more often than not feeling like I am misrepresenting myself...I have been monogamous and I have been in swing/play/open style relationships. I am equally happy in both if my needs are being met. Saying "I value sex highly" on a straight dating site invites equal amounts of silliness as saying "I would seek a relationship" on a sex site perhaps?I have no answers, I am just sharing my opinion. But for fuck's sake can someone find me a boyfriend or husband with an amazing libido because if I have to play this ridiculous game for much longer I might explode.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Don't tell anyone I said that, I don't want to blow my cover.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'BetsyBellagio'Saying "I value sex highly" on a straight dating site invites equal amounts of silliness as saying "I would seek a relationship" on a sex site perhaps?I have no answers, I am just sharing my opinion. But for fuck's sake can someone find me a boyfriend or husband with an amazing libido because if I have to play this ridiculous game for much longer I might explode. that made me laugh, especially the first part of the comment, sooooo true!!! where is the half way when you can just say: "i would seek a relationship with someone the values sex as highly as i do" :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot' What I don't understand, is why people on RHP etc call the streets the "real world." Being up front and honest in ANY relationship is part of the relationship isn't it??? I just seriously think that - I for one will accept this as well - relationships these days aren't really relationships as the couples are not talking....that people aren't being honest.....and that people are dulling themselves down to settle for something that's quite less than what they truly want, simply because they don't wish to be alone. - Posted from rhpmobileI completely agree with you sirlurk. I know I've done it before, and I see it all the time with people I know.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Exactly!! It's ridiculous isn't it?? It just highlights the stupid, crazy double standards and stereotypes that many people still hold onto when it comes to women and sex (and that includes a lot of women themselves!!). Well I'm over it, I'm not hiding the fact that I like sex, even when / if the time comes that I want another relationship. And anyway, the type of guy that I would want to be with would enjoy the fact that I enjoy sex, and not expect me to pretend that I'm some prude who only gives her 'precious gift' to a man that will put a ring on my finger
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RHP User
12 years ago
(Argh, stupid computer crashed and I lost my message)I'm open to the possibility of a relationship, but not the type most people are looking for - Whenever I see "open to relationship down the line" I have to make a call on whether or not someone would be open to a non-exclusive relationship, and understand what "open" means to them. It's why I'm here, and not on RSVP, this is one of the sites available that caters to non-traditional relationships (and lets me talk freely about what I'm after without being labelled broken or perverted) I don't initiate contact with people who has "... & unattached" in their seeking section because 99% of the time they are looking for an exclusive relation. I'm not going to hide who I am, what I'm looking for, and (most importantly) I don't want to hurt anyone.Meeka said: "I still think lots of men don't believe a woman can separate and sex and love or emotional attachments."I believe, I've seen it happen. I think the majority of people (not just women) aren't able to do it.Meeka said: "Do you think that means that most (generalising here) men love to play around while they are single however when it comes to relationships, marriage, etc they want the traditional monogamous relationship."And this is where it comes in for guys, the majority of men are "Open Until Serious" which is how you get problematic situations in open relationships like "unicorn hunters" or "the one penis policy". The thought of another guy having sex with their wife/girlfriend makes them uncomfortable.LuckDragon23 said: "Now, in anticipation of the comments that I'm 'man-bashing', and all the anecdotal stories from men about how they or someone they know met their significant other on such-and-such website - I am not saying that ALL men are like this and that there aren't any men open to the idea of developing a relationship with a woman they have met on RHP or a similar site. Obviously it happens. But I do believe that the enlightened are in the minority. Unfortunately the 'madonna-whore' complex is still alive and well for many men, I see it all the time in the profiles I read and the messages I receive."I don't see it as man bashing, I see it as a sad reality perpetrated by insecure men. The majority of people aren't comfortable talking about sex, and a lot of people still associate pleasure with shame due to our stifling upbringing from past conservative generations. It's why I don't want someone to "bring home to mother" because our parents are so repressed ( and don't consider sexual compatibility an important relationship factor) it's scary.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka said: "Another male point of view put forward in the past is that men really like sexually liberated women, and women on RHP. However, they feel that women who are swingers, into group play or have lots of partners would never be satisfied with one man long term. Therefore they have doubts that RHP women would be faithful to them. And possibly they have a fear that they wouldn't be able to satisfy them long term either."I LOVE sexually liberated women, and how much they scare the typical guy. Attending a lot of socials/munches/swinger parties the majority of women I meet (outside of work) are sexually liberated, or at least moreso than the average woman. I don't think these women would cheat in an exclusive relationship (if their needs are being met, why are sexual needs considered less important then say financial needs? Both are going to lead to a separation in the end) but I wouldn't want anyone I'm with to have to restrict themselves to just me. I may not be able to satisfy a lover's needs, it would be pretty egotistical to think I could satisfy every need in a relationship. I've never had a problem with a partner having another lover, in fact I encourage it (not out of cuckolding but compersion) People may say "B-B-But that's not a relationship!" According to who? Why does someone else's definition have to impede us? You play, I play, we all play, and LOVE it!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'morganafata' that made me laugh, especially the first part of the comment, sooooo true!!! where is the half way when you can just say: "i would seek a relationship with someone the values sex as highly as i do" :) Where is that damned "Like" button again!?!?!??
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would seek a relationship with someone who values sex as highly as I do. (A fuck-tonne)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I guess if u look at the question as a complete outlook? Yes one could find the ONE here! We meet many people along the way with many different reasons for that first contact either it's for personal relief or just becuse we have free time and nothing better to do :) but regardless of our reason we made that effort in some cases we ended up making friends if not lovers along the way so I don't see why one of those contacts can't turn out to be the ONE the love of our lives the one that simply gets us and we them :)) Anything is possible in this world so long as we dream :))
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'GMerst25' Meeka said: "Another male point of view put forward in the past is that men really like sexually liberated women, and women on RHP. However, they feel that women who are swingers, into group play or have lots of partners would never be satisfied with one man long term. Therefore they have doubts that RHP women would be faithful to them. And possibly they have a fear that they wouldn't be able to satisfy them long term either."I LOVE sexually liberated women, and how much they scare the typical guy. Attending a lot of socials/munches/swinger parties the majority of women I meet (outside of work) are sexually liberated, or at least moreso than the average woman. I don't think these women would cheat in an exclusive relationship (if their needs are being met, why are sexual needs considered less important then say financial needs? Both are going to lead to a separation in the end) but I wouldn't want anyone I'm with to have to restrict themselves to just me. I may not be able to satisfy a lover's needs, it would be pretty egotistical to think I could satisfy every need in a relationship. I've never had a problem with a partner having another lover, in fact I encourage it (not out of cuckolding but compersion) People may say "B-B-But that's not a relationship!" According to who? Why does someone else's definition have to impede us? You play, I play, we all play, and LOVE it!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm right here Betsy!!! Lol. Perfect match as to what you're lookin for!!! ;-). As I say in my profile, my moto is " if it worth doing.....do it right"!!!! That's how I treat sex!!! Got to be done right!!! No half measures......full on. R.
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