M72
Domestic violence the really difficult side of it...
November 25 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is a campaign dedicated to male victims of family violence in Australia...it is very difficult for men to be believed as the assumption is that they are always the perpetrators xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Women holding the man hostage to get what she wants, perhaps using other emotional blackmail or outright lies, knowing she can will likely take the children and/or possessions and/or friends if they split as the legal system is also inclined to believe the female side over the male's if the role is in fact the reverse of the accepted norm. As for physical violence, there are youtube clips comparing people's reactions to the different roles of violence that they might happen to witness. In the videos, if they see a man threatening, abusing or standing over a woman, they jump in to help her or call the police. When the roles are reversed, and the woman is the aggressor, they often laugh or even subtly "cheer", with the assumption that he must have done something wrong to deserve it, or that it's "about time" for the man. Of course, no one deserves violence. Yes violence towards women (and others) from men is the majority, but the reverse certainly exists. Also, rather than see a demonstration on the street that is "anti-violence against women", I would rather them rally on a simple "anti-violence" message, against anyone. ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
The number one in three is widely debated, but men are most certainly victims and I've met a few. My brother was in a marriage where he was quite severely emotially abused by his wife, and didn't really tell anyone until they split up. He's still dealing with the effects of it now. Like Freya says, it is usually assumed the man is the abuser and it can be incredibly hard for authorities to believe sometimes men are the victims.
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RHP User
10 years ago
....... witnessed a few examples of f > m mental cruelty .... and make one wonder what happen behind closed doors. I had wondered with the man in question whether it was 'part' of their relationship dynamic, and his attraction.
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RHP User
10 years ago
And if they are , they deserve respect and sympathy. But too often this is used as a smoke screen by men not willing to acknowledge that men are by far the main protagonists and perpetrators of domestic violence. And that domestic violence by men tends to be more violent and extreme. I sometimes feel ashamed to be male, as there is far too many of our gender who while maybe not being perpetrators of domestic violence, do not acknowledge that it exists and have attitudes that do not take women seriously or treat women as equals and with respect
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RHP User
10 years ago
DV not acceptable in any way. I watched my mother have to deal with this for too many years. Mostly psychological violence. As a child I suffered both physical and mental and will take the physical any day as it heals much easier. That said I have seen men suffer from this and the main difference I have seen between DV in females and males is males do not tend to want to report it as it makes them feel very weak and inferior. My opinion is DV is much more prevalent than we know or choose to accept especially on the male side.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes there are those women who are the abuser. But there are also women who snap, who can't take the abuse any longer, & fight back, which would increase the percentage of abused men, but within a different context. While I do not condone the use of violence regardless of who is perpetrating it, there seem to be some inconsistencies with charging the second group of women I mentioned, more readily than their abusive partner. So it's a bit hard that last part. But there definitely needs to be more support for men who have been abused. Though I believe part of that needs to come as a societal change, whereby we forgo the previous stupid ideas that men are meant to be tough, who can't have feelings, who should never ask for help, who should just grow a pair & move on, who could never be beaten by a woman because then clearly he isn't man enough... If we can eliminate these schemas, then I think there'd be more possibility of adequate support provided to our men. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
My three brothers and I grew up in a house where our father both physically, sexually and emotionally abused us. Both parents were alcoholics. I agree with Tisonlyl the physical heals faster. I will never forget my childhood, it haunts me to this day. I have lost one of my brothers to suicide because it ate him alive. I remember my mother calling the police only to be told "you made your bed, lie in it". There was no help for us in those days. There is never any excuse for domestic violence, ever. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Makes me feel sad. It's no wonder so many people these days are just avoiding relationships. We grow up with so few skills to help us navigate the challenges of intimate and family relationships. I used to think my family was just average but I have many deep psychological and emotional scars mostly perpetrated by my mother... But backed up by my father's 'hand'. Well yes the topic just makes me feel very sad.
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RHP User
10 years ago
While I can appreciate your sentiments re a non violence protest.its women and children who are dying,that is why it's so specific ..and it would be great to see men initiate a protest to end all violence xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Correct. Obviously as men are generally more physically powerful, and assumedly more likely to be physically violent. But as suicide is one of the biggest causes of death especially in men, who knows how many men have used this to escape abuse where they feel there is no escape from? (The same for women also). Death at the hands of a partner is an established cause of death, while the root cause/reason for a suicide is often unknown, and won't show in statistics. Sometimes such an event will be delayed, from resulting life stress occurring well after the abuse. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes you are correct,suicide is more prevalent amongst men,but yesterday was about Family Violence and women,why do you have a problem with that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't. I'm sorry if it came across that I did. I am just directly addressing the OP's question: "the subject of this thread is domestic violence and mental abuse perpetrated by females on males". There is another thread discussing White Ribbon Day specifically (which is the campaign to prevent men's violence against women). I think even the OP realises that pointing out the other side of domestic violence (women against men), might be seen as taking away attention from talking about (the majority) men against women, and will obviously be controversial, which is why he asked for calm.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Having studied this subject, I thought it would be interesting to add that of all reported assaults on males, 98% are committed by a male. We must remember when reading statistics, they are very general, and more information per each case should be included. of the females who have died this year, it fails to tell you that one of those cases was a son murdering his mother, and a female murdering another female. The same with the 1 in three campaign by men....it is not taken into account if the female perp is self defending herself, if it is the mother of a 15 year old boy, or a now adult daughter of a man who abused her as a child......Having said that, the community as a whole should be looking at no violence in the family home ever......which comes with the debate of punishing children by physical means. If you hit a child because they won't do as you say, how is that different to hitting a partner who wont do as you say? No one likes to be told how to parent, or to have a relationship, so it is something that will take many years to change. The important thing is recognising its existence. We must remember that abuse in the home comes down to one thing..... CONTROL! It doesn't matter who it is that is the abuser or the victim, as what should be discussed is how does society go about making this something of the past, rather than spend countless hours debating which gender does what.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' I think even the OP realises that pointing out the other side of domestic violence (women against men), might be seen as taking away attention from talking about (the majority) men against women, and will obviously be controversial, which is why he asked for calm. Until recently, whenever I posted on Fb about violence against women (say once a month on average), my brother would immediately comment something to the effect of: But men are abused too! I felt that not only was he taking focus away from whatever articles I posted, his comments made it sound they were incorrect or at the very least incomplete. We agreed, though we believe family violence towards any human is related, to post about both issues separately to give them each the validation and attention they rightfully deserve. Thanks, Jack.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' Is a campaign dedicated to male victims of family violence in Australia The 'one in three' statistic often quoted about female on male DV is a myth that was started and continues to be propagated by a certain subsection of men in their attempts to derail the discussions about male on female DV. I'm currently reading an article about how it's a statistic that has been debunked numerous times, and apparently there was a very good discussion about it on Q&A last night among a panel of people who are very well informed around DV and DV stats.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Important comment Jack. My experiance is more to do with TwosomePlus comment. "CONTROL! It doesn't matter who it is that is the abuser or the victim, as what should be discussed is how does society go about making this something of the past, rather than spend countless hours debating which gender does what" I generally don't get gender issues and see things more as people issues. Obvioulsy on the very ends of the scale there are clearly men and women issues such as men assulting women in general. Though more general stuff like say driving, if I get cut off merging, I don't get cut off by a bad woman driver I get cut off by a poor driver. So for me it's not a woman this or a woman that, just the matter without a gender attached to it. As for the control part, I was under the cloud of ultimatiums for the most part of our marriage. We had a few elephants in the room in our relationship and one day they stampeded, for many years it was like I was running to stand still and then no more, we couldn't live like this anymore. From getting help I come to understand and accept how we got to where we were. Her choice was not to have professional conversation about the elephants, so how do you help someone who dosen't want help, because they don't want to face it. For me understanding meant getting past or by passing any sort of blame and then came acceptance and calmness. So I recon understanding leading to acceptance, rewmoving blame can make some situations move into the past rather then carring them into the future. And the most important part of our future now is the kids. Our boys will grow up to be men and I ask myself what sort of men will they become. My professional conversations now is about what is best for them, their the future. I do believe we are all product of our environment. Treat people the same way you like to be treated yourself.
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RHP User
10 years ago
No wonder he left.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Quoting 'Freya70' Is a campaign dedicated to male victims of family violence in Australia The 'one in three' statistic often quoted about female on male DV is a myth that was started and continues to be propagated by a certain subsection of men in their attempts to derail the discussions about male on female DV. I'm currently reading an article about how it's a statistic that has been debunked numerous times, and apparently there was a very good discussion about it on Q&A last night among a panel of people who are very well informed around DV and DV stats. And what are the DV stats on mental abuse ? Or is that just a fabrication by men to have a whine ? Men should just shut up say nothing and quietly pass away of a stress related illness so you can carry on spending his lives work.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Like it or not women are part of the problem (not blaming) and like men, need to be part of the discussion and part of the solution. If your just going to stand back and point the finger you will solve nothing.
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Mctag9
10 years ago
Quoting 'TwosomePlus' Having studied this subject, I thought it would be interesting to add that of all reported assaults on males, 98% are committed by a male. We must remember when reading statistics, they are very general, and more information per each case should be included. of the females who have died this year, it fails to tell you that one of those cases was a son murdering his mother, and a female murdering another female. The same with the 1 in three campaign by men....it is not taken into account if the female perp is self defending herself, if it is the mother of a 15 year old boy, or a now adult daughter of a man who abused her as a child......Having said that, the community as a whole should be looking at no violence in the family home ever......which comes with the debate of punishing children by physical means. If you hit a child because they won't do as you say, how is that different to hitting a partner who wont do as you say? No one likes to be told how to parent, or to have a relationship, so it is something that will take many years to change. The important thing is recognising its existence. We must remember that abuse in the home comes down to one thing..... CONTROL! It doesn't matter who it is that is the abuser or the victim, as what should be discussed is how does society go about making this something of the past, rather than spend countless hours debating which gender does what..... The problem with a lot of DV stats is that often Police stats are skewed and rely on the personal judgement of attending Police - They need only suspect that something has occurred without any evidence or complaint and it must be recorded as a Domestic Violence Incident, also they must record an incident after a complaint is made even if there is no supporting evidence, so many false complaints are made to Police by vindictive partners or sometimes to get runs on the board for an impending family court matter.... Participants in Domestic Violence Incidents are emotionally disturbed - A normal level headed male/female can rapidly turn into a violent, conniving and person and instantly be back to normal so it becomes very hard who to believe.... Generally there are 3 sides to the story..... His, Hers and the truth... :/
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RHP User
10 years ago
1Adam 44 awesome post, sound alot like what I/we went through, really not a nice way to live, and such understanding of the feelings of dispare and the need to remove the blame game to resolve and get to the true issues, this is usually when we discover that the relationship was/is broken beyond repair and neither party were strong enough to end the madness until it is just unbearablely painful :( after the break up we realise we do not actually hate each other but could not and should not be in a relationship with that person, wether or not you can remain friends is entirely up to the individuals, in some cases sure you can be friends in other cases absolutely not - Posted from rhpmobile
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