Don't ask don't tell relationships

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I can completely understand the don't ask don't tell relationships an I can see how they would work quite well.... When you live apart. But once you are living together I personally don't think I could do it. I would be eaten up with curiosity wondering everytime they went out the door where they were going. Certainly with fairly new relationships. If you are in a LT established relationship then maybe. This is just my opinion though. :) Hugs & Spanks Meeka

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Being exclusive can be a problem, its a kind of ownership   Plus its your body, if you want another person then the option is there   You may decide that this guy grows on you and you drift into monogamy   Till then be honest with your needs or you will find yourself on here like a lot of people cheating.   Don’t ask, don’t tell relationships can work but when there is a fight all of a sudden it comes out, and you find that people are holding down a bitter pill of resentment, especially if a woman is getting a shit load more sex than a man.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Not knowing will drive him more insane than knowing. His imagination will take over and he'll spend his time anticipating you meeting someone preferable to himself. If you're going to live together, you'll need to learn to play together. Failing this, you'll need to choose living with him and playing without him.

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  Paradisepair

  14 years ago

  Maybe more are out there than actually swing, judging on what I've read. I guess the key would be discreet so you're not obviously AWOL.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Hey,   As you might be aware I have my own opinions in these matters.   I think they work as long as both parties come to that decision and stick to it. It can't be perceived as a cart blanche but simply a 'If it happens, don't tell me about it' attitude.   Andy

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  ... But I personally, would never ever choose to be a part of one. . As I said in the forum topic I started last week about Open Relationships, I believe communication to be the foundation stone of an open relationship. So I can't conceive of being in any relationship that validated or encouraged no communication. The term 'open relationship' to me is derived from the principles of honesty and awareness. If you actually have an agreement not to negotiate and be flexible and then re-negotiate when necessary, as Tuscan Red and Jensman say, your imagination is always going to be far wilder than the reality and an almost inevitable build-up will occur, not least of all because of the likelihood that you as the female will be far more active than he will be. Woman are presented with opportunity, whereas men often have to create it. . If you are both the kind who can process that build-up internally without any kind of eventual pressure release, then that's great and this setup may work perfectly for you, but won't growth of the relationship be potentially stifled by an agreement to not communicate? . A relationship is defined and negotiated by the parties involved in it though, so I can appreciate many may see appeal in this idea. But to answer your question, I don't believe they can work. . Flirty x

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Unfortunately I think you're bang on about suspicions being worse than reality. Playing away is not something I feel a desire to do (or even have the time to do) very often at all but there's been a couple of occasions already that suggest he's been thinking I'm 'out there' a lot more than reality and that's potentially hurtful to both of us. I suppose the better approach is to try and be exclusive and if I'm struggling with it to have the conversation, although bloody he'll what a terrible conversation to have!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  i dont know cause i dont ask and dont tell

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Ms funk here - what strikes me about your post is that you are concerned about his integrity and character. The other stuff is trivial in the scheme of things eg: his lack of life experiences (travel) just means that if you end up together, makes a wonderful opportunity to explore the world!!But the basic morals and values are what makes the man, and it sounds like there you have some serious doubts. My advice is to give the 'relationship' time and it will either get better or it won't. Fundamentally, you probably won't change your internal beliefs from what they are today and if he isn't compatible with that, nothing you do (or him) can change that. Therefore, it's never going to work.The other thing is that you don't sound ready to settle down. Don't compromise on what you want in a relationship. Open relationships require an enormous amount of trust (even if you don't share the details) and you guys aren't even if the warming up area....Sorry, but I feel this is a NEXT situation! Good luck!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Sorry for any confusion but I've no doubt about his character or integrity whatsoever. I agree completely that it's what makes the man and my primary reason for not wanting to jeopardise having him in my life. What flirty has said is true too. Communication is essential and even if there was an understanding, I'd still feel guilty and he'd still feel hurt. I've pretty much made up my mind next is just to see how it oes in practice!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Sorry hun - I misread your post regarding you underestimating his character (it's late and noooooooo chocolate in the house) - I had it totally back to front!But I still stand by my advice to give it time!! Actions speak louder than words - and if he is the real deal, over time he will show and prove to you (by allowing an open relationship?) that he is the real deal and you will know for sure he is just perfect for you!!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Missing out on a lot of fun stories with a don't ask, don't tell policy ;) But seriously, go with your gut feeling on this. If he may be that elusive "one", make sure you take the time to be sure about things. The mere possibility of finding someone you love and who loves you is always worth pursuing

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Only it was always called ..... "Turning a blind eye"

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'Handmaiden' Only it was always called ..... "Turning a blind eye" This.You have some choices to make, but those choices are yours.That said, you could always just 'keep it off the radar'.

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