M42
Elusive orgasms
January 20 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
That doesn't surprise me. I usually give myself a helping hand as well. And yes we enjoy sex with no climax...... but not the wham bam sex or sex without much foreplay. That is totally boring and we don't even get to cum. Also, Torn, the point of sex is not just to cum. Is it? There is so much more to it than that. Forgive me for saying this but I think young men your age probably feel that the end goal is always to come, this view will probably change the older you get. I think anyway.......... but the older gentleman on this forum can speak more knowledgeable about this than me.
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gazpacho
11 years ago
Orgasms are great, but its not the be all and end all of sex... well... for some it ends all... but they're just being lazy. Let's presume you follow this trajectory you have set for yourself... Im sorry to suggest that you're going to become very frustrated in a long term full time relationship, given that there are any number of interruptions that come along... most of them screaming for their mummy... and furthermore, as you age and get stressed, put on a bit of weight.. fall into a health lull, your rock hard 30 year old cock isn't going to perform every time you think it ought to... What I am saying is, that sex and lots of it, doesn't have to lead to orgasm for you to get off, if you know what I mean? I also appreciate what it is like to be unable to reach an orgasm when you so desperately need to... very frustrating situation indeed.... but these are circumstances that, as adults, we all face, one day or the next. Getting your lover across the line is your prime objective... the more lovers in the same event, all the better, I reckon. Like a game of tag. HugsGaz
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madotara69
11 years ago
I believe the finish line begins way before the bedroom. Its the little things like doing the dishes because her hands are sore or, fixing that thingy, or a massage when tension is present,.........................just being the friend to begin with. Sort of works around here. Mado Mado Tara xx
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gazpacho
11 years ago
You're a suck up MAdo.HugsGaz
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RHP User
11 years ago
I love you xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tonadotongue, I understand your viewpoint, as a man we are very orgasm focussed and a happy ending is the desired result. In the last few years my orgasmic response has diminished and there are times where I can't get there. This doesn't mean that I haven't enjoyed the ride so to speak. Just being there pleasuring your partner and enjoying their orgasms can and is enough for me. Sounds just like those women who struggle to cum. Antidepressants are a major cause of reduced ability to orgasm. Some other drugs produce this issue as well. Sometimes the use of a high powered vibrator can help ladies cum. Never look at these toys as a substitution always as a handy helper to get her over the edge😁
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madotara69
11 years ago
Tara cums when she sucks me off too, well before I do.
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RHP User
11 years ago
On a woman to cum,will have the opposite effect and may encourage her to....shock ,horror.fake it😱..,just because we don't cum does not mean we didn't enjoy it but perhaps men don't realise that women sometimes have performance anxiety too....,if you take me on a pleasure filled,lustful,ebb and flow,bite me,eat me,spank me.,tie me up.tie me down journey,the arrival doesn't seem so important 😘xxFreya
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Hottie1
11 years ago
Orgasm for over six months after my hysterectomy, though you wouldn't think it now 😉 Imagine my distress after having orgasms all my adult life And then I couldn't achieve them. I became frustrated and so did hubby because I couldn't cum. A visit to the GP and she said ' oh well it's not the be all and end all'. Intimacy and pleasure come in many forms, I focussed on being close, touching, having sex, pleasuring hubby and simply enjoying the intimacy. Mary xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Google "11 types of female orgasm" for details of the others - Clitoral, Vaginal, G spot, Squirting, A spot, Deep spot, U spot, Breast, Oral, Skin and Mental. So much choice, it would be such a crying shame to only ever experience the elusive type.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well stress and many factors can affect men and woman,Touch wood so far I have a lucky streak but did lose sexdrive when I was badly injured.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The "finishing line" should be where you are both exhausted and need to curl up together and go to sleep, perhaps to continue some more in the morning. Both men and women may be able to make themselves come quite quickly, but even if they can, it's generally not nearly as strong as orgasms with a long buildup. Orgasms are just the ummm... icing... on the cake. On a similar note, on more than one occasion I have begun playing while already tired from a long day's work. While I might have been able to keep an erection, orgasm for me didn't happen. This didn't mean I/we couldn't enjoy the experience for a couple of hours. Also, if both of you are capable of a number of orgasms, which one marks the finish? See the first sentence.
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6exxy
11 years ago
Enjoy the sex as much as the orgasm. The act of intimacy has a life of it's own if you explore it. The senses of touch, smell, breath, taste are aboundant and can be exilerating within themselves. The joy of sex.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just don't fake it but please do enjoy the pleasures of it all... Even us mere males can have a great session without the need to cum :) but when I make her cum n cum again it's mmm heaven as I've been a part of something delightful for her... No need to cum just enjoy it all...
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RHP User
11 years ago
A friend of mine has been unable to "re-connect" with her orgasms since she had breast cancer treatment. She was 32, has magnificent breasts.... not that that makes any difference, I just wanted to say it ... but for some reason the medications she was on, and perhaps some psychological connections to the treatment..... she has been unable to cross the line since. People each have their own story.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Recently after having sex with two men a question was asked by one man to the other "Why didn't she cum, was my 'block' the alcohol (4 glasses over 4 hours) I had consumed?" ...... Firstly... I am in the room. If you cannot ask me directly (like the other guy would know, if he did - I would have cum lmao), or you cannot engage me enough mentally to answer you, then how on earth would you expect to engage my body to orgasm?! I would expect it to be very common. Porn, while great to wank to has a LOT to answer for. Women are simply not the raging cum buckets that they are made out to be for the most part. And yeah, its safe to say that every single woman has faked it at at least one time or another for the sake of the blokes ego. Yup, you're da man, you studmuffins out there - blissfully ignorant that nope - she didnt get off at all, she was; in fact - humouring you (and will likely finish the job off later). This isnt always a direct reflection on the partners performance, there are many factors that contribute. Like physical health, mental health, drug use - even down to silly things like that nagging feeling the iron was left on downstairs. Could be anything - its up to you to work it out and discuss it if you are a considerate lover. Which brings me to this - "I don't understand! Yes sex is nice, yes intimacy is special, but what's the point of any of it if it doesn't get you across the finish line?" I think you do understand, because you have answered your own question. Sex *is* nice and yes, intimacy *is* special. It would seem to me that you do not give it the merit it deserves. Anyhoods.... that's my thought for the day.
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RHP User
11 years ago
For example, tantric or Tao practitioners, that the pursuit of orgasm is a waste of good sexual energy ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I always have assumed that with Tantric,its the man that must not let his seed slip. Ie in these practices men don't get to cum, while its the mans duty to help her cum multiples. Part of the challenge is to maintain a high level of arousal feeding that energy within. Sorry may have it all wrong!!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
that pursuing and prolonging orgasm is a way of tapping into that sexual energy then directing it around your body for a better orgasm. That there are fantastic health benefits from taking that sexual energy to the edge, then letting it reabsorb, then taking it to the edge again, then reabsorbing again, over and over. It takes time and patience though.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have had times when I have not cum..... stress, medications, tiredness have resulted in times when I have not been able to cum. While n these circumstances it has been a bit frustrating (more because the expectation that a guys will always cum). There have been other times when pleasingly partner has been more important than my own "pleasure". I have actually found these sessions more fulfilling than the pursuit of my own orgasm. There is more sex than cumming.... both as a bloke or as a woman. It is about enjoying the journey, not just the destination.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Meeka100.... You have hit the bullseye. As I have got older I have placed more emphasis on the journey of enjoyment and letting the destination look after itself. Rather than trying to produce an orgasm for the lady, I try to pamper her entire self and sometimes enjoy a longer period of foreplay which can be as intense as an orgasm.... For both of us. I have, on occasions, spilled so much pre-cum that my orgasm has not been a goal at all. Xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't care if I don't climax. I have climaxed during intercourse, only once in my life. But I climax easily if the man is good with his tongue and I am attracted to him, both physically and mentally. It is the "intimacy" that occurs between two people that is all important. The looks, the touches, the smiles, the kisses and breathing in each other's essence. "Coming" is not important. One can enjoy "Sex" even in its absence. Amy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'YogaFlow' Google "11 types of female orgasm" for details of the others - Clitoral, Vaginal, G spot, Squirting, A spot, Deep spot, U spot, Breast, Oral, Skin and Mental. So much choice, it would be such a crying shame to only ever experience the elusive type. Just stepping over here to show me those spots, the only spots I have are the ones on the carpet where i split my evening coco. i had 18 years of marriage and no big O and no oral. But I loved him just the same. Think of this, your on a train it ends at a station called O. You can get the express train, but you are going so fast you miss all that stuff out the window. All the good bits, you blow your steam but the train gets nothing, you might feel pretty darn good but your blind to the journey you just passed. or you might take the trip and have those memories that make you smile. Take a meander around a woman, and do not expect a thing, and be surprised at the unexpected. a woman's orgasm resides in her brain.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' I believe the finish line begins way before the bedroom. Its the little things like doing the dishes because her hands are sore or, fixing that thingy, or a massage when tension is present,.........................just being the friend to begin with. Sort of works around here. Mado Mado Tara xx I am in love with you
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RHP User
11 years ago
there is the religious...she will cry out ohh god ohhh god ohhh god there is the positive ...ohhhh yes ohhhh yes ohhhh yesssssssssssss the negative one...ohhhh no ohhhhh god no ohhhh fuck noooooo and the fakethat is when a woman cries out her boyfriends or husbands name please report to my class room with your pants of and write on the white board with a dick dipped in ink I promise never to cum before a woman ever again.... yours truly...the Head Mistress of the school for naughty girls
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RHP User
11 years ago
Love a challenge...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Don't forget that men have a greater physical need to orgasm because of the physiology around ejaculation and sperm production. Women's bodies are not the same (as I'm sure you've noticed!). You're coming from a male perspective, it's different on this side of the fence. And yes, sex is still enjoyable without orgasms. Turning a woman into a puddle of jelly however, isn't possible without the climax (or ten).
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm a little partial to becoming a puddle of jelly... Sex without an O is like sushi without soy sauce. Still good, but not amazing or memorable (I'm stuck for a better analogy and wishing I hadn't thought of one related to fish...). It's nice. It's pleasant. But it'll never leave me shaking and gasping for breath and clutching my hair which is standing on end. And I like all those things 😊 With full respect for everyone else's positions, I'll still take my sex with plenty of O's, every time 😊 (And OP I couldn't stay in a relationship where the sex was regularly O-free. Not just wouldn't - couldn't).
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LifeUnscripted
11 years ago
But we have been with women who can't cum easily, but still enjoy being naked, having fun, and the feelings that come with sex. One of our partners never ever came with play partners. She loved the sex, but for her there were a number of mental barriers I think. She had to be very comfortable with her play partners to let her guard down enough to reach the big o. We had become very good friends and she trusted me enough after a number of times together that we were able to get her there. From what she and her husband have told me I am still the only one who has got her there. Even Mrs LifeUnscripted has days where she feels like being close to me but doesn't feel like cumming. It is generally when she is tired and wants that skin to skin contact and closeness, but knows she is unlikely to get there that night. She will let me know, and on those nights often she will get there anyway, but not always. There is more to sex than just cumming.... That said...most nights Mrs LifeUnscripted is like SheSays.....wants to be that puddle of jelly. ;) I am always happy to oblige. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find that guys are either too preoccupied with their own finish line or too worried about mine. Someone that is furiously flicking my clit trying to make me cum is just as distracting as a guy who says, ok, I am done, cya later. I need someone to take some time on me, relax me, get me comfortable. I don't cum easily but I am never really comfortable, it is someone new almost every time so we don't have the luxury of getting to know what each other likes before it is over. Also it is often over the desk at work getting distracted by customers and the desk is hard. Most guys figure that genitals are the only part of a woman that needs any satisfaction when I have a whole body to indulge in and my thought processes are often running in overdrive as I am a single mother who, after I work 40-60+hrs a week, gets to run around like a mad thing after everyone else. I would like to just relax for a change and have someone really go to town on me instead of expecting the Big O, just make it close and memorable and the orgasm will take care of itself.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Here am I lying in bed ,reading the forums, perving on a few profiles looking for that elusive orgasm. Can't seem to find it but I'm sure I had one here before!
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RHP User
11 years ago
A good full on, knee trembling, wet the bed orgasm can be terribly hard to find for some people. That's why I always carry a spare.
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