F54
Ethical dilemma's
February 15 2018
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
After reading your topic I was thinking years ago when everything was more community minded you could say yes to those RL question. They are tricky situations all but calling the police when recognising violence that just has to be a no brainer. I hate seeing a child being mistreated But what has led up to that explosion I cannot know. Years ago one may have approached and diffused the situation with engaging the young one humourously without confronting the parent with what one perceives to be wrong. The amount of times I have had to stand back and watch a child until a female intervenes is sad, just too much fear out there for a male approaching a child now. Because of the way our world has changed I can't sit in the shopping centre entertaining children with stories as my grandfather did. Will always stop to help one in need and as I have said before I DO have that time to spare as I understand many don't with busy lives and schedules. If not returned, not my problem I did what I believe to be right and the wheel of life rolls on.
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luvsilver
8 years ago
I had just dropped my four sons to school one morning when I saw a little girl (maybe 8 years old) fall off her bike on the footpath. She only had a grazed knee so no bad injury but she did start crying straight away.I was in two minds if I should get out of the car and help her or not.I chose not to but I did ask her through the window if she was ok.Only later on did I realize that could have looked just as bad from someone else's perspective.It would have been different if she went to my sons school and I knew her or her parents.Also if she was injured I would have been over there in a flash.It sucks that it should even have to be on my radar whether to help or not but sadly these are the times we live in. Mr Luvsilver
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
I call it at the time. Split second decisions. Plenty of people have died from going to assist. The personality of you will decide at the time of what to do. Won't get it right every time and there will be perhaps a lifetime of "what ifs" for some decisions. OP. Love your posts. Don't beat yourself up about your decisions. Sometimes if there is no continuity, we will never know if it was a good decision or not. Ah...... "what if l had......"
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Sawadee
8 years ago
2 guys in the local shopping centre yelling and pushing each other then start fighting .. Shoppers were screaming and the bigger guy was holding the other down and putting his knee into the side of his ribs . So silly me grabs the bigger guy and pulls him away only to cop one on my chin for my trouble . Yep , so now im involved and throwing a few of my own ... Next minute ' all I can remember was sitting on a seat asking what happened and a lady telling me I was hit from the side by the other guy, the guy I thought I was helping.. So was it worth it ? Makes you wonder... Would I do it again ? I don't know ' probally ...
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RHP User
8 years ago
On here I guess an example would be choosing to have a threesome. The conversations between partners, the deciding who what where when and how? If both parties are willing or if one has reservations and doesn't say anything then the whole thing turns to crap. In real life you see a parent mistreating their child in the supermarket. Do you go up and say something or just ignore it and feel embarrassed and sorry for the kid?? I've had various reactions including crying, but mostly I ask myself how I would feel in their situation? After reading stories of other women who have been on either side of the situation, I've tried to offer a light comment and received a look of deep gratitude... Because we know people are watching, and judging. Kids can be downright terrible (they call it the terrible twos for a reason) and there are other problem behaviours that makes it severely difficult for a parent who doesn't know any better. If it was to be encouraged as a community so we can learn differently. Education is the key, that point was the root of a thread I started in the past. About what we would have liked to have learned at school. You can hear your neighbours arguing and there is obviously something serious and dangerous going on. Do you intervene and call the police?? I have called the police in the past when I heard glass breaking. And put a subtle message on our facebook group via the admin that some one could hear their neighbour's dog yelping sometimes (we can hear everything, lucky I'm good at tuning out. I am always aware they can hear us too. :-P). That worked. You know someone needs your help. Do you help them or leave them to their own devices? Depends, I'm not as into 'helping' people as I used to be with the knowledge a lot use it, and the question of whether I am really helping them in some cases. You might meet someone and put 100% into it but feel you aren't get the same back, so do you walk away or just not make as much effort?? I used to make more effort but not so much these days. I'm more important than that is a recent revelation. Sometimes relationships go through storms and it matters to work out if it is actually abuse you're copping. I guess you can always say stuff it and suffer the consequences?? The worst consequence is the conscience. Peachy
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RHP User
8 years ago
A single man around children, even with good intentions, even to help (I recall helping a lost child at a public event once, but I was far younger, possibly still a teen) and the old "might be a pedo" thing comes up. A woman helping, is genuine. My brother has a daughter, which in this case should be irrelevant, but he was watching the girls play netball, one other female parent just stopped and stared at him the entire time, like he was a threat. In another thread I mentioned helping hitchhikers. But for this topic OP, once included two young female teens, at night, on an isolated stretch of freeway. Their story was they had an argument with a friend who kicked them out, or something like that. The bad guys are rare, but may have ruined it for the rest of us. Do you think these days I could stop and ask a seemingly lost child if they need help or a lift? Or is it worse to ignore and leave them to their fate (and to possibly someone with less than good intentions)? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I do feel for you, and even as a woman I feel it too. A sense of awareness from the general public toward the best welfare of a child should be the thing considering even children can be a threat. I try to make it obvious I am looking for the guardian / help for the child. Peachy
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bonefide
8 years ago
Mate hat off too u, and u understood the consequences of your action within split second. It's just how all good people similar to yourself respond. 👍👌👏
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RHP User
8 years ago
I am quite empathic, so affected by seeing a stranger crying on the street/train station/shops etc (without stereotyping, and apart from the homeless, I have seen obviously more of this in women than men), however as much as I would like to stop/go up and try to comfort them, a (male) stranger doing this would appear to be be unorthodox at the VERY least.
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Aristippusx2
8 years ago
Mr here Part of my background is assisting those in need regardless of age or gender. If I observed anyone in distress or trouble I would assess the situation firstly from a distance and if deemed safe go to that persons side. I would constantly assess my safety whilst assisting that person. You can always retreat from a situation and organise additional help. I understand the negative presumptions of a male person assisting but it should be realistically balanced against the situation confronting you.
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gazpacho
8 years ago
If someone seems to be in trouble, I interject sufficient to create a diversion giving the “victim” an opportunity to move away. Usually, though, they just stand there waiting for their beating. Those who stay actually don’t want help. The fight or flight sensitivity is ingrained in us all... it’s very reliable. If the “victim” needs a chance to get away and doesn’t take it... there’s nothing more for me to do. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
8 years ago
Not often mentioned, but just as real, is freeze as a response. 🍑y
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RHP User
8 years ago
THE FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE has got a new name. It's now called the fight, flight or freeze response. Stress experts around the world are adding the word freeze to the name in deference to the fact that instead of fighting or fleeing, sometimes we tend to freeze (like a deer in the headlights) in traumatic situations.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Regardless of the specific nature of what I may personally perceive as an emergency, failure to respond is not an option. I have been fortunate over the years in that I have rarely got it wrong. Accidents and injuries...I've been a first responder and in several instances may have helped the Ambos by giving them a few minutes of extra time as a head start. Yes, I have formal training. Other things have arisen for which I have zero tolerance and intervention is not optional but an imperative. Child abuse, spouse abuse, street violence, whatever...I'll have go and yes again have formal training. I did cop it a bit back home once for basket-balling a fellows head off a bar after he'd backhanded his wife in a drunken rage. Yes, it was worth it. The real crime is silence often driven by fear which may well be the very disease that is at the source of the gradual decay of our society. Order and chaos are oppositional on the pendulum that is always in motion and a simple law of physics is the law of an object that moves with an equal force. Thus ends my....$10 worth of two cents! ⚡️⚡️⚡️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
not to judge mothers stressed by their young children in shops. There have been times where I've felt sorry for the kids but all mothers have been there where you've had a shitty day and you have to be somewhere, the stress builds. With adults, I seriously struggled not to walk up to a couple arguing, actually he barely said a word/she went on and on about nothing, and tell him to kick her to the kerb and free himself. She didn't stop for a good hour ranting, kept saying she didn't want to argue anymore, while he sat quietly and said nothing, that she was over it, on and on it went, and I thought well leave the poor man alone and just shut the fuck up 😇 As far as approaching people, I would call the police, I have done with domestics with neighbours (not where I currently live) if it escalates to the point where I'm concerned, always behind closed doors, when people are that angry, I won't go anywhere near them I think it's best to avoid getting physically hurt yourself if at all possible. First rule of safety is you can't help others if you don't keep yourself safe, in theory at least Re sex, there is no ethical dilemma anymore, if I don't want to, I don't, and never will again
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RHP User
8 years ago
if you haven't had enough to drink - Posted from rhpmobile
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Freaky_Fun
8 years ago
If someone is in need of help. I help. I don't have the flight or freeze response. And I'll keep doing that if people are in need of assistance. Have done it many times in many situations and not about to stop now.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I love the question of ethical dilemmas... we did a day on it in one of my classes at TAFE which gave the very different perspectives of the people involved. The story is called Alligator River and I'm happy to share the story here but only if you let me know that's ok. Peachy
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72dave
8 years ago
I like Annie and Chasing's approaches, assessing each situation. No two are the same. Often you won't have all the facts and information, and sometimes you're going to make the wrong call. But making a decision about what to do is better than waiting. So take your best guess. Try to avoid the worst consequences if you're wrong. Try not to make it worse or get hurt. Try to be lucky. Rules about always helping or always walking away can be unhelpful. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I’m with Freaky, I mentioned this before, I will always help unless It’s a huge risk to my own health. Male, female, child or animal. I’ve been an extreme sporter for most of my adult life. Can’t count how many Ambos, slings and mad dash runs I’ve made because of broken bones, busted bikes, horses that bolted and boats that want to be driftwood. I’ve been first to stop and actually dig in at multiple car accidents. So, I guess. If you need help. I’ll be there with bells on. It’s probably a flaw, but it’s a good one to have. BB - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
how important having boudaries are it's important to know where each of us start and stop.I did some units a number of years to be a Drug & Alcohol worker in the Legal And Ethical unit Ethics were discussed, as a worker your own Morals and Ethics can come into play, having boudaries as a worker are very important and Morals and Ethics come into play too.With regards to helping anyone that is a desicion we will all make at the time and it depends on the situation and how each of us assess it, so there really is no right or wrong way Midnight.As Annie said "you won't get it right everytime" something I was told years ago, "There are no guarantees in life"
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RHP User
8 years ago
to what Annie posted Midnightblue :-) Quoting 'AnnieWhichway' OP. Love your posts. Don't beat yourself up about your decisions. Sometimes if there is no continuity, we will never know if it was a good decision or not. Ah...... "what if l had......"
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RHP User
8 years ago
Then there was the armed caravan park job that I did too... Not a shift went past without helping somebody... Be it with a tampon, or just some directions... The fights, well, according to my chiropractor(5 years AFTER the incident) I’d suffered a fractured skull as the result of 1 decent disagreement at a local venue...but I can’t see it, as it’s in the back of my head... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
it wasn't meant to be linked with Annies comment. Something I was told years ago, "There are no guarantees in life"
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
Yes have seen this many times in my work being it a physical or mental response. I usually get involved depending on safety level. As Annie said assess and respond. It’s harder when it’s closer to home as in an ethical dilemma with friend or family. One that comes to mind is a friends husband doing something inappropriate. After weighing it up the costs etc. I didn’t do anything about it. Still sitting on my hands. I don’t want to risk our friendship. It’s too important to me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
A friend rings me to tell me a story he read in the news about a postman who saw a motorcyclist run into the back of a car. He stops to see if the dude is okay and he promptly jumped on the posties bike and took off. Cops caught him and the first bike was also stolen. I'd say this guy has a huge dilemma now and not of the ethical kind
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Sawadee
8 years ago
Thank you for your comment.. .. But you know' when you make your move you don't have time to think ' what the fk am I doing " ? But as they say , hindsight is a wonderful thing.. Thanks again..
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gazpacho
8 years ago
You can’t save fools from themselves. I think a head on a stick every now and again reminds us of our limitations. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
8 years ago
Dirty mind...
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bonefide
8 years ago
BB, i know what your saying, ref first responders to veh accident. Have attended a few over the yrs. One was just outside Newcastle NSW many moons ago, late 80'ies. I did CPR on young girl, after clear mouth of teeth tongue and debris started breaths and compression on the chest. Left accident after emergency services arrived. Found out latter, as I was taken to hospital, unsure why until Doc told me about lady in accident had possible both Hep A-B, and that's when got the happy news, that this trendy new Aids virus that's just hit world was also on my watch list. She was a know drug user. Took many yrs to get cleared, every 3 months, blood extracted, for full virus analysis. Really really took the chances of sex off the table are only been married a few yrs. All clear given down the track, kids health and clear as I still am. Have I stopped to assist since, ? yep were I can. Could have all turned pear shaped, but I dodged a bullet, only by dumb arse luck. as Aussie's we step in and give a hand, if YOU, feel the need. Not peer group pressure, but your interpretation of the current situation. Plus I'd look completely all fucked up, carrying a grass cutting scythes thingy, and dressed in monks habit around the NT.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Help when you feel the need because if you get blamed for helping at least you were being true to yourself. Don’t get involved in other people’s shit unless you want to be covered in shit too. You also can’t blame yourself for someone harming themselves, thinking you could have done something. Sometimes you can’t be the hero. It’s a fact. Be like Deadpool lol Sometimes you simply don’t know enough about someone’s thought pattern and behaviours. You can help but if they don’t help themselves, don’t do anything. Have called the police a couple times due to party noise at 1am. At some point enough is enough. I like to help myself that way because nobody else will. Sometimes less is more.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Ive had a recent experience. I arrived back into Perth, picked up at the airport by some mates and we've gone into Northbridge for a meal.Come out of the restaurant which was on a corner, but across the road there was a couple having a domestic as they were walking.All kinds of names are being called out, and he's kicked her.We walk across to intervene, and before we get there he's spat at her. Words were spoken along the lines of go easy, this is not appropriate behaviour etc, lots of swearing from him.AND then!.........and then we get a torrent of abuse from her, telling us its none of our business, go forth and multiply. We got that message and left then to their own. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid to step in if its wrong, but be careful of becoming the meat in the sandwich. Oh, if you like japanese food..........James Parker in Northbridge....Yum!!
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