F57
Exit with Grace
July 17 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have had my heart broken from a FWB as I went all in and she moved away at about the same time.So she effectively left me which hurt, for a very long time...Took me a long long time to open up again, but totes worth it when I did!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Miss Karyn.... My view is that unless you're a total nacissistic sociopath... you're going to have some form of emotional connection with a FWB.After all... you have to at LEAST be on friendly terms with someone you're having an ongoing sexual liaison with, right?!!!So its natural to mourn/miss them and their company when that friendship ends... because youve invested in the friendship... just as you would other friendships.As for an ideal ending...... unless its a 100% mutual decision, and theres NO prospect of an ongoing "relationship"...... I dont think there is an ideal. Perhaps you both just ran out of steam for it, or someone decided they sought more. Personally speaking, Im still on friendly terms with some women Ive had casual relationships with in the past, but its often inevitable that those friendships fade when either/both moves on with other people.DG
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Lol xx- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
accept ,that everything has a beginning ,in the beginning will also be the predictor of the end....and enjoy what it is,for what it is...wrap it up and put a bow on it.xxR
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RHP User
12 years ago
This topic has my back up just a bit too personal for me at the moment.....FB they come and go, they are usually casual encouters for the benefit of both and I have missed some FBS but never had an issue with our partings.I have however had a couple of fwbs and we all were able to go on with our lives without issue when we no longer could play with each other and had some that returned to play again.AND THEN there is: something morePeople take things beyond the FWBS making exculsive connections and entertwining their lives a little closer you cant have everything a relationship encompasses without the pain of a split up. When one person does something that hurts another and they know it they have to accept that person will be emotionally upset.And what is the slower to move on ..... how much time is individual. I have heard of a woman who moved back to Ireland and is still chasing the guy a year later. Also of women who call 47 times a day. If you are a FWB or a FB you should be able to stop play and remain friendly but there are no rules...this is life...accept people have feelings be honest open and not so SELFISH......I feel some men dont really now what they want.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Enjoy the ride while it last have fun , use your emotional intellegance , make sure you dont get hurt and thats exactly how i am doin it ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Closure comes to my mind with any FWB/FB or ANY relationship.When ever I think of a break up, I think of this (brings tears of happiness to my eyes) it was so meaningful and the one of the best things I have ever done for closure.This was my last relationship going back a few years now.My partner and I at that time, decided between us that we both needed closure.As it was the right thing to do to each other.We discussed what to do and both decided to do a burning ceremony to say our good byes.He picked me up and we went down to the foreshore and sat on the beach.It was a full moon as well - I remember that.We sat down..lit some incenses and a candle.Then we both took turns reading out loud out good-bye letters to each other.In these letters we spoke of special times and thanked each other.These letters were so soothing to our souls.Then we burnt them and watched the letters disappear into the night sky.We sat next to each other cuddling, no words spoken, till we were both ready to leave in our own time.He dropped me home, I walked to the front door and didn't turn around.Then I walked inside and closed the door.That was the last I saw him and only heard his car drive off.As Freya says...I have wrapped it up, put a bow on it and placed it in my memory box.I have been told (via a mutual friends) he met someone, got married. I am so happy for him.KaynB you asked if there ever a way to end gracefully...well I say there is - I've done it.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think those who don't know what they want, I do believe it's called "The Ostrich Syndrome". :) FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
All depends as some go in thinking FWB means exclusive and if one sees another person that can hurt. Feelings can change or even become love so to enter an FWB you have to do it knowing it will end. In short there is never an easy way out when feelings kick in..
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RHP User
12 years ago
And therefore am sad when they move on or it ends for whatever reason, recently had one end in a less than amicable way and was quite hurt by the way the person ended it even though it wasn't that far into the friendship. I was definitely more upset than any other time. I was recently discussing people I sleep with as opposed to have a commited relationship with and the gentleman I was speaking with was quite clear in saying the people he has casual encounters with font necessarily be women he would date. I on the other hand thought about it and realised all of my fwb have been people I would see more seriously in different circumstances - but I'm also good at not forming those stronger emotions (as a rule) Think I started talking too much somewhere in there, sorry blame the sinus infection, medications for that, exhaustion and several drinks lol!- Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Chin up babe.....in a few months you'll be wondering why you let it bother you so much. Look, I don't see how you can teach anybody to win everything every time. I mean, look at me. I'm still here, right (mostly for the social fun)? You get knocked down, you get back up. Maybe that's what we are supposed to learn by having these shitty encounters. I'm learning that some men/women are self-confessed insensitive emotionally lacking robots who compartmentalise people and things. You'll never be sure you know them well at all....some are a closed book, in a lockbox, in a safe, in a shipping container wired to explode should anyone touch the lock, in the cargo hold of a freighter, in the belly of a trench, in the deepest part of the world's ocean, on a volatile faultline.....that could go any moment. (sigh) Would you have gone there if you knew then what you know now? No, lol maybe not. Emotions are often seen as too personal or unquantifiable to talk about in a meaningful way for most....funny then how that would be an emotional response, one that can't be explained or quantified? Lol Ask most guys.... if the woman had enough value to him (by whatever markers he uses)... he WILL want to retain her in his life.....as a friend, a confidante, a lover or on the rarest of occassions more. At the very least, you may be thought of sometime in the future ...... with fondness.
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RHP User
12 years ago
think that, although this poem is about the end of war,it can also apply to the ending of a relationship. This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper. T.S.Eliot
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would hope that I remain good friends with my current FWB, even if the benefits were to end, he is great...but I would only ever have on ongoing FWB with someone I trully liked and respected, and probably only one at a time (as a regular).Any others would be classified as an FB, and to me, there is no emotional or intimate connection there, to create any kind of fall out or ongoing friendship...they are just passing fun ; )
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RHP User
12 years ago
HURTS my feelings..no matter if I am the dumpee or the dumper.. Both roles are difficult. I wouldn't be human if I say they didn't hurt my feelings in some way or another...:) FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well said Foxy, having just ended a 15 year relationship a couple of months ago I understand exactly what you mean. It is never easy though but to do it with both parties dignity intact and being able to communicate in a mature manner certainly eases the pain that inevitably is there on those initial lonely nights when the mind wanders. Everyone deserves a second chance including yourself.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was starting to worry that I was cut off from my emotions because I've really felt little more than affection for my ongoing FBs or FWBs in the past. Even when there was amazing chemistry and fabulous sex. There was little or no emotional fallout on my part when the relationships fizzled and certainly no taking my time getting over it... Then... I met someone who rocks my world... And I know that if he doesn't call for a bit I get that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Tears have been shed - in fact I tear up if I even imagine breaking it off with him. Bizarre! There is no nice way of breaking up when one person doesn't want to end it. Generally though I think these things just ffffade away. That's ok. Loved Your post Indagine, you have a beautiful way of bringing ideas to life with words. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Should there even be any fallout? There "shouldn't" be but we're all human and even a FWB/FB is still a friend. My self proclaimed CHB friend still has anger issues over her FB doing the dump and run on her. Do men want to remain friends afterwards.....or do they just want to ease their way out and so will say anything they need to in order to part without a scene? I'd like to think I would remain a friend... but other men may think differently.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That was beautiful. Hope I can be so grown up when my current one ends.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Such as yours, not once have you expressed blame, only the grace for trying to understand. Not everyone has the strength to remain graceful, the truth hurts and can easily be avoided to become blame and that is not very graceful, more often just hate without the grace for knowing what was meant.It is a good thing your friend, has someone in you who cares and with grace .Mado
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Karynb IS the best and someone I WOULD help dispose of a body :-P Awesome thank you......I actually recently lost my lover because I voiced my growing feelings eventhough our time together had an end date. I wanted acknowledgment that our time together had meant something....and he ran. It's ok, he probably did both of us a favour in the long run. I promised I would let him go without a fuss, with grace and dignity and no tears or shitfight or emotional scene.....i guess as part of her study the conversation prompted the thread. As for my descriptive words......was asked how I just let go, well I wasn't given a choice; it was that simple and crying, screaming, trying to cajole or getting angry about it in a "relationship without the traditional encumberances" wasn't in the agreement. Then again neither was developing anything stronger than genuine care and respect for that person but it happened and I simply shared that.....(shrugs) with my self-confessed robotic closed book, in that lockbox, in that safe, in that shipping container wired to explode should anyone touch the lock, in the cargo hold of that freighter, in the belly of the trench, in the deepest part of the world's ocean, on a volatile faultline.....that could go any moment. He has offered friendship since, but we are both uncertain what that entails.....I guess if he doesn't know then how would I? And so the chasm between us remains.....I didn't end it so I guess the ball's in his court as far as negotiating a time and place for a parley.....if that's something he wants to do given what little time remains to us to enjoy this "friendship" thing. And yes is offering friendship just something you guys do but don't mean? I'm curious too.... Much love guys, Indagine On Safari
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RHP User
12 years ago
Indy. Hopefully we neither of us will ever need to dispose of a body!
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' Indy. Hopefully we neither of us will ever need to dispose of a body!But atleast you know I have the means and the commitment..... laughing kisses x
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is nothing wrong for voicing you feelings.. {HUGS} LOL I think sometimes when people say "ohhh lets be friends line" is two things...1) They are chicken to express themselves and need time to process their own emotions towards that other person, times goes on..and when they want the other that person, they have dealt with their emotions and moved on ..OR 2) They are being "honest" and just want that. A friendship..BUT cause they know how the other feels it makes it awkard as there is history of intimacy and will always think the other wants more...eventually it dies off...Not only that they will always think the other person will always want more..Sometimes that true and sometimes not! ..Just my theory, as I have used that "lets remain Friend" thing before. Never again as I believe it gave false hope and I hurt them more with that than anything else..ALSO I wasn't being totally honest to TRUE myself. Just my honest thoughts...FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I like to think of all my relationships (FB/FWB and Long-term), I've had in the past, have all been special to me in one one or other..I've learnt something from each one of them..The time I have had with them has meaning and my time with them has been enjoyable..I guess I'm a big softy when it comes to ex's..I just can't be bitter or hold grudges - its not me. :) FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Using that line "lets be friends", Sometimes an Amazing beautiful friendship can develop, if the people involved want just that...I know plenty of people this has happened to and its just really something to have. I know it's happened to me.FOXY
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'I_N_D_A_G_I_N_E' Karynb IS the best and someone I WOULD help dispose of a body :-P Awesome thank you......I actually recently lost my lover because I voiced my growing feelings eventhough our time together had an end date. I wanted acknowledgment that our time together had meant something....and he ran. It's ok, he probably did both of us a favour in the long run. I promised I would let him go without a fuss, with grace and dignity and no tears or shitfight or emotional scene.....i guess as part of her study the conversation prompted the thread. As for my descriptive words......was asked how I just let go, well I wasn't given a choice; it was that simple and crying, screaming, trying to cajole or getting angry about it in a "relationship without the traditional encumberances" wasn't in the agreement. Then again neither was developing anything stronger than genuine care and respect for that person but it happened and I simply shared that.....(shrugs) with my self-confessed robotic closed book, in that lockbox, in that safe, in that shipping container wired to explode should anyone touch the lock, in the cargo hold of that freighter, in the belly of the trench, in the deepest part of the world's ocean, on a volatile faultline.....that could go any moment. He has offered friendship since, but we are both uncertain what that entails.....I guess if he doesn't know then how would I? And so the chasm between us remains.....I didn't end it so I guess the ball's in his court as far as negotiating a time and place for a parley.....if that's something he wants to do given what little time remains to us to enjoy this "friendship" thing. And yes is offering friendship just something you guys do but don't mean? I'm curious too.... Much love guys, Indagine On Safari I guess it comes down to trusting each other, if that is earnt then maybe a friendship.Time will tell.Maybe I am old fashioned,offering friendship is done with honor and friends are very important. I would not offer friendship if it did not have any meaning. Friends stick by each other, it feels good.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I have wondered this myself... How should it all end. I think exit with grace
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Quoting Mado: "I guess it comes down to trusting each other, if that is earnt then maybe a friendship.Time will tell. Maybe I am old fashioned,offering friendship is done with honor and friends are very important. I would not offer friendship if it did not have any meaning. Friends stick by each other, it feels good." Hat of to you Mado and glad to hear you value friendship as I do and Foxy, I don't regret any of my long-termers....I adore them. Why wouldn't I, they've given something of themselves to me on some level and yes; they have taught me things about myself as well. Quoting Foxy: "Forgot to add Using that line "lets be friends", Sometimes an Amazing beautiful friendship can develop, if the people involved want just that...I know plenty of people this has happened to and its just really something to have. I know it's happened to me.FOXY". Yes it is and yes I have these beautiful friendships in my life. They are each, on thier own; spectacular men.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Cheekyarses' I have wondered this myself... How should it all end. I think exit with grace But that's way off and you started with it too. In the meantime, could you be graceful enough and put that picture of your arse back. Because I am only going to have memories near the end and I would like that to be one of them.Mado
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'I_N_D_A_G_I_N_E' Quoting Mado: "I guess it comes down to trusting each other, if that is earnt then maybe a friendship.Time will tell. Maybe I am old fashioned,offering friendship is done with honor and friends are very important. I would not offer friendship if it did not have any meaning. Friends stick by each other, it feels good." Hat of to you Mado and glad to hear you value friendship as I do and Foxy, I don't regret any of my long-termers....I adore them. Why wouldn't I, they've given something of themselves to me on some level and yes; they have taught me things about myself as well. Quoting Foxy: "Forgot to add Using that line "lets be friends", Sometimes an Amazing beautiful friendship can develop, if the people involved want just that...I know plenty of people this has happened to and its just really something to have. I know it's happened to me.FOXY". Yes it is and yes I have these beautiful friendships in my life. They are each, on thier own; spectacular men. The best in each and every one of you, that's spectacular. I've always found it to be surrounded by spectacular people, I know some spectacular women too. And foxy would be a good mate, but she gets a little excited if that gets threatened, we had to give her the red cape, because she was running around the streets in her undies, stilettos and Flashing lights of belly bling and hunting for justice, when she saw Paintme upset. Another example of graceful, with intent and spectacular!Grace would have to be one of the favorites.Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
LMFAO!!! You guys would make spectaclur mates as well...Give me my red cape anyday. :) As for the "friends" line I would like to think I am worth it, if said to me...Friendships mean a hell if a lot to me..more so than a FB/FWB. Grace is one of my favourites too. :) FOXY
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Red cape for drinks night and undies on the outside for drinks night in Brissy haha atleast you'll be recognisable!!!! Will call you laterer.....was out lastnight.
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