M64
Friends and their worth
May 02 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think some people are too guarded, and I'm assuming you mean that we are not opening up as much as we should. I for one will put my hand up, and say I feel silly and laughed at by others when I do open up and deflect intimate conversations with humour laced with a dash of immaturity. The feeling of being vulnerable is something that is very confronting for some. However, I don't think it's always intended to be felt the way some people feel it, but it's knowing who will and who won't respect that vulnerability is the hardest. Well, in my view anyway.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Your friends are the kids next door, or your cousins or school mates were not complicated then and we get looked after, or vision is as far as what mum puts in your lunch box we are cruel and we do even at ten kick sand up in the playground looking back is good and bad depending on what happened to you I have most of my friends that I keep are those I meet from about 19 and I have kept most of them along the way, we may not see each other for years but when we meet we just pick up like we were never seperated sometimes friends drop off thats ok, and some we distance ourselves from as they hurt us more than help us I am sorry what happened to your friend. He thought that looking forward to life was too hard, andthat looking back was where he was most happy. thats a pity as he missed the friends he could have made
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hey Catchup - sorry about your friend :-(Are we too guarded as adults? I think we're certainly more guarded but whether too guarded may be more of a gender issue. As a woman, I tend to be much more open to sharing my woes with trusted girlfriends than Mr does with his chums - the boys just don't seem to have the same 'deep and meaningfuls' as us girlies. This has been a long term observation but backed up by the science of anxiety and depression and how we build resilience. Research shows that girls tend to build deeper bonds than boys (adults and children alike) more readily and therefore feel more supported in times of trouble and less likely (but by far immune) to end their own lives. I'm no kind of expert but I recently attended a seminar by one of the world's leading experts on anxiety and depression in children and she said likewise. So I think we should all be a little more open to the rewards of deep friendships and developing new friendships too. Just my thoughts xxx
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sweetgem
13 years ago
I am sorry to learn about your friend's tragedy :-( reading yours, sirlurkalot and tuscanred's posts have made me sad as they brought back the last memory of my late father who had only passed away not long ago :-(Anyways, in answering to your question, I think it depends on who you meet and become friends with. Although most of my friends whom I hang out with these days are friends that I made 2 decades ago, I also have some new friends who I met in the recent years and they are always on the look out for me, help me when I need them, and one even offered me a job during this tough time as the job market is totally crap!In addition, I think it also depends on our personality, character, attitude and how we carry ourselves at home and outside. If we show good vibes, we will attract positive people and things to come to us, but the reverse will happen if we live and think negatively too often too much. Well, that's what I think anyway, so I am practising to stay positive via contributing to various forms of charity work, doing meditation and swimming :-)
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RHP User
13 years ago
In addition, I think it also depends on our personality, character, attitude and how we carry ourselves at home and outside. If we show good vibes, we will attract positive people and things to come to us, but the reverse will happen if we live and think negatively too often too much. Well, that's what I think anyway, so I am practising to stay positive via contributing to various forms of charity work, doing meditation and swimming :-) Sweetgem - I agree up to a point but it's worth knowing that the scientific community (neurologists, psychologists and general biologists) have identified that 1/5 people are born "sensitive" - that is, they experience stress/anxiety much more readily than the rest of the population and they stay stressed for longer periods. This figure is replicated across cultures and geography - it's a physiological difference.This reduces their sense of 'positivity' and it's biologically driven (and scientifically proven) so it's harder for them to to show those good vibes. So while probably fairly easy for 80% of the population, for the rest, it's not so easy and this adds to their vulnerability in difficult times. It's at these times where those strong friendships are hugely valuable.Google it if you're interested - there's a lot out there and it's a fascinating subject. My interest in the subject was piqued initially as one of my boys (he's 8) is "sensitive". The seminar(s) I've attended talk about mitigating strategies to reduce the risks associated with being biologically sensitive. Glad to hear you have a positive outlook personally - that's always a happy thing
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have a friend I have known all my life and grew up with as our parents were best friends, friends from school, friends known for over 10yrs and friends I met through work when I moved to Brisbane...Most of my friends are long life friends - they are really really special to me. I honor them with high regard - there is so much respect, dignity and boundaries are very healthy. They have earned a friendship with me and vice verse..People I meet now of course I am guarded as I protect my inner circle of Trust.I think sometimes when we people say "friendship" it's just that an acquaintance nothing more - some people use that term "friendship" very loosely and use it like people are some sort of trophies.. "Oh look how many friends I have on Facebook" etc etc treat people just like numbers.In fact I think as we grow older the more we understand what true Friendships are all about - that circle of Trust - the ones who are closest to us have earned TRUST because they have auctioned it. Those closest in inner circle are REAL Friends not trophies.FOXYPS- OP I am sorry to hear about your friend.
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RHP User
13 years ago
yet that TRUST has to be auctioned to be earned. FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
and by your own hand is a modern tragedy. RIP.I had a hard time in school due to a few things that seemed to paint a target on my back, accent, eccentric parents, unusual name.Anyways, children can be extremely cruel, so yes I am guarded, I have a very small circle of friends the majority of which don't know I'm here.Indeed I find it easier to open up to complete strangers.
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sweetgem
13 years ago
Quoting 'InAdditionTo' In addition, I think it also depends on our personality, character, attitude and how we carry ourselves at home and outside. If we show good vibes, we will attract positive people and things to come to us, but the reverse will happen if we live and think negatively too often too much. Well, that's what I think anyway, so I am practising to stay positive via contributing to various forms of charity work, doing meditation and swimming :-) Sweetgem - I agree up to a point but it's worth knowing that the scientific community (neurologists, psychologists and general biologists) have identified that 1/5 people are born "sensitive" - that is, they experience stress/anxiety much more readily than the rest of the population and they stay stressed for longer periods. This figure is replicated across cultures and geography - it's a physiological difference.This reduces their sense of 'positivity' and it's biologically driven (and scientifically proven) so it's harder for them to to show those good vibes. So while probably fairly easy for 80% of the population, for the rest, it's not so easy and this adds to their vulnerability in difficult times. It's at these times where those strong friendships are hugely valuable.Google it if you're interested - there's a lot out there and it's a fascinating subject. My interest in the subject was piqued initially as one of my boys (he's 8) is "sensitive". The seminar(s) I've attended talk about mitigating strategies to reduce the risks associated with being biologically sensitive. Glad to hear you have a positive outlook personally - that's always a happy thing Indeed, I am interested in learning more about people who are born "sensitive"! I will google it as psychology is one of my biggest area of interests to study. I think I will go and study psychology when my business blossoms :-)Hope I didn't sound ignorant or anything in my previous comment as that was not my intention :-)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Many of my friends, have been with me since those very early school years, with more being added along the years.... through sporting clubs, friends of friends, and colleagues who have endured longer than the working relationship.DG
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On_Safari
13 years ago
Catchup your friend is the lucky one, he's home now possibly with a few of those friends from when he was 10 but ultimately he is at peace. I think alot of the pressures on people these days to conform to what "society" thinks is "acceptable" is actually doing nothing more than creating people who are too scared to "be themselves". Professionals can't because of thier peers, men can't because of the prrceived acceptable "man" behaviours. And a heap of other examples in workplaces, cultural abd societal boundaries and influences. My 12yo daughter makes me laugh though. She has heaps of best friends today and them a week later some of these best friends suddenly devolve into a frenemy. Not a friend, but an enemy who is friends with a friend snd still hangs out with the group!! Lol where do they get this shit from? Anyway I understand the concept, as I'm sure we all have in times of need when you discover who your friends really are and are surprised by the people who actually DO stand up and reach out to help. I had a friend for 26yrs, who 12mths ago I finally realised; wasn't actually a friend at all. It hurt but it only reinforced the growing distance between our lives and values. I have made recent friends who, as someone else noted; have my back. And they're younger and awesome ladies. I've never been a conformist and That fact has caused all sorts of trials and hardships. Society want us to be sheep, to not question but follow the mob. To refrain from expressing your views openly and unguardedly.....I guess without conformity chaos would be rampant but still there's alot of value to be had and knowledge/insights to be gained through individualism. My mother used to say I was eccentric now she just says I'm mad. My friends think I'm crazy too but I'd rather be an individual than politically correct without a conscience. I can count my "real" friends on one hand, everyone else is an aquaintance. It's good to have people but far better to love yourself so other people can learn to love you back. I think the younger generations are losing thier ability to connect on a personable level. How many times do your kids have a party and they txt each other across the yard? Or in the backseat of the car? Facebook friendships with people they don't actually know? I'm not saying technology is to blame but it's not connecting people the way it used to. I think everyone needs to be reminded of simpler times, when we could talk to each other, got actual letters from friends in the mail and if you wanted to have a conversation with someone it actually involved the use of your vocal chords. I know I wandered off topic. OS
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RHP User
13 years ago
At 10 the days were longer and playing the day away was the work of childhood and the difference was our imaginations in adventure or mastery of a game..Wherever you went it was your friends who made your world.And it seemed there was all the time in the world unlike the adult who "Never has the time".But in reality, Time is ALL we have until the realm of Time-No-Time in which being, doing and having cease, and there exists what is left, that requires none of the densities of construct or concept. That which is....Knowing..We exist as Pure thought in the collective of knowing - and that's nice to know, don't you think?
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RHP User
13 years ago
when I was a child someone wrote this in my autograph book, True friends are like diamonds,precious and rare, False friends are like Autumn leaves,found everywhere.....anonymous.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have only a handful of good friends, I made in Australia. The friends I had in Germany are faded away through distance and change of me.I am and I was always a very open person, my friends are the same, I can talk about anything, they know everything about me good and bad.I see a friend as a person who can tell me his honest opinion when I made an arsh of myself, but also stick with me and hold my hand when I am sick or feeling sad. Someone I can cry with and someone I can dance in the rain with.I have to say I have such friends and I am lucky to have this people in my life.But also for me family close family like my sons are my friends in a way, my family knows me, no hidden secrets there.Catchup, I have not had someone around me take his life but my sons best friend did, and I know how hard it was for him to get his head around that. These young men shared a home together for a couple of years and my son did not know, nor the other housemates, he would kill himself. Very sad indeed. Life changing for my son.
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RHP User
13 years ago
SweetgemHope I didn't sound ignorant or anything in my previous comment as that was not my intention :-) Not at all, dafty !And after all, it's just our experiences. That's the great thing about these forums; it's always interesting to hear other folk's insights. And I hope that business blossoms for you very soon :-)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I really appreciate your thoughts on this subject. The funny thing is I paid to talk to a professional for a couple of sessions ( bucked the male trend ) and I have found that your input to be more valuable. I'm lucky, my main circle of friends go back as far as kindergarten, time and distance hasn't broken the ring. My friends that I have met later in life the bonds aren't as strong but not far off. "Growing old is a reality, acting old is a choice" Thanks everyone
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RHP User
13 years ago
Who said talking to a psychologist or similar was bucking the male trend?? There's no shame in saying "help!!" No matter where that help comes from - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
13 years ago
For your best wishes 😊
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sweetgem
13 years ago
A good friend of mine once said to me "the biggest loser is the one who doesn't have the guts to go out there and seek help!"..........So, Catchup62 you are the winner 👍
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