M61
Frustrated !!!
November 16 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Slip some horny goat weed into her tea every morning. Make sure she eats all those good foods that can help increase libido and most of all treat her like a sexy gorgeous woman. Seduce her everyday, flirt with her everyday. Bring some romance back. Be more involve in the her life... Are you doing all that? Because amigo, sounds like she may be bored with how you are doing things.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
To make a profile on RHP and put relationship status as "Separated", when your clearly not in your forum Topic...WIFE. Frustrated or not.....That's not cool if your married, and your wife not knowing your on here. Welcome to RHP where there's many many people in the exact same situation as yourself. Join the queue - it's about 5km around the block. :) Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
the best advice I can give is.....open and honest communication with your wife. Who knows she may want to join you in swinging lifestyle/clubs/parties etc ?? She may even have a profile on here as well? She may enjoy cock queaning?? Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
what people have REALLY done when they say they have tried EVERYTHING to work on their marriages. I have spoken to a few married guys on here and I often ask what their wives are doing while they are sitting on RHP trying to get a root. The response I get is that she is often on another computer on facebook. It seems recurring that one partner is sitting in one room having a life and the other is in another room having a separate life, WHAT THE FUCK?? Even at it's worst in my marriage, were we ever that distant and I can't believe that people allow that behaviour to happen. It is no wonder there is no interest in each other. There is no communication and it is setting a terrible example for any children. Do couples actually have dinner together anymore, go out and enjoy some alone time with each other, spend time communicating over the day, taking the time to notice each other and what they love about their partner...it seems not. Sex starts out of the bedroom and frankly if this is what is happening in people's houses then it is no wonder there are so many sexless relationships. Seems many just take each other for granted and let things go until there is nothing left.
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DOT007
11 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' the best advice I can give is.....open and honest communication with your wife. Who knows she may want to join you in swinging lifestyle/clubs/parties etc ?? She may even have a profile on here as well? She may enjoy cock queaning?? Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
The one thing I've learned in my life.... its that there is never just one cause for a problem between two people.Im always a bit cautious of topics like this because the author is often looking for list of answers to help get what "I want".... and totally ignore what the other person might need. We have to take at face value what you say, Buster... as we can't hear her side of the story, of her emotions, her hormones, her libido, her experiences. An being told these from your perspective is a skewed perspective. But were we to hear it, (assuming she is of similar age to yourself), I expect we would hear that she doesn't feel appreciated, she doesn't feel seen, she doesn't know what her identity is at the moment, and she is most definitely feeling pressured by you. As you have mentioned the phrase "drifting apart rapidly", that suggests a relatively recent change in circumstances. So cast your mind back to a point before things tilted out of kilter (for you).... things will have tilted for her some time before that. Cause leads to effect. Thats your starting point to understanding if there is something wrong which is more than communication within your relationship. Because any other advice is going to be offered only for your benefit... which you've said is just sex.... and not for her benefit.
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6exxy
11 years ago
As we just had a woman who claimed her husband has never touched her clitoris ever. Now we have this? I'm not saying either is false just strange one on the heals of the other. How come you ladies aren't slamming the wife here, the guy sure got slammed? I'm just saying the wording is different but the result is the same. Two people married in dire straights. Hopefully the tea works? Or maybe swinging? Seriously???. I'm with Ralf start with the communication and find out where she is at? Then go from there. Sad to hear but I hope it can be salvaged. Cheers 😀
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RHP User
11 years ago
Fantastic observation Ralf. Definitely something some people seem to miss ... Sex starts waaaaaayyy before the bedroom.
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RHP User
11 years ago
"Be more involve in the her life"... or something like that
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sounds like you are still in love, and in lust with her which puts hope in your favor. But you are sexually frustrated which is among the most powerful motivators there is. You need to get this issue dealt with, life is too short to be sitting around waiting, there are too many temptations in the world especially when you are frustrated. The last thing you want is your pecker taking control and you do something you regret, so put it away as ultimately this really has nothing to do with sex. I have to say that for a guy RHP forums may not be the best place to get marital advice, so take everything with a pinch of salt, including me. Do not feel guilty for feeling sexually frustrated, you have every right to have lust and desires. It is not your fault as much as it is your fault for having two legs and ten toes. You have a right to be happy, and a right to expect to be loved, and most of all you have the right to control your own destiny, nobody is going to save you from this situation but your self. If you want it solved things have to change, and that change may not be a smooth ride, but that will pass. Dare to dream, picturing in your mind what you want is how to start fixing this problem. Your first obligation is to your self, how can you possibly properly support others you love if you are unhappy. So start walking in the right direction you owe it to your self and don't fear the bumps, they are not that bad. Sweep her off her feet, and show her how much you care, or say good bye. That is your call but don't keep it as it is. There is one grantee in all this, those that truly love you may not understand, but they will support you when they see you happy again.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Totally agree with what you say, nobody 20 years ago would have ever guessed that computers would become such a relationship problem. Even when in the same room there can be two people both with their backs to each other, with just a few words exchange during the night. Part of the problem is when one person does not approve of the others activity online. I am not going to lay blame but there should be no reason why the computers should be in separate rooms unless someone is hiding something. My solution to trying to live and love in these times of personal media, is full transparency. No pass words, no locks, no hiding away, and it seems to work (when I have a partner). If I meet someone and love starts to grow I will not let it go any further if they can not show the same trust. If they need to keep secrets, that is the surest sign to me at least that its never going to work. And togetherness, meals together, shopping together, doing the cleaning and washing together, then when relaxing at the end of the working day, it must be together, maybe each with their own lap top, or doing our individual hobbies what ever they may be but always in sight or in reach. If it cant be that then it just friends with obligations. I don't want that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Asked her if she is interested in sex but just not with you?. She may be menopausal and going through a lot of physical and emotional changes.How do you approach her when you want sex?...Do you pester her?...Are your libidos mismatched?...Or do you do the same old,same old ,perhaps she is just bored....There are so many questions.....Many women go through periods when they don't feel sexy,even if you think she is,she may not...talk to her,listen to her'pay attention to what she says....Until you sort this out with her,RHP or any other site is probably not the best place for you to be.IMO it's quite disrespectful of your wife and your relationship ..if you want to save it..if you don't then leave.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Intimacy and sex are two different creatures OP. When they co-exist, magic can happen in a relationship. But intimacy is generally the glue that holds things together and that stops sex from becoming routine and mundane. So first question - what have you really done to try and turn the tide in your relationship? Sure, both people are responsible but it's pretty common for one person to have to lead the healing and reconnection until the other catches up. So what are you doing to take the lead? Have you been to counseling or to see a sex therapist, to better understand the situation and see what you can do differently? Have you read books about finding intimacy again in a long relationship? Or read stories of couples who've worked at it and rediscovered their passion for each other? There are countless stories freely available on the internet. Perhaps you'll learn something from them. Have you talked openly with your wife about the whole situation? Not just by saying you wish she'd have sex, but by saying you miss the flirting and the fun and the connection and the jntimacy, assuming you do miss those things. And asking her what she misses. And what you can do so that she feels drawn to reconnect with you. Have you faced the probable reality of her changing hormones and libido, and learnt about how this affects women? How completely sexless and unattractive she might feel? And how you might be able to help her feel sexy again? I agree with Ralf. So often people let marriages die a slow and painful death - the death of a thousand bickering arguments, countless nights of rejection, coldness, distance etc. This usually doesn't happen overnight, and it usually takes both people to let it happen. So how have YOU let it happen and how can YOU change it? I think also that it's pretty common for men to want to connect by having sex. It helps sometimes to realise that women generally need to connect BEFORE having sex. Of course this isn't always the case, but I think it's often the case, especially in long term relationships. So women like connection to come via time, attention, sweet words, help around the house, affection, laughs or whatever makes your partner feel relaxed, happy and loved. When that exists a woman is often more likely to desire sex. Two simple books worth a read: The Five Love Languages The Way of the Superior Man. Good luck :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for the advice, I kinda expected some negative vibes from the female side lol but hey constructive criticism is sometimes what we need, as for putting separated when married, that's how I felt about her words! We might aswell be!! I must say I agree with the social media thing it sucks! There is far to much time spent on FB instead of putting more into a relationship especially with kids involved. Even the kids are complaining about how much time mum spends on FB. The horny goat weed sounds great and yes I do make her tea and breakfast and dinner most days, perhaps I will try another heart to heart, but without being negative it will still be me that doesn't have the same interest as her anymore even though my interests are not the ones that have changed. I do hope we can sort this out as we were a great team together. Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
get an erotic novel (penthouse letters is good as they are sex stories written by women) and read it to her in bed. Stroke her skin or hair as you read, not her genitals, get her involved, seduce her, plant some seeds. Finish the chapter, close the book and tell her she is reading the next chapter tomorrow night. Give her a passionate kiss goodnight and tell her you love her and mean it. Spoon her to sleep, kiss her back and hold her hand. The next day be a bit cheeky, tell her she looks great, give her a slap on the arse and tell her she has still got it, text her in the day and tell her you can't wait to see her tonight. Give her a hand with something around the house when you get home. Make her excited to see you. When you get to bed, give her the book and tell her it is her turn to read. As she reads you can let your hands wander but not straight to the genitals, read her body and let it guide you. Plant small kisses on her shoulder, massage her nipples gently don't just grab at them, pay attention to arousing her body. If she is responding move down her body to her thighs. Make her feel sexy and desired. Don't just jump into her snatch and expect her to put out, seduce her mind and body. If she doesn't want to read, then you read again and again. Don't give up. And get off this site if you want to save your marriage, it is a recipe for disaster being on here.
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RHP User
11 years ago
A heap of stuff has come out of this post, menopause holy fuck that must be close at 39, I'm not looking forward to this, secrets!!! This may be trivial but my wife has had a passcode on her phone for years, mine has only been added recently due to rhp, I always have believed in happy wife happy life, what about the husband if he's not happy? Do you women really care about us? Cheers.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
You hit right on the head. Great insight, great advice and strategy. OP, Ralf has given you such salient advice that you might want to consider and heed. It may be worth a try and I wish you and your wife the best with lots of kindness your way.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I would agree with everything above and then add Hormone Replacement Therapy. It is not a silver bullet, that will solve all the issues with no input, love and attention from you, but time and time again I have heard women say how it has saved their marriage and their sanity. But it may help if you work on all the various strands of the issue together.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Then say "I'm dinkum about ya darlin as I've had a fat all day!!" That fixes everything as she'll either laugh and ride you as if you're phar lap on the home straight... OR...... You'll have an excellent story for the emergency department nurses treating you for concussion... :p Hehehehe - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Buster50' A heap of stuff has come out of this post, menopause holy fuck that must be close at 39, I'm not looking forward to this, secrets!!! This may be trivial but my wife has had a passcode on her phone for years, mine has only been added recently due to rhp, I always have believed in happy wife happy life, what about the husband if he's not happy? Do you women really care about us? Cheers. Do you think she is cheating on you? Maybe if you expect an honest reply then maybe you should state all the facts instead of drip feeding them. If she is cheating on you then that is a game changer and a whole other kettle of fish. My sister has a passcode on her phone too and she is a prude so I am sure she isn't having an affair on her partner. If your wife is only 39 then it is not probable but still possible that she may be pre menopausal. Is it really a sudden lack of attention or has it been fading but you haven't taken much notice?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Im going to put hormones as a factor, because its an unknown..... and i doubt she'll take well to the suggestion that she gets hers checked..... because thats just more pressure on her, and install sheer belief that YOU think there is something wrong, with her. And Im sure you don't need me to tell you... thats not a productive approach. SO... Im going to again say that as you mentioned that you are drifting apart rapidly, this suggests a relatively recent change. If there is no physiological reason which has recently arisen ...such as pain, hormones, social events.... then the only reason she has withdrawn is because you a re just not inspiring her sexuality. IF you were, she would seek to express it above and beyond some physiological reasons because she has been conditioned to accept that you mere her source for sexual enjoyment, pleasure and inspiration. IF I were you.... and I was in a former life...... I'd impose a 3-6 month period of celibacy upon myself and invest in the friendship aspects of your relationship. Take all pressure for sex off her completely. Focus on those multiple small gestures which represent the reasons why you are together. Do NOT do this with the underlying agenda that these will "give" you sex... or that it will "get" you sex. Do it because she is the woman you want to be with.... and because she is the woman who will want to SHARE sex with you....because of who you are.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Oh yes I've take a lot of notice, it's been going on for a couple of years now, and as for cheating I dunno! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think I want to marry you
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Buster50' Oh yes I've take a lot of notice, it's been going on for a couple of years now, and as for cheating I dunno! - Posted from rhpmobile Given the wording of your profile...... I think you've already made that decision! Don't you?!!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm not convinced you actually want to do anything to change the situation. I get the impression you just want to bitch about your wife and use it as justification for cheating, or preparing to cheat. Now I could be wrong. I only have a few written words on a public site to go by. But that's what is coming across loud and clear to me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for the offer of marriage I'm flattered! Your pretty HOT yourself, I think I'll just put it down to hormones and keep on pleasing myself Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Buster50' Thanks for the offer of marriage I'm flattered! Your pretty HOT yourself, I think I'll just put it down to hormones and keep on pleasing myself Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile Ooops LOL
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Buster50' Thanks for the offer of marriage I'm flattered! Your pretty HOT yourself, I think I'll just put it down to hormones and keep on pleasing myself Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile What the? Sorry at 39 your wife is most likely not going through hormonal changes yet. So you either try and fix your issues or go down the path of cheating which means the end really.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am sorry but isn't it just a big cop out women saying it's hormonal or menopause? Seems like with some of my friends the have pretty much made a concious decision, even if they don't admit it, that they are not going to do anything about their libidos and they are happy for sex to occur only occasionally or not at all regardless if hubby likes it or not. Which I think is wrong and its women really dropping the ball. If you still love hubby and want things to work you have to make an effort and not become complacent about your husbands affections..... I think anyway. Now I am not saying all menopause sufferers as I know some of the affects are very debilitating. I was reading something recently article by Christopher Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn, who suggests that women are not suited to long term monogamy and that it is women that tend to get bored of sex with the same partner.... more so than men. Which I thought was very interesting. PS Buster, I have a number of girlfriends who are bored with sex and their hubbies but they would be absolutely devastated and mortified if they thought their husbands were cheating on them.
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RHP User
11 years ago
according to a Swedish study women do not posses the monogamy genexxFreys
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RHP User
11 years ago
I guess if you call being on here as cheating well so be it, I haven't done anything yet I would be devastated if she were cheating it would make my decision very easy, I am still In love with my wife very much, I don't have many friends I can talk too, thought I'd throw it out there - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Crossing_Swords' "Be more involve in the her life"... or something like that You smart arses! LOL Loving your profile by the way. Very cool!
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RHP User
11 years ago
there are some sex therapist that actually suggest to make the effort to have sex every night for a week, even if one doesnt feel like it and the partner does, find out what each other likes again, i remember a doco putting that theory to the test, low and behold it worked for every couple(but was a small sample on the show), good ol flood of oxytocin and various other feel good chemicals being released might have something to do with it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hormones or not, something I learned in my marriage is that if your partner has no desire for sex then the lack of sex isn't an issue for them. They're often not motivated to fix it because they're not actually missing it. It can be an untenable situation, and in the end I left. I agree completely that hormones are not an excuse. But I do think that when one partner's libido declines significantly, whatever the cause, it can be an almost losing battle getting them to care about the issue. If they're not missing it, why fight to get it back? However, I also agree completely with many posters who've suggested that there's a lot the OP can do to help his wife feel desired again. Put in that effort and who knows what might happen. Mind you, based on the OP's most recent post it doesn't seem he has any plans to put in any effort. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Buster50' I guess if you call being on here as cheating well so be it, I haven't done anything yet I would be devastated if she were cheating it would make my decision very easy, I am still In love with my wife very much, I don't have many friends I can talk too, thought I'd throw it out there - Posted from rhpmobile Sounds again like your decision is made (to cheat).... you just haven't been given the opportunity by someone to do it.... "yet". Your comments are all "you" focussed... on getting what you want.... and seems to have little interest in what she needs.And you hold a double-standard on the position of seeking outside attention. Sorry OP... you've lost me as support.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The more you have sex the more you want it. That is certainly the case for me. Sex is more than just sex, it's the intimacy and the closness with your partner which is also important. BL I am sure it is a terrible place for a couple to be but I was talking more about couples that have had a satisfying sexual life but kids come... And we all know what happens there... But once the kids are a little older an effort has to be made to regain your sexual life. I have a couple of gf who think that since their husbands have stopped asking for sex after years of being told no, that he has also come to realise that sex is just not important. It's a treat for Christmas and birthdays. When I try and talk to them about it I am told, you haven't been in a 20 yr relationship so you don't know, there is a point when you get over it, it's too boring. I have one GF who offered to buy her husband a blow up doll... I thought that was terrible. :-/
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RHP User
11 years ago
Burning love how could your hubby not want sex with you OMG.
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RHP User
11 years ago
1) The "His" side2) The "Her" side3) The "Truth" sideNumber 3 is SELDOM covered, seldom accepted, and seldom even recognised... I am no help more than that.. MAYBE making you look "Within" your relationship..Good luck!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was married for 20 years. My ex always had a low sex drive where I was gifted with a higher level. My wife left me at Easter for what was supposed to be a mate. I did not see it coming. I am still celebant after 1 1/2 years hoping to change that soon. Ask your wife why she doesn't seem interested. Have you watched the tv show I think it's "7 nights of sex". There are lots of couples in the same boat. On the show they have sex each night and have to make a effort with helping each other through the day before sex each night and mixing it up. Might be worth a try. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
To everyone who contributed to my post thanks to the supporters and critics you are entitled to your opinion! I just want to say I am going to push hard to save my marriage before my cock rules my brain . The first step will be to get the fuck off this site Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Good luck, Buster!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think that's normal in a relationship thats been going for so many years you have to constantly work at it or that fire burns out, your WIFE needs some new sparks its not just about you, maybe ask her what she wants and what is lacking communication is key to lasting relationships :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
*crosses buster off his competition list* Hahaha :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' what people have REALLY done when they say they have tried EVERYTHING to work on their marriages. I have spoken to a few married guys on here and I often ask what their wives are doing while they are sitting on RHP trying to get a root. The response I get is that she is often on another computer on facebook. It seems recurring that one partner is sitting in one room having a life and the other is in another room having a separate life, WHAT THE FUCK?? Even at it's worst in my marriage, were we ever that distant and I can't believe that people allow that behaviour to happen. It is no wonder there is no interest in each other. There is no communication and it is setting a terrible example for any children. Do couples actually have dinner together anymore, go out and enjoy some alone time with each other, spend time communicating over the day, taking the time to notice each other and what they love about their partner...it seems not. Sex starts out of the bedroom and frankly if this is what is happening in people's houses then it is no wonder there are so many sexless relationships. Seems many just take each other for granted and let things go until there is nothing left. I am one of those people who DO realise communication is essential and if you don't spend time together, things fall apart. My husband and I work shifts and rarely saw each other, but I made so much effort to take us out to places, even if it was just to the beach. I'd arrange outings for dinner, to the cinema (so we could hold hands again!) but nothing worked. When I realised it was all going downhill I asked him to stop drinking, to get help, to see a psychologist, come to marriage counselling with me...NOTHING got through his selfish outer shell. I figure if he wants to wallow in his own misery and be lonely, so be it. I am done trying with someone who doesn't realise they lost it all, for lack of communication. :(
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RHP User
11 years ago
But id love to hear her side of the story, whomever said 'sounds like shes bored with you' is a bit harsh......good luck buddy, everyones probably said it all.......talk it out, romance, flowers, little notes here and there, but has to be 2 way street......hmmmm hope things get 'better' soon.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well your on here looking for a root and does she know? She's probably having an affair so don't worry
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RHP User
11 years ago
Being on RHP is totally going to help your situation and yor marriage isn't it? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
How about the man needs sex too. Why is it always about the dayam wife. I read so many posts on the POOR wifey not getting attention and the bloke has to do more work. Well I say - FUCK that for a change. Go out and get the sex you need. Fuck me it isn't rocket science........is it Humanitarian.
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RHP User
11 years ago
"Rocket Science" ain't exactly rocket science either you know
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RHP User
11 years ago
As clearly it is "Science" of the "Rocket" - just where too launch it into seems the problem
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
If the rocket lands in an ear or up the nose....Houston we have a problem!! Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nah - Just bad aiming Though I am sure Hugh and Stan would lick it up
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RHP User
11 years ago
Inspirit lets hope the wife is getting some good dick on the side to hey ;) I mean if husband is so great and so sexually fulfilling lack of sex would not be an issue, many things count as to why females lack sex, especially after you become a parent, just sayn :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Happy wife, happy life is a saying guys with low self-esteem say. Make the wife happy so I don't have to worry about her loosing interest and leaving me. Grow some balls and talk to your wife about exactly what you've been asking us here in the forum. If you're teetering in the verge of cheating or putting up with unhappiness then you've really got nothing to loose. But when you talk to her, don't problem solve like most guys do thinking if I just do this or that it'll fix the problem. Get in touch with how you are feeling and express this to her. Intimacy is about being vulnerable to each other and someone needs to take the first step in opening up. Once she sees that you are making an effort to connect with her, then she can slowly express how she's feeling. Something brought you together, find those feelings again within yourself and let her know them. Only you know what works and go with your feelings. But if it's sexual satisfaction only you're after, then learn about intimacy because you might discover something even more wonderful yourself :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well said fitprincess
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RHP User
11 years ago
I hope it all works out
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'fitprincess' I think that's normal in a relationship thats been going for so many years you have to constantly work at it or that fire burns out, your WIFE needs some new sparks its not just about you, maybe ask her what she wants and what is lacking communication is key to lasting relationships :) Good luck buster :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' How about the man needs sex too. Why is it always about the dayam wife. I read so many posts on the POOR wifey not getting attention and the bloke has to do more work. Well I say - FUCK that for a change. Go out and get the sex you need. Fuck me it isn't rocket science........is it Humanitarian. It is a 2 way street and I agree with Meeka that women need to stand up and take responsibilty for a good sex life as much as a man should and both sexes need to own their issues and sort their shit and be considerate of the person they share a bed with. I don't agree however that any person in a relationship should go out and get the sex they need, not without their partners knowledge anyway.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' I don't agree however that any person in a relationship should go out and get the sex they need, not without their partners knowledge anyway. Dont let RHP hear you say that.Youve just wiped out a massive chunk of their membership hahahaha
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RHP User
11 years ago
Go get some counseling and see what is going on in your head first. There is no shame doing so. Just call it life coaching or something. Unless you can be clear in your own mind about what you want and what you need from her. You'll never be able to explain it. Ask if she is ok? Would she like to see someone? Then maybe see someone together. Life, love, libido are all rewarding, but they take effort to be that way. If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it's usually time to water and fertilize your own. Good luck :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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