F62
Funnies and Words of Wisdom I've 'Shared'
March 07 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
This is interesting . .. . Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow colouring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavourings.... DO YOU KNOW.. The difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end...gets very interesting! Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine. Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study. Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods. Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few and only because they are added! Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavours of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years . And now, for Margarine.. Very High in Trans fatty acids. Triples risk of coronary heart disease ... Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) Increases the risk of cancers up to five times.. Lowers quality of breast milk Decreases immune response. Decreases insulin response. And here's the most disturbing fact... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING! Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC... and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT. These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance). Open a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things: * no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something) * it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value ; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic . Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast? Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to butter them up')!
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RHP User
13 years ago
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ...... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!" Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake. England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer. And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring
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RHP User
13 years ago
About the old bull and the young bull standing on a hill overlooking the class grazing in the valley below. The young bull turns to the old bull and says"Let's gallop down there and mate with one of those cows.". The old bull slowly looks around and drawls,"Let's walk down down there and fuck 'em all!". I love morality tales.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I read this only yesterday when I was doing some research about the humble paperclip...What I found really interesting is what it sygnified... who knew?Six hundred years of tying papers together with a ribbon, and then a small invention makes life simpler, and its use spreads and spreads. During World War II, Norwegians were prohibited from wearing any buttons with the likeness or initials of their king on them. To protest, they began wearing paperclips because paperclips were a Norwegian invention whose original function was to bind together. This was a protest against the Nazi occupation, and wearing a paperclip could have meant arrest.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hahaha Wisdom indeed Funlover! Thank you If you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes... don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth. Peachy If you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes... don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth.http://en.likearea.netIf you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes... don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth.http://en.likearea.netIf you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes... don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth.http://en.likearea.net
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hahaha Wisdom indeed Funlover! Thank you If you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes... don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi Peachy,Thanks for sharing what you read from the Internet. Sorry to say, most or perhaps even all of it is inaccurate. It is a funny read, but do not start accepting these things as factually correct. Here are some examples:Threshold:“threshold” has nothing to do with “threshes” on the floor. The word “threshold” first appeared in Old English as “therscold” or “threscold.” The first part of the word carried the meaning of “to stamp with the feet, to stomp noisily,” which is, of course, what one does when entering a room with mud or snow on one’s shoes. The second part of the word is a mystery, but it is fairly certain that it was something other than our modern word “hold,” and it was transformed into the more familiar “hold” over time.Interestingly, “thresh,” which we use today to mean “to separate grain from husks and chaff,” originally meant “to beat or stomp,” because the earliest method of separating wheat from the chaff, etc., was simply to stomp on it, like crushing grapes for wine.Raining Cats and Dogs:The first recorded use of a phrase similar to “raining cats and dogs” was in the 1651 collection of poems Olor Iscanus. British poet Henry Vaughan referred to a roof that was secure against “dogs and cats rained in shower.” One year later, Richard Brome, an English playwright, wrote in his comedy City Witt, “It shall rain dogs and polecats.” (Polecats are related to the weasel and were commonin Great Britain through the end of the nineteenth century.)
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RHP User
13 years ago
That was awesome to read! So brave and so significant. Such a small thing and yet so big. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's a fun read anyway, thanks for letting me know. It's getting so I wonder if I should Snope everything these days, I do for a lot of stuff I see on facebook. Usually tear jerker stories that I'm not sharing if I'm not sure they're true. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
from the most amazing human being that I have had the priviledge to meet...... THE INTERESTS OF OTHERS,IS THE BEST FORM OF SELF INTEREST. HH.The Dalai Lama
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RHP User
13 years ago
one of my favourite quotes I heard at the height of the 'Tiger Woods' scandal that has stayed with me...Confucius say; Man who drive well on fairway, Does not fair well in driveway!(I'm pretty sure there will be no protests about the validity of that statement)
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RHP User
13 years ago
1) Money can't buy you happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle... 2) Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name... 3) Help someone when they're in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again... 4) Many people are alive because it's illegal to shoot them... 5) Alcohol does not solve problems but neither does milk...I was fascinated by the idea of that quote Freya and had to google it. I'm going to copy and paste the paragraph from a text written by HH Dalai Lama where I found the quote to further the thought behind it. Thank you for sharing.The need for a sense of universal responsibility is present in every aspect of modern life. Nowadays, significant events in one part of the world eventually affect the entire planet. Therefore, we have to treat each major local problem as a global concern from the moment it begins. We can no longer invoke the national, racial or ideological barriers that separate us without destructive repercussions. In the context of our new interdependence, considering the interest of others is clearly the best form of self-interest.
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RHP User
13 years ago
It was a few clicks up the TonkinWinter........rain beating downThere he was, a little guy, quirky looking, wearing a really strange hatHe had a flat tyrePoor little fella. his spindly arms couldn't turn the wheel braceI pulled over. we exchanged pleasantries....ME:"hey, howyadoin, bastaaad of a night, eh?"HH DM: "Yeah, shit-house.....My religion is very simple, my religion is kindness"Me: *A little surprised*I replied "Errrm, O-O-O-h Kay and fair enough........let's get that wheel changed on that Kingswood, eh there Champ"He seemed very graciousHe stood, with faraway ephemeral look in his eyes.....even when I asked him to pas me the bloody wheel trim........he didnt look like he could tell a whitworth thread from an imperial to meAnyways........wheel one, he looked over at me.......knowingly and said......."If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them"BUT, at the very moment he stopped talking a brute of a mozzie landed on his cheek.........he squished that buzzin little winged bastaaad pretty damn quick I can tell you.Gave me a wink, floored the pedal and filled my gaping mouth with shit and road baseTop bloke, thatOh, I'm not too sure but I may have dreamt that chance encounterI will never know~~f~~
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RHP User
13 years ago
Lol Deepblue, we could start a whole new topic for jokes just on that one topic! You are ever a wonder PuZZled! I sit here with a stupid grin on my face and that's just from looking at your pic! Ta for the shits and giggles!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Kafkaesque of you Puzzled.... squashed bugs indeed
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RHP User
13 years ago
She is like a daughter... was asking why I was quiet... I said I was hating being a fckn boss at work... and hating running a creche when I was SUPPOSED to be running construction crews.. She just turned 18.. and said.... "fck Cavey.. you SHOULD know this!! " "Life is a bitch... learn how to FUCK her"
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RHP User
13 years ago
Some new ones from facebookGod grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,the courage to change the one I can...and the wisdom to know it's me!Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
You have the right to remain silentAnything you say may be misquoted... then used against youPeachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm sorry if you don't like my honestybut to be fair I don't like your lies
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think it's funny that people who treat you like shit get offended when you finally do the same to them. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
I make mistakes,I hurt people.But when I say sorry,I really mean it.Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Always End the Day with a Positive ThoughtNo Matter How Hard Things Were,Tomorrow's a Fresh Opportunity to Make it Better.Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Don't judge someone because they sin differently than you. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomac. A human hair can hold 3 kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woan's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire text. A man is still looking at his thumb...Hmmm thumbs... a new unit of measurement for RHP... can't wait to see all the new profile pics.
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RHP User
13 years ago
...keepin' this boat afloat, eh, Mrs. PeePeeWell done for (pretty much) single-handedly keeping we toothless & mindless rabble entertained for the short period that we can focus our flash-in-the-pan mindsYou're the organ grinder AND the cute little dancing monkey........Ooooh, Ooooh I'd contribute but I'm neither funny, definitely not wise and not a sharing type *gerroff me fukkin cheese*Well done anyways, PeePee~~fukcwittedly f~~
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RHP User
13 years ago
all by meself after I abandoned ship TITanic, I slip into deeper waters now and then but I get in over me head and hop back on board. Oh you brought nuts and a banana! You don't mind if I feed 'em to me monkey now... do you??? The cheese you can keep! That's what I would call sharing! Not that that teeny banana is going to sustain her for long.Don't be so hard on yerself, ya kept me entertained... ZZZZ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
If you're going to be a smart arse-first you have to be smartotherwise you're just an arse. Peachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Anagrams (as some of you already know) are words (or phrases) with the letters re-arranged to make new words (or phrases). I often do them as a form of brain training, the more ironic the better!Here are some anagrams I have done recently....* Mothers in Law = Hitler's Woman*Mothers Day = Try Sad Home, or, Smother Day, or, My Dear Host*Fathers Day = Day He Farts, or, Def Ashtray*Head Mistress = Misses Hatred, or, She Rims Dates*School Master = The Class Room, or, Harmless Coot*Maths Teacher = Smart Cheetah, or, Aches Matter*Eleven Plus Two = Twelve Plus One *The Policeman = Main Top Leech, or, Lice On The Map, *Archbishop = Bi Hash Crop*The Vatican = In That Cave, or, Naive Chat, or, Attach Vein, or, The Vain Cat*Cardinal = Carnal Id*Catholicism = Comical Shit, or, Miss Holi Cat*Democratic System = Meet Croat Sadism*Administrator = Admins Traitor*e ticket = Tiketec*Consequences Of = Sequence Of Cons*Foster Carer = Soft Career, or, Faces Terror*Fashion Police = Pinhole Fiasco, or, Chain Poof Lies*Parliament = Partial Men, or, Menial Prat *Federal Government = Men Forever Tangled, or, Mangled Ferret Oven*Rustic Kitchen = I Trust Chicken*The Biggest Losers = The Best Rissole Gig*A Current Affair = Unfair Fart Race, or , Rear Cunt Affair, or , Far Cunt Airfare *Text Message = Sex Test Game, or, Stag Sex Meet, or, Sex Meet Gest*David Hasselhoff = Dads Live Off Hash*Eastern Standard Time = Dads Arse In Treatment, or, Eminent Dad Tarts Arse, or, A Mitten Stranded Arse, or, Arse Ended Tits MantraLol....I love words and language! Enjoy!
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RHP User
13 years ago
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You gotta know what your running from before you know where your running to,jsk
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RHP User
13 years ago
Very apt Blue, just my thing and amazing how appropriate some turn out to be! I love words too and yes, very much enjoyed your individual attention here. Giggles Drift :-DYes Jamie, that is too clever and going to occupy my mind for some time to come...Hugs to you all and thank you!!! Honesty may be the best policy but insanity is the best defence!
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