Funny fuckers..

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Few yrs ago a friend was staying in a hotel in town. He gave me the hotel name and room number. I get there and knock on the door, no answer. I ring him and say"cant you hear me knocking? Open the door." So he says,"ive just opened the door and you arent here, are you on the right floor?" Ended up I had the correct floor and room number, but was in the wrong hotel. His was across the road.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  A child bride. One night we decided to get frisky at the zig zag on a blanket... Cops came with their annoying spotties! The ex's arse was shining in the moonlight while I squealed & grabbed the blanket lol I got taken home to mum & dad, and he got carted off to the cop shop lol They didn't believe we were married (probably because we looked 12 lol) The lovely policeman informed my mum that I had been caught fornicating in a public place 😐 (At 2am and unless some bastards with spotties came along we would have been home & hosed lol) And she said "omg I hope it was with her husband" lol thanks mum!

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I was having a one on one and had been going for 40 minutes.I got back on top her legs over my shoulders andstarted ramming her pussy hard when she let out a fart that caught of guard.I started laughing my sides off and it was the end of that sex session.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  We were in my boyfriends mothers bed complete with frilly valance. He'd just started and I broke out into a sweat feeling really nauseous. All of a sudden I shoved him away, threw my head over the side of the bed and vomited everywhere - including all over the white frilly valance. I grabbed the doona and covered my head mortified - and realised he was still inside me. He said "Wow - never knew I had that kind of impact on a girl" and started killing himself laughing. It was horrible at the time - but funny as now.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Quoting 'willow_2' Ended up I had the correct floor and room number, but was in the wrong hotel. His was across the road. Very funny...that was my room and after I did answer the door (I had to get out of the shower) all I could do was hang my towel on my personal and portable towel rack then head back into the shower. Thanks... I needed that!

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Many years ago, my ex & I had just climaxed together and flopped to the bed to a "Hello" coming from somewhere... Somehow the cordless phone had ended up in the bed with us...my mother rang...and somehow the phone got answered before it made a sound. Oops..sorry mum...wrong number. LOL. More recently, I was texting a new playmate to confirm that it would be a good time to call. Then I thought that I should go to the toilet before hitting send, in case we end up chatting for a long time. I returned my mobile to my belt clip and took care of business. When done, I looked at my phone and realised that my finger must have hit just the right spot to make the phone ring her. Thankfully I managed to do my toilet duties quietly and she had no idea. Lucky I didn't fart. LOL. Stupid phone.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I use to meet up with a lovely couple. They lived in an old farm house in the hinterland. I won't go into to many details. But the short version is, she was bent over using the window sill as a brace as I was behind her. Unbeknownst to us her husband left the room and decided to sneak around the house underneath the window. He then jumped up and pretty much just said "boo!" I nearly shit myself. His wife on the other hand jumped up hitting her head on the window frame knocking herself out in the process. As I said it's funny now but at the time it was pretty scary because she was out like a light. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  You wish jellyfish. Lol

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Quoting 'Deep_Purple' You wish jellyfish. Lol Settle, petal... I am trying very hard not to say a thing about you grabbing my damn towel and running away laughing. Besides, a jellyfish doesn't have a single cell in it's amoeba-like body that could have held that towel in place. PS...thanks for leaving my wash cloth alone, it was cold that night!

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  One male two females He was a big man with a big belly. While she was sitting on his face having fun I decided I want some fun too. So being the big girl I am I decided I would ride his lovely tool. I proceeded to get into place his legs were spread at the time and I went to squat down to guide him inside me. Lol Two big bellies bumped and I lost my balance falling backward in between his legs. Flat on my back like a beached whale trying to compose myself I couldnt move and just couldnt get out of my predicament. Now with all the commotion going on I had taken the attention away from my friend and her oral lol she turned around a while still on his face and said wtf are you doing.? Lol I told her I fell and can't get up she was laughing I was laughing and he was laughing but hey they didn't even bother to help me out kept on going back to what they were doing. Lol Was a fun night though - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  It starts with a long night of fun between the sheets and into the morning, first time at her place to stay the weekend. She had to go out for part of the day so I was to make my self at home, I planned to spend the day catching up one lost sleep, before that I need a quick toilet break. Sitting there I noticed a plastic bottle of baby wipes. Oh I though she is one that cleans with baby wipes ( I dont think I rolled my eyes.) Ill give them a go and while there I thought the old fella could do with a bit of a wipe down as well. Felt cool to the skin, quite pleasant, a second and a third for good measure, Anyways back to bed for that sleep. Some hours later I am woken by the front door opening and as I stir I notices a rather uncomfortable, somewhat burning sensation between my legs. I reach down and things are feeling very tender, and very wrong, just as she makes her way into the bedroom. My attention was not on her at all and she must have guessed by the look on my face that something was not right, "Whats wrong?" I started to explain how I was a little tender down there and that I needed to eyeball the situation, so off came the blanket. Oh My Dear GOD!!! My cock and balls are bright red, the skin is all tight and not looking right at all. She was as shocked as me. "WTF is that?" she asked in rather accusing voice, and I was very much along the same lines but did not voice it as I thought it " What the fuck have you given me?????" in my mind, "I don't know." from my lips. It was bad, and it was getting more painful by the minute. It was a wild night and I have had chaffing before but this was no chaffing. After a more careful inspection we decided this needed a trained professional so off to the emergency room it was to be. As I am gathering my stuff in what was becoming a rather uncomfortable situation, she went of to the bathroom to check her self out. Which reminded me of the baby wipes, "Jesus I even gave it all a good clean with the baby wipes this morning." I said. To which came "What baby wipes?" not at all the answer I was expecting. She came out with the wipes in hand. "You mean these?""Yes." Well they where not baby wipes far from it. Toilet wipes, heavy duty fucken bleach loaded toilet cleaning wipes that I had lovingly given my crack, sack, and cock a good thorough rub down with. Though the situation for me did not improve, having a cause did alleviate the stress. For her, she could not hold back the relief and a great deal of contagious laughter ensued. It took three weeks to heal with many layers of skin coming off in the interim, I had inadvertently given my self a serious chemical burn in that last place you would want one. I had assumed, and not read the package, who wipes their arse with baby wipes anytways??? Mind you 3 weeks of sexual tension at the start of a new romance made for awesome recovery sex...

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  who wipes their arse with baby wipes?...I do, but who wipes their arse with bleach would have to be a silly fucker

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  try and make it shortmate bought some love you long time cream (makes it a bit numb, last longer )after being away from wife for a while.gets home, applies.go to bed, she starts with bjafter a minute or 2 she comes up, mgjdhduefhefn, i.e. can't speak, her mouth is numb.he laughs, she gets pissed off, no sex :))hahahaha

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