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RHP

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F56

Having sex or making love? (Including looooong article)

August 09 2014

How would you define making love versus having sex? Have you ever experienced lovemaking that was deeply spiritual rather than just physical? If so, is it all just a matter of lucky connection and chemistry or do you consciously alter what YOU bring so as to deepen the experience? An article I found. An over-simplification in parts, I think, but still thought-provoking ... “They move ever so slowly now, he leaning on his arms over her, eyes locked in an intensity that obliterates everything beyond the moment, both surrendered to some greater whole. Their movements emerge and recede with perfect unity. She can no longer feel where she ends and he starts, whether the waves of bliss washing over her are her own or his. There is no longer any ‘his’ or ‘hers’—there is only This.” ~ From The Beautiful Garden by Freya Watson Having sex is fun. At its best, it’s liberating, expressive, invigorating and stress-relieving. Sometimes it’s exactly what we need. Exploring and integrating our natural sexuality is an essential part of maturing. But what about that deeper yearning of the heart and soul? What of the longing to merge with another physical being in a way that brings spirit more fully through the body? What about making love? The opening paragraph above has had a variety of responses from readers from the time I first wrote it, ranging from total disbelief that it could be based on any real experience, to gratitude for having found words to express territory that is almost indescribable. One common theme in the responses, though, has been a wistful, “I wish it was me.” And for two decades I was also one of those yearning for such an experience while simultaneously dismissing it as pure fantasy, the creation of romance novels and Hollywood screenwriters. Now, though, I know it is real and there for the having whenever I put my mind and heart into it—assuming the availability of a willing and compatable partner of course! And if I were to break it down into a few steps that a younger “me” could follow, it would go something like this… Open the heart, using whatever works. This can be the most natural thing in the world on a good day or in the early stages of romantic love. But it can also be a most difficult thing to do at other times when we’re grappling with stress or relationship tension. Often something simple that moves us deeply can work, like a favorite piece of music. So can sharing non-sexual intimacy first—lying together; a simple honoring ceremony where you wash each other’s hands and feet; or sitting fully clothed in the yab-yum position (the women on the man’s lap, legs wrapped round his hips), which helps to align our energy centers with our partner’s. And at times when we really struggle with it, using the support of Tantra-based disciplines and various heart-centered meditations can bring us back to the heart. Slow it all down. Sex can sometimes feel like there’s a goal, with orgasm being the ultimate achievement. And the quicker you get there, the better! But making love is more like a creative art form than a race—to be practiced and savored. The more love that is generated, felt and shared, the better—regardless of orgasm. By slowing it down you get to fully explore every sensation, every nook and cranny (emotionally and physically). You get to focus on the love that you’re sharing rather than on getting to any particular goal. If the genital response gets overly strong, slow it down further using long slow inhalations of the breath to draw the energy up from the lower chakras to the heart (and beyond). Focused intention can help you direct the energy through your heart and anywhere else in the body that feels right, and out towards your partner. Stay present. It’s impossible to fully engage with ourselves, never mind with another, without being completely present. Especially for couples who have been together a while, it can be so easy to carry the thoughts and distractions of life into the zone of intimacy. (Perhaps a good longterm relationship aid would be a sticky pad, pen and small bin outside every couple’s bedroom, with the instruction to write our worries down and chuck them in the bin before passing through the door). Staying connected to the breath and to the feelings in the body, rather than focusing on our thoughts, provides an anchor to the moment as neither the breath nor the body can wander out of the present in the way the mind can. Keeping eye contact with our partner, though, is one of the most beautiful ways of staying present when making love—and it keeps a strong current of energy flowing between us and our partner (try holding that gaze during orgasm to get a sense of how powerful eye connection can be). Use the whole body. Making love is a full body experience rather than being simply genitally focused—making our whole body an instrument of loving expression and sensually sharing the whole of ourselves with the entirety of our partner. It is deeply self-expressive. The more we connect in with our body, the more expression we can bring to the way in which we make love with another. Feeling our way through the experience, rather than thinking through it, naturally guides us into exploring new ways of moving, touching and sharing. It is one of the rare times that two human beings get to interact with no externally-created boundaries and can be the ultimate creative experience if we open ourselves up to it, like intimate free-form dance to a silent melody. The more we practice making love—slowly, deliberately, with full attention—the more sensitive we become to the flow of energy within our bodies and the easier we find it to open, not only to an intimate partner, but to life in general. Even without any intention of sexual sharing, these four elements can form the basis for whatever creative way we might want to make love to anyone or anything in our world. - Posted from rhpmobile

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Comments

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    11 years ago

    I'm not sure I agree that lovemaking is the only time it can be deeply spiritual. I have had the most glorious experiences with one man in particular where it was sex but on an entirely different level than previously experienced. What he felt and what I felt and the levels we took each other to were far outside the realm of casual sex. There was a mental connection, time was spent getting to know each other and we made the most of the limited number of times we could see each other. We were completely in the moment and took our time. It was not a matter of endless positions and toys and proving sexual prowess. It was a matter of focussing totally on each other, exploring the boundaries of pleasure and finding none.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    It might be a very simplistic look at the subject but I think the two can be defined as: Making Love: You actually know the persons name, not just their profile name; you are just as content to snuggle up afterwards and fall into an exhausted sleep, knowing you will wake up together; you will be more attuned to his/her needs, wants and wishes; you will look forward to seeing them again; it doesn't have to be a long drawn out session complete with candles and Barry White playing in the background, a quickie on the kitchen bench can be just as satisfying to both of you. Having sex: You spend the first 10 minutes trying not to call them by the wrong name; depending on the location of said sex act, you are already planning your escape/you are hoping like hell they are planning their escape; you are already compiling a list of possible replacements; you are thinking 'hey they said they were good in bed, what a bloody liar"; it is still better than having sex by yourself (well most of the time lol). Mooka

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I agree making love / lovemaking / spiritual loving (whatever you call it) doesn't require a relationship. I think it can happen between any two people (or more) who are open to it, casual or not. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    11 years ago

    Making Love.....I think it's all about the level of connection you have with the person, how much you appreciate each other, how well you know each other, what's in your heart and if you share the same passion and lust......❤️ Fucking.....You can defiantly better to have a connection with someone you are fucking too, it's just a different level. For me it more raw, more primal and what's in your mind......😈 But then if you can find someone that you can combined the two with, well thanks just going to be the most divine, intoxicating, mind blowing and wonderful thing you've ever experienced.....❤️😈

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    11 years ago

    Yes I have experienced it, a couple of times now. Something I will never forget. It's worlds apart from anything else I have encountered with another - different to just fucking and love making. For me, it's more than having a "lucky" connection and chemistry - it's truly being in that moment where time stops. Words can not explain. How I see it is that coming off such an experience is mentally, emotionally and physically draining for me - the drop in endorphins, entering into another state, is a complete bitch, yet it is so addictive!! Foxy xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Beautifully said. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    When looking into each others eyes and knowing a baby is to come of it, is something that can not be explained. Pretty intense for the souls that is for sure, and takes years to recover. You can only make love so many times. ha ha. Fucking comes as a close second though. Mado Tara xx

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    Gimme fucking love anyday......senseless fucking for the sake of it holds no appeal for me. Of course fucking takes all forms but I think mpst would agree fucking with someone you feel an emotional/spiritual/special connection with is just so much more fulfilling on a number of levels IMHO.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I have never just had 'Sex'... I have never been with anyone, as yet, without having at least a degree (or type) of love for them... Of course, with my wife. The person I'd vowed to be with whatever happened, for the rest of our lives, was something FAR MORE than just sex... It really felt as though we were 'one' in a fashion. Two souls joining and wanting to stay joined and be together as long as we could. After nearly 10 years of marriage, when she got home from work later than I did, I remember clearly, after nearly 20 years, being excited about her coming home and waiting to hear the car in the driveway... When she got home, we'd talk and just be together (as much as 6 kids would allow...). What we did, I consider 'Making Love' in the true sense of the expression. I don't think I have ever just had sex... Maybe I have had less 'closeness and less oneness' with ladies I was not as deeply in love with... But I believe I have never just had sex, for the pure enjoyment. I don't know if that makes me 'strange' or in touch 'with my feminine side'... LOL. But that's how it is. Obviously, being here indicates that I have a need that I want to fulfill that doesn't include the type of love or 'connection' I have previously experienced. But I know that I can (and want to) snuggle and spoon and sleep with a lady with whom I am fortunate enough to find a connection, and she with me... That physical need is still very strong and always has been.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    For me "making love" happens when a little bit more intimacy, closeness and tenderness to the sexual encounter. I think this is more likely with a long term partner but equally it can happen with a random hookup when there is that elusive chemistry, connection and empathy with the person your fucking. It is also possible to have sex that is just physical release with a loved partner when one or both combatants is driven by pure lust.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    imaginQuoting 'kissk' I'm not sure I agree that lovemaking is the only time it can be deeply spiritual. I have had the most glorious experiences with one man in particular where it was sex but on an entirely different level than previously experienced. What he felt and what I felt and the levels we took each other to were far outside the realm of casual sex. There was a mental connection, time was spent getting to know each other and we made the most of the limited number of times we could see each other. We were completely in the moment and took our time. It was not a matter of endless positions and toys and proving sexual prowess. It was a matter of focussing totally on each other, exploring the boundaries of pleasure and finding none. Now imagine that with pure unbridled love.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Yr comment is sooooo long winded, over philosophical and somewhat...ummmm, indoctrined..... The sex is better when yr in love with yr other half, simply because the sexual chemistry, trust and awareness is so strong, that you can literally fuck for hours, orgasim heaps, have pillow fights, laugh, and relax. There is a mutual desire to tease, please,s seduce & chat... Sex is simply fulfilling a need for experimentation, penetration or orgasim.,.. Its more about getting laid, getting pleasured, & hoping the other person/people had fun, but not really giving a shit whether u see him/her again.... Nonsensical and imaginary words such as tantras, chakras, meditation, psychic connections etc crack me up... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    2 amazing connections which have resulted in the best sex I have ever had, even better than with my ex husband that I actually loved. We had great sex but those I had chemistry with, we had mind blowing sex. I had never experienced it until the last few years. It was like we were one rather than 2. One was married which I didn't know at the time and every now and then he will call me. I have to tell him to stay away from me because if he was anywhere near him I know I would fall back into bed with him and I don't want that. He has it as bad as me too, the connection is so strong between us. *sigh* ..if only.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    People who "fuck" actually withhold themselves from the experience... They allow lust, but are often afraid of truly sharing their passionate desires... Unless they have already planned their escape... Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    having sex lasts for a few hours, while making love lasts for a lifetime of loving commitment together :)

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  • MissBishere

    MissBishere

    11 years ago

    Both have their place, you can fuck when you are in love and you can "make love" when you aren't in love. Right now I'd take either 😛 Missb - super duper horny Sunday arvo 😘😘😘 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Missb... The caravan of luurve isn't so far away... 😋😘 Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    HP, for no known reason, I just get this image of the luurve caravan, in shag pile carpet, fluffy handcuffs and a mirror ball. Disco style, ha ha ha ha stayin alive, stayin alive. Mado Mado Tara xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I may a victim from lust,😞and not making love? I can't say anymore, - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Don't you laugh boyo... If it hadn't been so bloody cold the caravan of luurve was headed in your direction... 👀 ... But you'll both keep... 😈😈 Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That my previous sexual experiences were just sex until I experienced what I now define as making love. Sex that was so overwhelming passionate and full of emotion that I cried and I think it was the amazing connection that we shared and the deep respect, trust and love that we felt for each other that allowed me to experience this. Even when it was desperate, raw and primal it made me feel like this because afterwards we would lay wrapped in each others arms for hours and the way he looked at me and touched my body was inexplicable.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You says everything it's about what i experience,just can't explain,thank you .and don't forget to call the name, - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'passion8_l' That my previous sexual experiences were just sex until I experienced what I now define as making love. Sex that was so overwhelming passionate and full of emotion that I cried and I think it was the amazing connection that we shared and the deep respect, trust and love that we felt for each other that allowed me to experience this. Even when it was desperate, raw and primal it made me feel like this because afterwards we would lay wrapped in each others arms for hours and the way he looked at me and touched my body was inexplicable. Beautiful description x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'SpanglishFun' Yr comment is sooooo long winded, over philosophical and somewhat...ummmm, indoctrined..... The sex is better when yr in love with yr other half, simply because the sexual chemistry, trust and awareness is so strong, that you can literally fuck for hours, orgasim heaps, have pillow fights, laugh, and relax. There is a mutual desire to tease, please,s seduce & chat... Sex is simply fulfilling a need for experimentation, penetration or orgasim.,.. Its more about getting laid, getting pleasured, & hoping the other person/people had fun, but not really giving a shit whether u see him/her again.... Nonsensical and imaginary words such as tantras, chakras, meditation, psychic connections etc crack me up... - Posted from rhpmobile Hello :) I'm not sure who you're talking to when you say the comment is sooooo long winded etc? It seems like you mean me, and the original post. If so, let me respond ... It's not my comment, or my doctrine or philosophy. I copied the full text of an article I read somewhere because I thought some people might be interested to read it. I announced at the beginning of the post that I was pasting a full article so it should be fairly apparent that I didn't write all of it. The comments I did write are just couple of lines at the beginning. I'm confused about why you read the post if it's too long for you. Is there such a thing as being overly philosophical? I don't think so. The degree to which you appreciate or enjoy philosophy is simply a personal preference. I enjoy philosophical ponderings a great deal. I respect your right not to. Tantra, chakras, meditation etc are not imaginary or nonsensical words. They're simply nouns. The word tantra is no different to the word yoga or the words table or car or hair or planet, etc. If you mean that the practices of tantra, meditation etc are nonsensical, then perhaps you've simply never experienced them to their full potential.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Couldn't agree more, I've experienced "fucking" when the other party isn't really interested, I usually just hop off & go to sleep without following thru, no point really. And I've experienced long sessions of exploring each others bodies, desires & needs. The later is the only type of sex I participate in these days, I achieve my pleasure by seeing the lady having pleasure 1st, that way the end is way more intense for me. P.L.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I've experienced an out of this world connection which made me feel like our souls inter twined and what I called "the passion waves" went up from my base chakra right up through to my heart chakra and radiated out so strongly that I physically had to move my arms and head backwards as I felt like I was going to explode...I also felt like I was on fire...and that was way before I even came close to climaxing... and this experience was not with my ex husband hehe....but it taught me a lot about myself and I hope to meet someone that I can connect with the same one day :) Perhaps someone can explain what on earth happened to me though??? Hahaha

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Highpriority' Missb... The caravan of luurve isn't so far away... 😋😘 Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it... Get a lear jet

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