M50
How soon is too soon to play?
August 02 2008
Comments
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RHP User
17 years ago
Shadows, When long relationships have ended, I have tended to have a cooling off period and found this was not so useful because I would spend too much time thinking about what went wrong and how sad I was. Get out and enjoy yourself and if the opportunity to play arises, seize it! Muppert slapper has a post about having a short time left and to me the message is clear, live each day as if it is your last and you won't regret what you didn't do. Cheers Wilds
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RHP User
17 years ago
Mate I came out of a long term relationship in December. Came out of it with a big crash. Very complicated and messy. In Jan I got talking to a woman on the net. One thing led to another and we met. Well to cut a long story short, she moved out to live with me in April. Now, I couldn't be happier! I honestly didn't know how crappy my old relationship was until I met this wonderful woman. Now we are on here together as a couple. ;-) As long haired hippys are wont to say: Things happen for a reason! Cheers, Drew
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RHP User
17 years ago
Well shadows, you have taken the first step. Its time to dust yourself off and get out there and have some fun. After a long term relationship myself, i joined RHP and found it was the best move i made. I met some great people and have made some fantastic friends. I believe things happen for a reason too. After all, i would have never of met Grav. Lifes too short Shadows, you sexy man. Leelee xxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
I honestly think you have to read what ppl have to say but also go with your gut instinct, cos every person is going to be different in how long it takes to get over things. I agree with wilds......you have to look forward...for a long time in my life I looked back and tried to rationalise what went wrong and all I did was hold me back and get me down..... I am not saying forget the past cos I have no doubt the past holds some wonderful memories and by all means hang on to them....but dont dwell there...life is all about moving in a forward direction. When it feels right for you, you will know it. Dont feel guilty about meeting someone so close to a break up, it was obviously meant to be. I believe in destiny and if someone special has come into your life it is for a reason....embrace that and be happy! big hugs xxxxx Lava
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RHP User
17 years ago
well after 20 years together, the crash was bad ive driven hard ive had soem really had accidents in my time but i wasnt ready for this one. the preceeding three years i was no good to anyone. tho i did see a few women in that time but they were just flings. maybe they could have been more i dont know cause i couldnt function properly after the nervous breakdown. It tokk me 3 years then a meet a lovely lady that i had never felt those feelings for before. 18 months was great then came her friends, cuase we spent lots of time together. came the games the lies so i told her that if it was to be between them and me i was gone cause it didnt need to be that way. then came the second crash this one came close to finishing me off. so ive been songle ever since and find that i just dont trust my feelings or most people these days. so for me i will probably spend the rest of my days alone. pwheeee damn long story but at the end of the day you need to feel comfortable in yourself and the person your with. after all life is an adventure so go explore mal
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RHP User
17 years ago
Shadows i recently (well recently as in February) came out of relationship that turned xtremely messy towards the end.....it has scarred me deeply and even though i have lately been out socialising again i still need more time to heal.....(mine was probably a bit different in there was the death of our child involved). I cant even contemplate having sex with anyone at the moment.... Talking to friends of mine it seems women are more likely to want a cooling off period....men just want to jump right back in.....looking at all my friends who are divorced the majority of the men have remarried within 2 years....the women are still single...... ........also it depends what ur definition of play is Shadows?? Do you mean one nite stands, purely for sexual gratification if thats the case go for it just make the partner know that that is all it is....purely sex driven. Really its up to you, only you know ur individual circumstances.....do u want more than that? Are you looking for another partner? Its going to be one of those subjects that people have divided opinions on im sure!!!! RoSe x
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RHP User
17 years ago
Well..it's not as if your partner passed away..that would be different. If it's just a break-up..get back on the horse ASAP. You don't have to go looking for love..just fun. We're all here for a good time not a long time as they say!!
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RHP User
17 years ago
Were you the instigator of the break-up or not? If you were, then you've already made up your mind long before the crunch time and therefore was a lot 'easier' (not the right word)....but if you were not he instigator of the break-up then you go thru lots of different feelings. Life is too short to worry.
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RHP User
17 years ago
There is no such thing as playing too soon, as long as both partners are aware of the situation. If its just about having sex, then find someone that just wants a one nighter and go for it with no regrets, but if you feel you could like the person and especially if you feel they have feelings for you...take a bit of time, go out for drinks and a couple of dinners before you wind up in bed together and see if it could lead somewhere. but like i said as long as both partners are expecting the same thing then there is no problems.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Hey Shadows, I dont believe there is such as thing as too soon to play......but if you are only after sex, then make sure you pick up someione interested in a one nighter only. If its someone you think you could learn to care about and if you feel they may have feelings for you, then take your time, get to know them, take them for drinks and dinner a few times before you jump in bed together. I also feel that playing around after the breakup of a relationship helps you when you are ready to head into another relationship cause then you have the rebound thing out of the way. So remember as long as both parties are aware that it is just playing and nothing more than no problems.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I think it depends on the individual person at the time, go with your gut instinct,if it feels right go for it but if it doesn't hold back for a while and ask youself why you feel thins way. sure beats jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire and regreting something you did in haste afterwards if you end up back in the same situation.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I can relate too your question. After experiancing the conundrum, i said too myself "Self, you don't have a crystal ball, start living your life, dont mind other peoples opinions, because it's only yours that truly matters at the end of the day" Shadows, if you can go too sleep at the end of the day with a smile on your face, your on the right path. Your a good judge of character, (ive seen the character's you keep company with ;-),, so stay true too you, and do as you do. Dont spend too much time analysing each and every decision you make, lifes too short for that shite. Stay sexy...keep safe...and let lifes lessons pave your way. xx Wet xx
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RHP User
17 years ago
DNB68 sometimes people are looking after ill partners for a long time before they die. While people still need to grieve they might also need to get out there and enjoy some loving contact with other people, especially if they have sublimated their physical needs over a period of years. As others have said, we are all individuals and we each can only do what feels right for us. Cheers Wilds
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RHP User
17 years ago
I would say get out and party, sitting at home feeling sorry for oneself is not on. Party, have fun, sow your oats, you only live once :) Nibbles
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RHP User
17 years ago
After tossing in the hand grenade and returning to see what happened (methinks he forgot to pull out the pin)... Heartfelt thanks to everyone who replied to this post. Obviously it is different for eveybody, which is why I put it up in the first place. Thankyou to the good folks from over east who contributed too. Any more thoughts and comments out there? Following on from sword_swallower's post on motivational statements and quotes, this one might be appropriate: "Do, or do not. There is no try." Oh yes, strong in this one, the force is... Shadows.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I totally understand that there are a lot of people that have come out of bad relationships. But! then I ask them ..... Why is it that you lead others on into thinking that you are over it and hurt them. I really and truly cannot understand the thoughts such ppl have about this. Is it that they were hurt and now is the time to hurt others. Or perhaps lets see whats in it for me and dont give a shit about the other persons feelings?.... Damn Ladies and unfortunately this is a "lady"...... dont just think about your needs... if you are not ready or have a different agenda then I ask you what the hell are you doing here. signing off.... a friend consoling another friend who has been "used" on these terms.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I agree totally with you betty boob.. hugs xx
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RHP User
17 years ago
My profile is honest and to the point Bettie and if you had bothered reading it you would see i have stated clearly i am on RHP for friendship and then see where things go.....i have never lead anyone on as u allude to...and there is no way i am on here to hurt anyone.....for you to attack a woman for trying to get back out in society after losing her baby is just plain nasty and callous and shows you have absolutely no compassion whatsoever.....i was honest with this person from the start you can ask him i never lead him on one iota he said he would be there for me as a friend to support me to get me over this difficult period...... You dont know me but if you did you would know i am one of the most giving loving and honest people you could meet and would do anything for anyone......so get your facts right before blabbing on abt that which you know nothing about.......and tinks i thought i knew you better as well.....
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RHP User
17 years ago
There is a saying if the shoe fits then wear it.... I most certainly did not recall mentioning any names except for "Lady". Having said that there is no need for me to say anything further as you have clearly left it open to the rest. Oh and by the way I am truly sorry for your loss and will say never feel lonely out there as there are other who too have lost a child close to their heart. On that note..."Bless your cotton sox Roxy you are always in my thoughts", and rest my case! Signing off... in remembrance of my sweet innocent daughter Roxy who I had the privilidge of spending 18 wonderful years with.
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RHP User
17 years ago
OK, OK back in your respective corners please ladies... To be honest I'm a little disappointed that this topic resulted in a few people (all of whom I have immense personal respect for by the way) having a bit of a catfight. The object of the exercise was to get an appreciation of everyone's thoughts on what can be a very touchy subject. Obviously everyone's take on this is different, however please keep in mind everyone's personal opinions and feelings when you reply to this post. Only the individual knows what they are feeling and what they are dealing with when it comes to personal loss. This is irrespective of whether it is the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship. We all grieve in our own way, and are entitled to respect and dignity at all times. As most of you are aware respect is one human value I hold higher than many others, and please keep that in mind if you choose to reply to this post. I will not condone or condemn what anyone chooses to write in reply. Remember the correct time and place to resolve any issues you may have, and if you need a personal meet to do it, then please do so. Here is not the time and place to do it. Show the strength of character and make the first move to resolve any problems you have with another member. If it could cause offence, then perhaps it shouldn't be said at all. Getting off his soapbox and getting his skinny little butt back to work... Shadows.
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RHP User
17 years ago
PLEASE ALL NOTE AS IT TURN OUT I AM THE LOOSER IN ALL THIS SAGA ,I NEVER MEANT FOR ANYONE TO BE HURT OR BE LABELD AS A USER OR ANYTHING ELSE,IF I HAVE HURT ANY ONE PLEASE I APOLOGISE WITH ALL MY HEART,TO SOMEONE THAT I REALY CARE FOR AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR IM SORRY ,I WISH I COULD DO MORE OR TURN BACK TIME,I ONESTLY BELIVED I COULD BE OF HELP,U NEVER ASKED I ALWAYS OFFERD,BUT THATS ME IS HOW I WAS BROUGHT UP,I HAVE BEEN A PERFECT GENTELMAN TO U AT ALL TIMES,BUT MAYBE I OVERSTEPPED MY FEELING FOR U ,TOO ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS OR OTHERS THAT I HAVE HURT U ALL TAKE CARE,IT WAS AND I HAD A NICE TIME MEETING A LOT OF U PEOPLE ,AND TO THE PERSON THAT I REALLY LOOK UP TO U LOOK AFTER YOURSELF AND IF EVER U NEED AFRIEND ILL BE THERE FOR U .
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RHP User
17 years ago
Hmmmmm well I wanna put in my 20 cents worth too. Shadows you are your own person this is a sex site some of us are very lucky to find that elusive love that is needed for survival and others they are happy to fill their nights with different bods. Myself I dont think it is ever to late to say no this doesnt feel right..... as it is your body and your innermost you are giving to someone after all. Having said that this is not a post aimed at anyone but purely the way I feel. Shadows my suggestion to you would be get out amongst us as you have and enjoy yourself if you want to take things further then that is up to you. But too soon nah soon as your ready I reckon things will feel more positive. xxxxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
Lupo my poor luv xxx I have been avoiding the forums as there has been some bad vibes in here of late and im over it but i came in to read this cos u asked me to. My heart goes out to u both sweetheart sometimes things happen that are out of our control. U will always have many friends from here. Leaving rhp doesnt mean u will be losing any of us and we will continue to call in to ur shop and visit u even if we dont have any more planned coffee meets. Stay positive darling things look bleak at the moment but they will get better.. Luv u xx Tina and roy
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RHP User
17 years ago
Dear Lupo I wrote this for a friend on RHP he won't mind me sharing it with you. as this very much applies to you dear freind as all my other friends on here. Under a dimly lit lamp post, let me take hold of your hand. We will travel on a journey, but not to foreign or exotic lands Lets dip our toes in tranquil waters, warm and crystal clear Then bathe each other with understanding, to wash away any tears. We can climb the highest mountain, and rest up on its peak Where we can sit and chat for hours, to explore the answers that we seek. Come run with me through the grassy fields, on a sunny autumn's day Confronting all the doubts that bother us and chase all fears away We can feed each other on tender morsels, not the savoury, just the sweet Gorge ourselves for hours on forgiveness and other special treats. We may soar with the big majestic eagles, high up in the sky Airing out any misunderstandings, and stronger we shall fly. Our journey will take us along many roads, which direction is hard to say But I know that I have your hand firmly gripped, and I will not lose you along the way For sometimes the roads may be rocky, and for some weary travellers the journey will end But I am so lucky my path led me to you Lupo and blessed to call you my friend. (¯`v´¯) *.¸.*´ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•¨¯`• xx Miss Honey xx
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RHP User
17 years ago
Love ya Lupo,,, my number is for you to use at any time and you know where I live if you want a cuddle Liz xxxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
OMG ppl shadows was simply trying to get opinions not turn this into a cat fight .................... shadows you follow ya heart babe it is the only thing that can tell you when your ready !!!! to aulupo --- you stay the gentleman we all know and love and come back to rhp coz we MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS you ............... to HONEY -- that just made me shed a tear very touching words make me want to gather all the fantastic friends i have made on here and just cuddle them to the end of time ...................... and no me shedding a tear doesnt turn me into a noice person i will always be a biatch bwahahahahaha :P
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RHP User
17 years ago
Lupo dont you dare change the person you are...and i dont think you need to apologise for being you....EVER... I know things have got a little out of hand recently and things in here have been said and possibly misconstrued but that is life and it will always happen... hopefully those involved will not lose the special bonds of friendship they have had till now...you are all special in your own rights ..... lupo..you are nothing but a gentleman and i hope i see you out and about at one or two meets......the lady love of your life is there to be found..now just wasnt your time... big hugs and kisses Lava xxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
dear irish rose... i was not even thinking of you when i said that comment.. i was just saying i agreed with bettie boob about life.. nothin more.. i am sorry for your loss....
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RHP User
17 years ago
your post is such an emotional subject that each one of us has gone through in this life of ours. Am sad that such a negative posts has come out of it.. quite sad in fact.. we should all be here to give each person a shoulder to cry on.. Yes..it is a sex site..but some of us..like me. has made some long life friends with no sex at all.. so everyone.. lets all enjoy each other friendship.. here in chat world.. or in the real world out there.. tinker xxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
I have just ended a marriage, this morning. We had split a few months back then decided we would keep it casual and use each other as buddies. the deal was noone else before letting the other person know. It all came to a crashing halt because of a few surprises that popped up last week and what was comfortable turned bad. I now need company, I need friends but i do NOT need a relationship anytime in the forseeable future. I need time to get myself sorted and get back to being me. I still need sex and at the moment that would be the best thing I can thing off to ground me again and get that part out of the way. Its never too soon for a f%%k buddy as long as you are both very clear that is what it is. It can be too soon for a full relationship but that depends on the person and the relationship they came out of. Something that has been dead for years and just going through the motions is easier to get past than something that bombed suddenly. everyone is different. Go with your instincts and take it easy. It is always tempting to jump in boots and all in an attempt to replace what you had. my 2c
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RHP User
17 years ago
Lsydexic sorry to hear abt the end of your marriage its never easy!! Each of us have different life experiences, different ways of coping... I now go by instinct if it feels wrong it is wrong......if it feels right it is right... have found this to be invaluable recently..... So this is the only advice i can give......go by your gut feeling....if you need sex to move ahead go for it (as i mentioned previously as long as u are upfront with your sexual partner that it is a needs only basis no commitment). Get out there babe! X RoSe X
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RHP User
17 years ago
Some people will require a year or 3. Others a month or so. Just whatever is right for yourself. Everyone has different levels of emotional maturity. One could go out the next week and be fine (and not rebounding).
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