M53
How to stay great mates after sleeping together. the age old challenge of unrequited love.
August 19 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Walk away, if its run its course its done.However I have a very good male friend. Him and his first wife both wanted to bed me, but I said no as I wanted to stay friends. Sex can make a mess of a good friendship.Over the years we stayed friends and he got married again, I get on well with his second wife.I got divorced, then stayed single for 12 odd years and now back with my x husband, but the rules are a lot different now.I get to have lovers. the other guy, well he says to me when your single I am married an when your married I am single.I will never sleep with him, I know he is in love with me but will never step over that line, so we stay very good friends.with sex and love, its best to walk away, don't look back or you will miss whats right in front of you.people end relationships for good reason.If your in the friend parking bay, thats where you stay with that person.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My FWB just recently decided no more benefits as he is in a committed relationship and I am single and feels he is holding me back. Because our work brings us face to face most days and because of how close we had become we have decided to remain friends. He truly has become my best friend and I cant imagine life without him but at the same time when we sit and chat at lunchtimes it is So hard to the point of sometimes being painful to not reach out and caress his face or hold his hand or kiss him goodbye. But over time the pain is lessening. But I will suffer this pain because the pain of not having him in my life at all would be far greater
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe this is more my age showing here, but the way I see it, I have plenty of friends, and if I get friend zoned by a girl I'm sleeping with there is no point staying friends with them.... That way they miss all the other things then come crawling back muahahaha... bit evil there
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RHP User
12 years ago
It really depends. I have an ex I'm great friends with but our relationship truly ran its course. One of my other friends I constantly fight with as he and I have a very blurred line there. I think space is always needed to fully allow you to move on and heal.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am friends with my xxxs and fwb and some one nighters but on the downside you sometimes wish you can go back ah bugga.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have found that we fell back into the old pattern or there was too much pain, we couldn't do the friends without benefits. A clean beak for me please.
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sweetgem
12 years ago
It had only happened to me once, in the early days when I first signed up to RHP. I was too naive and had too much faith in MAN! Luckily the man and I had a very bad fall out, so it was easier for me to cure the pain and moved on. Since then, my whole perspective of remaining on RHP changed and I am now very selective in whom I meet via chat and/or face to face. So OP, my experience was slightly different as the guy and I could not be friends after the fall out.- Posted from rhpmobile
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Coops27M
12 years ago
I tried and failed with my ex, we were still living together and i didn't take it well when a few weeks after breaking up she brought other guys around and would fuck them in a different room in my house.. Tore me to pieces actually. I believe i could have made it work after she moved out and had some time apart. But she's decided i cannot handle it and want's nothing to do with me instead. I respect that. I find it a pity though cos it seems i love her. I still think about her atleast once everyday. I have another good female friend who lives with me who i don't consider as a sexual prospect and am glad that we will be friends for a long time to come without having to risk spoiling it with complications from sexual intimacy.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have made some truly amazing friends along the way who I still chat with and even catch with for a drink / coffee / meal etc.. To me not everything in life has to be about fucking each other.. If you make me laugh and we stimulate each others minds I dont see why you shouldn’t or can’t remain as friends Even if I started seeing a girl full time and exclusively I would hope I would not lose those friends and would be 100% up front with my partner that they DO exist and they are just platonic friends who I enjoy being in their company....... We are all big boys and girls so maybe it comes down to the two parties concerned and how much or what type of water has gone under the bridge...
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RHP User
12 years ago
To not be able to love both mind and body, to be pleasured, and, pleasure those sense's...... Breathe deeply, take one step at a time....think about you.... xknot's
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RHP User
12 years ago
I had this situation. I was a few months out of a marriage and he was just so lovely, attractive, intelligent and caring. He knew I was not ready or wanting to be in another relationship, so he just enjoyed our time together, fast forward about 6 months and then the pressure started, I had to continuously remind him of our arrangement and encouraged him to find a woman that could give him what he wanted... He finally did after around the 10 month mark. Problem was, he kept calling me, she caught wind of it and she decided to turn MY life upside down. It didn't end well for her or him as I am not a force to be reckoned with. I dealt with the situation and completely cut him out of my life. Lesson I learned, you must be honest and up front about your intentions (which I was) and if you see somebody start to develop feelings that you cannot reciprocate or vice versa, then you need to end all contact, as in my personal experience (which is not isolated to the above example) it just hurts the innocent. Best thing about this story is that he contacted me again 3 years ago, he is happily married, with two kids and one in the way, we are now friends and are genuinely happy for each other. So the moral of the story is, you can be happy for the person and remain friends, however, it may take time before this will happen.
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RHP User
12 years ago
To take a break from each other for a while after the sex stops. I've found that immediately after feelings are raw and things can always be said that doom any potential for a friendship. If you wait a few weeks take a step back get the hurt/pain/regret/unhappiness out of the system without ranting at the other person then it is quite easy to accept you are at a new stage and maintain the friendship. I met someone 2 years ago and we haven't done anything for about that time yet are the closest of friends. We had the break.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
If it is over, it is over there is not much one can do..Grieve it and feel those emotions.Put it in a box, tie a red ribbon around it and store it away as a beautiful memory.IF a friendship continues, the only way to be friends is to have boundaries in place...No flirting, no suggestive comments and no having sex!Have to be respectful and most of all keep your pride and dignity in tact.Behave gracefully.Sometimes it is good to have a little distance after breakup...it really helps to heal the heart.As they say there is light at the end of the tunnel, but no-one ever mentions how long the tunnel is!!A friendship can not be forced or one sided, so don't force it!They need their space too.If they want you in their life and the relationship was that "special" they will make time for you.Sometimes the friendships dies off, sometimes they don't.What ever you do, don't put your life on hold for them.Just be happy for them and get on with your life.The world is your oyster, just enjoy it!Good LuckFOXY
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Fantasyplus
12 years ago
Living proof right here Ex and I broke up some 14years ago, he then introduced me to his boss (now my husband), and I introduced him to my bosses daughter (now his wife), we have been great friends for the past 14years and they now rent our house on the Gold Coast.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Forgiveness has a lot to do with it - both parties have to forgive each other, action it and mean it, like really mean it.If someone holds a grudge, still bitter or has angry feelings towards the other, or is still "in-love" or strong feelings there, the friendship" will not work.Good OPEN and HONEST "mutual" communication has to be there also.No lying, deceitfulness or just saying "lets be friends" as an easy way out, it will not work either.It has to be MUTUALLY worked on, both people involved.FOXY
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madotara69
12 years ago
Thank fuck she cheated on me, we are no longer friends.It could have been "Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you". I thought I loved her.Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Isn't it interesting how we think we are "in-love" with that person during the relationship, and then when it's all over-red-rover, the wounds healed etc...we look back and go ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!! it wasn't really love, what the heck was I thinking?? LOLFOXY
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY' Isn't it interesting how we think we are "in-love" with that person during the relationship, and then when it's all over-red-rover, the wounds healed etc...we look back and go ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!! it wasn't really love, what the heck was I thinking?? LOLFOXYYou don't know what a sore thumb feels like till you have belted it with a hammer. Cheap hammers hehe
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Coops27M
12 years ago
@madotara & FOXXY How long did it take before you realised it wasn't love? It wasn't until 2-3 months after breaking up with my ex before it began to dawn on me that i loved her. Simply being unable to go a day without thinking about her and i still haven't. Did it take longer for you to realise? I'm worried because i don't want to love her as even if she wanted to get back together she's a big risk... I'm getting to the age were i am looking at raising a family and giving them a comfortable life and if it's with her i'd hate to devote years of my life and effort to someone who could turn on me at a whim.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
sometimes it is difficult for the new partner and it is best to just not initiate contact anymore . The hardest thing for me was that my child's father did not want contact with her because his new wife was upset just at the thought of it. My daughter and her father finally met when she was eight,twenty years later they finally have a relationship. When children are involved it changes everything.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It is inevitable that former lovers drift away to live their own lives, usually with other people... However, if they've been in your life as a friend (and if you're shagging them, they should be at the very least) and you feel there is benefit in retaining that friend in your life..... ....4 simple words explain how to keep that former lover in your life as a friend. Don't Make It Weird DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you can't detach from your emotions then it is best to walk away, some can do it some can't. I have known people that can do this but it has to be an agreement and respect from both parties, it can be done
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RHP User
12 years ago
When there is a new lover in the picture, as much as it may hurt...I agree with Freya best to leave them alone.No one should be denied of happiness, nor should someone just be in the picture to make others miserable.I gave up someone once and they found a new partner, they are now married.We have a mutual friend.As sad as it is, I have chosen not to have contact anymore.I am happy he has found someone that he truly loves.It is for the best to have no contact, as he has a wonderful life and so do I.It makes me happy to know that he is happy.FOXY
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' sometimes it is difficult for the new partner and it is best to just not initiate contact anymore . The hardest thing for me was that my child's father did not want contact with her because his new wife was upset just at the thought of it. My daughter and her father finally met when she was eight,twenty years later they finally have a relationship. When children are involved it changes everything. That is a lot to care about. I met my father when I was younger, when I was going through some tough times, mum contacted him to see me. He said no as he had only met me once. The dad we have grown up with stood by the whole way. I am proud of that man.I think it hurt mum much more than it hurt me though, so I can sort of understand some things can't be left alone, for a mother. Mums are the bravest of all Miss Freya xxMado
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Coops27M' @madotara & FOXXY How long did it take before you realised it wasn't love? - Posted from rhpmobile Coops...there is NO time limit! It's like asking how long is a piece of string!That is normal to still think of that person, over time it does fade.I still love the man I walked away from...it's been years since we split.I have a little piece of him and he has a little piece of me.Sometimes I don't even think of him for months and months on end.All I can say is - there is other things I love that replaced him.Time heals many wounds, you can't put a band aid on it, you can't heal that wound by replacing it with another person....It has to heal within.I like to call it fate...If it is true love your paths will cross.In the mean time...look after yourself, keep yourself busy, GET A LIFE!In time the love you have for her will fade, but the memories will not.They are special and should be treasured.Once you have gained that healthy mind set away from her, when you will know!It's still raw and fresh with you.Foxy xx
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
None of us like to be replaced, but it happens - ppl move on n that's life! The thing that can hurt the most is all the time energy n what you thought was a great friendship was wasted to an extent. Wish them well, n let time heal the hurt
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madotara69
12 years ago
I have been thinking about your question all night. It is not an easy or straight forward answer to give you, other than seeing you have answered it in your question. You will understand that, when you do, center your life around that person that will become your family.It does not matter even if you live in a cardboard box, you can feel like painting it blue or orange or pink or cream.It may sound fairy, fairy. Though she did not let you see her soul, and you are use to her if you feel the way you said.Mado
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madotara69
12 years ago
Two times half of its length, hehe
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RHP User
12 years ago
You cannot make someone love you. Hope and dream as much as you like until such a time you realise that you've just gotten older and wasted time. Take your time and also realise time is all you had. How much is left after your fruitless preoccupation with them ceases. Was it worth it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tickled_kink' You cannot make someone love you. Hope and dream as much as you like until such a time you realise that you've just gotten older and wasted time. Take your time and also realise time is all you had. How much is left after your fruitless preoccupation with them ceases. Was it worth it. Well said and rings true .. However: there is no destination, it is all about the journey? True love is said to be unconditional inferring it does not have to be reciprocated .. easier said than done of course.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ask yourself...Did she make me truly HAPPY and bring out the best in me?? Ya gotta do some soul searching to find your own answer...no one can answer it for you....Love can't be forced.. Heck!! What would I know?? I've never been "in-love" - That's true!! FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
And that answer is.....suck it up and move on, maintain the friendship. The paradoxical part? The sucking it up part can be hard! But you can end up with a friendship so strong nothing will ever challenge it's foundations.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Like this thread... I have a friend and would seriously like to be more the FWB (am so bad at reading people am not sure if she feels the same)... but reading this has given me much to think on, like what happens after (if there is an after).Will continue to watch... and learn... and think
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