M43
How well do you get to know someone online before meeting?
October 08 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
that is just too much...you would be spending hours with a total stranger... and a very expensive "date"...until you actually MEET someone you can never really know if there is chemistry,if they are who they say they are or even look like there photos...why not just start with a drink and tasks it from there xxQ
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta3' that is just too much...you would be spending hours with a total stranger... and a very expensive "date"...until you actually MEET someone you can never really know if there is chemistry,if they are who they say they are or even look like there photos...why not just start with a drink and tasks it from there xxQ How much communication is needed before deciding to meet, not the specific nature of the first date, but you've made some good points here, thanks for the tips. Woah, what the.... 98 years old?!?! You devilish grey fox you!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta3'that is just too much...you would be spending hours with a total stranger... and a very expensive "date" I agree. I usually like to meet someone after a few days of messaging back and forth (say 15 messages tops) but prefer to meet for drinks though. That way there is no pressure to stay the whole evening if there is no chemistry. No matter how well we got on in the cyber world, I'd decline dinner and a show. I'd explain why however, and not give the answer the woman in your OP did. I actually thought her answer sounded somewhat insecure (as in: why would you choose me?), yet another reason to not make a gal feel pressured. Only my opinion, based on a single message of hers, of course.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am the person that the OP is referring to All that he has stated is correct, however as you said Qefenta, it is way too much But to be honest, I found it odd that a) he would ask me out when he hadn't even asked my name and we had exchanged according to my emails, 7 messages b) I am married - happily as stated on my profile and although I am looking to chat and eventually meet like minded, board minded people (mainly girls as I somewhat lonely and missing my bestie whose OS, but to be honest why do I have to justify my profile ? ) I am not dating nor am I here for someone to "try their luck" with. I certainly wouldn't even consider meeting anyone after 7 emails who didn't even know my name ...regardless of gender. What the OP also neglected to say here was that when I asked him the above question which is word for word, he replied with a very unpleasant message back to me, I then replied back to him wishing him well but told him I was blocking him as he previous correspondence had been rude and impolite. I also wished him well in his search He has retaliated by writing this post which imho is really about having a shot at me, but anyway that is his prerogative and it is mine to out myself So in answer to your post OP. I personally wouldn't meet with anyone after 7 emails especially as I do not even know your name. Many emails and quite a few phonecalls/sms would have to be exchanged before I meet anyone and established that there was mutual interest, attraction etc, and that is regardless of gender. However in all honesty I don't know why you would expect me to meet based on what I've written and the fact that I am attached and state this quite clearly . What were you hoping for by "trying your luck" ? I also wouldn't do dinner and a show, although a very attractive "date" with anyone as Qefenta said, coffee/drink for the first time I'm sorry OP that I didn't respond in the way that YOU thought I should, but lets be honest, I asked you that question and you answered it rudely without even bothering to converse more. You formed your own opinion based on one line which was a genuine question and imho not rude. I think if your going to write a forum, try to at least tell the whole story and not selective parts of which you appear so magnanimous. I'm currently doing my PhD in human behavior. I will watch the rest of this forum with interest
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm interested to see what your response was to her question, because that's what she really did.. She asked you a question! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kairi' I am the person that the OP is referring to OP, that you left out some of those other details in your post. Certainly sounds like it was a bit of 'sour grapes' on your part, particularly when you would have been aware that the other person involved would almost certainly see your post. I know I'm getting a little tired of seeing people air their grievances publicly in this way, spinning and manipulating the story to suit themselves and their agenda. Talk about drama alright
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was just about to ask a whole lot of questions which kairi has answered. For me the initial contact would have to have been really interesting and we would have needed to get to know each other quite well in that exchange for me to meet. You would have needed to have come across as charming, intelligent and open. Creating a feeling of safety in those initial messages is quite important. I've met guys after just a few messages before but they've been pretty special messages and pretty special guys.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Kairi handled herself very well don't you think guys? I certainly think she did!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Oopsy daisy 😱
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RHP User
11 years ago
I created this post to ask a question about communication for meeting, not to push my own personal agenda or to take the moral highground, certainly making sure not to mention names (I thought that was forum protocol?) as you so kindly have done Kairi. I think it was a fairly open and honest question, with no malice attached, just asking the forum regulars how I could approach things better next time. Oh, and for the record, we did exchange names, so get your facts straight before you come in to a public forum to create the unnecessary 'drama' that now all the posters on here will make point of. Seems like only the first two responses were genuine, the rest will be unfairly derogatory, as now you've created a totally bias portrayal of events.
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RHP User
11 years ago
OP, going to tell us what your response to Kairi was? No, I certainly wouldn't meet someone if I didn't know their name. And I'm also getting tired of entire forums about other members who aren't able to comment without outing themselves.
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Has left the building!! 😎
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On_Safari
11 years ago
I try to get to a meet wuickly if I genuinely think the interest exists but I always stipulate no pressure and make it clear no expectations other than a drink and some enjoyable conversation and laughter. Anything else is simply a matter of, dare I say; chemistry and mutual interest. Just my 2 bobs worth. IOS
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RHP User
11 years ago
I hope I get to know a person quite well online before meeting them. Let's take a male RHP Member for example, that I end up meeting. As I am only a "Guest", it usually starts by him messaging me first. If he doesn't have a profile facial photo and he has not automatically granted me access to one, I do request one. (I do know that my face remains "hidden" in all my photos but that is my prerogative.) If I find his initial message polite and respectful and he has a nice face, I usually ask him many questions; some of a personal nature but have nothing to do with body parts or sex. I usually like to know a bit of his background especially if he is separated or divorced. That is just me because I possess a curious nature. I also tell him that he is free to ask me any questions too. I like openness and honesty. Then we discuss general things like movies, music, etc. Messages go back and forth in this manner, until I am comfortable enough with him to provide him with my email address. Then the conversations continue via email but I have the advantage of being able to contact him first. I usually get a fair idea of a man's character via his emails and I do like it when he demonstrates that he has a sense of humour !!! I have looked at prior conversations that I have had with men that I have met and it is fair to say that some of the emails number 100. So, yes, I do get to know a man quite well online before meeting him :). The more conversations we have online, the better I get to know him.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You can't put a time on a potential meet, I have spoken to certain people for a long time and never met, spoken to other people both in WA and Eastern States and have met them , and the people I have met I hope that we remain friends, which the calibre of these people I have met that scenario will always remain as in friendship -good and very genuine people. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Sir_pumpulous' I created this post to ask a question about communication for meeting, not to push my own personal agenda or to take the moral highground, certainly making sure not to mention names (I thought that was forum protocol?) as you so kindly have done Kairi. I think Kairi had every right to out herself. You wrote: The response I got? "Why would you want to take me out? You don't even know me" That was it...and I was a little taken aback. I believe it's wrong to quote things said in a private message, especially when only quoting the other person and not yourself. Maybe you didn't take to moral high ground, but you did also call the response you got "abrupt" and "a fairly closed door", which didn't Kairi in a very positive light. Although we only have your word against hers, since you wrote this forum this I think you created to bias to start with.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Although I don't have cable TV (as I don't have the spare time to justify it) I watch a bit of UFC at a mate's place from time to time. And what I've just witnessed reminded me of a pre-fight interview where one guy trash talked his way through the whole thing. As soon as they were in the ring and the bell rang, the same guy received a thunderous Superman punch inside ten seconds and was out for the count. And damaged. In summary: HAHAHAHA! Sorry dude, but you just got owned big time! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I usually try to get some msg's going, a little flirting, a bit suggestive perhaps, but I often put up a nice dinner, drinks, a chat etc at my local Chinese to get to know a lady, if we click, all good back to my place as I can host, as I know a lot of ladies in my age group have kid's at home etc, but need TLC time for themselves, if not, she just leaves. I do this so the lady doesn't think I only want to "pant's her", but obviously I've got some things to learn. I'd never expect a lady to feel obligated to have sex because I've bought her dinner, nor would I want her to lay back and "take one for the team", us guys do like to go out for dinner with a pretty lady just for the sake of it too, perhaps not all, but from what I've read, we are certainly not a minority. I seek FWB, that can mean anything and everything, but not including moving in together. I recently lost a nice lady off here, we had great sex, chats, txting etc, she is a very special and sensual lady, been to hell and back, a great Mum, came into my life when I'd nearly given up on RHP, all I did was offer her a "special" nite away in a motel with spa bath, dinner, drinks, apampering, all at my cost, to reward her for the person she is, she ran scared as she thought I was getting too heavy. Never the case, I respected how busy she is with work, family etc, and told her that on many occasions, but to no avail. I guess I'm a bit old school, sometimes I wish ladies would take the lead a little and express what they would like to do, so us guys have half a clue. This relearning about ladies is hard work at 51, but worth it in the long run a guess. Cheers P.L.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes,and yes, I agree... These sorts of questions should be more general rather than specific to a particular person,particularly as Meander said if they post on the fora...... I am sure Sir Pump that you would not like to be singled out in someone's post Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
Ok, I have this thing all worked out. Dude, you were, in your mind expecting a certain answer. Whether it be "sure, let's do it " or " sorry, I would like to get to know you better". Mate, every person is an individual, and politely asking if they are "ready" for a meet up would probably be a better start than offering an "itinerary" so to speak.. I am absolutely sure of it that you even replied to her with a recommendation of what she "should" have replied to you.. Again, your expectation took over. If you're brave enough, you should answer the forums question and state what your reply was.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
11 years ago
You say the nicest things! Lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just the way I roll my friend, courtesy, decency and a genuine charisma goes a long way in my book, hence gut feeling ☺ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Sir_pumpulous'I created this post to ask a question about communication for meeting, not to push my own personal agenda or to take the moral highground, certainly making sure not to mention names (I thought that was forum protocol?) as you so kindly have done Kairi. I think it was a fairly open and honest question, with no malice attached, just asking the forum regulars how I could approach things better next time. Oh, and for the record, we did exchange names, so get your facts straight before you come in to a public forum to create the unnecessary 'drama' that now all the posters on here will make point of. Seems like only the first two responses were genuine, the rest will be unfairly derogatory, as now you've created a totally bias portrayal of events. To the OP There was no drama until you revealed my private words to you. You elected to use a conversation between ourselves and place them on a public forum. Would you like me to post up the rest of what you wrote and your preferred wording on how I was to address you if I was to reject you ? No I wouldn't never do that. Tacky. Perhaps I shouldn't have even outed myself, and would not have if you had told the whole story but you elected not to , just the bits that suited you and that is what hurt and upset me. I was only ever polite to you "Why would you want to take me out? You don't even know me "- is a question or could be interpreted as a statement of surprise, but no where do I see those 13 words as being rude. However your messages afterwards were indeed rude when the next thing I wrote back to you was "Sorry I just asked a question, my bad...good luck" you kept on going, telling me how to address you But on this I do apologize publicly , you are correct. We did exchange names and I did forget this fact as I was annoyed when I wrote my rebuttal and did overlook this. But you are incorrect when you write that I wrote a "unbiased portrayal of events". You and I both know that you didn't take the rejection well. If you wish to contact me direct instead of playing this out in a public forum I will unblock you. I am a guest and cant contact you and I m sure no one else wants to keep reading on of our incident. Apologies to all readers and posters for this little bit of silliness
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is that you made it personal.once you quoted messages and made it about an actual event. Other posts regarding the premise of your posts have been started before without making it personal. You either got the bite you were after or underestimated the lady you were talking about. At least you got fucked, just not in the way you were hoping 😎
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've met some ladies after less then ten messages and others after one hundred. Everytime is just as a drink or a coffee to give both of the chance to leave as soon as they want. Some meets have lasted an hour or so, other 11 or more. Going to a movie or a show is too much for the first meet. What if they fart the whole way through the show?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I wouldn't worrying if I were you... Why get into more arguments?? sir_pump, it depends I do prefer to get to know someone a little before meeting them. I would never agree to dinner and show though. I would usually meet for coffee/drinks or maybe a quick lunch. This will annoy some people but I think "some" guys feel that if they take a woman out to dinner and a show she should put out afterwards.
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
We have witnessed a number of posts lately which have gone the same way; the OP uses a real life example and then gets whipped within an inch of his/her life for it (and doesn't seem to enjoy the whipping either!). I am not advocating the use of such examples as I think there are better ways of setting the context of a topic. However I also don't advocate the witch hunts; perhaps only one person points out the error and those who agree use the like button on that post? I must also add I am unsure why Kairi felt the need to out herself. I not taking a swipe at Kairi, just stating in my opinion there really was no need to post as she did. Every Forum topic is created from the viewpoint of the OP; in this case the added context provided in the 'outing' was not necessary to allow a full discussion of the questions posed in the forum topic. The questions do not ask for an opinion in the interaction between the OP & Kairi, nor ask for sides to be taken. Let's try to answer the questions posed; it will be much better for our collective stress levels. To answer the OP questions:I don't have a set time frame to which I work, but rather I follow my instincts. When I feel comfortable with the person/s and we seem to be on the same path I am happy to meet. It could be a couple of days, it could be a month. There is no set pattern. I see a date as a way of confirming your original thoughts and getting to know each other more. It could be a long date as the OP suggested, or it could be a quick drink. I have had short dates which have extended over a whole day as the connection was so good. Similarly, I have cut short dinner dates as the vibe disappeared and I no longer wanted to be in the person's company.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Slapped down! I always love hearing the other side of the story. Very illuminating. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'kissk' I must also add I am unsure why Kairi felt the need to out herself. I not taking a swipe at Kairi, just stating in my opinion there really was no need to post as she did. Every Forum topic is created from the viewpoint of the OP; in this case the added context provided in the 'outing' was not necessary to allow a full discussion of the questions posed in the forum topic. The questions do not ask for an opinion in the interaction between the OP & Kairi, nor ask for sides to be taken. In situations like this I think that the other person is justified in responding and giving their side of the story if they wish to. If the OP doesn't like it, then perhaps they shouldn't post those sorts of things in a public forum.
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Fun will take you to the footy where you spill drinks on the people sitting in front of you 😳😂 you're still the best date I never had!!! Love you xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Kairi's outing and her response set an important context to the question put by the OP. Her profile is pretty clear that she is not looking at a dating scenario so the OP's approach of dinner and a show was not appropriate to her expectations. Absent that information, we the readers would be wondering why a woman on a dating site was so reluctant to date. In response to the original question, I normally look at about a week of messages and texts before meeting up to build up some rapport and gauge what the other person is looking for. If you hadn't gauged that from your initial exchanges, you needed to do more, and as Kairi said, sometimes a question is just seeking an answer, not a rebuff. This is also another sterling example of why the meet & greets are worth their weight in gold in providing a safe and social environment to allow us to get to know each other better than the restricted medium of messaging can permit.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'kissk' I must also add I am unsure why Kairi felt the need to out herself. I not taking a swipe at Kairi, just stating in my opinion there really was no need to post as she did. Every Forum topic is created from the viewpoint of the OP; in this case the added context provided in the 'outing' was not necessary to allow a full discussion of the questions posed in the forum topic. The questions do not ask for an opinion in the interaction between the OP & Kairi, nor ask for sides to be taken. Its simple When someone takes private words exchanged and places them on a public forum it is quite distressing at least it was to me, I naively thought that a conversation between two people would remain that, private. Learnt my lesson on that one. But I can appreciate it wouldn't for others, but what upset me more was the OP chose to only share selective text and also not the whole story. Basically my belief is that this was a case of sour grapes, a person who was not encouraged and subsequently politely rejected. I even wished him well, twice I think I had no issue with the OP posting a question but with discretion and not been so specific. I could have shut up but chose not to simply because the OP chose to only share with you what he wished the reader to know and not the whole truth. I found that hurtful, upsetting and insulting, hence why I outed myself. I have not asked for sides to be taken, I have just readdressed and taken the OP to task for being so indiscreet. If he posted with discretion I would have perhaps posted as well but in the mainstream without making it obvious that I was the person in question As Luck Dragon said, when he made it personal , surely I had the right, to right the wrong ?. BTW I have unblocked him but he has failed to contact me but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. Again apologies for the little drama, but I do have the right to defend myself and will do so
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RHP User
11 years ago
At risk of sounding insincere.... There is communication, and there is effective communication. Assuming this person is genuine, their response that you've shared with us tells me that in spite of the back and forth emails, you just didn't connect with them enough for them to NOT ask (paraphrase) "why is this person offering this to me?" It stands to reason that communicating in here is generally for the purpose of getting to know someone with that intention, should you get on, TO meet. The purpose is implied. Now, ignoring the stupid "Hey, you look hot, heres all the sexual things Im gonna do to you (without her even suggesting its relevant) type emails..... .....your suggestion for dinner and theatre for ANY first meeting, is waaaaaaayyy too big a psychological time commitment for strangers. Think about it. If you accept to meet for dinner and you're locked in for what.... an hour? Two, maybe?Throw in a show and you're tied down for several hours so someone you might not even get on with in person. Make sense?I hope so. Better to suggest a drink, and work in blocks of 30 minutes.If the first goes well, extend with another drink, or, suggest grabbing a meal, or, a walk... etc. But first, you should be having a "mini date" over the phone to check communication compatibility. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'kissk' We have witnessed a number of posts lately which have gone the same way; the OP uses a real life example and then gets whipped within an inch of his/her life for it (and doesn't seem to enjoy the whipping either!). I am not advocating the use of such examples as I think there are better ways of setting the context of a topic. However I also don't advocate the witch hunts; perhaps only one person points out the error and those who agree use the like button on that post? I must also add I am unsure why Kairi felt the need to out herself. I not taking a swipe at Kairi, just stating in my opinion there really was no need to post as she did. Every Forum topic is created from the viewpoint of the OP; in this case the added context provided in the 'outing' was not necessary to allow a full discussion of the questions posed in the forum topic. The questions do not ask for an opinion in the interaction between the OP & Kairi, nor ask for sides to be taken. Let's try to answer the questions posed; it will be much better for our collective stress levels. To answer the OP questions:I don't have a set time frame to which I work, but rather I follow my instincts. When I feel comfortable with the person/s and we seem to be on the same path I am happy to meet. It could be a couple of days, it could be a month. There is no set pattern. I see a date as a way of confirming your original thoughts and getting to know each other more. It could be a long date as the OP suggested, or it could be a quick drink. I have had short dates which have extended over a whole day as the connection was so good. Similarly, I have cut short dinner dates as the vibe disappeared and I no longer wanted to be in the person's company. With respect, i'm not sure why Kairi chose to out herself either. Personnel or exact antidotes or not, nobody knows who he is actually talking about but perhaps i may have done the same thing if i felt attacked etc.., who knows until you're in the situation i guess. But yes, dinner and a show is WAY over the top. I can see the sentiment etc.. but yeah, too much in my opinion
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NawtyNNice777
11 years ago
Quoting 'Funlover71' I've met some ladies after less then ten messages and others after one hundred. Everytime is just as a drink or a coffee to give both of the chance to leave as soon as they want. Some meets have lasted an hour or so, other 11 or more. Going to a movie or a show is too much for the first meet. What if they fart the whole way through the show? I agree with Funlover71. I don't put a magic number on messages that have to be exchanged before we meet. But I do have to get some kind of vibe from the other person that will spark my interest to meet them. While a dinner and a show sounds great, it's something I'd keep for maybe the 10th or 100th date, my point being, it's a long time to spend with someone you've never met before. I'd rather meet for drinks and see if there's a vibe in person. The long date may follow down the track. NN xx
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6exxy
11 years ago
I'm sure someone else has said this already but women can be very hard on themselves. They can lack confidence and feel that no one should like who they are. It's a question that should be answered with "because I think you are a nice lady who is also attractive" Affirmation can be a woman's confidant and strength 💐
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6exxy
11 years ago
I got shit on my shoe as " I stepped on previous messages " This seems to be happening more and more? RHP is such a small world and RL will happen here too. Seems we need to grow, be respectful and have respect as well.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Mini dates, should be an RHP (call me now) option. Guaranteed to give the best three minutes of your life. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sir Pump, I tend to agree about naming and shaming. Kairi, in outing yourself you also outed Sir Pump - for who he spoke to, who he asked on a date, and things he did and said. Hardly necessary and rather poor form given he specifically did not out you. IF, and I say if because it's not clear to me, Sir Pump's post was a shot at you, I promise that all of us forum readers would have been in blissful ignorance because he was courteous enough not to mention you and also to not mention specific details (such as that you're married) that might have led the curious (read: nosey) folk on here to visit his profile and try to identify you through his friends list or similar. If you felt his very anonymous post was a dig at you, perhaps you could have taken that up with him privately. Or you could have responded on the forum with your example, but as an anoymous example only, as Sir Pump did. I'm sure if you had he'd have read between the lines and got the point you were making to him. The rest of us didn't need to know. (As an aside, if a man had outed a woman like you did Kaii, there'd be an estrogen-fueled uproar. For all the women who don't like double-standards, perhaps try not being one.) Sir Pump, I doubt there's one hard and fast rule. I've met after a few hours of chat in one night, and after six months of messages and chat back and forth. I do roll my eyes when I get a message from someone I've never chatted to saying I sound like an amazing woman and would I like to go out on a date. Before even one message is exchanged. Insane. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
that many of the Members, that take part on the RHP Forums here, are genuine, intelligent, honest and open people. You can't help noticing that. For someone like me, who is fairly new to RHP (I had to be recently taught about "my lists" LOL !!!), I feel comfortable being contacted by a RHP Member who is a regular on these Forums. By reading the opinions that they give to various posts, it gives me some idea of their character already :).
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RHP User
11 years ago
get a room !! Bahahahaha! Oh ! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
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RHP User
11 years ago
Gives the right to defend! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
While I like to think you can get a "feel" for a person by exchanging messages ( or reading their forum offerings ) or even better, talking to them live (by phone that is), I think the face to face meeting is needed to be sure there is some connection. So I would definitely want the first meeting to be the cliched drinks or coffee. And I try to go to such a meeting with absolutely no expectations of anything but coffee or a drink and the realisation that five minutes in, one or the other of us could be totally repulsed and wish to put the experience behind us very quickly.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kairi' I have unblocked him but he has failed to contact me but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. Isn't disclosing that someone contacted you outside of the forum comparable to saying they did not contact you after being invited to? Both should be equally private I think. Quoting 'Burning_Love' I do roll my eyes when I get a message from someone I've never chatted to saying I sound like an amazing woman and would I like to go out on a date. Before even one message is exchanged. Insane. Back on topic: Yes, I get those messages. I especially love the template ones that say my profile made me sound both sexy and horny and where the writer gives his private details.Anyone giving me their mobile number/KIK/Viber etc. is not for me. Seduce me with words first, please.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
When "I" feel I am ready and feel comfortable/safe enough to do so, not when the other thinks or wants me to. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' Sir Pump, I tend to agree about naming and shaming. Kairi, in outing yourself you also outed Sir Pump - for who he spoke to, who he asked on a date, and things he did and said. Hardly necessary and rather poor form given he specifically did not out you. IF, and I say if because it's not clear to me, Sir Pump's post was a shot at you, I promise that all of us forum readers would have been in blissful ignorance because he was courteous enough not to mention you and also to not mention specific details (such as that you're married) that might have led the curious (read: nosey) folk on here to visit his profile and try to identify you through his friends list or similar. If you felt his very anonymous post was a dig at you, perhaps you could have taken that up with him privately. Or you could have responded on the forum with your example, but as an anoymous example only, as Sir Pump did. I'm sure if you had he'd have read between the lines and got the point you were making to him. The rest of us didn't need to know. (As an aside, if a man had outed a woman like you did Kaii, there'd be an estrogen-fueled uproar. For all the women who don't like double-standards, perhaps try not being one.) How very condescending. The OP invited backlash and 'outing' when he posted a specific scenario, words that were exchanged, left out certain pieces of information to suit his agenda, and posted about someone he knew would read his OP. If I were the other person I probably wouldn't stay silent either, because I have just as much right to respond as they do to post in the first place, regardless of whether names were mentioned. I don't have any responsibility to 'protect' someone like that...to be blunt, fuck that. And that applies regardless of gender (I've seen the reverse situation on here and there wasn't any "estrogen-fueled uproar" - what a lovely, sexist phrase).
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23' How very condescending. The OP invited backlash and 'outing' when he posted a specific scenario, words that were exchanged, left out certain pieces of information to suit his agenda, and posted about someone he knew would read his OP. If I were the other person I probably wouldn't stay silent either, because I have just as much right to respond as they do to post in the first place, regardless of whether names were mentioned. I don't have any responsibility to 'protect' someone like that...to be blunt, fuck that. And that applies regardless of gender (I've seen the reverse situation on here and there wasn't any "estrogen-fueled uproar" - what a lovely, sexist phrase). But its hard to deny the existence of the lady-lynch-mob..... a band of the Sisterhood who know each other socially, or email-istically, and who support each others positions in the forums. And thats cool. Chickens don't last long on their own when a fox is about.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Shit.
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RHP User
11 years ago
slightly OT, but how much generalisation or paraphrasing must one do before they move a topic based on a personal experience out of the realms for this whole "outing" stuff. e.g. if sir pump hadn't quoted the words directly, would we be having a different discussion?
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RHP User
11 years ago
There's no justification for outing someone on a public forum. Very occasionally SWB sees a name shared if someone appears to pose a risk, but very rarely. If the OP had mentioned her profile name the lynch mob would have hung, drawn and quartered him by now. It doesn't matter to me that his story was missing pieces. He wasn't asking for approval for his actions. Yes he seemed a little disgruntled but he didn't ask anyone to support his reasons for being disgruntled. He asked a simple question and gave some context for why he was asking it. No-one needed to read his example and start judging the woman for what (he said) she did, or judging him for what he did. All anyone needed to do was answer the fucking question. The minute K responded and outed him the thread ceased being about the OP's question and opened the way for it to become what so many threads become, a tedious, judgmental bitchfest. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
11 years ago
I'm not too sure that I would have approached the lady concerned in the first place for the particular type of outing you spoke of. Having just double checked her profile, the lady has made it very clear IMO that she is not really seeking any opportunities to go out with someone, whether for dinner or "dessert". To me it appears K is here to observe, and possibly enjoy some quiet time with company on a friends basis if the situation happens to fall that way. 'Dating' is not on her list, so I wouldn't have made any overtures in that direction to begin with, respecting her wishes. Tall
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am shaking my head a little at how many people have jumped on the OP. Seriously, don't you people have anything better to do? To answer the question posed. If I see a clear face pic and exchange a few messages to make sure we're on the same page I like to meet for a quick drink. If there is a connection a drink turns into another or a meal or another location. I would rather not exchange too many messages before meeting as I like to take into account a person's character and mannerisms including their laugh which I feel can only be conveyed in person. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' But its hard to deny the existence of the lady-lynch-mob..... a band of the Sisterhood who know each other socially, or email-istically, and who support each others positions in the forums. I'm aware of that in relation to certain posters, but it's not the situation that is being referred to in this instance.
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RHP User
11 years ago
... to know without a doubt that I'd feel more than comfortable in their presence. The meeting itself merely determines any further development - or not.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Perhaps the UFC analogy I used earlier was a bit more appropriate than I thought...... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
... Only in the reverse... Nothing gets up my nose more than a female reading differently into what I say. I for one ' would never offer or accept anymore than meeting for a drink only to begin with.. That social meet is to gauge if either of us want to go any further. SIR PUMP.. sorry mate, but I think you unintentionally set yourself up. The one thing about meeting on here is the obscure . When we meet in real life and are face to face ' we have the added advantage of judging others reactions as they happen. On here you can only guess what others may be really thinking. Being friendly by nature ' I try not to portray anything different to who I really am.. but you can bet your balls someone will find a way to twist it.. One thing for sure, there's a lesson that neither of you will let this happen again..
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madotara69
11 years ago
There has been fifty billion posts from women "generally expressing" too the men something along the lines of " read our profile and send a message from doing so. Don't ask "wanna fuck", "what's up" and "do you have any horny friends" ect etc etc......... Then a guy sends a message offering to take a lady out to dinner maybe a movie, upon reflection by seeing some common interest "perceived" from reading her profile and..........the cold shoulder. This single dating must suck these days. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think you may learnt that "loose lips, sink ships", round here, once you've been "torpedoed" it takes a while to "resurface" again. Be very wary of the female "undertow" on here, you can get washed out to sea. Cheers P.L.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'd never want to meet a man who does that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Jay, that was for you, AND on topic.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Who called you a female???
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, the single dating thing does suck! Big time, and not in a good way I'm afraid.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Or just plain sarcastic ? Ms D. I'd give you the tongue , but my iPad doesn't have it... So I'll just save my tongue for a more romantic time... hehe... I'll give you one thing, Mea is my favourite sparring partner and I know I'm yours... Isn't love grand... hehe. ( bet you smiled ) lol...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Jay_Me'Nothing gets up my nose more than a female reading differently into what I say. Quoting 'Meander'Nothing gets up my nose more than being called a female. Not me, Jay. You call women in general "females". I personally find it quite disrespectful. Quoting 'madotara69' Don't ask "wanna fuck", "what's up" and "do you have any horny friends" ect etc etc......... Then a guy sends a message offering to take a lady out to dinner maybe a movie, upon reflection by seeing some common interest "perceived" from reading her profile and..........the cold shoulder. C'mon Mado, there are a lot of options in between a quick fuck and dinner plus a show and you know it. Playing devil's advocate maybe?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Wrong again. Words upset you.. Don't know why ? You don't like being called a girl or a female but a woman is acceptable..? Who says women are complicated ? Think you need a big ...... hug... Now find something wrong with that....
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madotara69
11 years ago
Been a while since I got a little smack
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RHP User
11 years ago
This forum is beginning to evolve very rapidly! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hear me roar... With laughter!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Women are allowed to laugh by the way.. Besides, felines don't roar, but they do Meowwwww..
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tell him he's dreaming! :P
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RHP User
11 years ago
And sometimes goes to show, there are nearly always at least two sides to every story. (often more)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Here comes the support act... . lol...
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MissBishere
11 years ago
I have not set timeframe or agenda. Every interaction is different and follows a different path. I like to always share pics though up front, I do not want to be meeting people that aren't aware of my body type.
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RHP User
11 years ago
and back the original subject line.At present I'm exchanging messages with a divorced woman who is apparently showing some interest in meeting me. This exchange is happening on another site but for all the messages we've exchanged we haven't got to know each other particularly well and at the present rate I don't think it's going to result in a meeting. I tried to establish that she really does live in Perth and also to find out how close or far she might be from my part of town. I seem to be getting mixed messages that tell me she's genuine and also messages that ring alarm bells saying she might just be giving me the run around...only time will tell. Recently I suggested a meeting on Monday and got a fairly terse response about me not even asking...in my reply I told her I was disappointed that she hadn't read all the way to the bottom of the page! Yes I had asked in the previous message. This site has "cascading" messages that get progressively longer with each exchange RE;RE; etc... She replied that she would like to carry on until we could arrange a meeting, I'm in two minds to either call it quits or to suss her out. The thing is how do you ask questions out interest to get to know someone without appearing to be prying into their privacy...a fine line with no distinct demarcation. Anyway we do get to know each other just a little with each reply. I might ave to ask some trick questions to bring things out in the open.
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RHP User
11 years ago
In answer to the actual OP question. Time is variable; I've met someone after interacting for a few days, though usually it's over a couple of weeks, or so. Personally I'd never agree to meet without having had at least one phone conversation. Also there would be no way I'd do a dinner and live show as a first meet and I too would be taken back if someone suggested that as a first meet.
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HereToPlease77
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I'd never want to meet a man who does that. But you ARE a female. What would you prefer to be called?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'HereToPlease77' But you ARE a female. What would you prefer to be called? My gender is female, I am a woman. (Why is that so hard?) Woman implies biology and humanity. Female (used as a noun) only implies biology and takes away the "human being" element. It can be used for any animal, plant, alien, whatever. Not very respectful in my view, when talking about a person. Female as an adjective (female activist, female firefighter) is meant to clarify, but please save the "male" and "female" nouns for Attenborough documentaries. I'm trying to stay on topic here!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Would be good also..... I find that I can get a good jist of someone after perhaps 20 or so exhanges, sometimes less. I'll then organise a drink or coffee in a public place and take it from there. OP.... ladies are going to think of their safety and weeding out 'creepy' guys.... a more 'meaningful & romantic' sounding first date was offered to me and I thought the guy must be totally crazy and said no way would I do that.... clearly he's a nutter, he doesn't even know me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
OP, the dinner and a show first up was waaaaaaay over the top. And so was the post.
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