M59 F49
I feel sick and I need some good advice
September 18 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
overnight becomes a fcktard.he did it to you as well... OR he is now on serious drugs.IF what you say is true, then find out the truth... AND then take action to protect your children.IF what you say is true, then your children are in a reasonable amount of danger.You CANNOT change him, or miraculously make him see the wrong of his ways.. so don't waste time and emotions trying..BUT.. as always...YOUR choice..You asked....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hes your ex. Im in the same situation, my ex has been very nasty with me even though he was the one who left, and it came to the point not long ago that I cut ties with him as it was causing me too much stress. Now if he ever wants to communicate with me, its through our son, but I warned him Id only talk to him if it was extremely important regarding our boy. Dont listen to him, dont let him worry you or stress you out. Hes still controlling your feelings. Im sure this woman has family of friends who will try and make her see what he is like, but she may choose to ignore them. Tell him you will only talk to him regarding the children. Some guys are narcissists, and you should leave him to fuck around and make a fool of himself and leave you alone. I learned the hard way xxxx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is it possible he is just messing with your head? He has given you this information about her. He says she has the mentality of a 12 yr old. He said she is mentally disabled. Is he just making up this stuff to get a reaction from you?How did she sound to you on the phone? If I was in your situation, and concerned for her wellbeing, I would take steps to find out if any of this were true about her. Do you have a mutual friend or perhaps your ex's relatives who you could ask? If they have actually met her, they could perhaps tell you if what he says about her has any truth to it. And if they share your concern, then it might prompt others to check that she is ok.Or have your children met her? Its a very hard situation to be in if you have concerns for her as you only have the info he has given you. Which could be bullshit.
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RHP User
10 years ago
does she _actually_ have severe mental disabilities like that? or is it just hyperbole that you're taking literally?
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Op, why do you have a strong urge to "Rescue" this woman from an evil man (your EX)?? Interfering in people's personal affairs/relationships who haven't asked for your help/support will cause more damage to you and your own relationships. You need to take care of YOU and your own backyard first and disengage. This is your Ex's responsibility and relationship. I will say tho, If one puts in personal healthy bounderies and healthy detachment, not only will it be good (by empowering), it will also enables others to be more independent and detach. If not, it will burn one out, emotionally. Your ex has to own his behaviour, not you. Best of luck.- We can't rescue everyone. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was thinking the same thing as Willow. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is manipulating you..You were in a car with him,why?..,you need to further distance yourself.yes you will be at the same events because of your children but don't go there go there together,or sit with him,or talk to him about anything other than important issues to do with your children ,do not respond to his outrageous claims about his current relationship..If you feel compelled make some discrete enquiries and pass on your concerns to her family members if what you find out is true .that she is indeed very vulnerable and at risk ..many people who are marginalised however often don't have family or friends to support them..but she is not your responsibility ,it is heartening to know though that you are concerned about her welfare.a tricky situation that requires skilful handling.xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
My first thought was why were you in the car with him, and what he now does with his life is not your responsibility. I understand it can be difficult to cut ties but why put yourself in a private space with him to listen to his apparent life story, though that story all sounds a bit bizarre to me, just saying - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
What Willow said.
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MissBishere
10 years ago
some very sound advice given. I am curious to know if the kids were in the car at the time he was saying all of this...that would be concerning. I personally don't think there is ever a reason to travel together to anything and very limited reasons why you would even sit together at any school or social function. He is not your friend, you are not his conscience and I would be telling him very directly to fuck off.
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
reading through your topic, I came up with exactly the same impressions as Willowtree - to me it sounds purely like he's trying to screw with your head. Apart from the good advice given by Willow and Freya, I would also have a quiet word with your kids (if they are of an old enough age) to see what really goes on behind the scenes. That way you should have some sort of reasonable understanding of what the truth is. Also SuperFoxxxy puts forward a good argument - staying involved with your ex's problems will only go one way, and not in your favour. If the current g/f is indeed in need of some help, you may be able to initiate some action from her relatives / friends, but you have to be careful as it may appear you are interfering in the relationship and get you into more trouble. Information is the key, not conjecture. Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
Very good advice from everybody here why be in the car he is sounding unstable and predatory protect yourself your kids and everyone else is secondary he's trying to manipulate you.
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RHP User
10 years ago
miss thank your lucky stars you got away , and you got away for a reason you are strong , honest , and care and believe not abuse to decieve, this joke of a man admires you greatly so that will give you great powers of persuasion to offer this joke of a man choices ? He is unstable and incrisis and a wrong approach can switch him from pathetic to maniac ! Offering him choices will allow him to believe he is in control , the choices you provide for him will directly protect ! Setfree ! the lady in question tell him your ashamed of his actions and thought he was a better man it will be difficult to compliment him for you ,but this is a process of his positives overshadowed by shame of his behaviour , he will need to prove to you that he can change so the correct choices will provide many positive outcomes for all involved keeping him stable , protecting the other woman ,and at all times you have the power and control to make him change by choices he decides from what you offer or take away ! Bit difficult to explain but if understood manipulation and power of the mind and emotion can be for good purposes aswell as evil 😉 In any case yes you cannot ignore Good luck and it will work out - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thank you everyone for your advice. I would like to thank everyone for there advice. The only reason I was in the car with him cause my little one asked if we could all go together. I did think I was doing the right thing by her at the time. I did tell him to Shut up I didn't want to hear it at all. He started talking to me when I just got home lucky the kids were not in the car at the time. Yes he is a manipulator, an narcissist and he was abusive in our marriage. I am going to be speaking to my lawyer this week to work out what too do to protect me and my girls. You are all right there is nothing I can really do to help this women I can't live her life for her but I do hope she has family that will help her. I need too put myself and the kids first. Sandy
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Take it all as justification for him being an ex. You dodged a bullet in that regard. Just dont get hit by the ricochet. Be concerned for your children not the girlfriend.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
If this is one example of your EXs behaviour... You lawyer will advise you to document everything...and I mean everything, from phone calls to emails/texts and verbal conversations. It's not for your sake, is the safety of the children (they are the vulnerable ones not the EXs GF) Ms Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is trying his absolute best to play with your head! I'd say based on your post - it's working for him. Ignore what comes straight out of his mouth and move on! And for the next school event - sit on the opposite side of the room to him! This guy is your EX. It's sounding like he's an EX for good reason - he's not your best buddy to get tipsy with over a glass of red and to have D&Ms with!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Don't talk to him ever. If you need to discuss something about your kids ONLY, do it via email or text message. Don't drive with him, don't spend time with him, don't chat. If its not to do with your kids, don't discuss it. If you didn't have kids together you wouldn't be in contact with him. Don't give him the chance, or the power, to fuck with your head.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Also there probably is no girlfriend. Even if there is, she will have her own family and friends to look after her and her welfare. Don't worry about all that shit, ignore him and his rubbish.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Call him out on it directly which will show him that you won't stand for him being a (see you next Tuesday). He may change his story once you do. I really don't recommend you approaching his gf about this. You're just the wrong person to be giving her this message which means your motives may be questioned and the message may be coloured or dismissed as a result (despite the fact that your intentions are good and in her best interest). Definitely feel around the edges a bit and find out what you can about her/their relationship cautiously, raise an alarm to someone else who cares about her or someone else who cares about disadvantaged women, and leave it at that. You (and especially your kids) do have something to lose here which is a functional co-parenting relationship, don't muddy those waters more than they already are, you guys still need to be partners and work together if you want to give your children the best start in life. (Coming from a child of a very poorly handled divorce, I can't stress how important this is for your kidlets and their future ability to have healthy relationships in their own lives.) Horrible situation to be in, I don't envy you. Good luck!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes I agree with all comments only have contact with your ex for the children's sake only and leave all personal private lives at home when you're both together discuss children and weather only and nothing else and always arrive and leave in separate cars then if the situation gets ugly then you are free to walk away first. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Over the weekend I have had some time to read your comments, I was very upset last time I posted, couldn't think straight, but you have all given me golden advice. I am seeing my lawyer on Wednesday, I have been recording everything he has said and/or purported to have done. And thank you, no way will I approach his gf. She is not my problem. I have also texted my ex telling him to not come to my house anymore, and I will find out on Wednesday about him seeing my girls only under supervision and also getting a court order. I can't tell you how much better I feel, and how you have all helped me to refocus my energy and given me guidance on how to protect my kids and myself. I did discuss this with MrsSAF and he suggested I post on here. Thanks again and big kisses to you all. Sandy :-)
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MissBishere
10 years ago
I hope when you say "recorded" you mean writing it down and not actually recording conversations without his knowledge.
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
You certainly sound like you've managed to clear your head a bit, and you're going in the right direction. Make sure your legal advice is sound as well - if it doesn't sound good, don't be afraid to shop around. You should have a very good case to keep your kids under supervised visits and restrict his access to them, and certainly that he needs to provide details in advance to pick them up (ie not suddenly showing up at the front door). Thanks MrSAF for his support as well. I hope that all goes well for you. Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been writing everything down, including dates and times and any other relevant info. Thank you, I would never record anyone without their prior knowledge. And correcting my last post, I meant to say MrSAF. Thanks again. Sandy
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RHP User
10 years ago
I know someone who was doing something very similar taking advantage of a young woman. A chance meeting with her older brother changed things when he was told what was going on which resulted in quite a hiding for the wanker. He would threaten to hurt her, her parents, was mentally abusive and manipulative. I can't stand the guy and he avoids me because he knows I'd love an excuse to practice some redneck dentistry on him.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Least she has the knowledge of what he is doing and who he really is, she deserves that as a bare minimum... Meet her have a coffee/Tea so she knows that you are only trying to help her, as meeting face to face carry's a lot more respect....What a ASSHOLE
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