F56
I know I shouldn't be shocked
July 16 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Weve talked about this and I agree, we should warn each other about guys who are very aggressive. As you say, it seems to be the same names..... Could be Cyber Bravado, but I sure would hate to be alone with a couple of the guys Ive encountered on here And I say a couple. The other 98% are lovely men, Ive met so many fantastic blokes from the site. xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Where did that come from, sorry!
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RHP User
10 years ago
If men realise that many women here socialise together offline and share stories..I don't get many messages and in four years I have only received one abusive message xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
You make the rest of us look good :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
... is there a certain style of man that does this ? .. alpha, bogan, elitist ? (.. my experience is quite charming people ..)
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RHP User
10 years ago
These guys are not just dickheads. There are some really abusive and violent guys out there. I have also rec'd a few messages on here from men & women that are so disturbing that I cut all communication. Most of the time the emails were out of the blue. The naming and shaming is more about other things I think. Someone who doesn't turn up or is bad in bed for example... Because their are always two sides to each story so how do we know what is true? People only speak their own truth. However when it comes to personal safety I don't see anything wrong within women telling each other behind the scenes about profiles to be weary of.
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compressor
10 years ago
there are always a few people who seem to spoil things. never changes for some reason
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cleopatrababe
10 years ago
Ive found 95% of men are amazing and rrespectful ...but yes there are some that need to be avoided you get a gut feeling go with it - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I used to feel obligated to respond to all of my messages. Most of the time if I sent a 'thanks but not interested' message, I'd get a polite response back. But every now and then I'd get one back that would make me cringe. I have been called everything from rude and arrogant through to a gold digger and a Perth Princess (that was my favourite one lol). Some of the messages were scarily aggressive, and reinforced that I'd made the right decision to knock them back. But then when I was organising to actually meet someone, I couldn't help but wonder how they would have reacted if I said no thanks instead. Which is why I have no problem getting a heads up from my RHP friends about their experiences, and happy to hand out a warning in turn. I am so much happier now, having stepped away from on line dating. Now I blithely don't respond to messages, unless they're from people I've been talking to already, other forum members or they're messages which aren't looking to hook up. My profile specifically says not to send me flirts, messages or chat requests, so if someone hasn't respected my wishes, why should I show them the courtesy of a response?
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CompersionCouple
10 years ago
We've had to many abusive, violent messages from guys & plain straight out liars. It's like they think they can say & do anything that they like. WTF At the moment it clearly states we're having a break but guys still message us & then get abusive when we reply "thanks but no thanks" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
And report. And share those profile names around between you, ladies. I for one have zero problem with it. They're wankers. Literally! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Please send me a message saying no thanks and I promise I will be nice, don't get many messages in my situation....good manners and respect is a must and no means no. No point getting all bent out of shape over it and nasty over it - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is a great saying for it. People act this way throughout the online and social media world. Things they would never have said to someone's face before www world existed are now being typed out. The maliciousness is unbelievable. Just wipe them and move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
May think they can get away with it because its online. But in real life wouldn't show there real traits unless put in a certain situation. Either way I think some have major issues. Thank god all men aren't the same. Let's hope those abusive ones never leave there keyboards and leave the rest of us to join in on the respectful human race. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Ulysses42' ... is there a certain style of man that does this ? .. alpha, bogan, elitist ? (.. my experience is quite charming people ..) Yes... he's called "insecure"
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm in favor of a reporting system.. Three strikes from three different members within a set period and you're out. Just like points on your license. This would totally clean up fake profiles and get rid of abusive idiots (yes I imagine 99% of them being guys). This would let those that remain benefit from having them gone. - Posted from rhpmobile
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aussian43
10 years ago
This seems to be a common complaint on here. I wonder if RHP have ever toyed with the idea of a report function. If a person is reported too many times they would get banned from the site. As it is, now all that happens is individuals get personally blocked by the victim, and never pay for their assault. Unfortunately for it to really work there would have to be an invasion of privacy to investigate the report. An automatic system would be subject to abuse.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm actually a little surprised they spend the time to write aggressive replies - it's not they're giving themselves any small chance that the other side might change their mind. I often finish my messages asking for a "no thanks" if I'm not what they're after and state that it will be respected - which I always have. This topic might explain why some people don't reply... All for the reporting system, especially if admin have the ability to validate the abusive messages. Without this validation, I could see people (or even the one person with multiple profiles) ganging up to have someone removed. My 2c xx SB - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'aussian43' This seems to be a common complaint on here. I wonder if RHP have ever toyed with the idea of a report function. If a person is reported too many times they would get banned from the site. As it is, now all that happens is individuals get personally blocked by the victim, and never pay for their assault. Unfortunately for it to really work there would have to be an invasion of privacy to investigate the report. An automatic system would be subject to abuse. Men pay for a membership, lots of women don't. You tell me who they prefer to keep around.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've never understood why some guys feel the need to get so aggressive and insulting after a rejection. I don't know whether it's an ego thing maybe, or something to do with their self-worth? Personally I don't see the point of sex with/dating someone who isn't into me, so I don't see the point of going into a tizzy over it. You can't help what you want/are attracted to.
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RHP User
10 years ago
but ya are..... I'm not all that shocked about it. Fuck; I've been there myself. But it's anger at myself for not knowing better, or for not doing better than I know I'm capable of. I'm not going to condone anyone's piss poor behaviour but I can relate to them....they just have a thorn in their side that they're trying to ignore......it hurts...a lot. But only they can find it to remove it..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
It all comes down to respect whether it's on this site or real life. Unfortunately there are still a few Neanderthals running around that just don't get it !
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RHP User
10 years ago
There is a report function I reported a message I received yesterday and was told by RHP that the member had been warned, and that the account would be kept an eye on in future. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I for one absolutely will not meet up with anyone from an online site ever again. Its very clear that (probably because of my age) I'm only going to meet men who see me as a 'good night out' and nothing more. Humiliating. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
So honestly ladies. Why would anyone expose themselves to an online dating site. The possibilities for 'abuse' of all kinds seem to be through the roof. It's a very sad reflection of the way people live their lives in the modern world. I think it's definitly time to give it a big kick in the arse.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I can't say I've experienced any nasty comments or abuse ...and hope not to 😋 But if I do I will always use the "Report" and "Block" buttons 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
This behaviour is not acceptable. As a woman you should expect to be treatedd with respect by people of the opposite gender. And as a man we should be also be more vocal and forth coming in expressing our belief that this is not an acceptable way to treat people. We as humans all have a right to be treated with respect. And this behaviour ( which I think is becoming more common unfortunately) should be seen as abnormal and antisocial. We need to not let such behaviour affect the way we interact with people and the people who behave this way need to feel they are outside the norm.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Online brings people together in a sphere that would not normally happen in their daily lives. In most people's daily lives the sphere is smaller and there is a choice to avoid people with whom they choose not to be in contact with or socialise. There are always ongoing issues that Men struggle with Women and likewise Women struggle with Men. Lets face it if you are in a room with a 100 of the opposite sex, I am confident you will not like 90% of the people in the room. Here is no different. There is a saying " Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me". That said just Block the people that aren't to your liking or choice and move on. Be safe and depending on your risk appetite, check out the chosen ones first before adventuring / advancing further. I for one have met some lovely women on this site. And to be fair I would not have met these women in the normal course of my daily life. Have a Great Day one and all!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Block report but at the end of the day people can just come back make another profile and continue there onslaught. Its just a negative side to the online world but there are positives too. Just a shame that it happens.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'aussian43' This seems to be a common complaint on here. I wonder if RHP have ever toyed with the idea of a report function. If a person is reported too many times they would get banned from the site. As it is, now all that happens is individuals get personally blocked by the victim, and never pay for their assault. Unfortunately for it to really work there would have to be an invasion of privacy to investigate the report. An automatic system would be subject to abuse. Men pay for a membership, lots of women don't. You tell me who they prefer to keep around. What the ratio is between men and women here .... paying and the undecided ..... my thinking being, that if it were 10:1 .... it stands that there will be 10 times more creepies among us ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I used to always reply to messages in a very polite way. My template replies are also polite. But I have had a couple of guys push their luck and reply back and so I politly respond again. Then I may get a rude message or a " your loss" is common. As much as I'd love to respond to that......I am not going to lower myself to that level. I have blocked 1 person only, and he was just disrespectful, and I had told him twice to change his language as he was a newbie and needed a bit of guidance. He didn't change so ' block'. But I wouldn't describe any message as nasty or abusive.I am also very aware that ' abusive' terms are subjective. What I find rude and abusive language may be totally acceptable to others. And vise versa. However on the whole the guys on here are very respectful.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Blocking them doesn't do much, I know a few people that have multiple profiles. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MissBishere
10 years ago
I just delete and move on. There are such bigger things to worry about in the world.
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RHP User
10 years ago
We call these type of men C*NTS. They don't just hurt women. They tarnish the image of online dating, regular dating, society, nightlife culture, other men. But this happens in other fields, when a number of badly behaved individuals cause damage to the image of the rest. For instance, I can often call myself a "truck driver". And as such I've had conversations end on the spot when I've mentioned it, because of people that have constant bad experiences with other truck drivers on the road, and now have NO respect for ANY truck driver (and using those words), and now that includes me. So I find it interesting, but understandable, when people are turned off meeting "anyone ever again" through a particular communications medium. However the same behaviour occurs in real life meetings/situations. People who seem nice at first, can turn out to be real pricks if/when you get to know them, or discuss the wrong topic, or decline any further meetings. I for one, don't go out to typical nightlife, to avoid the same "typical men" (and some women) and the mob mentality, especially as a non-drinker. Many men are not just c*nts to women directly, they are also c*nts to other men directly.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've never had negative or insulting messages from anyone, male or female. I've had people not reply when they've obviously not received the message from me that they were after, but that's the worst. Maybe I'm just lucky though - or not many people pay that much attention to me! ;-) Regardless, I agree with comments of previous posters - I'd much rather discover the character of a person through an insulting message, than to discover it after investing time and effort into getting to know them, and perhaps being in a more vulnerable position. I'm sorry you've been copping that, Ms_Silk, hugs to you. xoxo
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'morganaschild' So honestly ladies. Why would anyone expose themselves to an online dating site. The possibilities for 'abuse' of all kinds seem to be through the roof. I've been on dating sites on and off for 12 years (which resulted in one 8 year relationship), and it's mostly worked for me. Most of my male colleagues are either taken or gay (no, really) and I don't go out with friends that often, so meeting someone while out is not happening either. I don't ant to wait till I meet a man in Woolworths or while walking my dogs in the park, so here I am. Three years and counting, and I get verbally abused maybe once every three months*. I believe online dating can for a big part be what you make of it. If you think it totally sucks in general, you're not likely to find a positive experience I think. Most of us will have negative experiences online, the trick is not to let those cloud your vision in my opinion. Like they say: Expect nothing, demand everything. Ok, I just made that up, but still. * That's not counting the forums.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Beaut1ful' There is a saying " Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me". Personally I think that saying is one of the biggest loads of crap ever and should never be repeated to any child or adult ever again. My 2cts.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'lovman8'As a woman you should expect to be treatedd with respect by people of the opposite gender. And as a man we should be also be more vocal and forth coming in expressing our belief that this is not an acceptable way to treat people. Also, l'd like to turn it around: As a man you should expect to be treated with respect by people of the opposite gender. And as women we should be also be more vocal and forth coming in expressing our belief that this is not an acceptable way to treat people. Some guy friends have shown me the abusive messages they received from women here. Bad behaviour is not a just male problem.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree Meander. Words have incredible power to hurt, and those scars often live on far longer than bruises from a whack with a stick. When they are words from people who have no place of value in your life though, like the messages referred to by the OP, they can largely be shaken off. However, I think the world would be a much nicer place if everyone treated people with respect, regardless of gender - at least until they give you a reason not to!
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RHP User
10 years ago
about spreading positivity and all that. Then when I came here and read a lot of these replies I was really impressed at people's attitudes to this and yes it is terrible. Thanks everyone :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Beaut1ful' There is a saying " Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me". Personally I think that saying is one of the biggest loads of crap ever and should never be repeated to any child or adult ever again. I agree that, taken literally, that phrase is a load of crap. I've felt that knife-in-the-guts that words can be...or rather,the message that is carried behind them...and I've never found it a pleasant experience. Feeling physically nauseous on top of emotional turmoil...who would have thought?!But I think that phrase is meant to be used as something to aspire to.
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Minx99
10 years ago
I had to add my comment to this subject. I've been a member for about a year and in that time have received a lot of messages, as us ladies often do. I reply to all, although sometimes delayed, and use a standard, thanks but no thanks template, which I believe is adequate and polite. I have noticed however that in recent months that I have received an unreasonable amount of abuse when sending it (and sometimes just from a delayed response). Replies in the negative range from "your loss bitch" to "who the xxxx do you think you are?" to "you are not that hot anyway". It's all at an extreme level that unfortunately is reflected in the offline world, and I doubt we can avoid it. I do however agree that I'd feel more supported if RHP had some kind of consultation process with all members about how best to deal, but in the absence of that, I report if I receive threats of violence and block the others. I'd like to say that if anyone receives messages that unsettle, offend or scare them that you are welcome to contact me to chat, I'd hate to know anyone felt that way. A problem shared x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Have received two though, and no idea why. Maybe some women don't like receiving considered and respectful messages. Anyway, Ms_silk, sorry to hear that you have been treated this way, at least you didn't have the misfortune of having to meet them! Chin up, there are decent men out there, you just need to find us! The Nurturer :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
yes lets stone the fuckers At least twice! Most are here for a laugh and some fun but not all are endowed with respect. We can't be; I see various forms of this thread from the ladies over and again. Rest assured From the normal respectful men - I can say we detest that type of shitie behaviour as much as you do. So here's what we are going to do. Set up a RHP group called "Online Vigilantes" We'll receive complaints from members. Akin to neighbourhood watch but online. Our mission Statement : Investigate Interrogate and Castrate serial offenders. You may lodge your complaint via PM to the group. We take firm oily HJs with lots of tongue kissing as payment. And do not need to pay for first round of drinks at any M&G SeriousSensualAries 😎😘😎😘😇😇😈😈😂😂
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's a shame that few people are abusive to women , I wonder if in real life they treat women the same, RHP supposed to be a place were you meet beautiful and amazing women and people and share pleasurable experiences , and if a women say no thanks , that's there choice if there is no attraction, it happen to me and at least I find it polite that someone would take the time to reply and be honest , respect goes a long way in life
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ajaussie
10 years ago
Real men don't abuse women.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Community and respect should be head and shoulders over an individual. The people that are sending these rude and obnoxious replies have a huge problem in their life away from RHP. However if you are letting a written reply from a person that you have not met or never likely to meet, why are you letting these words hurt you. Maybe you have issues in your life away from RHP that need to be addressed. My suggestion is to concentrate on the 98% of good positive people on this site rather than the 2% none of us want anything to do with. Eventually they will get the silent message and move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
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RHP User
10 years ago
These kinds of guys make it hard for the genuine blokes on here who are really nice guys, but when ladies let us in it makes us look good I spose. Being in a relationship and on this site I quiet often get rejected which is mostly what I expect, although the ladies are never rude about it at all. But the way I see it is just like me they have a choice and I'll always respect that choice whether it be for or against me - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Beaut1ful' Community and respect should be head and shoulders over an individual. The people that are sending these rude and obnoxious replies have a huge problem in their life away from RHP. However if you are letting a written reply from a person that you have not met or never likely to meet, why are you letting these words hurt you. Maybe you have issues in your life away from RHP that need to be addressed. My suggestion is to concentrate on the 98% of good positive people on this site rather than the 2% none of us want anything to do with. Eventually they will get the silent message and move on. Thanks for your post most of it was taken on board. Except the highlighted part as I feel most of the people on RHP have had to deal with not so great relationships or marriages in the past. For me of course this is true but it doesnt reflect how I feel about myself or how I interact with others now. This particular situation was different and I will try to explain. I had met this man about 2.5yrs ago with another friend. I was not interested in him but went along for support for a friend. I had not heard from him since this time. The first message I received recently was to ask me how the other friend was. My response was that I no longer have contact. Part due to the falling our of friendship and that I have a court ordered debit that is still outstanding to be paid to me. He responded that he had seen her recently and would give me her current address. But with conditions that I met with him at his home and I had to bring him cash before he gave he address. When I declined to meet with him and said also that there wouldnt be any cash paid to him thats when the abuse started. Ive given this some thought I believe this man contacted me with the sole purpose of trying to extort money from me. He may have also tried to get money from the other lady to prevent him from giving me her details. Either way it was a despicable in my opinion and Im happy to not have contact with either of them ever again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've generally haven't too negative but it doesn't make me not guilty of it. But I wouldn't go as far as to say f*** you if they say no. I usually get blocked I'm guessing because of my looks or race or both as they do find my message funny or sometimes I don't get much response afterwards. But it seems the common traits here are men are rude and women ignore the guys even the 'good' ones. It's tough but the thing about online dating is you can't put your heart into someone or something you haven't even hung out with for a few times. Guys will be rude cause they know you'll never be a part of their lives so why bother trying while there is absolutely no gain and same with women and same with life in general. Most people walking down the street won't care about you but some people might give5 mins of their time for you but that's all they'll give.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Its not just that they are rude, they really make the woman and couples and some men even uncomfortable and making them even leave the site for safer pastures. its a real shame I don't know how you can effectively self police these issues though as its too open to abuse :(
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree there is no place for agro toa woman but I see double standards he to I think it is only good manners to reply to messages if the profile says they are intrested in what u message them about It is easy to just say no thanks is it not About 95% of the lady's on here do not answer so how rude is that it a lesson that most women the age I send messages to would have learnt of there parents I would have of thought hey:) So get yr house in order before you tell other people to ok Cheers
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RHP User
10 years ago
Now you see I think this is so positive. If you find a man who handles rejection badly and you've rejected him, you have saved yourself a lot of pain down the track.
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's not just the men - Some women taken rejection badly too. Some basic lessons in etiquette... for both the men and women spitting the dummy maybe.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Keyboard warriors, plain and simple. Go and have a look in the online comments section of any article (anywhere, ever!) People are quite happy to say the vilest things when they can do so anonymously, things that they would never say to someone's face. I can imagine the hassles it would present for moderators to go through endless accusations if improper conduct (justified or not), but surely it would make this site and others like it much more pleasant for the rest of us.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I guess there are but all guys aren't that way, but that can happen if (not that I have) someone has sent a message, doesn't get responded to, or the response says not what i'm after, so things really have to be more refined so 1. not to waste others time 2. messages don't get mixed and just because there is a sexy pix that it doesn't mean that they are after something they are not (that's another not mix message problem aswell) so we have to respect all as in what we are putting in our profile and what others want aswell....
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RHP User
10 years ago
are you serious the absolute cheek what an arsehole!!!! good on you for going with your gut
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'aql1985' I've never understood why some guys feel the need to get so aggressive and insulting after a rejection. I don't know whether it's an ego thing maybe, or something to do with their self-worth? Personally I don't see the point of sex with/dating someone who isn't into me, so I don't see the point of going into a tizzy over it. You can't help what you want/are attracted to. I understand the economic argument, but there is never a good excuse for men to be abusive to women. Common courtesy and manners may not always result in getting you into bed with somebody, but then, if you don't have the self control to behave in a civil manner online, you most likely aren't worth meeting in the real world.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Fck it!!!!! I took unction at your statement... and started to write this in-depth and meaningful reply... all dripping with sarcasm and shit...THEN.. just before I hit "Post your comment" I proofread my literary masterpiece.. and bugger it...I realized I had in fact MISREAD your post....So.. I had to delete it.. and feel rather silly :)You know.. the story you relate is.. almost blackmail.. and borders on being illegal..I am sure.. that, had you gone to the police with this information, and done a bit of a "Sting" on the fella, he could have been charged.. just saying..I do hope you meet a decent fella to counteract this negativity..
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RHP User
10 years ago
I just Googled unction (I learned a new word, yay!) and... I don't think it means what you think it means. :-P
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RHP User
10 years ago
Cavey meant to say "offence"..autocorrect is a bitch..there doesn't seem to be any sense to it..every time I type a capital I ,it turns it into Zi. XxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
I though he meant umbridge. I did love unction though, I can totally see myself anointing Cavey's... hair. ;-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are right.I knew there was another word starting with U...x😀Freya
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are right.I knew there was another word starting with U...x😀Freya
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are right.I knew there was another word starting with U...x😀Freya
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RHP User
10 years ago
If you keep repeating yourself I'll take umbrage...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Umbrage nor Umbridge. I blame JK Rowling for that!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not nor.
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RHP User
10 years ago
to quote Madeline Holden. @MS_silk there are plenty of fabulous men on this site, so don't waste your time with the negative or rude. Block them and move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
it was in fact "Umbrage" I was referring to,HOWEVER.. for a long time, I did THINK that... "To take Unction... was to take offence"That was also strange, because I was brought up a Roman Catholic (Probably explains my.. well.... Me!!)AND knew waaaay back in Primary school that unction was to do with anointing.sometime along the way, THAT little thing slipped my mind .. you could say.. "He became Confused..."So, I do not have a valid reason for using the wrong bloody word... NOW.. on the OTHER point by Meander...."OMG... Meander.... you do not know HOW good THAT sounds to me..."I am ALMOST like a cat when someone touches my hair.. I roll over and start to PURR.... And Freya... "Thank you" for sticking up for me
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' it was in fact "Umbrage" I was referring to,HOWEVER.. for a long time, I did THINK that... "To take Unction... was to take offence"That was also strange, because I was brought up a Roman Catholic (Probably explains my.. well.... Me!!)AND knew waaaay back in Primary school that unction was to do with anointing.sometime along the way, THAT little thing slipped my mind .. you could say.. "He became Confused..."So, I do not have a valid reason for using the wrong bloody word... NOW.. on the OTHER point by Meander...."OMG... Meander.... you do not know HOW good THAT sounds to me..."I am ALMOST like a cat when someone touches my hair.. I roll over and start to PURR.... And Freya... "Thank you" for sticking up for me Funny you mention the RC thing... 'Extreme Unction' is the official name for "The Last Rights" in which oil is used to anoint the subject...
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