F53
I often wonder...
November 16 2008
Comments
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RHP User
17 years ago
Life is never a perfect thing in someones eyes. So make it perfect in your eyes. Its up to the individual just how much they want to risk, lose or win. PD
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RHP User
17 years ago
I know all about the 90%. The love of my life lacks one important instrument of sexual expression.. and that's basically impossible for her to achieve given her gender. From my perspective it's wrong BUT necessary to chase that extra 10%... in many relationships, including my own, this results in an "all or nothing" gamble. So I've had my extra 10% position filled .. that thirst quenched for now I guess... but tomorrow is another day. I recognise that it's all just a question of time before I'm caught out ... For me at least, I don't think there is a way to obtain the 10% without putting the existing 90% at risk. *Sigh* So I'm addicted... and trapped in the perpetual cycle of risk instead of compromise.
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RHP User
17 years ago
go for the partner that wants 100% of wat u do. u should never deny urself anything
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RHP User
17 years ago
My personal opinion.. if u love someone, if u want to do something and u ask urself will this hurt the person i love and the answer is yes then dont do it .. if u have to keep it a secret then its wrong.. Life is full of sacrifices especially those made in the name of love, but then i am a romantic at heart so i realise that ppl will feel differently depending on what their relationship means to them. I dont think the partner who has limitations is denying anything, its just the way they are., and i cannot think of very many ppl who go thru life achieving 100% of everything they wish for, what is lacking in one area, in a loving relationship can be made up for in another area. This is the way i see things anyhow.. Tina
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RHP User
17 years ago
no such thing as perfect and if ur 90%... stay.. maybe just try it to satisfy urge.. if all the rest is great... grass not always greener!!! others have found grass to be more luscious... cheers
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RHP User
17 years ago
i'd go and ask an accountant to help you. :-D in your profile you call your self "polyamourus". so your 90% partner will (should) be aware of the situation and be cool with it. anyway, since i wouldn't (and never have) dump any partner for cheating on me, i would move on if i thought someone was going to dump me if i actually ever did it. though i think cheating has more to do with communication and less to do with actual sex. LRE (sitting next to the couch)
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RHP User
17 years ago
with tina xxxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
In my experience (and I'm not implying I've got life all worked out necessarily) there is no such thing as 100%. It's sure fun to believe it's possible though and strive for what you want...but not get upset or obsessed along the way. Personally I only want the things I want, with a clear conscience. It's not worth it otherwise. I guess if I have a clear conscience, it helps me accept and enjoy what I do have. And incidentally, I would never knowingly sleep with a woman who was cheating on a partner. yada yada yada...for what it's worth...
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RHP User
17 years ago
Sounds messy your way Ali_Sprinkles Being in a relationship that only meets some of your needs is inevitably going to keep you from meeting your soul mate. hugs and kisses damo
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RHP User
17 years ago
I can sympatise with Ali, though do acknowledge the validity of the alternate arguments. Not everyone has the same tastes. It's not uncommon for there to be a number of television sets in the one household, where on occasions different family members watch different channels. One person may be a fan of Big Brother, whilst the others detest it. Should everyone be expected to watch the same show, and if so, who then has priority? In the general community, swingers are often considered to be living an immoral lifestyle, yet interestingly many consider a wide variety of promiscuous activities okay as long they have consent from their partner. That can include everything from plain vanilla sex to gang-bangs, golden showers, role playing and at one extreme... sex slavery. Ali raised the subject of BDSM, which not always involves sex. Participating in acts which stimulate hormones to produces a natural high. Once again, the community considers this a form of abuse and depravity, even when it is conducted safely and consensually. I think it is sad if Ali should be denied such experiences if she has an overwhelming desire to participate. We only live once, there's no guarantee of more. It requires a broadminded and sympathetic partner, who understands that her participation is not related to unfaithfulness.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Were with tina....but id also like to add..... Any relationship needs to have honesty, trust, respect. If you cant communicate you have nothing. For intance, if one of us wanted to try something different that maybe the other partner wasnt keen for....we discuss all options, openly and honestly. Aslong as you have your partners blessing and it all in agreeance, we cant see any problems. If either of us say no, then thats were it ends. Maybe over time and exploring such things eg. BDSM together the other partners opinions may change. What if your partner was happy for you to explore with out them. Have you ever asked? Maybe they could just watch. Maybe there not sure about BDSM. To the unknow it can be quiet scary in one way. Personally, i wouldnt risk the 90% over a measly 10%. Buy a book/dvd on the subject for them to read. Leelee xxx
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Loveknot
17 years ago
a beautiful, yet diabolical lover once told me "you cant get all the ingredients in one box" What if you went home with the perfect cake mix but were not "allowed" to add the one egg that makes the cake work? what would you have? A box of potential and a longing for that one egg that would make the cake complete! Why do we expect or even hope that one person is capable of meeting all our needs? and why should we have to compromise who we are, be held to ransom by a person who loves us and whom we love? why cant we be all of who we are are, even if that means going elsewhere to get the egg, bringing the beautiful cake home to the one we love?
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RHP User
17 years ago
Cant stand that kind of crap,A man should allways be faithfull to the love of his life. TINA,AGREE WITH YOU 100%
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RHP User
17 years ago
Lol Posted by: subterfuge Date: Nov 17, 2008 Why cant we be all of who we are are, even if that means going elsewhere to get the egg, bringing the beautiful cake home to the one we love? I get it... and the poetic logic of what you say completely won me over for qan instant ... but then I looked at my appointment scheduled down at the sex health clinic (no symptoms - just a routine checkup I do every 6 months) and I started thinking that the piece of cake isn't all that I can potentially bring home to my lover. It's difficult enough hiding the teeth marks.
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RHP User
17 years ago
We go shopping together for eggs hun....that way we only take home what we want. When we get home we make a huge cake together and then we happily eat the whole lot, lol. Our problem is, who gets to lick the spoon. Leelee xxx
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RHP User
17 years ago
There is no way in the world that one human being is going to be 100% totally happy with another human being. What happens from there is variable.
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MandN
17 years ago
leelee, love your ideas, and love sharing the spoon and beater :-P Cheating = someone who only cares for one's self at any cost and has no consideration of what hurt or damage they might end up causing overall, whether it's speeding down the freeway cheating the speed limit or going for a coffee behind your partners back. Not really someone who could be trusted or worthwhile in life. Just my thoughts, I know they are worthless to you, but it's something i try to live by. Heck I never said I was perfect or pure, but I don't cheat, as it's more fun to well share life and love.
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deltoid
17 years ago
Although I do not feel it is right to quantify a relationship to a percentage of being satisfied, I mean who honestly is in a relationship that is 100% perfect. Life is not perfect in areas like relationships and anyone who strives for perfection is going to be disappointed. I suppose the Rolling Stones said it best "you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you can get what you need". Men and women, YES WOMEN though cheat for a variety of reasons, which although cheating maybe wrong, it is IMO hard to pass the same level moral condemnation on everyone. Something I have to admit I would have done in the past but life experiences have taught me things are not that black and white Some people cheat because they are selfish a-holes, who would never be satisfied in a relationship, regardless how good it is and have little or no respect for the person they are in a relationship with. Then there are people who are in unhappy toxic relationships and for what ever reason can not or will not leave. These people may go off and cheat out of resentment towards their partner or as a way of escaping the relationship even if it is for a few brief hours here and there. Then there is the situation that I think Ali was alluding to. There are people who are in great relationships in the main, relationships were in most areas they are as close to perfect as a relationship can be but there is one aspect of the relationship that the person is not even close to being satisfied in and this area often involves sex. Yes in an ideal world we would all be with partners that we were sexually compatible with, we would not change over time and if we did our partners would change as well and remain compatible. And where this did not happen we were able rationally discuss the issue and reach compromises. But is is not an ideal world, people do change, they develop desires that may not have existed when they were young or they were desires that were suppressed. Just as people as they get older can have no or very little interest in things that they may have been interested in when they were young, such as sex. And when one partner loses interest in sex, although it can be a symptom of a deeper underlying problem, this is not always the case. Just as it does not mean that one or both of the partners are doing something wrong, it is just something that happens. It is a problem that regardless of the effort put in to resolve it, to discuss the issue and reach some sort of solution or compromise, nothing is ever resolved. This does not mean the person is unhappy in the relationship or that they do not love their partner but at the same time there can be an aspect of the relationship where the person is not even close to being satisfied in. And yes the area they are not satisfied in has to be weighted up against the rest of the relationship and whether they are prepared to throw away or risk the rest of the relationship to find this satisfaction.
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RHP User
17 years ago
It's a worry when your man gets jealous of your vibrator.
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RHP User
17 years ago
sex doesn't kill relationships ..... lies do !!!!!!! If you want that extra 10 % dump your man and get it or just forget the whole thing as guilt is about the worst ailment ever. Saying if he/she never knows how could it hurt them is a bit optomistic,also as long as you know what you did it will always effect the relationships until one day (if you have a conscience) you spill the beans to stop the guilt from eating you.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I prefer to be open about what is going on. I had that agreement with my ex. If either of us wanted to be with someone else it was fine, just tell the other first so we don't look like idiots and it won't be cheating. But she still fucked a guy behind my back for 6 months and lied to my face about it... so I obviously have no fucking idea. I'll still never cheat on anyone tho. And yes I do know it's certain.
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RHP User
17 years ago
To everyone who shared,the questions were posed to induce thought - the post has NOTHING to do with my situation,I was interested in what others may think of infidelity and peoples needs versus wants.As we are all aware,the site contains married/attached individuals,many intentionally deceiving their partners for whatever reason,just like gazpacho41 explained :) I appreciate your honesty mister! These people regulary contact my profile.I often wonder whats their story,their motivation,their justification and vindication - It interests me.Oh and when I typed "I know its wrong" what I really should have stated was - its not right for me,simply because I`m not here to judge anyone,I own and value my moral code just like every one else owns theirs :) I enjoyed everyones imput! Keep each other safe. Ali`sprinklin` since 1973
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