F68
In praise of modesty
July 12 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
You know me. I need a strong confident man, thats what attracts me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm very drawn to modest people too, but not in a sexual way. I have friends and colleagues that have that certain quietness and I am very grateful for them. But when it comes to seduction, I definitely go for the forward and confident people, and personally I think this goes for most women. My good friend John will tell you that being modest and not overly confident has done him no favours when it comes to trying to be seen as a man, not a "nice guy" or "a friend". Though one woman eventually saw the real him, and they are very happy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
actually i too normally go for the shy, unassuming types in relationships
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RHP User
12 years ago
Find that both personality types can be attractive, but the quiet ones are often underestimated we think! And there's certainly more than enough of the forward confident types on here...
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
It has always been personality for me.... Looks not so much, as there is so much more to a person to whether they have a nice face...I do not like bosters, big talkers, ive been there done that and doing it again tomorrow ppl. I dont like over confident people. Alot of people think that i am a confident person, but im not overly confident.I like down to earth people who take me for who I am. I do not like people who lie, use and constantly tell you they dont do something - when all along they have been doing it....Just give me an honest person who can hold a conversation, make me laugh and who enjoys me - thats all...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was married to an unassuming guy for 23 years. These days i'm happier seeing men a little more like myself. Having said that, when it comes to friends, yes i enjoy the company of quiet types as well as the rambunctious.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Men minus the Ego? That self preserving all attractive 'Me Me Me, Mine Mine Mine, Now Now Now' type of feather ruffling, strutting 'Aren't I great?' 'You'll never get as good as me' Blah Blah Blah....Ego is, in fact, a dirty word describing a vain self promoting persona.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't like weak, indecisive men who are followers not leaders. I LOVE men with gentle strength, quiet self-assurance, depth and intensity, big big hearts, humility and the ability to love fully. These men are often a little more shy, or a little more introverted. Men with huge egos (or vanity, as tickled kink put it) are massive turn off.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree totally with mesmerised assessment of you 👍 I seek foward and truly confident women, but alas, they are difficult to find... 😁 Wish me well tonight...😉 Hp xo
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RHP User
12 years ago
Dont have to say much. Yet they say alot with their ways. The way they look , the way they sit and their quite demeaner. Others out there in your face entertaining and usually heaps of fun and know what they want...Depending on the person . I tend to lean towards the quiter self assured.. Just my observation...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am a classic introvert. An INFJ. We only make up 1% of the total population.I would say that I'm moderately modest but because of my introversion and the fact I am a hermit, It makes the odds of even of being recognised in the wild pretty slim and if I am actually spotted it's usually for superficial reasons. I try to keep in mind that: Me + the Extreme Extrovert Male = DisasterMy preference for a mate is usually along the lines of the description given by Three Wise Words.I just find the prancing and strutting vanity, of the egomaniacal extrovert, extremely unattractive. (I was married to one for 12 years and it ended when I hit him over the head with a cast iron saucepan.)I have learned to steer clear of these types.
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RHP User
12 years ago
People see you for who you are in real life.Weather they can pick it straight away or it takes time.You can talk it up and later be seen for giving a fake impression.I like to be a bit mysterious ,respectful and have morals.I am drawn to sensuality ,compassion and someone who can communicate.Talking it up and being over bearing is not a good attribute to have.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm the "out there in your face entertaining and usually heaps of fun and know what they want..." type seeking same. Except I only know that I don't know what I want. Watch the fireworks from a distance if you worry about the glare. I find that I'm far too over the top and scary for most of the quiet ones. But I do love to give them a big squeezy hug.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is a classic movie, I think that depicts how a shy, yet confident lady shone. Which is my belief, that EVERYONE is appealing in their own little way. I also believe that a truly confident person doesn't need to be the in your face type, as three wise words talks about.....to me that's a child seeking attention they never received. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Halleljah! I was starting to wonder if it was just me that had this desire for men like this. Ever noticed too how its these guys that have a horde of women ready to drop their panties for them yet the guy always treats them like they are his best friends and never tries anything... Maybe its cause he has no confidence but I like to think that its the last bastions of gentlemen in society. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot' Is a classic movie, I think that depicts how a shy, yet confident lady shone. Which is my belief, that EVERYONE is appealing in their own little way. I also believe that a truly confident person doesn't need to be the in your face type, as three wise words talks about.....to me that's a child seeking attention they never received. - Posted from rhpmobile You don't think that some of us are born exhibitionists? That's a pretty sweeping statement sirlurkalot.
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RHP User
12 years ago
ramblings of academics on RN and other stations who espouse that extroverts are actually introverts and Vice versa. Unfortunately for academics, they write about history, but never make it . /rant
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sweeping it may be, however, one thing I've come to learn, is that some people's confidence shines through in academics, some more practical ways like mechanics or the like... Everyone is confident in some facet of their life, but I do think that people will notice, and advertisement isn't necessary. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
can be the opposite, as I have found. quiet in a way and quite deliciousI used to be painfully shy when I was young, but pop me in the bedroom and woah
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RHP User
12 years ago
Standard testing (and lots of experience) shows I'm firmly in the middle of the introvert/extrovert continuum, but I'm just as confident and self-assured in quiet mode as I am when the front-man.Sometimes the introverts are quiet because they have nothing to prove. Sometimes the obvious extroverts are desperate for acceptance. Of course, sometimes the opposite is true.I don't think the two traits are necessarily linked.Confidently and humbly yours,Mr C
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RHP User
12 years ago
Charm, wit, charisma can sometimes be interpreted as Sleazy, childish, sociopath.....Depending on whether they like you or not.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot' Sweeping it may be, however, one thing I've come to learn, is that some people's confidence shines through in academics, some more practical ways like mechanics or the like... Everyone is confident in some facet of their life, but I do think that people will notice, and advertisement isn't necessary. - Posted from rhpmobile and talent are two different things. I also think we are confusing it with confidence. Both introverts and extroverts can be very confident people. Extroverts like me crave the company of others. We feel alive in the dynamics of a group. Introverts prefer solitude. They thrive on being in their own company. I fail to see how anyone can say that is being a child who didn't get the attention they needed. I was on stage throughout my childhood and got plenty of attention. I still love to perform. That is just who I am.Maybe when defining extroversion/introversion we can avoid the definition from urban dictionary yeah?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can just visualise you and your lovely quiet gentleman curled up in front of a fire. Sipping red wine and devouring each other with your eyes. In complete silence. How lovely.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree with most of what you say on this, but performing and thriving in a group scenario, in my view is different from the "in your face" type attention seeker that I'm referring to. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you Mesmerized and HP for your kind comments....I think...like Mr.Chic according to the personality tests...and no I didn't cheat,I am equally introverted and extroverted......and as SirLurkie says,sometimes there is an area of our lives where we might be supremely confident but in other areas not so much....introversion does not mean there is a lack of confidence,but it may manifest differently and not appear to be obvious when meeting someone for the first time. I love the enthusiasms of the extrovert,but sometimes the overly confident person in my opinion,can be exhausting....taking time to get to know someone who at first may appear to be quiet and unassuming,can be extremely rewarding,like peeling the layers of a mangosteen. Paint me,I agree,how lovely that would be,but firstly I need to find one...oh and um,I can be Ms.Chattalot btw.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is a better username than AuntyEdna 😄
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have always liked this simple explanation....Extroverts are energised by others....Being around people energises them. They need the stimulation of others. The more the merrier.Introverts are energised from within.... They must pull back within their own solitude regularly to reflect and recharge, before emerging back out and into the fray. They are not 'party poopers' at all. They just get 'pooped' at parties!
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RHP User
12 years ago
There's a lot of confusion here. Being reserved, holding one's peace, does not necessarily mean a lack of power or influence. Think of John Howard's persona, or George Smiley in the Le Carre books. In a court it is often the soft-voiced advocate that has the drop on the flashy loud mouthed opponent. Bullies tend to be loud and noisy, quick to threaten and bark. And mostly, they are gutless. Texans have a saying, 'all hat and no cattle'. Being flamboyant is often a matter of style, like wearing Blahniks instead of KMart specials. And flamboyance is often a lot of fun, in people as well as in clothing. But you should never think that someone who has a certain amount of bling and glitter does not necessarily conceal a thoughtful, measured intellect; eg journalist Annabel Crabb or, closer to home, the posts of that painted person. My taste is schizoid; I love the thrust, party, stamp of the feet and banter of a fast-moving conversational duel. But when the talk turns to matters of substance, where there are gradations of meaning and meaning is important, then I love a steady, considered discussion. Not sure where confidence fits in. You can be confident and appear to stammer and stutter. Every second low rent politician will appear to be confident about a fraudulent nostrum to cure unemployment or interest rates or herpes. Finally, let me call bullshit on the idea that academics write but do not create. Sayed Qutb was an Egyptian academic who studied in the USA, came home and was jailed for thirty-odd years by Nasser. His writings are responsible in very large part for the current terrifying onslaught of Islamic fundamentalism. Keynes and Friedman both academic writers responsible for huge currents in world economics. Too many blokes in this list; Germaine Greer an academic and massively influential.
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RHP User
12 years ago
But I like a strong, confident man, otherwise I'll walk all over him...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mr.King
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RHP User
12 years ago
thanks, made my day
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm attracted to the quiet achiever.Slowly unravelling their layers is like opening many parcels. I just love it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
why the need to label and pidgeon hole? tis not better to be all encompassing. for those who I have met i'd like to think I come across very confident yet importantly, with a healthy dose of humility and respect. although I may in fact lack the gene that detects embarrassment. hehehe so stop all this "I pefer this and I prefer that" business. open your eyes and don't be quick to judge. honky lubs everyone, especially kizzie. mwah hahahaha
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RHP User
12 years ago
Walk over whom, momma? Best bring your lunch; some of us quiet blokes don't walk over easily (but it might be fun if you tried).
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RHP User
12 years ago
And some of us would just lurve to be unwrapped - bit difficult when 8 out of 10 desirable women choose to live in Perth, but.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you left out the ''e''
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RHP User
12 years ago
People with great core values and sound inner strength provide the greatest stimulation (IMHO)As does intelligence and a well balanced view of the world...Eroticism is not always visual :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Would a 'modest' person..... even comment within this thread?!I expect not.Just wondering out loud.DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Would a 'modest' person..... even comment within this thread?!I expect not. Why not?Modesty is not needlessly flaunting or overstating one's abilities. It has nothing to do with expressing an opinion.Although I do give very good opinion, even if I do say so myself.Mr C
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RHP User
12 years ago
but,but ...you replied
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love a girl/couple that are comfortable in their own skin. I find that allure that they love themselves almost intoxicating. It leads to far for comfortable play and way more fun for everyone! While this isn't to say modesty isn't an asset it's more a self confidence that drives me wild.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Nothing wrong with having confidence or belief in ones self. I think we all need that to get through life and the varying paths we have to travel. We all have things we are unsure about and sometimes doubt our abilities or capacities to handle certain situations. I sometimes think that the outwardly extroverted behaviour we sometimes see is a cover for people who may have more self doubt than they want others to see. I think true confidence and self belief comes from doing or saying the most appropriate thing for the circumstances, not from being a noisy, outwardly extroverted pain in the arse 24/7 that talks it all up and a lot, but doesn't actually do or say anything wih any substance. I fully accept and truly admire the confidence that comes from someone who is thoroughly proficient in what they do whether that be parenting, business, professional, trade, art/craft or sporting etc. or has the confidence to say what they think if it is based on well established precedence, fact or experience. I do really like people who are confident enough to call it straight if a situation needs it, as beating around the bush drives me bananas, but there is a fine line between confidence and self belief before it spills into over-confidence and arrogance. That is a quality I don't find particularly attractive. There are plenty of people I have come cross who have no issues in letting everyone know who they are, where they are, why you should be grateful to be in their presence and what they are thinking, yet get in behind the "mask" and there are some real issues that they are just not dealing with all that well behind all the bullshit and bluster. I say this some level of experience from what have seen with a number of these types in my extended family....and they wonder why I am quiet at family gatherings.....if I said what I am thinking a lot of the time, I would probably shut the party down if I haven't already smacked someone in the chops first. I am a quiet and reasonably reserved person by nature and probably more drawn to quieter people. I tend to reveal more about myself as I grow more comfortable with people but that doesn't mean I have no belief in my self or lack confidence. This gets perceived as a sign of weakness I think at certain times but I will do and say what I want, when I want to if I consider it appropriate or worth my while at the time. Not sure how this links in to what I am saying above but given the nature of this site, thought i would throw it out there. More often than not the quieter or reserved women that I have been lucky enough to be intimate with over the years have surprised me with the passion and heat they generate in the bedroom and is the complete opposite of what I expected. Conversely some of the more outgoing women have been a bit of a non event in the bed room. It may say more about me perhaps but there is my opinion which I have had the "confidence" and "self belief" to put out there and none of youse bastards or bitches are going to put me down because of it!! Thanks for your time,
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'pleasurestategrl' Halleljah! I was starting to wonder if it was just me that had this desire for men like this. Ever noticed too how its these guys that have a horde of women ready to drop their panties for them yet the guy always treats them like they are his best friends and never tries anything... Maybe its cause he has no confidence but I like to think that its the last bastions of gentlemen in society. - Posted from rhpmobile Ha, this made me smile and sad at the same time, because it pretty much sums me up, i don't even want to think of the amount of opportunities i have passed up because of low self esteem/lack of confidence. While liking to think i am somewhat of a gentleman it certainly isn't the reason for foregoing all those opportunities lost.I had pretty bad depression for a long time which is a really shitty illness, you hate yourself, feel that you aren't worthy of anything. I couldn't figure out why i had all my amazing friends let alone why anyone would have any interest in me sexually or emotionally. I sabotaged myself so completely that i went on near 7 yrs in my 30's without, well.. you know. Even now that i am as happy as i have ever been in my life, that part still lingers and is a constant battle with myself whenever the prospect of sex/romance presents itself, hence why i am on here. It's really weird because i really do like who i am as a person and i am aware that at least some women find me desirable but the self doubt becomes almost crippling at times so you just give up. I figured on here at least if i arrange to meet someone, there is much less doubt around where it is headed and is much easier for me to be myself without the constant battle raging in my head suspecting she likes me but making up excuses why she couldn't possibly and talking myself out of it lol.Hmmm, shared a bit more than i was expecting to there lol, ahh well, take from it what you will.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'ShawnAnigans' Ha, this made me smile and sad at the same time, because it pretty much sums me up, i don't even want to think of the amount of opportunities i have passed up because of low self esteem/lack of confidence. While liking to think i am somewhat of a gentleman it certainly isn't the reason for foregoing all those opportunities lost.I had pretty bad depression for a long time which is a really shitty illness, you hate yourself, feel that you aren't worthy of anything. I couldn't figure out why i had all my amazing friends let alone why anyone would have any interest in me sexually or emotionally. I sabotaged myself so completely that i went on near 7 yrs in my 30's without, well.. you know. Even now that i am as happy as i have ever been in my life, that part still lingers and is a constant battle with myself whenever the prospect of sex/romance presents itself, hence why i am on here. It's really weird because i really do like who i am as a person and i am aware that at least some women find me desirable but the self doubt becomes almost crippling at times so you just give up. I figured on here at least if i arrange to meet someone, there is much less doubt around where it is headed and is much easier for me to be myself without the constant battle raging in my head suspecting she likes me but making up excuses why she couldn't possibly and talking myself out of it lol.Hmmm, shared a bit more than i was expecting to there lol, ahh well, take from it what you will. Hmmm, just re-read this and came across as a little whiney and poor me, wasn't intended that way at all, more to put some reasoning to pleasurestategrl's query as to why. I'm more than comfortable with who i am and where i came from.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you both for your honest posts,I loved reading them
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RHP User
12 years ago
Loved your post, thank you x A question for you and men generally - why aren't men more direct with women eg "I like you, are you interested in taking things further?" or "I'm not attracted to you". I'm all for the direct approach, and less of the second-guessing.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Three_Wise_Words' Loved your post, thank you x A question for you and men generally - why aren't men more direct with women eg "I like you, are you interested in taking things further?" or "I'm not attracted to you". I'm all for the direct approach, and less of the second-guessing. I don't know, i presumed most of them did and that i was the only idiot completely incapable of making the obviously correct move.I can't speak for others but for me i guess it is because i gave up for so long and during that time didn't feel worthy of anything at all it became beyond terrifying to approach someone, shit there has been plenty of times when i have pretty much ignored advances from ladies that in spite of them being blatantly obvious, i managed to convince myself they weren't real lol, takes a special kind of idiot to do that ;) And some seriously hot women too, in fact i think that's even worse because it's so much easier to convince yourself you're imagining things and then you are cursing yourself even worse later on when you realise how big an idiot you are lol. I wish more women would use the direct approach too :PThat being said it's been taken on board and psyching myself up for next time ;)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Cheekyarses'I do not like bosters, big talkers, ive been there done that and doing it again tomorrow ppl. I dont like over confident people. Alot of people think that i am a confident person, but im not overly confident.I like down to earth people who take me for who I am. I do not like people who lie, use and constantly tell you they dont do something - when all along they have been doing it....Just give me an honest person who can hold a conversation, make me laugh and who enjoys me - thats all... i find that your post pretty much describes how i feel....almost down to a tee...i am a very open, honest person...but i can come across blunt or intense at times...but i am also a loyal friend...and would give my last penny to a true friend in need...so yes, there's good and bad in me...like in all of us i guess...but i often find, that people can take my passion for desperation...my kindness for weakness...so to meet someone, who is open, honest...who values trust and respect...who say what they mean, and do as they say...and most of all accept me for who i am...all of it...that is always a wonderful experience....
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RHP User
12 years ago
...that i really enjoyed reading your post....intelligent and insightful...Quoting 'Wunfa' Nothing wrong with having confidence or belief in ones self. I think we all need that to get through life and the varying paths we have to travel. We all have things we are unsure about and sometimes doubt our abilities or capacities to handle certain situations. I sometimes think that the outwardly extroverted behaviour we sometimes see is a cover for people who may have more self doubt than they want others to see. I think true confidence and self belief comes from doing or saying the most appropriate thing for the circumstances, not from being a noisy, outwardly extroverted pain in the arse 24/7 that talks it all up and a lot, but doesn't actually do or say anything wih any substance. I fully accept and truly admire the confidence that comes from someone who is thoroughly proficient in what they do whether that be parenting, business, professional, trade, art/craft or sporting etc. or has the confidence to say what they think if it is based on well established precedence, fact or experience. I do really like people who are confident enough to call it straight if a situation needs it, as beating around the bush drives me bananas, but there is a fine line between confidence and self belief before it spills into over-confidence and arrogance. That is a quality I don't find particularly attractive. There are plenty of people I have come cross who have no issues in letting everyone know who they are, where they are, why you should be grateful to be in their presence and what they are thinking, yet get in behind the "mask" and there are some real issues that they are just not dealing with all that well behind all the bullshit and bluster. I say this some level of experience from what have seen with a number of these types in my extended family....and they wonder why I am quiet at family gatherings.....if I said what I am thinking a lot of the time, I would probably shut the party down if I haven't already smacked someone in the chops first. I am a quiet and reasonably reserved person by nature and probably more drawn to quieter people. I tend to reveal more about myself as I grow more comfortable with people but that doesn't mean I have no belief in my self or lack confidence. This gets perceived as a sign of weakness I think at certain times but I will do and say what I want, when I want to if I consider it appropriate or worth my while at the time. Not sure how this links in to what I am saying above but given the nature of this site, thought i would throw it out there. More often than not the quieter or reserved women that I have been lucky enough to be intimate with over the years have surprised me with the passion and heat they generate in the bedroom and is the complete opposite of what I expected. Conversely some of the more outgoing women have been a bit of a non event in the bed room. It may say more about me perhaps but there is my opinion which I have had the "confidence" and "self belief" to put out there and none of youse bastards or bitches are going to put me down because of it!! Thanks for your time,
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'deepbluesumthing' I am a classic introvert. An INFJ. We only make up 1% of the total population.I would say that I'm moderately modest but because of my introversion and the fact I am a hermit, It makes the odds of even of being recognised in the wild pretty slim and if I am actually spotted it's usually for superficial reasons. I try to keep in mind that: Me + the Extreme Extrovert Male = DisasterMy preference for a mate is usually along the lines of the description given by Three Wise Words.I just find the prancing and strutting vanity, of the egomaniacal extrovert, extremely unattractive. (I was married to one for 12 years and it ended when I hit him over the head with a cast iron saucepan.)I have learned to steer clear of these types. I couldn't agree more deepbluesumthing
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RHP User
12 years ago
I reckons my dear,you and mees would get on like a house on fire...A true introvert here!!!! and Freya you knows me to back that up....Extroverts drain the absolute f*cking energy out of me - drain my aura or somefink. They also make me edgy sometimes. I feel hangover after being with them for only 10mins..as a friend said to me yesterday "Go and have your introvert time"..and am I modest? yep :) :) :) FOXY
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