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On_Safari

On_Safari

F54

In the Spirit of Equal Rights and Rules of Engagement

December 12 2014

Here Ladies & Gents, I've stumbled on the MAN COMMANDMENTS, perhaps this will assist in shedding some light on the psyche of our masculine counterparts? Or just nod and smile indulgently (shrugs) up to you ~ Indy The Men Commandments Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. Youre no longer a man and youre out of the man club. It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances: When a heroic dog dies to save its master. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. After wrecking your boss’ car. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”. When she is using her teeth. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. If you’ve known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend’s fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend’s birthday is strictly optional. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. If a Man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that’s just mean.If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights: Yeah, Baby, Push it! C’mon, give me one more! Harder! Another set and we can hit the showers! Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call ‘BULLSHIT’. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. Before dating a buddy’s “ex”, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. (Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin”, then you may sit back and enjoy.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him…too gay. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “FUCK OFF!” You are absolved of your of responsibility. *Forgive the formatting ~ Smart phone not so smart 😏 maybe the Mods can do line breaks for me...please?

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Comments

  • Plain280

    Plain280

    11 years ago

    Too many to remember, I didnt know there were so many qualifying situations.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    How tough it is being a man? Unspoken, yet set in concrete arrangements.... All true btw! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Another sweeping stereotypical view of men...........................just kidding. Loved it

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That's hilarious! On_Safari thanks for sharing... it made me smile even if it is a 'sweeping stereotypical view' (love your work 50zcool x). Twisted Mister, you're so right.... tough being a man with all those rules to remember lol. Much love, Elle xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Obviously written by a pussy whipped mere shadow of a man attempting to justify why he should still be called a man despite having a 1 inch pencil dick, no balls, and the strength of character that not even his own dog would follow. The mans rule book reads like this.Preface. This booklet contains the basic code of ethics that all men should follow if they wish to be accepted by their male peers as an equal. It is in its self a test of your maleness. Should you fail you should follow the instructions given. Rule one. There are no rules.Rule two. See rule one, but you are starting to look like a pussy.Rule three. As you are reading this far down you are obviously not a man, now fetch me a beer and make me some dinner.

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    For attempting the line breaks! 😳😄😂😇😘

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    i got nothin!! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    I see Indi, the ladies rules have fizzled out around the dart board and it is both hands raised above the shoulders on the bullseye is a deliberate gloat and fined by the bar a bottle of bourbon. Game on. Mado Mado Tara xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Particularly on weekends, pants are not to be worn unless you are imminently leaving the FRONT of your house. Out the back's fine. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    I asked the kids to get me one for the garage .... i like darts!! Game in Mado 😈

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Sorry Safari girl...I only managed to read half... Did you include lots of crying when you win lots of money on unreality t.v and your fellow contestants don't?...xxFreya

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'On_Safari' I asked the kids to get me one for the garage .... i like darts!! Game in Mado 😈 Don't think these little flirts will put me off, I can remain quite focussed around a good sort like you, Tara is in stitches though as I sit here holding my demeaner or what ever that thing is of keeping my mind out of the temptation of that other thing you ladies do. Wish Kizza was here, he would be right on to you too. Maybe you could hint of a dartboard "The Bandit" Its not just a game, it is a lifestyle and you can wear the stilettos and anyone of those sexy outfits that make your bum all perky and a little bounce, with your boobs as you toss those darts which is a manly type of expectation, as long as we do not get caught distracted in the moment. We would never admit it anyway. It is not like a game of twister with a bottle of baby oil, which may I point out has been omitted from the list?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Twisted_Mister' How tough it is being a man? Unspoken, yet set in concrete arrangements.... All true btw! - Posted from rhpmobile Sure is a hard road being a perfect man, even harder finding the perfect woman. Apart from all of those mentioned by On_Safari, there are: never ask for directions, never eat quiche, don't drink shandy's, don't ask for help if you can't do something (work it out), don't expect any praise or compliments, safety boots are for girls to protect their nail polish, plus a few more I can't think of at the moment. Not very PC but good fun :-)

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    Freya you had to read it all, it was funny!! You know me it just a bit of light relief for everyone. I adore (modt) men, like some, have loved a few and well.....the rest just haven't met me yet 🙈🙉🙊 lol xx

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    Miss Freya Indi if H's is hiding, you betcha.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    but I sadly cant share it with my mates. That would be too gay.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'hydey' but I sadly cant share it with my mates. That would be too gay. I have similar problems, But I don't want to look to straight..

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    Anything I need to know? 😘 Nooooo Mado "H's" is a very challenging dart game, requiring strategy, accuracy and a shitload of flogging to stay ahead!! You'll be hooked if we ever get round to a game. Maybe Hydey could join us, Busted Arses vs Bodacious Babes (me n Tara) lol best man wins of course! 😝

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    hitting a bit low, how do you feel about that hydey? Hope the Bodacious Babes have not broken the cardinal sin of hitting a man in the nerve when he is feeling all emotional and stuff. Although hydey how would your mates change their tune if you happened to mention something about getting flogged and stratergised, what else did get said, Yeah accuracy and a shit load to stay ahead, by the Bodacious Babes. Who's ya fckn mate you lucky bastard, busted arsed mongrel, thats what they would be saying. Bloody legend mate. Yeah we could probably get away with that Indi and toss a few Friendlies at ya, for a bit of practice. Watch this hydey, incoming.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I need to watch Crying Game again...even if to just hear that haunting song..AND YES that moment...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That was the perfect read after waking to early after a night drinking :)))). Thanks gorgeous girl for sharing!

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    Not to mention sass and gorgeous smile! xx

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    But I'm sure he'd love a camping trip, not sure what you're flinging at him though 😳 because there's a Monster in his possession (A Jekyl-type thing) and he is quite adept at making/using implements of pleasurable pain. Lol hopefully for you it'll be more one than the otherrrrr 😈 Tara and I'll watch! Come sit beside me beautiful.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    "A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat." Cats are amazing creatures. They treat me with the same disdain and aloofness as women, and having two is like having a wife *and* a girlfriend at the same time! Best of both worlds! Except without the sex. Aw shit.

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    You were slurring, or is it slurping? at me maybe!!!!!!. let us not forget, it was you who came into the forums all tanked up and glowing again with that drink. Rules ? you can tell a mate anything, a true mate. And as a mate would do, is look for a way too show that by acknowledging Hydey the gentleman, you have even vouched, so no question to that, Tara is in with it, Bodacoius Babes two mates, Blindman three mates, me as one half of the Busted Bums, four mates. A good game is a fast game and "501" is the competition game, "The Bandit" the competition board and the Busted Bums do not fling, we are gentlemen and toss. And just to acknowledge the little attempt at throwing off that flinging thing and the Bodacios Babes all pert and in the hot seat,eyes rolling and giggles, on top of their game. No effect, call us Monster and Minster if you like, a bit early for letting that one get over us. So anyway Indi, one drink? hardly the one too many, sounds like holding your licker needs some attention. Flinging.......a mate? OK, in defence respectively, have a bar, I'm in it and 50 percent, just anecdoted the "one drink fiesty and don't mind holding your ground with a bit of flare and not shy makes you beautiful too, so the Bodacious babes, just got 50 percent hotter. By this Man Commandment!!!! #.... your'e buggered to rip it up me, so I'm gonna use it one more than the other (The naughty devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, thing) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination;

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