M60
Is it a sin to masturbate all the time in a sexless marriage
September 06 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Have heard this so many times from so many different men. Am happy to say my marriage was different. My impression is most of the time partners become bored with each other. Often love making is repetitive and bland. Maybe you need to spice it up. Just my opinion.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It writes what it wants. Heading should have read, you are not alone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mate a large sex drive ? U may just b normal I wank everyday n sometimes twice plus have fun with my girl ;) but I feel I'm just a normal person :))
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RHP User
12 years ago
Theres nothing wrong with either sex masturbating for "Self Indulgence." Life's way to short, and to have no intimacy within a union of two people is not an enjoyable one....Time to move on and enjoy your life with someone else..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Luvnya69' Theres nothing wrong with either sex masturbating for "Self Indulgence." Life's way to short, and to have no intimacy within a union of two people is not an enjoyable one....Time to move on and enjoy your life with someone else.. the only married person finding themselves in that situation. I'm sure you're aware of your choices - all have implications. If you don't have dependent children the choice is a lot easier I think.1. You could get divorced2. You could tell her you don't think it is fair you should do without a sex life anymore so you're getting it elsewhere and see what her reaction is (be prepared for point 1 but doesn't always go that way)3. You can say nothing and just cheat.4. You can simply accept it and be miserable for the rest of your life.Been there myself. After trying to get her interested in swinging in case it was variety that was needed (didn't want that either) I went down the number 2 road. After the initial shock she was almost relieved and agreed it was only fair ?It doesn't only happen to 'mature' 'women' either ... I have a lover that is in the mirror situation in her life and they are only in their early 30's ? Such is life my friend.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sounds like you married a dud! Neither of us understand how having no sexual interest/drive is possible. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hang on Luvnya.... before you simply suggest he move on...... you've not heard any reference to the other elements of his relationship with his wife.... children.... commitments....At face value, Ive been in the place the OP says he is...... and while her issues were HER issues.... I came to realise that still played a role in allowing those issues to persist.And I suggest from experience, that the OP also plays a role in his wifes low expression of her sexuality.Jimmy.....Send me a PM, and I have some information you might benefit from.DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
You are not alone OP.Your needs are not being met.It appears you've turned to masturbation to met those needs.It happens a lot in marriages, life gets in the way, busy, tiredness, kids, work, stress etc etc.By the sounds of it, you've just fallen into a routine and Sexual Boredom has set in.Intimacy gets replaced with other things.OP gotta light that "Passion of Fire" and bring it back with your wife.Good Luck.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Try to reignite the intimacy and sexual spark between you and your wife. There are many places you can go to get really good advice on this. DG has some advice to offer - from a woman's perspective (or at least my perspective as a woman) some of it's really good and some of it's utter rubbish, but it's worth hearing either way, because if any of it's helpful then that could be a great outcome for you. I left my husband after a decade of no sex. It took me a long time to realise sex is part of the glue that keeps love and intimacy alive, and that I deserved to have that in my relationship. So I'm all for leaving when you've run out of other options - but the question is, have you tried all other options yet? I love that you and your wife talk about it (not as common as you might think) and I'm a bit sad that she doesn't really show any interest in solving it. I used to talk with my husband all the time and I finally realised that it wasn't a problem for him - he didn't long for sex, so he didn't miss it, so he didn't have a burning desire to fix it, so as soon as we talked about it he forgot about it again. It just didn't bother him that we never had sex. To this day I can't make sense of why, especially given the myth that all men want to fuck like rabbits. But if a woman isn't interested in sex my immediate thought is that she can be enticed back - with some loving care, she can find her way back to feeling beautiful, sexy, lusty, and to wanting to jump your bones often. So perhaps focus your attention there - understanding what lights her fire (usually it means rebuilding all your connection OTHER than sex, first) and then as she warms up, reconnecting sexually. There's a neat little book called the Five Love Languages or something similar. The concepts are simple but quite enlightening in terms of understanding what makes someone else tick, rather than expecting them to be and think like you. Anyway, lots of help is available if you want to take charge of the situation you find yourself in. I hope you do. I wish you awesome luck with it xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
it was easy to fix a marriage then the divorce rate would not be so high.I always find it a little bit ironic that divorced people hand out the advice to just ''fix '' it.But perhaps DG has some advice that is worth at least considering.There are usually more than just two people in a marriage,children,extended family,and close friends....Sex in my opinion is never just about sex or mismatched libidos...if you have indeed explored all the options with your wife and you are still at an impasse, then Jimmy you have some serious thinking and decisions to make.On another thread you say that you are looking for a woman to use you as a sub,you obviously are at a time in your life...approaching the big 50 and wanting to explore your sexuality,my advice is to seek some professional help to work through all the options,the pros and cons of moving forward either in your marriage or as a single man.....and good luck with your journey, with whichever road that you choose. xR
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Tall74nHard9
12 years ago
about any sort of sexual sins, you wouldn't be on this site in the first place ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jkwsmp91' Sounds like you married a dud! Neither of us understand how having no sexual interest/drive is possible. - Posted from rhpmobile Trust me ... when we met and got married there was no hint of it. People change and I doubt your immune.Make hay while the sun shines.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Don't worry about the sin part . I don't believe in god at all . But if it were sinful to pull your dick , we would all be going to hell .. all of us !!! lol I do understand what youre saying .Sex does seem to become dull after a while . That's why we play around abit I guess and get kinky from time to time.. If your wife doesn't want to have sex with you , will she at least let you fool around a bit? Has she told you why she doesn't enjoy sex with you? Sex is pretty important for 99% of us. I hope you find an answer . Its a tough position to be in if youre already married etc. good luck
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some great comments and advise throughout. · Fundamental point is when you leave your marriage you can ruin children involved. This has been discussed at length previously with wife and school changes house changes it goes on. · You also will be in a worse financial situation than ever before. Lawyers will always benefit throughout this process. · You may find happiness however it will be sometime later. · Having affairs is exciting although risky. · Have on several occasions at length tried igniting the flame of sex in the marriage. · You do give up after years of being rejected. · I am in here like everyone else posing the question I cite is the grass greener on the other side. · May be masturbation is an interim fix however not a long term solution.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jkwsmp91' Sounds like you married a dud! Neither of us understand how having no sexual interest/drive is possible. - Posted from rhpmobile You don't understand because it's called being 'CLOSED MINDED"A bit rich coming from very young youths, isn't it??You do know what EMPATHY and COMPASSION is...don't you?FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am sorry Jimmy that some people have made some rather rude comments.Keep your chin up.FOXY XXX
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jimmyliveshere' Some great comments and advise throughout. · Fundamental point is when you leave your marriage you can ruin children involved. This has been discussed at length previously with wife and school changes house changes it goes on.Not so, Unhappy parents equals unhappy children, is your situation the example you want to set for your children ? I dual parent, equal time, equal responsibility. My kids are happy and thriving ! · You also will be in a worse financial situation than ever before. Lawyers will always benefit throughout this process.Again, it doesn't have to be this way, we used a lawyer to lodge our agreement with the family court and that was all that was required less than 2k · You may find happiness however it will be sometime later.Well that's relative, the relief I felt was immense, immediately ! · Having affairs is exciting although risky.I never went there and I don't think it would have worked, guilt, lies, etc, another layer of tension I could do without. · Have on several occasions at length tried igniting the flame of sex in the marriage.Yep tried that, and counselling, short term it felt good that we were doing something but no result, romantic kid free holidays, she was "tired" and slept. Fail. · You do give up after years of being rejected.Yep, agree ! · I am in here like everyone else posing the question I cite is the grass greener on the other side.Or, the carpet is always greener under someone else's bed ! · May be masturbation is an interim fix however not a long term solution. I actually found long term masturbation/porn very desensitising, it is not a healthy solution ! With hindsight from my own experience and women I have met since, I would suggest that she visits her GP and enquires about Hormone Replacement Therapy.All the best.50z
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RHP User
12 years ago
Me finks you just need a good shag. You know the one that goes on for hours and a couple of your fantasies fulfilled. Here is a TIP though........ don't look at the negatives. Usually the positives far out way them, we just don't know it at the time. AND YES GRASSHOPPER - THERE ARE MANY IN HERE WITH THE SAME PROBLEM AS YOU AND ALSO LOOKING FOR ANSWERS. Quote..."THE SPIRIT WILL ASK THE QUESTION AND THE SOUL WILL GIVE YOU THE ANSWER" Unquote. This was sent to me by a forum poster recently.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
We all have the freedom of speech, especially in a forum on RHP, when we are asked "our opinion." I've been in exactly the same situation as Jimmy, with children in a relationship with a woman that was so cold regarding sex, even though they tell you, "But I still love you." Life becomes so boring, quite sad to be precise, living in a sexless relationship with no real meaning...It doesn't matter if you're married or defacto, the law states you only have to live together for 6 months, and the other person is entitled to half of everything. So forget about the money, where you're going to live, as there comes a time when you realise that enough is enough and you just have to move on and do whats best For You! Children are resilient, they can deal with things, especially if you play a part in their lives. Try to remember, that when one door closes, another opens....For the better! I'm living proof of that..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well said 50Zcool...Couldn't of said it better..Clap Clap to you!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Haven't heard that for ages...50ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ...Well said. Although..it is never easy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
'Sin' comes from the greek word 'harmatia' - an archery term which means 'missing the mark' so as long as you are aiming properly you are probably not sinning. That said, I wouldn't go and explore without first dealing with the situation at hand. The pain that is inflicted by a secret discovered is far more than the pain inflicted by openness. By all means though, meet open people and talk - and if you become friends then introduce your wife. There are some lovely people in this life style and gradually your wife might become more adventurous if she meets some of them. She may, for instance indulge in a sensual massage by another woman and become more relaxed.If you want to be an independent explorer then tell her outright and take what comes.I wish you the very best:)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Many couples go through this. The majority of women lose their sex drive for various reasons, kids, ill health, menopause, depression, just too darn busy... the list is endless. When the physical side if a relationship is denied to us then it builds up massive importance. More so with men as their brains are wired to think of sex in terms of their own masculinity. Sorry guys its true. If you can not satisfy your partner then you subconsciously think the problem is with you not her and the release of orgasm becomes so much more. Maybe you should try to talk this through with her again. Try to find the underlying reason fir this lack of interest. Don't place blame. Just let her know that you still love her and desire her. If she is adamant that there will be no physical element to the relationship then discuss options such as open relationship or separation. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm not sure what the answer is....I think after time couples become friends..I am sure I felt it at times and have had others say to me the only time he touches me is when he wants SEX....I think that says a lot, women do desire to be touched and then this touch should lead to sex but as mothers we give and give and sometimes we have nothing more to give.
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RHP User
12 years ago
sometimes people just are no longer sexually in the same game.You can put ten thousand patches on a woman, and she may fire up ,but just not with you.You can try all kinds of sexual things or even do the ironing and wash the dishes, and she just does not want sex with you or with anyone else.I have a female friend who has not had sex with her husband for eight years, he keeps making little advances but is soon back to his own room. He is sad and he could leave but he does not, and she would not throw him out as like she said, she is not that mean and they get along just fine , just without the sex part.I think its unfair but she said, she could not care less if he has sex with another woman.Its not just the sex that physical release that men or women need, its the feed back of pleasure.you could go to a hooker if all you wanted was sex.What we all crave is to be desired, held, kissed touched and give and take pleasure.Its the nature of being human , for some of us though we do not want any of that stuff so when that happens a partner can feel all adrift and yes lonely.Each of us is an island when it comes to this stuff, only we know whats going on in our relationships. And its often very complicated.sex makes you feel alive. Wanking is the snack version till the main course comes your waygood luck
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you believe you've tried everything OP, then your remaining options are to suffer through it, cheat (never justifiable, in my view), or move on. I agree with an earlier poster, children are resilient and shouldn't be used as an excuse to be miserable. And if you think money is more important that feeling alive and vital and happy you're missing the mark entirely, I believe. Life is what you make it, if current state isn't working, change something :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know it is a lot easier said than done - but why not put your effort into reviving the sex life you share with your wife. As opposed to being so saddened by your habitual masturbation. Masturbation is completely normal but if you are using it as an easy fill for the void created by a dead sex life - than you and your wife have a problem. And need to work on it TOGETHER. I assure you she is probably just as depressed as you - that the sex life you share has become non existent. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thousands of porn sites all categorized usually with derogatory descriptions... All FREE..I wonder if women created these?.Or was it Men in circumstances such as yourself?.Just a thought. You are in a pickle though. Good Luck.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes I'm sure God has all this on his Laptop up there.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That sex becomes an issue only if you let it. I had fantastic sex for 23 years.....with the same man..... 4 kids, 3 businesses, 90 hour work weeks, none of this needs to be a factor.(they often bcome excuses though) What it really comes down to is that you make the other person feel sexy, you take the time to express your sexuality seperately AND together and that you stay connected.
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Playful2looking
12 years ago
Wanking is not a sin unless your are pollie and live in Queensland. Where you can not spill your sared seed on the ground. I am sure thats in the bible could be wrong. Women who give up sex its so sad for them. They miss out on the joy and the touch of their partner. Its a proven fact that people who still engage in sex live longer and are happier. ask the staff at your local nursing home there is a lot shagging going on in there. If you stop using it you lose it. I work in Rehab.sorry i can't comment on personal situation hope things work out
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madotara69
12 years ago
This would be only relevant if there is any chance it being true. Have you discussed what may be upsetting your wife, prior to your marriage. Maybe you are not what she is afraid of. If there is some truth, expect to nurture a strong avoidance and really take time to look into your wife's feelings, she may need you more than you know.Mado
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