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M51

Is it better to just have a Wank?

March 31 2012

Hello all, So me being a couple on Red Hot Pie has now been halved to single, it was a great and fabulous run. Now I'm out on my own and I'm kind of coming to a conclusion that if I just had a pre-wank every now and again, I would save so much time. Have you ever driven away from a sexy situation, perhaps you've travelled far to hook up and thought. "man i could have just had a wank and not wasted my day, afternoon, morning.' This happened to me recently when i went to visit a young lady, she was so drunk, and so annoying that I was very tempted to just walk out. I endured her showing me clips of classic Harry Enfield on YOutube. I endured her stupid dog trying to sit on my lap, I endured her singing badly to songs, and I endured her telling me that she had infact slept with four other guys that day ... oh and there was another guy coming to see her after me... so we had better hurry up! (true story)Or when Ms Sal and I were with a lovely couple. They wanted to get in bed naked with us, but it was agreed no sex. So the four of us next to each other started NOT-at it - in the dark sesh. I was happy with the not shagging, but from what I later heard on the drive home he was constantly trying to 'stick it in' to Sal. I'm abiding by the rules, dry humping away like a poodle on a old boot when all of a sudden he is suspicious of me and his lady, perhaps his girlfriends moans and groans or Sal's constant swiping away of his erect member toward her lady parts had sobered him up enough to check on us. I'm having a lovely time when suddenly his hand goes up the inside of my leg and he prods around between our legs to see if I'm inside her. Not being able to determine if I am or not, he decides to give me a warning. This is done by him unceremoniously sticking his finger up my arse! Yeah, right up! I leapt out of bed like a rocket and yell out 'We are GOING HOME!' Perhaps upon reflection on those occasions it was better to just have a wank! But it's not just all that. Do you ever just spend hours on the PC trying to find someone on here, or other dating sites. You can search, advance search, put up date finders. You might just might find a non scary, slightly funny, cute lady that comes across as pretty cool, oh and yes they are within 50km. You read all of their profile, write what you think is a not too long, not to short introduction. Only to get (if you're lucky) a one sentence response saying 'sorry you're not my type." Actually, I don't want that to come across as bitter. I have no issue what's so ever in ladies being picky about what they want on here. More power to everyone I say. I'm just saying, time and result do not equal when it comes to online dating. So do i just have a little wanky, got over it and got on with more important things, like reading that book, watching that movie, writing the script, going to the gym, meeting women in the real world. Spending time with the family, being a dad?So I stick to just that, but then it leads me to another dilemma. Perhaps it's because I've seen so much, perhaps its because I've done so much. But porn is boring. The stock standard seems to be ladies in front of the camera introducing themselves, then some guy coming in and they just fuck. I've looked at all the catagories that these free sites bring up. I've tried the artsy porn. I've looked at animation porn, which was just silly. Especially when they had on the side bar erotic images of Family Guy and Simpsons characters having sex (WTF) The least erotic thing to distract you in the world is the image of Barney shagging Marge Simpson. I've looked at women wrestling, bi porn, old/young porn. Milf... and my conclusion is the best porn is 70's porn! Even the eighties stuff was pretty good. Perhaps I should just write a script based around all the true moments of my life and make that into a artsy 70's erotic comedy.Andy

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I prefer making friends so meeting up with people, even if it leads to naught, is never a waste of time.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    to hear that you and Sal split, you guys seemed to have it all worked out. Yep, when you have better things to do, or your feeling a bit jaded about women, Mrs Palmer is the way to go.As for two couples being in bed and not getting it on....how bloody bizzare is that!Cheers Felonius

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    It seems to me that this young woman probably needed some help....I am not surprised she was self medicating,if what she told you was true...I am a little puzzled as to why you didn't leave .....particularly as the whole episode at the very least was so not sexy and at the worst sad and a little tragic. I am just basing my comments on what you have said in your post Andy,I assume you stayed . Is having sex with a very inebriated woman ethical?Depends on your own personal code I suppose.How much responsibilty we feel we owe to others we engage with. So I can highly recommend to you the benefits of the wank,no cats,dogs,bad singing,video clips ,inebriated women or other mens' cum to contend with.,and the only responsibility you have, is to give yourself pleasure.     Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love...Woody Allen '

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I would love to hear more of your stories. As for your question.... as a woman you don't have to put in nearly as much effort as a man but even then sometimes a vibrator is easier ...although it won't tickle your back afterwards. Oh yes and completely agree that vintage porn is great. So much better than the over-produced stuff they put out now, although European amateur porn is ok.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    A wank does serve its purpose and if pushed for time maybe your answer but how will you ever know if you have missed out on the right girl if you stop scrawling the pages of Rhp and stop looking ???Write that book, publish it and become a world famous erotic writer. I'm sure Playboy/girl etc could use a man with talent.Otherwise move to Melbourne where the city is full of hot sexy chicks just waiting for a cute guy like yourself.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Such a funny story, come over to the west and I will give you some of mine and we can work on that script   Great writing and funny as hell   shall I tell you about a but plug experience? and a dog? not me but a girlfriend and its a story to bring a tear to your eye, and not its not about animal sex you perverts!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    We've met some crazies, had some duds and wasted a tonne of time but I'd have passed on the dry humping.... But.... If that guy slipped a digit in my backside as some kind of warning I'd be warning the ambulance there's a huge mess that needs cleaning when they come to pick him up. That's unbelievable. I've met some crazies so the rest is no surprise but jeez....

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Well look at that I write a little post and all you're lovey people responded. Tuscan I would love to hear you animal anal butt plug story :P and thanks for your private message. Nice to know I"m appreciated. And ctown I'm not a punchy person, but a fist fight in the dark and naked, well that's a erotic movie for kinkispink me thinks!Jazz and tuskred if i book my flights to visit, where oh where would i stay :P Don't brisbane ladies read forums :( (other than you kinkispink of course xx) Felionus don't worry about me and Sal, mutual agreement,and i'm sure there are a few more adventures of Salandy to come.And finally yes, I actually do write fantasy fiction, but not erotic fiction. Perhaps erotic non-fiction should be my next venture. I do have an writing agent. Well almost, she's getting back to me :)Love and hugs and hey Brisbane ladies read my posts :PAndy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Weed out the ................Sometimes whilst weeding we might find a flower or something just as wonderful.But all those weeds and weeding tire you out and maybe you need to take a break and whilst resting play with yourself until that desire to weed comes back again.Thats what im doing.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    It definitely has its merits and requires no exposure to time-wasters. However, I must confess to being disappointed that you didn't end up running with this in your profile, as I think your results may have been a bit skewed without it .. Sculptures of Priapus with large, ithyphallic genitalia were placed in gardens and fields to guarantee an abundant crop. For the Romans, his statue was used as a scarecrow and his erect penis was thought to frighten thieves. Epigrams collected in Priapeia show Priapus using sodomy as a threat toward transgressors of the boundaries he protected like a herm:. "I warn you, my lad, you will be sodomised; you, my girl, I shall futter; for the thief who is bearded, a third punishment remains." . "... If I do seize you . . . you shall be so stretched that you will think your anus never had any wrinkles." . . Good to see you back! . Flirty x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    certainly in chat its great lol x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Hi Andy, Can you pls send me the details of that nice chick you had a date with. I love Harry Enfield and she sounds just like my type. . ps - Was she a paid up member? If not maybe ask her to contact me because I'm not. . pps - How much time do you get with her before you have to clear out for #5? . ppps - great thread, I opened it thinking 'here we go again' and was pleasantly surprised.

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  • MegaSin

    MegaSin

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'BABE_1234' certainly in chat its great lol x Babe wanking in chat?? NEVER!! I won't hear any of that

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'MegaSin' Quoting 'BABE_1234' certainly in chat its great lol x Babe wanking in chat?? NEVER!! I won't hear any of that optional mega lmao :-))))

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  • platinumblonde69

    platinumblonde69

    14 years ago

    I must say reading this post made me giggle as I always thought my stories were the best on RHP...haha...Yes, they do make us cynical but I also think they make us reassess what we really want on this site....It is sad to think that these types of things happen but I guess being on a site such as this we have to be prepared for the unexpected....I know I usually am these days....And BABE_1234, wanking on cam???? How about phone sex???...HahahaPlat xox

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  • Back_Again

    Back_Again

    14 years ago

    70's porn is our favourite aswell..especially the French ones (it's better making up the dialogue yourself).   just wish they could remaster70's porn movies with with less HAIR.   Kilee & Trev

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Real or not great ploy- 10 points! I love successful marketing.Yes Brisbane girls read forums ;) well at least one. Just gonna go peak at you profile..........Cass xxx6 in one day geez!!! I contemplated a second today but deemed I am not quite there for it.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'platinumblonde69' I must say reading this post made me giggle as I always thought my stories were the best on RHP...haha...Yes, they do make us cynical but I also think they make us reassess what we really want on this site....It is sad to think that these types of things happen but I guess being on a site such as this we have to be prepared for the unexpected....I know I usually am these days....And BABE_1234, wanking on cam???? How about phone sex???...HahahaPlat xox cam sex, phone sex, wank cam, audio cam, i love so sure hun lmao

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Mate just on what you described about seeing that obviously very weird couple; can I ask why the bloke is still in the land of the living??? Call me aggressive, but I would have punched him until he stopped twitching!! To be honest I wouldn't have stayed for the situations that you described (and yes that girl must lead an extremely sad life), but each to their own. I hope you've had some better experiences in the past and I hope you have many more in the future! No one deserves that shit! Bigmack

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  • hardnslow

    hardnslow

    14 years ago

    Yes what a story. This site is what it is CONFUSED! There are people on here just looking for sex. there are people on here just looking for love. There are people on here looking for relationships! I think a lot of people on this site are looking for something better than they have now. Can I do Better?? maybe, maybe not, Then there are the liars the prick and fanny teasers that want to lead you on and on and on then either not show up for the meet or just ignore you later. The ones that never answer flirts and emails they are the ones that are here to get their appetite and then go home to eat. while your left pissed off. Yes my friend I agree I once drove from my place to the other side of Sydney for what sounded like heaven but was just a very expensive 10 hour drive paid $200 for dinner and was told thanks but no thanks lol yes a wank would have been cheaper and more satisfying

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    You know Andy, I think that in this lifestyle, you have to take the good with the bad, the rough with the smooth. Sometimes you get out what you put in and sometimes you don't. Sometimes though, if you're lucky, you get a whole lot more than you ever expected and when that happens, it can be beautiful. And when a particular partnership reaches its conclusion, be it after a sorry afternoon drunken romp, a dry-humping arse-fingered naked duvet sesh or a long-term mutually agreeable arrangement, it's okay to feel whatever you feel and to appreciate the place that a wank has in your life.Each encounter offers an experience you wouldn't have had otherwise...take it for what it is. Celebrate the good times, mourn the loss (if you feel it) and put it in a bottle on the shelf to reflect back on in your dotage.Just my thoughts xx

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  • Mr_MrsJones

    Mr_MrsJones

    14 years ago

    I never was a huge fan of porn myself of any description. I did quite like the odd sexy story but since I started writing them in earnest I do find it hard to find ones that really get me going.   We are a couple so things are a little different for us but recently after a night out we came home and had one of those "What are we spending all this time on?" moments.   The answer. Once you open the door you can't go back. You can intellectualise it as much as you like but a wank will never cut it for you. And probably vanilla, missionary position sex won't either.   To answer your porn question. You seem to be able to string some words together. Why don't you write about your adventures and your fantasies. I find writing sometimes the most erotic thing. I keep the Ben Wah balls and the vibrator handy for those stories that just won't let me wait for Mr Jones to come home because sometimes it is that horny.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    So Inaddition are you saying it's okay to have that shag after you break up with your ex- cause we have made a deal that we can still 'hang' and have coffee, watch Game of Thrones series 2, if there is no kissing or sex (between us, not on the show. cause there's heaps of that on Game of Thrones).I think the best porn would be the porn i make myself, but you know some ladies just don't like being filmed. I have some photos of blow jobs and cock in pussy that are rather nice. Perhaps I should do that, I've got a spare room in a beautiful apartment . Perhaps if people need a place to go 'a love nest' the deal is they can come to mine to shag, I'll write them a scene. (Need to make sure i get involved somehow :P ) As for writing porn. I'm not sure how many times I can vary the words, " i lay her down and teased her clit with the edge of my hard cock. I rubbed the lips of her pussy, they were wet and inviting, i edged closer and moved inside her just a fraction. Her eyes looked up at me and she moaned, wanting more, her feet rose up and rested against my butt, and she tried to draw me in, all the way in. But i resisted and shook my head. 'Please' she said, 'please keep going, I want you to fuck me."That was all I needed to know... I moved in, inch after inch, her back arched, as if accommodating the full length... ETC ETC. No you see, that's like all my adventures, how do I write all of my stories like that. :P

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Andy, you mentioned - Do you ever just spend hours on the PC trying to find someone on here, or other dating sites.Women & Couples are always going to have a better hit rate on rhp than a single guy, you're better off spending those hours out & about looking for fun.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I quite liked your original opening post. Although I am sure it wasn't real fun for you, I have to say it gave me quite a chuckle... so 'sorry' and 'thanks' at the same time.The bit about the finger was pretty uncalled for though, and I echo the other posters in saying you'd be right to be a tad more than cranky.

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