Is there anything attractive about an inexperienced guy?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I've been with inexperienced guys in the teacher role and it has been fun, but only if the student is receptive and enthusiastic and honest. DO think about what you want to try and don't be shy about saying so. If you like something, say so. If you don't like something or you feel like something you try doesn't go as well as you wanted, DON'T get all pouty and "waaah i'm no good" about it. Sack up, fake some confidence if you have to, ask for directions and give it another go! :D

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I picked up a one night stand at a party one night, and when I got him home he informed me he was a virgin. I kicked him out. Not cause he was a virgin but because he'd deceived me by not telling me about it. Another time I would have loved "breaking him in", but not that particular night. Mrs W xx

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  And Please Open Your Books Up To Page Number 69 Seriously, it wouldn't be a consideration of mine. Infact, I'd go so far as to say a willing student would have the potential to be a total bonus between the sheets! Hmm just think ... No preconceived ideas about "what pleases women", no boring claims to be an expert at oral sex, no preferred positions, no "routine" sexual pattern, oh the list could go on! I think a blank canvas would be a lovely idea, perhaps even preferable in some circumstances, but to be honest, someone's experience level wouldn't be a factor in my decision either way, largely because I like to think I learn something with each partner. If the lesson is to create a little sexual magic together, that will require two willing students.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I had an experience earlier this year where I met a girl 5 years older than me and who had had a LOT more experience than I... she had never been in a long term relationship (1yr+) and had never been single so simple maths puts her number of sexual partners in probably 30-50 kind of ball park at my best estimate. Things felt pretty good and we ended up losing the clothes after a couple of drinks and then her attitude completely changed... like she had a preprogrammed notion of what I would like and an expectation of what I would do to her... it was almost as if she had resigned herself to a preconceived idea of what was about to happen and how long it would take and in what order things should be done.It was terrible. I left her naked and confused standing in her bedroom and went home. The fact is experience doesnt really matter in my mind... its about how you want to feel, how you want your partner to feel and most importantly how you interact. Dont be shy about the fact that you have the experience you do... whether thats a lot or a little its as valuable and as unique as the next person. Dont hide it... understand it for what it is and keep moving ahead.You would probably find that people who might judge you on your past experience would not be well suited to you any way because your idea of a good sexual experience would probably be pretty different to theirs (I imagine yours would be a lot less judgemental and a lot more open minded as a start).anyway... I guess my point is there is always a flip side to every thought, feeling, self doubt, self confidence... and I wanted to share my experience on this. Hope it helps :)LS

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  But it is like Sweetiepie said, dont pretend to be experienced. Lay it on the line. At my age it does not matter as I am not going to find many (if any) inexperinced guys I would want to be playing with anyway. But I do remember one memoriable guy I spent a fair bit of time with 25 years ago, he was totally inexperienced. Now that was fun. His next girlfriend thanked me so I must have taught him well!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Personally, i could be very inexperienced compared to say...fionabee...or mrs sweetipe..(hope you dont mind me using you as examples)....but compared to my friends...id be very experienced..so i say...dont sweat it!..Be upfront and honest...and enjoy discovering. Im not a player anymore..haha...so i dont know if my opinion counts for anything...i just wanted to reassure you...that i agree with flirtybifem...there is a certain turn on about being inexperienced. Sally

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I prefer to play with experienced guys that know what they like and know what I like without having to explain every little detail. But that is only a preference, inexperience isn't unattractive. Good luck with your search.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'LeoSteve'I had an experience earlier this year where I met a girl 5 years older than me and who had had a LOT more experience than I... she had never been in a long term relationship (1yr+) and had never been single so simple maths puts her number of sexual partners in probably 30-50 kind of ball park at my best estimate. Things felt pretty good and we ended up losing the clothes after a couple of drinks and then her attitude completely changed... like she had a preprogrammed notion of what I would like and an expectation of what I would do to her... it was almost as if she had resigned herself to a preconceived idea of what was about to happen and how long it would take and in what order things should be done.It was terrible. I left her naked and confused standing in her bedroom and went home. The fact is experience doesnt really matter in my mind... its about how you want to feel, how you want your partner to feel and most importantly how you interact.That's what I meant, but from a long-winded female point of view!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I think we often make the mistake of assumimg things.... I have been with guys who have been with, well lets say 'enough' partners, and they were terrible in bed!! Yet one of the best partners I have been with was inexperienced and right from go he was damn good....! Skill and practive are a big part, but sometimes people just "have it" and I think it really depends on the person and their openess to keep learning, no matter the numbers ;)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Mate. Not every shag you have is going to be that exhilerating one. Not everyone is made for everyone else. It has been my experience, for what it is worth, that there are actually very few people with whom I really hit it off sexually. You know.. that rare time, that gem who melts your down to a blubbering puddle of woose making coo coo sounds... and makes you think you're in love.So until then you just say "next" ... It isn't about experience or prowess in my opinion. There are some people on this planet with whom you will find that magic spark.... that makes you both think "wow". There's no science in it. It isn't an intellectual process. There is no amount of training that can be done. Your lover either does it for you.. or not. How people suffered each others company back in the day when no sex before marriage was a prerequisite I will never know! You're simply fishing for that person who thinks "wow" at the same time you do... and it is hit and miss. People fall in love by accident. I've got no doubt about this. Nothing is holding you back.HugsStalky

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hi! Hun were are all inexperienced to some point. We all have to learn these skills and enjoy the Connection.Some are later in becoming aware that's all..Your inexperience can be a Positive thing .Because you haven't any preconceived ideas,You are a blank canvas , so easy to teach you How to become an excellent Lover ..However if you get your ideas from Porn ,then forget it all unless you plan on having sex really quickly, with someone you don't know at all, who doesn't have interest in you as a Person .They're just going through the motions.The only negative thing holding you back is your attitude to yourself ..You are more than open to learning. that's awesom..I can see You won't have any problem finding willing Women to Tutor you in the art of Pleasure .sex . I've found this time very Inimate, sensual and rewarding to pass on My skils to one who needs them. Good Luck! embrace the experience and do it justice Be a very attentve loving maybe touch romantic in your Sexual Intimacy. Ciao LU :)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Well that wasn't the response I was expecting.Your answers are going to force me to re-think things.For reference; I'm 28, and I've only had 1 sexual partner. That relationship only lasted 3 months, and the sex was crap.So, when I say I'm inexperienced, I'm not kidding. I'm not even sure what size condoms I should be wearing.For some time now I've been worried that if I do find myself with a girl (especially of the one-night-stand variety) they'd leave the moment they realized I didn't know what I was doing.I have an atrocious record when it comes to women. In TV stereotypes, I'm the nice guy who never gets the girl. The one who they all say 'lets just be friends' to. I really don't know where I'm going wrong, but I know confidence is an issue. Not having sexual experience has been undermining my confidence, hence this thread; I wanted to work out if there was any basis for that. Obviously an inexperienced (but willing to learn) partner can be awesome... but bearing in mind that internet forums and the real world aren't the same thing - I'll ask my question again, but with a different subtext.If you met a guy and took interest in him - say, you've started dating - and THEN you discover that he's inexperienced, is that a plus or a minus?Is inexperience a good thing or a bad thing in a prospective partner?To make my point slightly clearer - I don't hide the fact or pretend otherwise. But there has to be a point between not knowing me, and finding out that I'm inexperienced. I'm not going to walk around saying to strangers that I'm inexperienced, so obviously there's a getting-to-know-you stage of dating someone that comes before announcing that fact. I guess the secondary question is - when should I tell my partners?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Dating a guy and then finding out he was less experienced is probably better than finding a know-it-all type.... being less experienced and eager to learn could be a positive thing.When to tell? whenever you feel its the right time.... you can be honest without letting the cat completely out of the bag until approapriate, and if their response is not what you are looking for, then they are obviously not the person for you.... Next! ;)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'Zustiur'If you met a guy and took interest in him - say, you've started dating - and THEN you discover that he's inexperienced, is that a plus or a minus?Is inexperience a good thing or a bad thing in a prospective partner?I want to answer your question Zustiur, but first I would like to put something to you....if you think that you are always the nice guy who doesn't get the girl, then I believe that they are the vibrations or the mood that you are putting out. It's not your inexperience that is holding you back from finding sexy-licious times with a girl, but how you see yourself. Your "track record" is now redundant...ditch it now...pretty please, because you have a brilliant smile and a happy and caring disposition that should really be giving you a choice :-) So to answer your question....when I met Gomez, he had been a monk and I was enjoying casual relationships. After his divorce he decided to pour himself into work and flying planes. After my divorce, I decided to shag. Anyway, my point is.....he was very much out of practise and sex was something that we needed to work on. But it wasn't a chore we truely desired one another....the mechanics worked themselves out. So my question to you is, are you inexperienced or do you like to take things slow? The girl that accepts "taking things slow" is the girl who will "get" you. All the best to you mate

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Ok so you meet a girl and things are great then you will probably find it's a much more organic process... The moment won't necessarily be one that you have decided on place and time ahead of getting there... Just let it happen and it will. The type of girl who might turn you away at that point isn't worth your salt, and if you have been dating then it's unlikely the relationship you have will hinge on that moment as a point of judgement. There is nothing wrong with you letting her know as things heat up that "it's been a while... Let's take it slowly..." or asking for her to "show me what you like" just go with it... It's genetic... All you need to know is programed into you already. You're just there to enjoy the experience. Be light hearted about it, don't be afraid of making mistakes... That's when learning happens and if you take them with a grain of salt then they can sometimes be pretty funny. Above all though, if i could say one thing it would be this; Don't be afraid to talk to your partner. Ask questions if you have them. I think you might be pleasantly surprised at answers you get and it will give you the chance to increase your confidence knowing you are acting on first hand information rather that what you heard somewhere or what a mate said etc etc. There is something incredibly fun about knowing where your partners buttons are and then pushing them at just the right time and that is best learned through discussion and feedback. LS

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'Morticiaaa' I want to answer your question Zustiur, but first I would like to put something to you....if you think that you are always the nice guy who doesn't get the girl, then I believe that they are the vibrations or the mood that you are putting out. Too true. I've been disappointed so many times that I've come to expect disappointment. I'm probably projecting that without realizing it. I'll have to work on this.The same applies to my 'desperation' unfortunately. My track record (which I shouldn't care about) bothers me, and is something I particularly want to improve. And I'm told that this makes me look desperate. While I acknowledge both of these things, I have no idea how to fix them.It's much like the confidence thing. People say if you aren't confident that you should fake it. It's even been said in this thread "fake some confidence if you have to". How exactly does one fake confidence? And how is that not a form of lying/misleading your partner?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hi! Zustiur. I will stand by My arlier Reply and use it now in your altered Question ..I wll add in a Postive light ..If you feel your so inexperienced .. then solving this view of yours is to have Sexual Intimacy with a Virgin or Virgins depending on how much self esteem you have. That way you'll be the experienced Party. Problem solved he!he!Good Luck! and stop over thinking..Just go with the flow a little. If you're with an experienced Woman she'll walk you through it..If your Partner isn't willing to guide you in what she likes and Patient .Then get up walk away she isn't worth bothering about. As for a Relationsip Partner she'll pick up your anxieties about being her Lover and probably will discuss your issues ,then enjoy you once you're reassured .Lol Lu :)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I reckon you're on the right track Zustiur....change starts with a single thought, then you let it grow :P . I have often wondered about confidence. I am usually a confident person, but there are times when I am not. I think confidence is about overcoming fear. Fear has it's place, it's intention is to keep us safe. But sometimes fear holds us back from getting what we want. And everyone (although I am doubtful about teenagers) has fears. Overcoming fear means stepping out of our comfort zone and examining our truth. Not always pretty, but necessary. . My fear for a very long time was about being on my own. I have no idea where it came from, Freud would no doubt psycho analyse something....but it caused me to make some stupid choices in my life. My fear caused me to choose partners where I placed my happiness second to theirs. The fear of being on my own was greater than love. Light bulb moment! My fear was not keeping me safe. My 'track record' is now a healthy reminder of what I don't want ever again. . Being truthful to yourself needs to happen first before you can be truthful to anyone else. You don't need to tell everything all at once, but you do need to be truthful with what you say. Some say confidence, some say risk assessment...."do i need to do this in order to get what I want?". Nerves are normal. . "Fake til you make it" has it's place...but it is only sustainable in the long term if it is primarily based on belief and not a projection of desire. However, it works a treat for casual relationships!! Being something that we are not can be refreshing if we know our truth. .... just my rambling thoughts :-)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I thank you all for your comments. I get the feeling I'm on a very long journey but at least some of my fears have been put to rest for now.I'll keep watching this thread though, so if anyone else wants to chime in, please do!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Well at least you're not as corrupt, damaged and dangerous as most men your age. May your journey be without incident.

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