F52
Joining The Vanilla Sites
January 12 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Of the same men are here lily xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
I found many men who were on more than one dating site, though interestingly enough looking for very different things on the "regular" ones. That shy quiet Scottish lad who wants a relationship in Vanilla land is a dominant guy with a passion for hardcore BDSM here. (Not saying those things are mutually exclusive, but still.) I much prefer this place, as I find that at least people's intentions and reasons for being her are more upfront. Having said that, you'll find people who lie everywhere and the longer you're playing the online dating game, the more you realise that. That's not being cynical I think, but learning from experience. I don't think I can go back to the usual dating sites, too many times now have I had guys tell me they don't like the idea of me seeing other men (on first and second dates!)Prudes.
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RHP User
11 years ago
me thinks. You just get to see their faces before their cocks on the vanilla sites.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I just hang around this site . The Vanilla ones just don't appeal to me and the scream LTR which for obvious reasons I am not interested in. RHP to me generally engenders more openness and yes even honestly. The pretense that exists on other sites does not so much there. I can imagine their Forums "Hi I have a Good sense of Humor...." I have absolutely zero interest in the dating game now. LC
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I don't think I can go back to the usual dating sites, too many times now have I had guys tell me they don't like the idea of me seeing other men (on first and second dates!) Does having sex with other men blindfolded count? Really? Interesting. So would you say they are more possessive in the vanilla sites? Would it be safe to say that men and women here are far more open and accepting of alternative sexual experiences and relationships? Is Polyamory even entertained in the vanilla sites? Have you had discussions of sex with them and scared them off? Is the majority of them vanilla as opposed to err,... experimental? How far into dating does talk of your sexual preferences come in? I know it will vary with different men. Do you hold back more in the vanilla sites than here? sorry so many questions. It is just you have a lot of experience here and obviously in the vanilla sites and perhaps you can elucidate some points on the subject. thanks.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I understand as your circumstance does not permit you to search for LTR. And so RSVP, elitedating, eHarmony and the likes are mainly the domain of singles then (divorced and separated and widow/er status inclusive)? I am sure there are still married/attached me there wearing the singles badge. Lol. Just like here. Same, same.
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RHP User
11 years ago
thing on RHP as well as other sites. For me it is about finding the right chemistry and compatibility close to where I live, and there are far more females on other sites, in my local area anyway. The approach and process differs somewhat, and I agree with Mea in that RHP is more upfront. So when on the other sites you need to make more effort about being upfront yourself, and watching out for old photos and embelished profiles. I also find RHP more raw and honest in many ways, and definately more stimulating conversations and imagery.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid'So would you say they are more possessive in the vanilla sites? Would it be safe to say that men and women here are far more open and accepting of alternative sexual experiences and relationships? Is Polyamory even entertained in the vanilla sites? Have you had discussions of sex with them and scared them off? Is the majority of them vanilla as opposed to err,... experimental? How far into dating does talk of your sexual preferences come in? I know it will vary with different men. Do you hold back more in the vanilla sites than here? My experience here is probably a lot less than you think it is! Yes, in my experience I've found men on vanilla dating sites more possessive (though I've only met with about ten in the last two years). I'm a bit more demure (*cough*) on vanilla dates and don't bring up that I'm on RHP or bi until at least the second date. I do make clear I'm not looking for a relationship though. However, I have come across polyamory on vanilla sites. As a matter of fact I met a wonderful couple I'm still seeing on one of them. And then there was this 6ft Amazon from San Francisco on OK Cupid. Shame she lives so far away... Sigh.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' I am sure there are still married/attached me there wearing the singles badge. Lol. Just like here. Same, same. Same same in that respect, I agree.
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JessicaRabbit
11 years ago
The same people are on multiple sites, they just tend to be more honest and upfront about their sexual intentions on RHP and don't censor themselves or sugar-coat it so much. That's why I haven't been on a vanilla dating site for around 5 years now (tinder doesn't count - it's just RHP without the sexy photos and forums). Even when I was on there, it was just a cover story when my GFs kept asking me how I was meeting such yummy guys I guess you could say it's made me cynical, but I think maybe it has just showed me that vanilla sites don't even really scratch the surface of what a person wants sexually because they mostly tend to hide it... and when i'm not chasing a relationship, why would I bother with an RSVP-type site? I like the no-bull approach of RHP. Jess xx
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Seachange73
11 years ago
would like to hear more from the men as well specially those who are on both rhp and Vanilla sites. thanks.
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RHP User
11 years ago
different sites and can barely distinguish the difference most times ... At least here U know that u r on the same page (similar anyway) where on the vanilla I have found most of the guys there are after the same thing ... Just being a bit more deceitful about it (probs not the right choice of word - but I'm sure u know what I mean) I am of this frame of mind now that Sex is a very important part of any relationship ... So ... Maybe I will find what I'm looking for here (not fully hopeful) ... But as already said ... I'm having fun while I'm waiting !!! And u never never know ... Pigs may just fly one day 😳😜😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
...am on several vanilla and several adult dating sites. Actual meetings are rare, on average maybe once a year or less going on vanilla sites only, as I have only been on adult sites in recent months. However I did meet my ex girlfriend from RSVP. ALL dating sites have the potential to make you cynical. (Actually ALL dating ventures, real or online!) Free sites have a lower quality of profiles, but generally more of them and more potentials from your local area, but also more scammers; paid sites (pay to contact) are often better, but you can end up wasting money as well as time. Having said that I have paid memberships on all my adult sites. I am still open to a LTR, and have the capacity for one, but part of the reason I am here is as mentioned (OP), I didn't have fun in the meantime prior to the last relationship attempt. Now, I'm hoping to change that, and then some to make up for lost time! I do wonder though, if someone expresses such an openness to relationships on an adult site, if that makes them less desirable for casual fun as other people may think they are more likely to become emotionally involved...? Although now, vanilla sites are losing their appeal to me, as people are not very open on their profiles (if at all) about their sexual preferences. And as sex is and should be a big and important part of all relationships, including long term, that's something that should be at least discussed sooner rather than later.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch82' . I am still open to a LTR, .... I do wonder though, if someone expresses such an openness to relationships on an adult site, if that makes them less desirable for casual fun as other people may think they are more likely to become emotionally involved...? Interesting point. I do wonder about that as well. I may have the same end goal but perhaps my approach and timeline is different so I am not willing to rush into LTR. I have been very upfront in my views so far. WRT being emotionally involved, we have seen so many times in the forum where people's guards have been let down and they have been emotionally involved despite entering into the fray with their eyes open. Sometime, the heart does one thing as opposed to what the mind dictates. but that is for another discussion.thanks
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RHP User
11 years ago
But found that the men there were more focused on wanting a long term relationship, so much so that they seemed desperate. They were more possessive and, after just a couple of chats online (and I hadn't even started telling them of my kinks and fetishes yet lol), felt that they knew enough of me to want a future with me. It was not for me. I just found it too weird and signed off. That's when I learnt about RHP. I felt much more comfortable in my own skin here. And I have found someone who is my match. He's just a few inches longer where it matters 😝 The vanilla sites aren't for me but they may work for you. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best LilyO 😃 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
11 years ago
based on what you posted above, i quote "I am still open to a LTR, and have the capacity for one, but part of the reason I am here is as mentioned (OP), I didn't have fun in the meantime prior to the last relationship attempt. Now, I'm hoping to change that, and then some to make up for lost time!" would you consider a LTR only with a woman from a Vanilla site as opposed to RHP? I just read it that you met your ex in RSVP, not much fun, so you are just here for fun. Is that right? Would you consider a LTR from here? I could just misread that so sorry if I did not understand. Happy for you to clarify. Thanks for indulging me.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I missed you!!! Long time no hear. Thanks for the insight.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, I had the experience of a man practically proposing to me over coffee..I politely declined and paid for his coffee 😌xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
"......my approach and timeline is different so I am not willing to rush into LTR. I have been very upfront in my views so far." Different people and sites have different goals and approaches, assuming they align neatly is risky, and best mitigated by being upfront and unambiguous. Having said that nobody's perfect in the way they express their views, so there's some responsibility all around to seek out the truth.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I setup a profile just to have a look around the site (RSVP), I found it the opposite of here - where its more of a one way street here with guys pursuing limited number of females, over there I was getting winks and messages by the boatload. Interesting, but none of those sites had forums, so even if they were full of depraved souls hiding behind a thin vanilla exterior. No forums, not much interest from me.
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
So this is my first site, then I found fetlife, so I have no real need to be on any other sites. Im wanting an open mind and compatibility. Just think I've got more chance of finding it in here or fetlife, than I do the vanilla sites.. But I guess it all comes down what you like, what you're wanting and what you're looking for, each to there own...💋
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find enough ladies in real life and on RHP. I don't need to look further. Plus, if I met a lady from a vanilla site she'd want to keep all to herself and I wouldn't be able to entertain you all on the forums.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sama Sama.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I found on vanilla sites I have seen there was a mix of LTR and FWB most guys saying they are seeking a LTR are not exactly upfront about what they want. RHP on the other hand normally you can ask upfront about exactly what you are looking for, ground rules are set. And I like being able to say "I'll give that one a miss thanks you go and enjoy." - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' based on what you posted above, i quote "I am still open to a LTR, and have the capacity for one, but part of the reason I am here is as mentioned (OP), I didn't have fun in the meantime prior to the last relationship attempt. Now, I'm hoping to change that, and then some to make up for lost time!" would you consider a LTR only with a woman from a Vanilla site as opposed to RHP? I just read it that you met your ex in RSVP, not much fun, so you are just here for fun. Is that right? Would you consider a LTR from here? I could just misread that so sorry if I did not understand. Happy for you to clarify. Thanks for indulging me. As for the highlighted text, you probably didn't read that quite right. What I meant was: before I met my last g/f, I hadn't done the casual fun thing, and now after the relationship has ended, I realise what I could have done with that time. We did have sexual compatibility and fun together, it was other factors that meant it wasn't to be. Just to elaborate, I'd spent most of my life on vanilla sites and vanilla dating (of course I'd never used that term before now), searching for general compatability in a partner, with the aim for a LTR. RSVP worked for me, eventually. That's not to say other sites won't work for whatever I am looking for through them. To answer your question, yes, I am open to a LTR from either vanilla or non-vanilla sites, as it doesn't matter how or where you meet the person, what matter is the person themselves. Currently, I would be more inclined to pursue a LTR via adult sites, because they would already know and accept some of the more private things about me, and I don't have to worry about bringing those issues up later. Also, being in a LTR doesn't necessarily mean absolute monogamy. I'm probably not inclined as yet for a fully open relationship, but certainly swinging/parties or fantasy experiences/groups enjoyed together could be on the cards. This is where adult sites have an advantage, you already know someone's general sexual or fetish inclinations.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Rhp and Fetlife. I joined Rhp as a single a year ago, and now have a couples profile. I met Mr Fun 9 months ago on here and have never been happier. I guess we are one of Rhp's sexcess stories. I never went on vanilla sites as I know what I like and it definitely isn't vanilla. Mrs Fun - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
11 years ago
I joined a vanilla site just today.....15 matches to my profile and I hid every single one of them, was great seeing faces and normal snapshots though instead of cocks attached to dicks. I actually think I'll be able to have my kink and enjoy the normal stuff too. Regardless of the site, honesty and open communication about wants and desires is all that's needed. I've just found lately that people who approach me here lead with their sex organs before their intelligence. I've even been astounded by some of the beautiful admissions from other diehards here that they are actually seeking a relationship with someone who meets ALL their needs, emotional and physical. Quint lot aren't we. I must say I was impressed by the psychological profile they did of me.....bloody accurate even to my flaws of which most here are already aware. Wanders off humming "I don't fuck on first dates oo na na nanah, but my Mum owned brewery, you can't feel my tits and I'm damned sure you won't be screwing me......" Why have I gone to this drastic measure? Too many "wanna fucks" and no conversation.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was on okc, then pof, before here. I've edited all three profiles several times and they've become quite similar over time. Though I can obviously be more explicit here, I mention open relationships in some way on both the others. I've had more success on okc. I know that someone I met on okc has had quite a bit of success their, and she's not looking for a traditional LTR by any means. I've only recently had success meeting someone open minded on pof, but there are others I think. I haven't actually met anybody from RHP yet, but I think that's going to change soon 😉 I think you can find non-vanilla people on the vanilla sites, but it takes a bit of patience and a fair amount of reading between the lines of the profiles. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you try somewhere different to here - say what you really want, what have you got to lose? And you'll stand out from all the others who love the outdoors, a night out with friends and *all* kinds of music... Lol :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
11 years ago
And it concerns me that I'm now thinking every man who approaches me in the real world is like the ones who approach me here.....I just keep expecting them to sleaze onto me and it's not fair. Now before I get shot down, I have met some truly spectacular people in my time here, Ladies, Gents, Couples but every disappointment has just eaten away my sense of humour. I will say this though, the people and experiences I did enjoy were utterly delicious and completely mindblowing.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm on a couple of vanilla dating sites, and my experiences pretty much echo those of countrytouch82.I went on some dates, but nothing 'fun' so to speak. Sex seemed to be the end game, rather than just having fun along the way. Truth be it, I've never discussed sex with my 'vanilla' dates, but here on RHP it's a heck of a lot more at the forefront. I am however yet to meet anyone from RHP, so I'll have to get back to you on that. I guess my way of thinking now is, maybe that cute reserved librarian on rsvp will be the best sex of my life :P Or maybe she's really good at making sandwiches.... but I digress. It's really about giving yourself options. If the chemistry is there, it's there, regardless of how you meet. I think it all comes down to expectations, the profiles I've read on the vanilla sites (some, not all) are pretty much begging for prince charming or Mr Perfect to come along on his horse (which is probably now a v8 ute of some description) and whisk them away to Pleasantville. On the note about vanilla daters being more possessive, I've yet to feel that way so far. I think Yogaflow hit the nail on the head too, kudos there mate!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' would like to hear more from the men as well specially those who are on both rhp and Vanilla sites. thanks. Yes I'm on more sites than I can care to remember...met for a coffee with a nice divorcee today...she found me on a vanilla site We're probably going to meet again...it won't be in a cafe
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch82' ...am on several vanilla and several adult dating sites. Actual meetings are rare, on average maybe once a year or less going on vanilla sites only, as I have only been on adult sites in recent months. However I did meet my ex girlfriend from RSVP. such an openness to relationships on an adult site, if that makes them less desirable for casual fun as other people may think they are more likely to become emotionally involved...? Although now, vanilla sites are losing their appeal to me, as people are not very open on their profiles (if at all) about their sexual preferences. And as sex is and should be a big and important part of all relationships, including long term, that's something that should be at least discussed sooner rather than later. I'm seeking a non-traditional relationship, one that still holds intimacy and a deeper level of respect. The minute you ask some people here about openness to a relationship it's like you become a leper or something. Can't see them for the dust and flies hovering around the steaming turd they left behind when they shat themselves I loathe RSVP it's the worst of the worst. I intend to be as open and honest about my likes and dislikes as I am here, no point in being someone I'm not....should be an interesting experiment anyway.
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RHP User
11 years ago
and funnily enough, the men on vanilla sites lied about what they wanted to get in my pants, then I joined here and the guys in here lied about how good they were in bed. I actually got better sex off the guys on vanilla sites, probably because there was no pretense about it. We weren't laying out our sexual likes and dislikes like a menu on the vanilla sites but even when given the menu on this site, they still order the same shit every time. They have the chance to try something new and exciting then when it comes to it, they don't, looks like chicken parmigiana again! There never seems to be any other options with any online dating with me that isn't sex or....sex.
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RHP User
11 years ago
…which surprised me a little, as I considered myself a fairly conservative fellow. But definitions like "Conservative" arepretty irrelevant too, and I'm old enough now to recognise that.Prior to a year ago, I used to turn my nose up at Online Dating Sites…call me old fashioned…but I was doing ok with the opposite sex in the real world. I'd found the "Confident-without-being-a-wanker" switch in my psyche… Several years ago, I took the plunge and spent several hours…over 2 days…filling in the Application Whatever for E Harmony. I'd read the spiel, it was supposed to be super intuitive…and when I hit Enter, the answer I got was"Thank you, but you are one of the 20% of people we are unable to help." What the fu…!!!!!All my answers were middle of the scale….It's not like said I prefer 15yo girls or any weird shit like that!!I later realised it's likely the site is trying to keep a balance between male and female members. Or whatever.It would've been nice to hear that first…that was a damn fine profile application Anyway, I've been quite content with Rhp, there's no beating about the bush generally…and I look on it as my R-rated Facebook.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is so good,Imeet nobody 😳😳😳xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
You and me both. ;-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I joined a vanilla site just recently, I lasted less than a month before I shut my account down, I hated it. Trying to have any type of conversation was like pulling teeth, I just kept getting two word responses and they were the ones initiating the contact. I was very open about what I wanted on there which just seemed to excite the guys lol, but then I got called names and copped a barrage of abuse when I said I didn't want to see a pic of his cock, and the conversation wasn't even sexual I have found the men here that I have met or chatted to way more respectful and I would choose here over any other site hands down. But yes like so many other women here I have become more guarded over time and don't tend to believe everything that is said to me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've been on multiple versions of both types of sites for some years. I find that men on adult sites will chase (often much) less attractive women if there's a chance of getting sex. Men on vanilla sites hold out for the real glamours. On adult sites men are more likely to reply. On vanilla sites, if they're not interested they tend to just ignore. (Most) Men are basically after sex regardless of which site they're on :) I've always been treated exceptionally well by men on all sites. Over six-ish years I estimate I've met about 25 men in person. That's about four per year, on average, and most I meet as friends only. I'm very, very fussy. Quality of connection, mutual respect, and seeing each other as a person not a fuck-toy is much more important to me than sex, regardless of whether I meet someone via an adult or a vanilla site. I take my time and only meet men who have the qualities I really care about. The first whiff of something that doesn't sit comfortably with me and I cease contact. No procrastination, no negotiation. I say thanks but you're not for me, and move on. This is the single-most important thing I do, that makes my time on sites successful for me. I don't try to convince myself or him that things could work (sex, dating, friends or otherwise) when my instincts are saying they won't work. I listen and act quickly. I genuinely believe that the experience you have on adult and/or vanilla sites is a direct reflection of your own approach/behaviour, and your discernment in choosing who to get to know/meet/spend time with. Men are often desperate for sex but women are often desperate for attention/dating/love etc and it clouds judgment. I might not have met hundreds of men but I'm happy to say I've met a handful of truly great men, and I'm thrilled to now count some among my close friends. Quality over quantity every time, and that's achieved by sticking by your own standards. Lots of men will come and go when you do that, because you realise they're completely unsuitable. But those that you do connect well with will be worth it. As for sex, while I'm very sexual I'll indulge that in other ways before I'll fuck a man who doesn't truly float my boat. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
you should see what that gals say when you tell em you're on RHP from the vanilla sites lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' We weren't laying out our sexual likes and dislikes like a menu on the vanilla sites but even when given the menu on this site, they still order the same shit every time. They have the chance to try something new and exciting then when it comes to it, they don't, looks like chicken parmigiana again! I quoted this because I think it's the most relevant foodie post to lead in with. The mix of vanilla, sugar-coating and parmigiana in this thread might back up my theory on this internet dating thing. I call it the Domino's-effect. From the possessiveness Meander mentions on vanilla sites (how dare someone date more than one man!) to the desperados there looking for a picket fence before they turn grey and their sperm develops dementia, to those who just need to empty a load. I think men (oooohhhh I know not ALL of us) expect the internet(dating) to be a a bit like a Domino's menu / order. Ie. You log on, take your pick of what you would like and 'order' it (with a flirt / message / wink or whatever). This goes to some way to explain the anger men vent in the forums about flirts or messages not returned. Remember the last time you ordered pizza and it didn't arrive? .So to answer your question Lily, the men on both types of sites want to have sex. The relationship type they are expecting to have delivered is what differs. People pick the website / service (initially) based on the one they think will be the most likely to deliver, and what their marketing implies it will deliver. So the greater percentage of members joined that site expecting and looking for what it promises. Not to say there isn't a cross-blend, just like you can order a Mexicana Pizza, which gives you a little bit of both menus. And of course the reason people stay on the site can often be entirely different to what the site claims to deliver.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Is that a good thing or bad thing? From your experience I assume yiu would have a different approach to the vanilla women so as not to shock them. Do you think that you have a better chanve of LTR in there or here? That is assuming that is what you are after?.
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RHP User
11 years ago
One thing I'm getting from reading the many post here is most are looking for a true respect? But I can only say respect goes both ways as does judgment... Many I've met will judge a little to fast before getting to know the real person behind the mask (we all mask our pain of pasts) like the vanilla sites now I've choose to sit somewhat silent and just read te forums :) seems a safer bet lol... Most times I'll giggle but then some times I just shake my head :) No is perfect I guess but we all get up and have another go at finding a person that takes our interest and show a mutual respect...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have used the free ones oasis and POF. 80% just wanted sex from me so that is why i came on here cos i figure if i am going down that track i want someone who can actually satisfy me !!!!! Having said that I have made a couple of platonic mates that i see now and again they would of dated me if i had been attracted to them and no doubt would of been willing to get naked with me. But they are nice guys so they are capable of being non sexual mates (not all guys are completely sex obsessed). After slightly damaging the ego of one by not wanting sex with him I now have a non sexual barter arrangement with him - he does tradie stuff for me and i help him with his business. Another mate also helps me out when i need a hand recently he came around and fixed my oven when the element died he just wanted a chat and a cuppa as payment he likes listening to my views on life (i can be a bit of a chat slut) !! I go onto these sites with an open mind and willing to make all types of mates. But I avoid the guys just looking for notches on their belt. That is not a friendship. And this sounds a little harsh but i also try to avoid the manic types I have several friends with depression issues and it does wear you down trying to be supportive. I have seen a few profiles on here from guys i have seen on other sites. On here they actually admit to what they want whereas sometimes on the vanilla sites they just write what they think women want to hear. I did try a paid site awhile ago but the guys on there were the other end of the scale and wanted instant relationships which was a bit much for me. I am used to being on my own so I need to establish a friendship first. But i relied on guys contacting me and didn't pay. When my life settles down a bit and i get more time I think i will try a paid site again maybe even initiate some contacts. I have 2 friends who got engaged to people they met online and one who is married. Not that i need to get married but it shows that connections can be made online. Like in real life these sites are full of a wide range of people it is just a matter of putting yourself out there to find one you connect with.
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RHP User
11 years ago
As for seeing others as well yourself, my motto could be: "you're welcome to see anyone else, m/f, at any time, as long as I can watch and/or join in" :) Ok, seriously, for vanilla sites/dating ONLY, I get the impression that most men AND women will normally only see one person at a time, sexually that is. If someone else is currently meeting your *needs*, why would you be looking? Frankly though, I consider myself lucky if I can see even one person at a time! Maybe that's the difference, men seem to be more protective or possessive as you are probably the only fun thing in his life at any time. If some men had better attitudes, and/or were more successful at dating women that they could see more than one at a time, they wouldn't be so averse to women doing it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I found the same on vanilla sites (especially RSVP) and would get either no response or a two-word one quite regularly. It certainly made me emphathize with the men here!
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On_Safari
11 years ago
I think I love you......xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have found for some reason that on the vanilla sites I seem to attract a much older and .....how can I say........unfit type of man! Yet on RHP its quite the opposite, most are too young for my liking! While attracting the older man is not an issue for me Im afraid the unfit part might cause an issue....I might give the poor things a stroke
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I didn't kniw they were so many dating sites!!! Lol. @koolgrey I read somewhere in anityer post if the tedious screening process by eHarmony and hiw one lady got rejected because she was separated! Not sure why that would be a hindrance in the membership. Interesting so I will now consider eHarmony. But people can lie as single so the criteria can be bypassed.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Ive been on the "mainstream" sites. I won't call them vanilla for one very good reason. Adult websites do not hold a mandate over peoples sexuality, and there are FAR more people who arent on RHP, living wildly enjoyable sex lives, than in it. Additionally, if sites like this allow some people to express themselves differently to how they otherwise might.... ... then they're not representing their true self in non virtual reality world. So... My attitudes and behaviour in here are the same as they are elsewhere away from RHP. Sure, the profiles in here show a bit more skin, and the words can be a little more racy ....but the people I like are congruent in attitudes, behaviours and lifestyle.... wherever they are to be found. DG
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Seachange73
11 years ago
To all that responded. I will reread your much considered responses and insights. Food for.thought. instering post from tulips. An open honest LTR in this site. Hmmm
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' you should see what that gals say when you tell em you're on RHP from the vanilla sites lol - Posted from rhpmobile Oh yes? what do they say? Bet half of them think you are a degenerate right?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' To all that responded. I will reread your much considered responses and insights. Food for.thought. instering post from tulips. An open honest LTR in this site. Hmmm to find someone to spend some time with in and out of bed and has a libido that matches mine. Simples really but as Litonya says, as soon as you want to see someone more than once, they think you want to marry them and they run for the hills. For me, there never seems to be any middle ground online, you either just want a fuck or you want the happily ever after, I don't get it why it is so hard to understand that you can fuck someone and enjoy their company without the bullshit pressure of a relationship.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I tried vanilla quite a few years ago now, Oasis and Plenty of Fish. My experience was pretty negative, as I made it known I was a tradie many of the conversations started were just to pick my brain for free advice. Even profiles that were supposedly interested in casual dating ramped up the pressure for constant attention pretty quickly and yes the desperation of some was palpable. What really surprised me was the amount of women who seriously expected to enter into a long term relationship, without sex. Opening lines of conversation were usually designed to evaluate your financial position, own your house, job etc. I found them shallow, dishonest and downright boring as batshit.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have been on both vanilla and adult dating sites for the past 5 years.I tend to get bored very easily (even with RHP) so chop and change between them. I have had "normal" & play profiles on the vanilla sites and find the mixture of men varies.I have come into contact with some very kinky men on these vanilla sites just with my "normal" profile but find I can be my true self when I use my play profile. I don't think you are jaded at all. It can be difficult finding men who respect the process of online dating. Very few take it seriously, but relationship or not I prefer to be open about who I truly am. Some men love it, some men can not handle it one bit. I will probably always use both vanilla and adult sites.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
to some degree that Is what I was hoping for. I have the same impression with the men on this site. I may do some self examination and truly define what i want and maybe may need to tweek my expectations a bit more. I cant believe that one site or the other caters only for the absolutes in tge relationship stake and not cater for that happy medium Tulips is truly lucky.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks ;) I'm curious. What was it about my post that got your attention? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' Is so good,Imeet nobody 😳😳😳xxFreya I'm stealing that. x
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' I didn't kniw they were so many dating sites!!! Lol. @koolgrey I read somewhere in anityer post if the tedious screening process by eHarmony and hiw one lady got rejected because she was separated! Not sure why that would be a hindrance in the membership. Interesting so I will now consider eHarmony. But people can lie as single so the criteria can be bypassed. …It was about 4 years ago I tried the eHarmony application, I think…and I remember there were a lot of questions,with a very broad scale to rate myself in for each one. Some required written answers. It looked impressive. With all my answers being middle of the range, I thought I was a shoe-in. Wasn't I surprised…and annoyed!What a waste of my time! I guess I wasn't as much of a deviant as those laughing couples on the eHarmony ads So, after that disappointing introduction, it was several years before I went near a Dating site again…and here I am. At least this one seems a bit more honest, in it's own way.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I believe in allowing people to make their own choices. So for me it's always a good thing to tell em.... But... The responses are very mixed. Some quite positive, while some resemble a psychiatrist's chaise....😝 However, the outcome has usually been the same....tactical disengagement, so I think they assume that just because I'm a member here and that its predominantly geared towards sexual interactions; that I'm not a loyal faithful partner once I commit..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Without them talking too much and having a conversation about my membership here I'm sure some think I'm gonna try fuck their friends..... Thing is.... Chances are I won't need to try lol 😝 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I found an open, honest, loving relationship here. We were committed for almost two years, until things ended (as they do, entirely my fault). We met in hot chat. Things were very sexual initially, but only online (different States). Eventually as we talked more we realized there was something deeper, then we finally met in person and the rest was history. For me it came back to the same thing - taking my time, discernment, and sticking to my standards of the kind of man I wanted to get to know. And he was extraordinary :) People are here. People are on other sites. People will find each other wherever they are :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was on both RHP and vanilla dating and I was lucky enough to find ms araps on vanilla dating and find someone who I could connect with on a personal / emotional level and have someone who had some level of kink and was accepting of my kinks too. A large part to play in that though was the really bad ratio of men to women here though so felt like I was getting more hits on vanilla but just has to do more sorting to also find sexual compatibility People on RHP are not going the norm (well according to society anyways) though and have on average a higher sex drive and greater need for sexual variety than the average person on vanilla dating. So on RHP they are more open about the importance of sexual compatibility to them but there will still aspects that they are not honest about such as relationship status or FWB v relationship. On RHP will find it easier to get sex but harder to get a relationship whist on vanilla is easier to get a relationship but harder to match sexual needs. Pros and cons for both but no matter what type of site you are on you still need to have your bullshit detectors turned up to 11. Cheers, W
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RHP User
11 years ago
Vanilla profiles point here... And for the record I've come across plenty of women who have "tailored" profiles in both worlds and to pretend that this is strictly a male behaviour is simply man bashing... And stir is dead set right about the reactions to being on rhp. Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
There's a vast difference between among an observation and man-bashing. Settle petal. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
If the "observation" gets continually repeated it becomes accepted as fact. It's my observation that many women here and on vanilla sites will go to the bathroom when the coffee/meal bill arrives, I however will proudly acknowledge that not all women do this, but a significant % do... I've laughed long and loud at the vanilla profiles where I recognise pics from here... Here they lay out their rules and regulations, tape measures in hand... On the vanilla sites they are sweet little demure things looking for luurve... But to claim that only men suffer from this split personality disorder... Preposterous ! Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
personally I think the label manbashing is overused and used out of context on rhp..... Yes, there are women who behave just as poorly as men at times, its just that on rhp more women than men tend to post in the forums about their own experiences, so it just seems at times there is a lot of man bashing going on. I dont date women so I can hardly post about my good or bad experiences with them can I? Like many, I am on rsvp and here, very similar profiles too. On rsvp, the sound of crickets can be deafening or I seem to attract the really old guys who just want someone to make their sandwiches to take to bowls. On both sites I get a lot of attention from the young guys (I have absolutely no interest in young guys) who just want to bag a cougar. I think I make it pretty clear on both sites that I am seeking more than a one night stand (see above reference to the sound of crickets) and would love to meet someone to share a sex filled life with.....is there anything wrong with wanting a little happiness?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Men and women, depending where in their personal journey they are, sometimes use RHP to satisfy their sexual needs and tend to look for "the one" on vanilla sites.*Unless they find that special person on a vanilla site who is also on a site like RHP are they really being honest about their own sexuality to their new "vanilla" partner? *If an RHP'er has fetishes and fantasies that a vanilla person wouldn't entertain, then are they really finding "the right one" for them.*I started out on vanilla sites and ended up in an 8yr defacto relationship with someone who was wonderful but not right for me because I couldn't be my complete sexual self with him. It was very frustrating and ended up being one of the reasons the relationship didn't last. LG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Crickets want a little happiness Ruby... As is well documented, on rsvp I like other men receive plenty of applicants... The polar opposite of this place... And as I said earlier, I refer them here to utilise my rhp messaging... But also to weed out the virgin brides... I think most of them recover reasonably quickly :P I think too many of both sexes spend so much time spinning bullshit that they start believing it themselves... Ps nothing wrong with sandwiches and bowls Ruby, with legs like yours you'd put down some good drives if you were playing 3 in a 4some... ;) Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
keep an eye out for "soundsofcrickets" I believe Barefoot Bowls is taking off in a big way and a lot of fun....but these guys just want someone to make their sandwiches, not even to utilise these legs around their ears.....
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RHP User
11 years ago
I always thought that "Vanilla" was a word used to describe anything other than BDSM! NILLA people and NILLA sex was simple normal everyday fucking about...?
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Because it perfectly mirrors my experience, thoughts and feelings. Made me smile too.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Highpriority'I've come across plenty of women who have "tailored" profiles in both worlds and to pretend that this is strictly a male behaviour is simply man bashing... Quoting 'Highpriority'On the vanilla sites they are sweet little demure things looking for luurve... But to claim that only men suffer from this split personality disorder... Preposterous ! Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it... A few tidbits you may have missed: Quoting 'Meander'you'll find people who lie everywhere and the longer you're playing the online dating game, the more you realise that.Quoting 'Meander'Yes, in my experience I've found men on vanilla dating sites more possessive (though I've only met with about ten in the last two years). I'm a bit more demure (*cough*) on vanilla dates and don't bring up that I'm on RHP or bi until at least the second date. Quoting 'JessicaRabbit'The same people are on multiple sites, they just tend to be more honest and upfront about their sexual intentions on RHP and don't censor themselves or sugar-coat it so much. Quoting 'Kerrie24'different sites and can barely distinguish the difference most times ... At least here U know that u r on the same page (similar anyway) where on the vanilla I have found most of the guys there are after the same thing ... Just being a bit more deceitful about it Quoting 'Freya79'Yes, I had the experience of a man practically proposing to me over coffee..I politely declined and paid for his coffee Quoting 'tulips4u' But found that the men there were more focused on wanting a long term relationship, so much so that they seemed desperate. Quoting 'inspirit' Sama Sama. Quoting 'Drahnee'I found on vanilla sites I have seen there was a mix of LTR and FWB most guys saying they are seeking a LTR are not exactly upfront about what they want. RHP on the other hand normally you can ask upfront about exactly what you are looking for, ground rules are set. Quoting 'On_Safari'Regardless of the site, honesty and open communication about wants and desires is all that's needed. I've just foundlately that people who approach me here lead with their sex organs before their intelligence. Quoting 'ralf74'I joined here and the guys in here lied about how good they were in bed. I actually got better sex off the guys on vanilla sites, probably because there was no pretense about it. Quoting 'Burning_Love'I've been on multiple versions of both types of sites for some years. I find that men on adult sites will chase (often much) less attractive women if there's a chance of getting sex. Men on vanilla sites hold out for the real glamours. On adult sites men are more likely to reply. On vanilla sites, if they're not interested they tend to just ignore. (Most) Men are basically after sex regardless of which site they're on :) I've always been treated exceptionally well by men on all sites. Quoting 'fdom234'I have used the free ones oasis and POF. 80% just wanted sex from me so that is why i came on here cos i figure if i am going down that track i want someone who can actually satisfy me !!!!! Having said that I have made a couple of platonic mates that i see now and again they would of dated me if i had been attracted to them and no doubt would of been willing to get naked with me. But they are nice guys so they are capable of being non sexual mates (not all guys are completely sex obsessed). Quoting 'Meander'I found the same on vanilla sites (especially RSVP) and would get either no response or a two-word one quite regularly. It certainly made me emphathize with the men here! Quoting 'MissNess12'I have been on both vanilla and adult dating sites for the past 5 years.I tend to get bored very easily (even with RHP) so chop and change between them. I have had "normal" & play profiles on the vanilla sites and find the mixture of men varies.I have come into contact with some very kinky men on these vanilla sites just with my "normal" profile but find I can be my true self when I use my play profile. Quoting 'Burning_Love' People are here. People are on other sites. People will find each other wherever they are :) You tell me where any of the women did not speak from personal experience, made any mention of "all men", or insinuated that it's "only men" who lie or have dual personalities.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mstr_Full' I always thought that "Vanilla" was a word used to describe anything other than BDSM! NILLA people and NILLA sex was simple normal everyday fucking about...? I thought the same, then again someone else has told me it's for men who don't go beyond missionary. And since vanilla now describes otherwise "regular" dating sites, next I think we'll soon have "vanilla" dietary choices, "vanilla" car/clothing choices, or "vanilla" pets. So, you have a dog? That's so vanilla! I have a pet cave-salamander!
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RHP User
11 years ago
…That was a reminder to never get in a debate with you! You REALLY do your homework
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happy0450
11 years ago
Having been on both RHP, eH and RSVP the experience has been very much the same. Some amazingly genuine, funny and sexy women on both mediums Sexually, no discernible difference, all great lovers, passionate and spontaneous, perhaps paradoxically, the naughtiest was on eH I did migrate to RHP in a way to make it more clear that while I was very open to a long term real FWB relationship (my definition, good dependable friend, dinners, concerts, walks on the beach and mutual sensuality) I was not seeking a full on, long term relationship. Again, surprisingly, there has been no difference between the sites. Almost all the woman I have meet here have ultimately wanted to turn the relationship into a long term commitment.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Highpriority' Crickets want a little happiness Ruby... As is well documented, on rsvp I like other men receive plenty of applicants... The polar opposite of this place... And as I said earlier, I refer them here to utilise my rhp messaging... But also to weed out the virgin brides... I think most of them recover reasonably quickly :P I think too many of both sexes spend so much time spinning bullshit that they start believing it themselves... Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it... but if I was approached on a dating site and told to join a sex site to communicate with you, I would probably tell you to shove it too. It was quite daunting joining this site initially not knowing what to expect. I work in a sexual environment and sell all sorts of wares for differing sexual desires and I can be quite brazen personally but I would still be wary of some guy I had never met telling me to join up here! You could just be a scammer trying to get a paid membership out of me for the site for all I would probably know. How many virgin brides do you weed out? 100% I bet and then some.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Ralf, I'm on my iPad so I can't quote... Or paragraph...😋 1/ I dont "tell" anyone to come here or anywhere else... 2/ as you know, no one needs to pay anything to view profiles here, but paid members get to see pretty pics... 3/ it's not so much about attracting the right person for me... But sorting through the ones who are NOT the right one for me... To clarify: My rsvp profile is a bit like a cryptic crossword... But easier 😋 I clearly state that I'm over buying stamps, but am a member on more risqué sites than rsvp, and can message them at no cost from there. I briefly explain that I'm sexually open minded, and I describe the type of sex that I don't want... And you're correct, that's 1/2 the virgin brides gone right there 😄 I'm not looking for our (rhp's) very own "euopeanbliss" on rsvp, but I'm seeking someone open minded... Smart enough (and interested enough) to follows couple of clues, have a look at a slightly different profile, in a slightly different environment and hopefully think to herself...."mmmm, this could be interesting..." 😈 And you know what Ralf...It might have paid off... Small steps, but she's not closed minded... Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
you forgot point four!!! 4. I want them to see my naked skinny arse!!! 😝😝😝😝😝 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
have to stump up the membership or come and say hi for that stir... 😋😄😄😄 Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it... - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Agree Ralf. No rabbit chasing for me. If I am a member of the vanilla site, why on the earth am I going on a rabbit chase of joining another site, much less a "sex site", just so I can have some contact a person who may not me compatible to me. That seems too hard and too many hoops to jump and definitely will drop that with like a hot potato. Lol. If I was new on the site, sound definitely like a scam in the works as you have mentioned. It just takes away the spontaneity in meeting people. In my opinion it is akin to meeting some stranger in a cafe trapped in his self-imposed cone of silence. He winks, smiles and waves at you but they wont talk to you unless you go to a cafe in the next suburb where he is free of talk. What is with that? As some men have mentioned here, a lot of the women in the Vanilla sites are on the vanilla sites for a reason, because they want to meet someone similar to themselves with a view to LTR. Starting safe assumption is that they are 'conservative' until futher exploration via chats. Same as real life. As explained to me by a nice gent in his private message and as relayed by some men on their posts above, the vanilla sites would seem to have more men and women with conservative views and hence a different mindset from the people in the adult dating sites. It seems for those stradling on both sides of the fence, it seems easier for rhp people to tone down their profile when joining the vanilla sites than vice versa. To engage the 'conservatives', one can not be too presumptuous of their sexual preferences, or at least not take liberties on suggesting otherwise until some level of trust is established. Certainly that applies in real life too? Simples. Directing them to chat on an adult sites makes a lot of presumptions. If I was in their place, that would require a paradigm shift on my dating views on such a short span of time. Pushing anyone beyond their comfort zone way too soon is definitely a NO-GO for me, vanilla site or not. I am here to make connections with people that strikes my fancy, and hopefully it is drama free, nice, fun and have similar views to myself. In saying that, jumping hoops for strangers making presumptions of me does not get my motor running. Lol. Happy to pass on that!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Relieved to hear that I won't be contacted by you. To further clarify: 1/ I do not send endless kisses and winks on any site... 2/ if my profile is viewed more than once by someone who I think is interesting I'll normally send them a kiss saying that I liked their profile... 3/ they can then A/run... B/spend their own stamp and message me... C/send a kiss reply... D/or they can play a little detective game and come visit on rhp... It's really quite simple, for most... None of them HAVE to do anything... I don't MAKE them do anything... If THEY like the look and sound of ol hp then they can CHOOSE to investigate further, if they don't, they don't... But everyone is happy with that... I'm happy because I'm not weeding through blushing brides, and they are happy because they haven't wasted $15 on a stamp to find out that we are sexually incompatable. To reiterate... They can contact me at rsvp if they want. It's hardly dragging people out of their comfort zone if they read some words, connect some dots and choose to visit another www that they have been told is more risqué than the one where they are currently is it ? It's bit of fun for those who are interested... and yes ..."it's drama free, nice, fun and have similar views to myself..." Otherwise they'd stay in rsvp wouldn't they ? 😜 Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Touche! Lol
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Thanks for the reply. Am quite pleasantly surprised with your experience in eH. Someone voing agwinst the type. The eH ads of way too trippy happy straight looking people turn me off eH. I feel it would be like joining in the local ultraconservative Christian church the way the ad was propositioned. But that is just my opinion on how it came across.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Thank you for that. I do get what you are saying.
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Naybe eH is run by Christians 😳 just saying...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid'The eH ads of way too trippy happy straight looking people turn me off eH. I feel it would be like joining in the local ultraconservative Christian church the way the ad was propositioned. But that is just my opinion on how it came across. I met a gorgeous paramedic off eHarmony, who kissed me in a way I didn't think existed anymore. Shame he wasn't a fan of condoms...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Everyone has expectations of what they're looking for and how they'll react when brought to task no matter what site your on.Granted different sites require a modified approach but our goals are the same depending on the mood at the time.But when it's all boiled down to bare bones...like a true life program on TV.. only the names are changed to protect the guilty/innocent.We're still the same person chasing the same illusive dream.Here's to all us dreamers follow the path and may the force be with you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I recall RHP have a dual site ? Some time ago there was this naughty site and then a tab button that sent the viewer to a RHP vanilla site for those looking for normal love...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Define "normal" love? Why would anyone have to go to a vanilla site to find it? p.s. I keep thinking you're HP, because of your new pic!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' On adult sites men are more likely to reply. On vanilla sites, if they're not interested they tend to just ignore. ... (Most) Men are basically after sex regardless of which site they're on :) Well I've been on vanilla and other sites for a long time now... off and on. I find there are plenty who will and won't reply in both worlds. We call these people "rude" and are thankful we didn't end up talking to them, or worse! It's really just that simple. A "no thanks" is all it takes. My only observation of the different sites is that as you say, the focus for many here is sex and only sex, whilst on the vanilla sites many start with the "if you're not here for a LTR don't waste my time". To my mind neither of those positions reflects well on their authors. It's about meeting someone nice and seeing what might develop, either relationship, sex, or (gasp) both even. Chemistry is king and frankly not something you can often judge from a few words on a profile.
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