M55

"Just fucking fuck me already"

June 01 2013

Got sent this...Enjoy :)---------------------------------Just fucking fuck me, already. Dear Men of Craigslist, Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do. But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We've done dinner and drinks. We've gone dancing. We've cuddled and watched a movie. I'm wearing a low cut shirt and you've been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck me. When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I'm not going to just lie still - I'll get involved. But don't make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We've been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That's nice, but it's time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don't make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I'm practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won't go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don't gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It's not what WE want. OK, I know it's scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don't think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men: 1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like "I'm sorry - you just look so fucking delicious. I'll go slower." Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you're both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it's not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU'RE the man. Act like one. 2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It's different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you're trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don't know what to do, ask her. Just ask. "How do you like it?". It's a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she's being all coy, ask "Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?" The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked. 3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to "make love" every time - sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it's not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you're mixing a cake batter up there. It's because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don't be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes - I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out. 4. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her ("Really? Spanking? Won't it hurt?" - yes, it does. That's the fucking point). We know you've read Stuff and Maxim, and that's all those laddie mags talk about in their "How to Please Her" sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there. You don't have to bend her over one knee and tell her she's a naughty girl and that Daddy's going to punish her; save that for the fifth date. Women are less delicate than you think, so don't worry about breaking her hip. 5. It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you're banging a woman, and she's crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can't even manage a grunt, she's going to feel like an idiot. You don't have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes "Ah!", half grunt, half yell? That's HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you're in missionary position. You don't have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she's going to get worried. 6. Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you'd like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, "I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot." Is she still moaning in response? "Your tits are so beautiful." Does that work? If she doesn't respond well to the term "tits", you might have to stop there. If she keep moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200. Try the following: "Oh, god. Your pussy is SO tight." "You're so wet - are you wet because you like the feel of my cock ramming you?" "I think I'm going to come inside you. I'm going to fill up your little cunt." It doesn't matter that you're wearing a condom; we LOVE hearing this. If all of those work, you can then progress to things like "sexy little bitch" and "dirty whore". Tread carefully, but please, tread. Do not tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge. 6. You're not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she's not obligated to choke on your dick. Don't skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush - you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary. 7. Do not bitch about condoms. Oh, we hate them. Trust us. They hurt us more than they hurt you. But we don't want to be preggers, and you don't want to catch anything, right? Don't whine about condom sex. Do not explain that you can't come with one on. LEARN to come with one on, or if not, help us figure out what to do with you once we're satisfied and it's time for you to let loose your load. 8. We really like it when you come. It's called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don't assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there's no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. "I think I'm going to come - how do you like it?" is a fair question that shouldn't rob you of your testicles. In recent memory, I've been fucked by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I've been... well, fucked is the wrong term here. I've been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I'm ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that's who. ---------------------------------------------------- *New point of clarification - some people have brought up some really great issues in response to this post, so let me say this: I don't mean to imply that all women like to be treated like whores. I do mean to say that most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them. Rough does NOT equal chains and bondage. And this applies to the bedroom only, and does not mean that she wants you to choose her dinner for her, or treat her like less of a person. **Some women have said that they don't like it rough and what the hell am I thinking? Well, girls, you're in the minority. HOWEVER, all women need to remember that, in addition to be straight forward about your sexual desires, you need to be straight forward about your sexual limits. Don't be afraid to ask for more, but when something feels wrong, say so. Don't ever do something you don't want to do in silence and then blame the guy. Silence is dangerous. Location: Seattle

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RHP User

13 years ago

I've known some guys over the years who really needed to read this.....lol. they were the type who wouldn't know a signal if it thru them against the wall & bit them on the lip!!!! Haha - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

13 years ago

Isn't she the demanding one.

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RHP User

13 years ago

I must be just that little bit more fuckable than most! I don't have these issues- Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

13 years ago

Very interesting and amusing read, it's a pity the author wasn't credited. I did like the part about the clit informative, especially the last line :) " 2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It's different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you're trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don't know what to do, ask her. Just ask. "How do you like it?". It's a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she's being all coy, ask "Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?" The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked. ....." Hp xo

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RHP User

13 years ago

I'm on the same page as this woman. It's got to be hard for guys to know if they are crossing the line sometimes. So women and I think most do, need to speak up and say what it is they want....and guys need to listen. For me the way she descibed it is pretty spot on. But not everyone is like me and I would probably go a bit further than others. I too like to think I am a bit of a feminist to a degree. Thank you for sharing the article and hopefully getting the disscussion going

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RHP User

13 years ago

Interesting Sunday morning read. I'd agree with probably 75%( ish ) of the author's point of view - but if one of my lovers called me a whore, or dirty bitch, whatever his intent, he'd be invited to leave. Fact. And while I accept I'm in the minority, pull my hair and you'll only do it once ;-) And then there's the matter of cum - meh, I don't see what all the fuss is about. I like that it feels nice for the men-folk and I needed it to create life, but there my interest stops. If it could be taken out of the sex act entirely, I wouldn't miss it. Sorry, but there it is - shock horror! I don't like cum. So shoot me (but not with cum, please). But a great read nonetheless, thanks for sharing Britguy.- Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

13 years ago

It's not about a man following the author's instructions to the letter, it's about him getting the overall gist and being able to apply it. Take charge, take the lead, be skilful, listen to the woman and build pace, intensity, dirtiness, whatever it may be, based on how she responds. I knew a man once who did all of the above so naturally I'm sure he never even thought about it, it was pure instinct. Other men could do with taking the time to educate themselves. And of course I'd love to see a similar article written by a man, for women :) I wonder what men really want from us ...

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RHP User

13 years ago

this is where he's been hiding out "In recent memory, I've been fucked by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I've been... well, fucked is the wrong term here. I've been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I'm ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that's who."

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RHP User

13 years ago

However and what ever you like, sex is about the woman... For me anyway But the core of sex between 2 partners is respect, respect, respect.. enjoy ;-)

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RHP User

13 years ago

"It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you're banging a woman, and she's crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can't even manage a grunt, she's going to feel like an idiot. You don't have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes "Ah!", half grunt, half yell? That's HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you're in missionary position. You don't have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she's going to get worried."I have been with a few guys who need to read this!!! It's so offputting when they don't make a sound, and you have no idea if they're liking it or wishing that they were watching the footy / cricket / lawn bowls instead.

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RHP User

13 years ago

How about some swearing instead?

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RHP User

13 years ago

Quoting 'MissPoppins'Manly McHardon, that's who." That bit jumped out at me too!

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RHP User

13 years ago

no ifs ands or buts about it, totally written by a guy.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Ms' D &P, a very funny Manly line... I'm sure he will jump in soon to comment. OP, thanks for the article, I loved it and definitely could have written it myself. Not that I need it so much anymore, I've gotten better at picking em.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Glad to hear it Awesome71 :)

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RHP User

13 years ago

that I do have to cut and paste it and send it to some I know

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RHP User

13 years ago

Quoting 'innerwest123'no ifs ands or buts about it, totally written by a guy. Agreed.

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RHP User

13 years ago

ok then ,i have always been one who is respectful to woman quiet soft submissive and cant see sings unless waved madly in my face so i hope i learn something out of this as i am now single after 16 years and have no clue.thanks

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RHP User

13 years ago

needed to read this, prob reason they're my past......lucky that the ones I've met recently aren't afraid to make the first move

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RHP User

13 years ago

Amen to that! :-) Couldn't agree more, then again I've always been self aware enough and comfortable enough with my primal nature to openly embrace my sexual submissiveness.- Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

13 years ago

Could have summed it up by saying..... .....man the fuck up! lol So..... Why does it take the writings of a woman to convince a man to BE a man, for her.?!! DG

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RHP User

13 years ago

sounds like the deal to us ... get the hand down each others pants on the way to the room ! enjoy the soft touch after ... fucking.s & s

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RHP User

13 years ago

Doesnt matter who it written by, enjoyed it for the humour it was supposed to represent!

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RHP User

13 years ago

This post I liked.A man who knows he is a man.Not rude to women but a manly male, wow.Thank you who has written this and I dont care was it a man or a woman there is still lots of truth in it.Cheers L

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RHP User

13 years ago

..given how long it is. I started reading and was then woken by my morning alarm.The problem is, it feels like only about 1/10 women want to be treated like this.. The other ones all think you're bossy, inconsiderate dick.. I'm off to take my frustration out on a small marsupial and it all your fault!!

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RHP User

13 years ago

Innerwest and Ms Devoius, why you think this is written by a man? I did not think so and I'm curious as to why you would think so. I think it's by a woman because the experience speaks to me.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Quoting 'Awesome71' Innerwest and Ms Devoius, why you think this is written by a man? I did not think so and I'm curious as to why you would think so. I think it's by a woman because the experience speaks to me. just no idea why but I felt it was written by a man that talks to a lot of women.

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RHP User

13 years ago

in my experience,every single year of me,I have never heard a lady use the words''load'' and ''jack''.Language is quite often gender specific....yes it is a man....a manly man no doubt.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Hallelujah!

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RHP User

13 years ago

I think most women want to be treated as the post describes, or some variation of it. But many have well-developed defences and armour (too many different kinds to describe) that stop them from receiving that kind of masculinity. It's possible for a man to break down those defences - perhaps gently and with subtlety at first - and reveal the gloriously receptive, sexy woman hiding underneath. The bottom line is, the more a man is self-assured, confident without being arrogant, and willing to 'claim' what he wants, the more likely a woman will let him have it ;)

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RHP User

13 years ago

I would write an article like that, using all of those words. I'm female. It's entirely possible a woman wrote it :)

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RHP User

13 years ago

Despite Edna's anecdotal evidence that she has never heard the words 'load' and 'jack' from a lady, I have dated American girls and those words are very common. The original author is from Seattle so the article uses American terminology and cultural references.

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RHP User

13 years ago

I'm with Freya on the use of certain words. American women don't often use the term "preggers". It's male thing and sometimes considered quite derogatory.

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RHP User

13 years ago

"Women are bloody picky, I know we are."

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RHP User

13 years ago

I have new glasses

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"Just fucking fuck me already"

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