Lessons from the ones that didn’t quite hit the spot

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  Firejuggler

  6 months ago

  Had one of those with my current partner. I was too nervous, too shy, but holy shit it got a lot better! It taught me to be patient and make sure I was ready.

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  Apples_N_Oranges

  6 months ago

  We think that any encounter or experience that turns out be a negative one or a ‘flop’, is going to change the way you search for potential play friends/connections. Over time and with experience we have definitely learnt to go with our instincts more and more. We take more time to read profiles, view pics and have discussions about who we are talking to/intending to meet, to make sure we are both interested/attracted/feeling a connection. Taking extra time to make a decision or fully engage with others feels safe, but may have resulted in people losing interest in us. A big win is that we are so much better at communicating with each about what we want and if we are happy to progress things to play.

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  JustAManNextDoor

  6 months ago

  New encounters… hand me a glass of Shiraz right now and I’ll happily fall asleep on the couch. As a reserved gentleman who can take overthinking to a professional level, meeting new people is always nerve-wracking. I’ve been in this lifestyle for over half my life, and I still battle the same nerves today that I did 25 years ago. I was lucky to have a friend who truly put the friend in our FWB dynamic. But going solo these past few years has reminded me that every connection is its own adventure, sometimes fireworks, sometimes just a fizzle and pop. We all have our good days and bad days. I just hope the other person recognises that, like a good Shiraz, everything can improve with time. I’ve evolved in how I play or maybe I’ve finally grown up. I genuinely enjoy slow hours of kissing and foreplay. It’s fun watching goosebumps rise under a fingertip, or seeing what a warm breath on skin can do. Every encounter will land differently, but honestly? I think we should judge it by the mess we make.

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  MrandMrsEss

  6 months ago

  Great topic Night! We had a few unpleasant experiences early on that shook us and taught us a lot. Turned us off for quite some time but ultimately brought us closer. These days we are careful to select people we spend time with and even when nothing progresses we don't look at it as a negative. What it's really taught me is the moments need to be special to be worth it. I get nothing out of just enjoying a shag with a new body. It's reinforced the desires I have for my partner. We enjoy interacting with new people and more than happy if there's sparks flying but if not we just enjoy the moment as a social interaction.

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  GlitzyGiraffe

  6 months ago

  Life is never A+ everyday for many of us. The expectation of everyday happiness is setting ourselves up for a fail. Sometimes contentedness has to be acceptable in retrospect. It is always better to have an informed opinion. So reflect on what we can control, what we did and what we can do better, as that is what we can improve. Even if it is our initial decision-making. [MrGG]

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  Temptress_T

  6 months ago

  For me and for us as a couple, we are constantly learning from the experiences that we have. The biggest one would be to get to know someone in person. Online lots can say one thing but their behaviour says another. There are a lot that hide behind an online persona that does not exist in real life. We have been so lucky to get to meet some amazing people (including yourself) and made some amazing friends along the way. We never know it all and can always learn something from every experience no matter how small. T xx

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  RamRoverStang

  6 months ago

  There is nothing better than an "in-person" meet to discover if there is any spark. Wasting hours and days in private messages often would go nowhere, especially when you suggest a meeting for a coffee, they'd suddenly dissapear! So I/we find it best to get to the meeting request part first, it's nothing out of our day to go meet somebody for 30 minutes or an hour. Fortunately 8/10 show up and many of those move on to becoming friends and or FWB. You can spend as much time as you want in chat and messages, most don't come here to actually meet or are hopeless at in person meetings. They're happier to live in the online echo chamber along with the chase and the feeling they get when somebody engages online. In terms of encounters that fizzled, there have been a few guys for us and a couple that just didn't live up to their own marketing campaign. The self professed "Bull" that can go for hours in reality couldn't last more than a few minutes, the couple that weren't honest about their intentions, they weren't after a full swap, she just wanted to pass her husband out on to my wife. We all live an learn and we find our own path to happiness in different ways. The above works for us after 20+ years of fine tuning our approach to swinging.

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  Thesunlovingsub

  6 months ago

  I learnt to handle difficult conversations and rejection (both ways) more honestly and empathetically, and to understand that I’m not the centre of everyone’s story. Painful ways to learn these lessons in some cases, but totally worthwhile.

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  RHP User

  6 months ago

  I've learnt that its important to check in now and then and ask if the connection or relationahip still works for both sides. Usually when you meet someone and you lay out the cards at the beginning, that might work for a while, but people and feelings evolve. I assumed things and burnt my fingers that way and that caused tears and frustration. Nowadays ill ask from time to time if its still ok what were doing.

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