M45
Lonliness
March 13 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Go for a walk, somewhere you haven't walked lately & observe nature for at least 45 minutes. Like your local park.Watch a movie, such as "Beyond Borders", "Precious", or "The Boy in striped pajamas". All 3 in one sitting.You won't feel lonely after this. I assure you.
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RHP User
13 years ago
or all 3 in one sitting...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Human beings are emotional (instinctive) creatures first, and logical/rational/reasoning creatures second. I believe all emotions are valid and sometimes all we needto do is accept whatever we're feeling, let it be, and let it pass in its own good time. It's natural to want to reject or change something because the feeling is uncomfortable, but there's a lot to be gained from sitting with that discomfort, simply observing it and accepting it for what it is. This can allow the feeling to dissolve with ease (rather than struggle) and make way for something new and more uplifiting. Two of my favourite quotes, which I think offer guidance in the face of any struggle: "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" -Martin Luther King, Jr "As an old man I look back on my life and realise the answer to every question was love" -Anon.
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
Keeping yourself busy is a great way to combat loniness.... I myself can be surrounded by lots of ppl n yet still be lonely. Find something that you really love doing n throw yourself into it. If you have some close friends - spend time with them n don't let yourself get into a habit of hiding from the world! I tend to also write n I have some really close female friends who I chat to everyday n they inspire me so much!
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RHP User
13 years ago
you are suffering from depression OP?Something that is often difficult to acknowledge but a very common condition. I think a great way to re-focuss is to volunteer some time ,either to a favourite cause eg the environment or contact your local volunteer program,they should have a list of options for you. My favourite cause is supporting kids who have learning difficulties,50 per cent of Australians struggle with literacy and numeracy,a shocking statistic but there are many programs providing support to elderly people,disadvantaged young people,refugees,people for whom English is a second language,the list goes on. Sometimes when we involve ourselves in the lives of others it also puts our own situation into perspective ,we realize indeed how very fortunate we are,and that can only be a positive thing.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hey mate,Part of the reason I joined RHP was as an antidote to loneliness. So you could already be off to a good start. :) Sure, the knock-backs, non-answers, no-shows and insta-blocks can have the opposite effect - if you're really personally invested in the outcome. But I find a casual "let's see what happens" approach has yielded results in many unexpected and quality friendships. I never imagined I'd be able to talk to and meet such excellent folks. With a lot of these fine folk there's nothing sexual - RHP for me has been a surprising avenue to meet friends from all walks of life. For that I'm very grateful. I would have been a very lonely man indeed over the past couple of years if I hadn't decided to risk joining up.The previous posters make great suggestions, particularly Freya13. I've found that by volunteering some of my time and energy (in exactly what Freya suggested - tutoring schoolkids in literacy) my mood and relationship to the wider world have improved dramatically. I also made the good choice of moving in with housemates who double as good friends.All the best!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Loneliness is quite an ironic cage to be trapped inside.If you're hungry, you can eat. There is a fridge you can walk to to remedy the situation.If you're tired, you can sleep. You have a bed, or sofa... you can lay down and close your eyes.But if youre lonely..... the irony is that you often dont feel like applying the remedy of being in company, because if you are lonely due to your personality traits.... its not such an easy fix to contemplate.You can call on friends, you can call on family, you can even hang around busy and crowded places..... but all of this may not fill the specific void you seek to fill.So Mr Journeyman..... can I get a deeper understanding... of what it is you are lonely for?! When we understand that, we can REALLY help.DG
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RHP User
13 years ago
has put forward a good way to reduce feelings of lonelyness as involving yourself in helping others can put things into perspective. Or alternately you can become a hermit and glory in your aloneness...not a lot of help there I suppose. If you are looking for a quick fix then I recommend talk to your friends/family and try to convey how you feel. Many men have difficulty coping with these feelings as society has put men in a position where they can't talk about their emotions or feelings of lonelyness. Have you any close female friends? Their ability to emphathise can improve your outlook and will help you become more in tune with your emotional outlook. Smiley face man Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'lil_bit_angelic' Human beings are emotional (instinctive) creatures first, and logical/rational/reasoning creatures second. I believe all emotions are valid and sometimes all we needto do is accept whatever we're feeling, let it be, and let it pass in its own good time. It's natural to want to reject or change something because the feeling is uncomfortable, but there's a lot to be gained from sitting with that discomfort, simply observing it and accepting it for what it is. This can allow the feeling to dissolve with ease (rather than struggle) and make way for something new and more uplifiting. Two of my favourite quotes, which I think offer guidance in the face of any struggle: "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" -Martin Luther King, Jr "As an old man I look back on my life and realise the answer to every question was love" -Anon. OP -loneliness is my best friend...we hang out together often................constant and unyeilding...I can depend on loneliness to always be there for me... However I am not alone..........cause all the people that matter in my life are only ever a sms, a phone call, a skype, a email, a FB connection away...........and every single one of the people stop me from being alone Embrace your loneliness...in time you will find its not your enemy...this can be a beautiful growth time in your life Practical stuff....yep keep busy - doing as much as you can..so yes get out from behind your computer ...accept invitations...just get out there.....and always remember to say Hi to total strangers..you have no idea where a simple Hi..can lead you to you Wishing you all the best OP - gret post..
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RHP User
13 years ago
As Shinas said, talk to strangers - while waiting for your coffee, queuing at the supermarket, on the bus, wherever. The important thing is just have a conversation with no expectations. After all, once you leave, you will never see them again. It gets you used to talking to people and make you feel as part of a community.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I love my dog Gets me out of the house and talking to people I was a hermit for a long time, got very ill with anxiety and depression Like the other guys say, sometimes we just have to go with the flow, and accept we are going through a rough patch. Better to be lonely than with the wrong person, some people are lonely in their relationship and if all else fails hook up with old gals like me, and we will not only bonk you but make a good cuppa tea and you can tell us your troubles. TR sex counsellor
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RHP User
13 years ago
I found the best way to del with it is enjoy your company, actually enjoy being alone, the more you are comfortabe in yourself , the more others will like you without the superficial bullshit. ANother thing I do, is go for long drives, train, join a club to a hobby you enjoy, where you can meet people that are interested in the same things you are. Get a pet, they never abandon you ;-) ......and lastly volunteer for cause you are passionate about
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RHP User
13 years ago
Lots of great advice here. I can certainly relate to being lonely. Early last year, when my marriage of 26 years had just ended, i suddenly went from having a household full of people to being completely alone, every weekend, for the first time in my life. I had literally NEVER been alone for more than a few hours. It is worth noting that being alone is not necessarily the same as being lonely, but in my case i was. Hell, truth be told i was lonely in my marriage. What i did was make a conscious effort to be alone, accept the loneliness, for me it was an important to accept it as part of the process of getting to know myself. Being alone is going to be a part of my life, i needed to develop a degree of comfort with that. In the past 12 months, i've done many of the things above. Not to just fill the time, but to bring fun and exciting activities into my life because i wanted to do them. On occasion, i do still feel lonely, but i do something nice for myself and accept that feeling, knowing it too will pass.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I've recently started getting those loneliness feelings too that's why I joined on here to chat to people and keeps u occupied and u don't realise it jus yet but u actually stop thinking and feeling lonely jus for a moment :) it's wen ur sitting alone in ur room doin nothing...dats wen u start to over think about life u jus hav to keep ur self busy as much as u can:)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi! Journeyman:) Hun that's exactly what's happening to you Your moving towards a New Beginning.. Shedding the old ways ,ideas, Relationships, Career even and in every part of your Life. It brings with it upheaval and emotional loneliness and other times a feeling of embracing what's to come in your Near Future.. As someone mentioned, go with the flow, embrace that time and feeling , But don't let it take over your Life... Allow a set time to feel this way and give it your all.. Cry use a box of tissues etc do the woe is me, why me stuff! Even the way you deal with Lonliness is a lesson in it's self Then dust yourself off! look at all you've gained in every way including Materially ,Health , etc be grateful for all your Blessings and move forward.. look at your options and act on them as was mentioned. Get out focus on others needs. Talk to strangers, Go fun places you enjoy .Do things you love to do . You get to realize your Life isn't as much crap as you thought.By doing this your Negativty turns Positive and you then tend to attract Positive outcomes and People into your Life.. So stand infront of your Mirror wrap your arms around yourself .Give your Innerself a Big Hug say Let's Do It!! Good Luck! Enjoy Lu :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Mmmm, ok now why dose that word feel so right for me most times. Ok, now lets see in a 24 hr period i work 12 hrs, spend 2 hsr in travel to site, 1 hr getting dinner, 30 min showering , approx if lucky 6.5 hrs sleeping , now that's 22 hrs , that gives me 2 hrs a day to myself. times that by 21 days (oopps i do get a day off in that 21 days and that gets bloody lonely) and you have the first 3 weeks of my month, the i get to have 7 days off and be lonely againlol
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RHP User
13 years ago
Listen to sad songsGet drunk and phone a friendGet drunk and send unintelligible smsWatch movies like - Cast Away, I am Legend or Lars & The Real Girl.DoGet out and go for a walkHave a coffee in a busy cafe, read the paper and people watchSome volunteer work at an animal havenGet a hot date here at RHP and fuck all afternoon!Good Luck
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RHP User
13 years ago
I disagree :) I say get drunk. Phone a friend. Listen to sad songs, watch sad movies and cry your heart out. Wallow in it and feel it fully. Loneliness is as much a part of the human experience as any other emotion. The trick is to just not wallow in it forever :) I've had a pretty rough time for the past two and a bit years. Friendships and love ended, my health has been a bit dreadful, my spirit utterly crushed for various reasons. I chose early on not to fight the pain and sadness but just to acknowledge it. I predicted it would take me three years to be properly me again, I don't know why three years seemed true but I trusted my instinct. I prepared myself the journey ahead by softening my heart towards myself and others. Two and a bit years later and I see a much happier future, perhaps ahead of time :) Along the way I had a pretty significant 'dark night of the soul' experience, and learnt to embrace that as well, rather than fight with it. I did keep myself busy and took action to make some big, practical changes in my life. Life moves forward, inevitably, and sometimes we just need to let it. I think one of the best reasons not to deny your own heartache, whatever form it comes in, is because it teaches you real empathy and compassion towards others. When someone's hurting they don't want to be told to get over it. And now I see I've gone all tangential and intense. Welcome to my world ;)
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RHP User
13 years ago
xxx :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' Lots of great advice here. I can certainly relate to being lonely. Early last year, when my marriage of 26 years had just ended, i suddenly went from having a household full of people to being completely alone, every weekend, for the first time in my life. I had literally NEVER been alone for more than a few hours. It is worth noting that being alone is not necessarily the same as being lonely, but in my case i was. Hell, truth be told i was lonely in my marriage. What i did was make a conscious effort to be alone, accept the loneliness, for me it was an important to accept it as part of the process of getting to know myself. Being alone is going to be a part of my life, i needed to develop a degree of comfort with that. In the past 12 months, i've done many of the things above. Not to just fill the time, but to bring fun and exciting activities into my life because i wanted to do them. On occasion, i do still feel lonely, but i do something nice for myself and accept that feeling, knowing it too will pass. You just took the words out of my mouth...That was EXACTLY ME!!The Longest and loniest time of my life.. eeeew never again.I was so scared to be alone the first, scary as all hell..but then suddenly one day..it was OK.OP - get to know yourself...it's the most Empowering thing to do...get rid of those ugly thoughts and sometimes it is OK to be by yourself - go with those feelings...Heck I love it!! For me sometimes I can be around people and some days I just can't cause people drain me...Being an introvert I need that time alone to process stuff, gather my thoughts and need to recharge..Extroverts need people around them are talkative are opposite to being alone.Maybe a factor as to why you many be feeling lonely??Foxy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Please don't feel that you are not alone...A lot of people feel the same as you. Foxy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Please don't feel that you are alone...A lot of people feel the same as you. Fox
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