F111
Love and marriage...
November 23 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
I live with my x husband and neither one of us need to do that again.
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RHP User
11 years ago
To all of you who are divorced or separated: Would you get married again? NO! Why? Been there done that, time to move on and live life differently. The structure may be good for children but I don't think it's healthy for adults. What were your reasons for getting married the first time? Love, children, financial security, social pressure, etc? All of the above except social pressure, I've never been a sheep, it wouldn't have been an issue had we had children outside of a marriage but we were both 100% for tying the knot. Besides, it was a top party. Would your reasons be the same if you decided to tie the knot again? N/A To those who have already been wed more than once: Were your reasons different the second (third, fourth...) time? N/A.
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him_and_me
11 years ago
As someone as part of what I would consider a successful marriage, I find it to be absolute bliss and definitely something to work at continually. We get on famously...don't really argue...love spending time together and are genuinely each other's best friend. On top of this we get to fool around and have fun with others. I don't mean for this to come across as gloating and I'm fully aware not all relationships are like this. I just honestly feel like I have everything I desire (and then some) and can't imagine what life would be like without being married to my best mate. Love you Mrs him_and_me! Him. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was with my wife for 5 years before we separated....was absolutely against the idea of marriage again...come to think of it I was over women in general. But time has healed many scars that blow jobs couldn't lol :p So to answer your question meander I married my ex wife because I couldn't imagine not being without her ever. I would tie the knot again; but she'd have to be someone truly awesome and I'm sure there is someone totally awesome out there for me....but while I haven't found her yet - probably due to the fact that I still find connecting with someone a massive challenge - I'm quite happy being single yet keeping my eyes open in the event I find her.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
It was just the expected path I guess .... Meet, fall in love , get married. But I also truly thought we would conquer all and be together forever Would I do it again? At this point in time I say never ever again! But that may change if I were to ever love again In my first marriage I saw the little signs but chose to ignore them thinking I could live with them If I ever contemplate marriage again I'll be looking for different things , I guess all the things that were missing from the first . I would truly want that person to be my best friend - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
When I got hitched I signed up for life, so I don't think I'll be going down that path again. Not having a misery guts sook, I guess I'm a traditionalist at heart :) Last year I met a girl IRL - the physical chemistry was sensational, and after a month she proposed! We're still mates but not dating any more..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' As someone as part of what I would consider a successful marriage, I find it to be absolute bliss and definitely something to work at continually. Still curious though. Do you need to be in a marriage in order to have a wonderful relationship like you do?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I would definitely not marry again. But I've lived long enough to know that it's foolish to make any sweeping statements about what you will or won't do in the future. I got married the first time because I wanted to start a family and he was the guy I was with at the time. I wish I could say I was madly in love, but the truth is, we'd been together for 4 years, we were in our late 20s, we'd bought a house - it seemed like the thing to do. Would I marry again for those reasons? Obviously not. I can't actually see any reason why I would marry again. Even if I ever fall head over heels in love with someone and want to stay with them forever, I don't think marriage is a necessary part of that choice.
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RHP User
11 years ago
both of us has been married and divorced. did we marry again? absolutely. did we always think we would? yes. never imagined it would be to someone I've known, liked and admired since 1975 tho... have to say that what we share is what we thought we had when younger.... only better. being married is something we both enjoy very much...i get a huge buzz out of thinking, saying, or introducing Michelle as 'my wife'... and have to say that i personally feel the most complete and content that i ever have as an adult...even my kids love her...woohoo!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have no desire to wash some old man's socks:-) ....besides I was a terrible wife....singledom suits me...my ex husband has been happily married to another woman for nearly thirty years...it took me a long time to realise just how mismatched we were .. I was madly in love with him but he was not in love with me...as a full time working single parent there was neither the time nor the inclination to find a partner. and now I can't imagine life any other way... I have lived life on my own terms and my life would certainly have been completely different if I was not single xxFreya
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6exxy
11 years ago
but would i marry again Yes.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Although I do not expect it, I would be equally as happy to be with someone who was happy to be with me, piece of paper or not. I initially got married for a bizarre reason, I hated not having the same surname as my children. It was complicated and annoying having them born out of wedlock. I could have easily not been married except for that. I did love being married though and being able to call my partner my husband instead of my partner or boyfriend was great, I find boyfriend so juvenile and partner too clinical. I would not marry for the kid reason because it will be a cold day in hell before I breed again, lol. I have done my time, still serving but the light is at the end of the tunnel. I do like the titles that come with it though, husband and wife or is it ball and chain?
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RHP User
11 years ago
YES AND ES AND YES because I was happy. would it be different ....for sure because I changed a lot.
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MissBishere
11 years ago
I think its hard to say never.... I don't think I would ever get married again. I honestly don't see the need for the ceremony. I don't think I would even be interested in living together, particularly while the kids are still young and at home Why did I get married in the first place... young and stupid really. wanting to get married as that is what I thought I should do at that point in my life. He was the quintessential bad boy that my parents didn't approve of...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm not sure why we got married??? In love, for fun, to really seal the deal. I thought we would always be together... It was sort of to really symbolise our love and commitment... I'm sad that it had to end and tried my best to make sure it lasted... Would I do it again? I don't think so but who knows what the future may bring... Maybe I would but I'd go in with open eyes this time...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Whenever I'm asked, I say "no"....well, more like "HELL NO!!!!!!!!!" - been there, done that, and can cross it off the bucket list - and laugh maniacally. Buuuuuuuut...you never know, really....if the right person came along, if it felt like the right thing to do, if I could be sure, then mabye I might think about it. Would it have to be different than last time? Hell yes.
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RHP User
11 years ago
like Missb said, I am not really interested in any full on live together and blend families arrangement and unfortunately when you mention anything other than sex, I am sure guys assume that we are trying to tie them down. Something nice and stable and consistent and fun is all I am really after. After being single for so long I am sick of chasing tail, I would really love to settle into something that isn't booty calls and isn't marriage.
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
No fucking way in the world would I get married again, I wasn't very good at it the first time and he was even worse...... I can't honestly see the sense in getting married, you can make a commitment to someone without a marriage.... Why did I get married, because I thought I was doing to right thing for my kids, I thought things would change, I thought wrong but, nothing changed and it wasn't the right thing to do by anyone....live and learn, it's all just part of my journey.....💋
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'him_and_me' As someone as part of what I would consider a successful marriage, I find it to be absolute bliss and definitely something to work at continually. Still curious though. Do you need to be in a marriage in order to have a wonderful relationship like you do? To my mind...absolutely not. We were together for about 6 years prior to deciding to get married so we already had a pretty good idea that we worked well as a couple. Everyone is different though and as many other posters in here have already said, it isn't for everyone. I'm sure you can have equally as much love and devotion to another without the need for a piece of paper that says you're in love and devoted. It will still take the same elements as a successful marriage though; constant communication, consideration, compromise on both sides and a real desire to keep things fresh and exciting as much as you can. Him
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RHP User
11 years ago
because I don't believe that a piece of paper will make a relationship stronger or two people more committed to each other. Why did I do it? I was young, naive, stupid and more than anything I lacked self esteem.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have asked many many women why they got married! And the answers have been far from being alike , from expected ! Thought i was in love ! Fear from being alone ! Pregnant ! Change the name ! Always wanted too ! But the one most answer i love the most and would want a bride to feel is , one Beautiful woman told me ? She was Honoured . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I lived with my ex wife for 10 years before getting married. We both put it off until people stopped asking us if we were getting married because of the silly notion that we didn't want anyone thinking we got married because they convinced us (i.e. social pressure). We were married because we were both in love, wanted to formalise that love and hoped that it would last forever. Yes we had differences of opinions and we did things that annoyed the other but that will always be the way when two people get together. (read human nature) The dissolution of the marriage was mutual owing to differing factors on both sides so there is minimal baggage for both of us. Would I get married again? Yes, however it would only be if it was important to the other half and if it was a low key romantic occasion as opposed to the all singing and all dancing events that I have witnessed in others second, third and subsequent marriages. SG
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I got married at a relatively early age in the middle of a Quebecois winter so it was quite romantic setting but I felt alone as our wedding was simple (our choice) yet at short notice to everyone (2months). None of my family could make the trip from Australia to Montreal at such short notice. No I was not pregnant, lol. My ex wanted us to be married so badly that he pulled all stops in the romantic gestures department that any woman would crumble. Imagine a tall dark handsome Frenchman seducing you into the notion that life is better married. He received pressure from his mother, a staunch French Catholic woman. I was young and naive in the relationship department then and thought that he would make a good father material for my kids. I am right, my kids are exotic looking gorgeous 'beige' young men. son guapos. In hindsight, I should not have gotten married too young and I did not marry for the right reasons. I was not in love with my ex and felt a bit lost during the wedding day. I was confused and wanted to back out but i had no one to confide to that day and felt compelled to go thru the rigmarole of the wedding ceremony and reception. I did not want to bring 'shame' to my husband-to-be's family who organized everything for me and him. I hardly had any say in the matter except for the simple silk dress I decided on. I supported my husband for many years in school while I lived and travelled the world via work. It suited us at that time as I wanted to further my career and he wanted to do his PhD. I bought the homes, cars holidays, and whatever else he wanted. I put no value on material wealth so not an issue. After many years, I then realized that I was being taken for granted by my ex and he expected more of the material trappings and our marriage were based on what I can give him. So I left him and decided to live a simpler lifestyle. To this day, I still have to provide some 'spousal' support to him because the courts say so... Lol. Will I ever consider marriage again? Yes. And why not? But next time, it has to be for the right reasons. I am a far cry from the naive wide-eyed 20-something young bride I was and life has taught me a few good lessons to make it right or better the next time. I choose to remain positive. A Las Vegas wedding sounds good with Elvis Presley look-alike minister presiding. A-huh-huh!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Marriage is and should be all about love for us it is and Allways will be. But it seems like times are changing people are happy to live in sin . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
No plans or desire to get married again. Its just me but I believe you can still be just as committed to partner without the need for "marriage" on a piece of paper.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Not speaking from personal experience (I'm still on my first, happy marriage) but my wife has been married before. She was young and has told me that even as her partner was proposing she was thinking 'No', but said 'Yes' as she felt pressure to do so. The marriage only lasted a couple of years as he became very controlling (telling her what to eat, when to exercise, who she could be friends with and demanding they had children). Luckily for her (and eventually me) she was strong enough by this time to say no and left him. As for marrying again, she obviously did but as our marriage and our thoughts on marriage have evolved over the years we've been together she says she wouldn't do it again and I would need a fairly compelling argument to do it. Luckily that is all just hypothetical for us though as we still have very good lines of communication and are committed to each other as our primary relationship. For the foreseeable future anyway :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'passion8_l' Why did I do it? I was young, naive, stupid and more than anything I lacked self esteem. That pretty much sums up my first marriage! Guys go through that lack of self esteem too and I didn't want to be left of the shelf at 22 so my first serious relationship became a marriage. I was having second thoughts but then she got cancer a few months from the wedding and I just couldn't back out worried people would think that was the reason (weak I know). I survived 18 years with little common interest, passion, intimacy or sex and thought that was how things were meant to be - isn't that the stereotypical type of marriage guys complained about. After emerging from the deep depression I was in, leaving her and finding my mojo I then got married again within 2 years. It was much better than first time, we actually got along pretty well, but cracks started appearing around the wedding time and it didn't see out a year due to issues she had with my daughters. With the gorgeous Mrs HnH we lived together for 3 years before getting married and I guess marriage came around because it actually felt right this time. We are a great team, we love each other so deeply and with such a passion that neither of us has experienced before. When you find someone that you feel safe to lay bare your soul to, knowing that they will not judge you but always love you, then that is a wonderful place to be. Getting married has bought us even closer together in ways we couldn't have imagined. If only we had met 25 years ago, but then again I probably wasn't ready for it. Mr HnH
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RHP User
11 years ago
Absolutely loved reading what you wrote. So much love and feeling in your words and the fact you two adore each other is exactly what it means to be a Husband & Wife. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
The marriage contract originally had nothing to do with the church,God or sin...It was to do with property....living in sin,such a cute judgemental expression posted on a swinger's site...ironic much.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I would do it again.This time for the right reasons.Its so nice going to bed with someone you love and they love you back too.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Meander, I will employ Luckdragon's trademarked disclaimer and take no offence at the unintended omission of widows/ers from the OP questions. I have had the philosophical debate with other s that being a widower puts me in a slightly different scenario from my divorced peers since it ran its intended course until death parted us (although actually you don't really part, she is just not physically there any more) and there is no animosity or recriminations. But there is still grief at what has gone. We got married in our mid 20's after finishing our degrees and having set up our professional career paths, so not rushed, all very sensible. We married for love but also because all the pieces fell together into where we both wanted to go with life and that we knew we wanted to go there together. We had 10 years of coupledom before we decided to be grown up and have children. Again a sensible and reasoned decision. And then it was gone in 3 more years. I have read that statistics show most widowers meet their next partner within 12 months of their wife dying, and remarry within 3 years. I am therefore a statistical outlier. I could not conceive of ever marrying again. I could not believe there would ever be a person with whom I could have a connection at such a deep subatomic level. You just don't get that lucky twice in a lifetime. After almost 8 years, I have reached the point where I can accept the concept of marriage again. It took 5 years with a beautiful friend who showed me that I don't need a replica of my wife to be happy, that it can be some one completely different, that the love can be felt for different reasons and that she can touch me in different parts where my wife did not and vice versa without me loving either of them any less than the other. I asked, she said no, for good reasons. But at least I asked and knew the answer. I am open to finding some one who will be different again to both my wife and my friend. I have no idea what she will be like or if I have already met her and haven't realised it yet. The reasons will not become apparent to me until the time is right, and I can sensibly see the opportunity before me. Until then, I am not desperately seeking companionship nor am I prepared to settle. I am satisfied with my friends and family so that if it all comes to nought, I will still be content with the love I have known.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Such a terrible word to use, Marriage Contract ???? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' The marriage contract originally had nothing to do with the church,God or sin...It was to do with property....living in sin,such a cute judgemental expression posted on a swinger's site...ironic much. Organised religion realised that it was a great way to control people. Plus, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife!!! But if you live in the right area, fuck her as often as possible just don't get caught.
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RHP User
11 years ago
about marriage right now.... "The church regarded monogamous marriage as marginally less wicked than flat-out whoring - but only very marginally." The church decided to get involved when it realised that people were going to do it anyway, with or without their blessing. It then got promoted from a civil event into a holy one when it became one of the seven Catholic sacraments. It was at this time that the "till death do us part" bit got added. I'm also fairly sure that adultery is considered rather sinful by the church as well - something swingers engage in as often as they can. I love the attitude where people only point the judgemental finger of sin at the sins they deem wrong, whilst hypocritically overlooking the ones they commit on the regular. I wasn't aware that religion allowed you to pick and choose which sins were ok, I am fairly certain there's something in the bible about judging others though...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I should have said,Marriage Love Hearts Entwined Eternal Vows....but the Australian Government would probably view it differently...in fact they say....Marriage is a union between a man and a woman,forsaking all others.... I think they mean no swinging too...and in the eyes of the Church,swinging is definitely a sin...:-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I guess I married originally as it was the normal/done thing to do in today's society. oh how my views on this matter changed...... In this sense I wouldn't ever marry again. It is just a piece of paper to me. I consider myself mostly agnostic. How do we really know if the way we marry each other in today's society is the way it was meant to be? It has been manipulated to fit into whatever the agenda was going at the time (Yes I am cynical). 'marriage' or fusion between two minds however, that is a different story and definitely one that appeals to me massively.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SimpleNeeds2' Meander, I will employ Luckdragon's trademarked disclaimer and take no offence at the unintended omission of widows/ers from the OP questions. I have had the philosophical debate with other s that being a widower puts me in a slightly different scenario from my divorced peers since it ran its intended course until death parted us I had deleted the word widowed from my OP deliberately, because I was looking for answers from those for whom marriage didn't work out. But you're right, there are many similarities. Thanks for your heartfelt story, it struck me right in the feels.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I got married for old school reasons. I got drunk , as normal at a party....hooked up and had my wicked way ....as you do remembered fuck all and said ill ring you tomorrow. Eight months latter i hear through the grapevine that shes pregnant and me not wanting to bring a life into this word with out me does what i know is right and offer myself as a father. Sounds kinda romantic ....except im a fucked up individual who has his heart in the right place but is still struggling at 29 to get his life in order from all the curve balls been thrown......anyway to cut a long story short ....i had two beautiful blessings that life could ever give....thank you god!!! A relationship with there mum which is so honest...without fear and respectful...and an arrangement that works fairly between us. Yes i love my ex as the mother of my children and she respectfully loves me as there farther. Would i get married again? .... i dont know but ive not given up on life and pretend to have control over it....i just roll with the punches...do the best i can....and be thankful that i can enjoy and experience it xxx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Good on you Pashin... sometime life seems like we are all flying by the seat of our pants!
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RHP User
11 years ago
We got married on our Daughters first birthday. I desperately wanted to have the same surname as my children - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've been married to my best friend for 22yrs. I suppose our marriage has evolved through trust, communication and that we still have a physical and mental connection. We are secure enough in our relationship to enjoy the company of others separately. - Posted from rhpmobile
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IamMrSilly
11 years ago
So many great stories, thanks to everyone who put their story in this post. It made my day a lot brighter for some reason. I am surprised to see a few people treat the concept of marriage, or any other public commitment between two lovers, as a piece of paper or contract. To me, the OP was not asking about the piece of paper, but about if you would make a life long commitment again. I would do it again, I am still saddened that my almost 10 year marriage turned from magic to hell. But the magic at the beginning was so strong and I do not regret getting married. I did not do it for any obligation, but as a public expression of our commitment to each other. Sure it will be a long time before the magic returns for me, and that I am not fit for it, but I hope it will.
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RHP User
11 years ago
And we are still married and in "Love". If we had a chance to go back to the beginning, would we do it again ? Hell "Yes" !!! We are each other's Soulmate and best friend. There are not secrets whatsoever between us. We always communicate. We love, trust and respect each other. BTW, respect is earned; not given or bought. Love and marriage has brought us happiness but mind you, that may be because we don't have children either !!! We confide in each other. We ask for each other's consent in various matters; even those to do with "affairs of the heart". Ours is an "unselfish" marriage. This is the way each of us thinks " The other (Spouse) always comes first !!!" It's still a "winning" situation but from a different perspective. We always wanted to be married. Call us "traditional". I love the sound of "husband and wife". It gives the relationship more "meaning". It indicates commitment !!! We're proud to be each other's Spouse. I love being known by his "surname". As ours is one of the few "Happy Marriages" here on RHP, I have nothing but good to say about it. Amy
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RHP User
11 years ago
As funny as this might sound I work and thrive better as a teambe it home /work/sport and so on, I am a giver.Sadly I got used and I was also stupid as I gave one ex a house in Sorrento that sold 5 years later for 950 thousand. Would I do it again ---YES__YES__YESBut never thought I would do it with a girl younger than mydaughter yet she has given so much back you just never know.After a 3 year struggle to find a woman near my age it turns out I was blinded by age.Anyway its a yes we are engaged.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Marriage is not for selfish people and it wont lastand lust don't last forever.
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RHP User
11 years ago
but did anyone else sing the song 'Love and Marriage' from that TV series back in the 80's when they read the title of this thread??
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RHP User
11 years ago
Loving all your answers, thanks everyone!
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'ButterflyAngelic' but did anyone else sing the song 'Love and Marriage' from that TV series back in the 80's when they read the title of this thread?? I didn't...but guess what is stuck in my head now :( That is that Frank Sinatra song from "Married with Children" huh? Christina Applegate The lyrics are quite poignant, "Love and marriage, love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage This I tell you brother You can't have one without the other " but I think..unfortunately...as many marriages show...not all have the requisite level of love to make them work. Him.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ButterflyAngelic' but did anyone else sing the song 'Love and Marriage' from that TV series back in the 80's when they read the title of this thread?? That was the plan.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm not a Frank Sinatra fan. Usually a married Couple will have a favourite song that signifies their "Love". Ours is "IF" by Bread Amy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'amylee2000' Love and marriage has brought us happiness but mind you, that may be because we don't have children either !!! Amy I think this is an excellent point to make. Children, shared finances, seemingly different responsibilities and obligations all add to the stress of most marriages and that is why I seek a relationship without these things. A lot of people say the sex ended after kids, she was at home not working while he was paying for everything, that stuff then turns into hurt and resentment which often breaks a marriage down. Instead of being an equal playing field, the arrival of children does add so much pressure to a household and changes the dynamics. I think some couples do allow kids to come between them and the partnership becomes a chore because you are not enjoying each other any more. Without kids that distraction from each other is not there. The financial pressures are not there, well not like having to have your hand in your pocket like kids need and are often unexpected. You have the time for each other without the chaos.
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