M44
Married men in open relationships
September 17 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have noticed this too, particularly in the forums. Lots of married men bashing even when they have clearly stated that they have permission to play....I will follow this post with interest....XXX
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm married (very happily) and we have an open relationship. He changed his to unattached and got heaps more hits! When I go on holidays he goes single because he has an unconditional hallpass. Maybe because more women have been cheated on and don't want to be the 'other women'. I know I feel that way sometimes...
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with you both! We had a seperate profile here for Mr Sat which stated I was more then happy etc for him to play alone. Whilst there was limited interest it was heaps less then what we get as our couple profile. Can it perhaps be that women on here are after more then just a casual sexual fling and seek an emotional connection that they feel they would have to "share" with another woman and are not that happy about it to do so..There are HEAPS and HEAPS of women profiles on here that are married and I agree that they do not cop the crap that the married mens ones do..
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RHP User
13 years ago
The usual " how do we really know the wife knows?" ya ya from both the female and couples camps out there...same can be said about the womens profiles on here too..Plus the classic "Why should we be the other womans leftovers.."( now that's a choice line..) It's obviously not EVERYONE's cup of tea but funnily enough..there are peeps out there for casual hookups of the NSA variety. To me an already attached would be the perfect choice of love em and leave em..(especially with a body to die for and looks to kill..) see being attached can afford me that level of shallowness.. ;)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have never seen a married woman post here saying that it is difficult to find a single male. I have seen on many single male profiles, that they are happy to meet married women. I don't look at many single women's profiles but the ones I have seen often say no married or attached men. There are many more single men on this site than single women...competition is keen. Most of the negativity directed towards married men is because they are perceived as ''cheating''...even if they say they are in an open relationship they are not believed. Single men are much more likely to be available than married or attached men.One could of course, build up a harem of the married or attached,that might solve that problem.
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RHP User
13 years ago
When i was married i played with married men, with my husband's knowledge and permission, in fact i refused single men. There are a couple of reasons why: number 1: never play with someone who has less to lose than you do and secondly why take the risk of someone who is single becoming attached. Now, As a single woman i'm looking for something different, although i'm not looking for a relationship i'm not adverse to it happening either, so why play with married men and take that risk. I think it's more about being at the same stage of life looking for the same things
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RHP User
13 years ago
It aint going to change anytime soon, if ever...so why beat your self up about it.concentrate on the things you may be able to do something about.Cheers Felonious
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RHP User
13 years ago
And yet again Felonious..so true From my own personal experience...Ive played with quite a few married men..sadly they forgot to mention it up front...and only yesterday I met with someone, who is just about to be married in a few weeks and swore black and blue that he was in a open relationship..................................................mmmm ....so sitting at home last nite sipping a red....settling into watch a dvd and low and behold....a string of nasty sms from saids fiance (obviously she had done the whole phone check thing)......and according to her they were so NOT in a open relationship.............................charming mouth on her btw.. So from now on....single blokes only...no exceptions....I really dont need shite from your woman, cause you havent got enough balls to state how it really is with you/her/me and the whole so called "open relationship" thing......................
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RHP User
13 years ago
For me it is about wanting something more than a quick shag and, in my experience, that is all attached guys want to give and get. There is little time for the more sensual and erotic aspects of sex because of time constraints. Having had that experience, I definitely say I am not interested in married or attached men, meanwhile I live and let live and I know that everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do.
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RHP User
13 years ago
The main reason is perception that with a married guy it'll be a bit wham bam, whereas with a single guy there is more potential for companionship /ongoing fun - even if neither of you want a relationship. Other reasons include allowing for the possibility that things might develop if you did happen to want them too, and not wanting to fall for someone attached (or have them fall for you). Not everyone is here purely for sex or swinging. Some of us are here for companionship without expectations but happy to see where the road takes us, which is not something you find on RSVP type websites.
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RHP User
13 years ago
That's it...Cue underbelly theme song of it's a jungle out there...How do you ever know if they are single? Personally if they, be it male or female, are quite good looking I pretty much reckon they are attached in the real world be it full blown or what they consider a casual relationship. Pretty much when I ask them and perhaps because they know I couldn't care less they fess up. Not everyone is like this I know but go in eyeswide open..
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RHP User
13 years ago
I just think men and women think differently, especially when it comes to sex. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all men are so desperate they'll chase anything in a skirt, but if they're physically attracted to someone, a lot (not all) of them don't care if she's married if it means they have chance of getting her in bed. A lot of women do think of the consequences, not to mention love the attention and most married men just can't be as attentive as single ones (not to anyone else other than their wife, that is). A good example is my nephew. He was badly burned in a relationship and prefers to have sex with married women, simply because he doesn't want commitment.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MsVelvetblue' saids fiance (obviously she had done the whole phone check thing)......and according to her they were so NOT in a open relationship.............................charming mouth on her btw.. Sorry you had that unfortunate experience Velvet, nothing nice about being on the end of abuse when you had done nothing wrong, but that probably encapsulates why so many couples and women are wary of the 'I promise I'm in an open relationship' call. Fair enough, if you don't care either way it doesn't matter, or if you can have some verified communication from the other partner that it is in fact the case, go for your life.But no-one wants to be in the middle of an ugly triangle where people get hurt because of dishonesty. As others have said too, a happily coupled person (either male or female) in a genuine open relataionship is more likely to just be looking for sex rather than companionship / friendship and whatever may develop from there (not all, granted, but most) which can be a turn off for a lot of single women who might be looking for more than just sex. Sex sites don't mean that everyone on them just wants sex and nothing more.Personally, we only play together, not because of a trust/jealousy thing, but because this part of our lifestyle enhances OUR intimacy as a couple. Suggestion to the OP, if you are genuinely in an open relationship and have a gold pass, take your partner to the first meeting (if it's just coffee etc) or both of you webcam your potential date at the same time initially. That would stop people being lied to about the nature of an 'open' relationship in the first place, avoid nasty repercussions like Velvet experienced and perhaps find someone who genuinely meets your requirements more quickly.Having said that, nothing is going to stop people saying they're single when they're not on here (or anywhere else, including the 'real world') but in those circumstances, as Felonius says, accept that that will always be part of the equation and move on :)
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
Both my husband & myself have played alone or in separate rooms. If this was something that he wanted on a regular basis then I would give him permission, as long as this worked both ways and I was able to do this on a regular basis!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Previously Ide say no never. But Ive recently met a guy and his wife and things all seem ok. Its just weird cause I never thought Ide find myself in this predicament. Sex is meant to be fun and gawd its going to be fun with him. Im just glad that we all get along well so there is no illusions of any mental betrayal.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I picked out his picks, helped him set up his profile and made sure it says that I know. But that in no way means everyone is going to believe that our marriage is completely open unless they contact me personally. What really gets me annoyed is the amount of rude people, single woman and couples, that don't take the time to read through properly and them sprout abuse at him for cheating on his wife.. WTF is that all about? We could go on as a couple, but then people want you to play as a couple, and that is not what I personally am looking for. We can do that anytime. I know it's hard to actually know who is in a bona fide open relationship and who is just, for want of a better term, fucking around, but can't we keep it civil. My hubby is a true gentleman and the comments that get thrown at him are quite rude!After saying all that, I may as well get in a plug for his profile..For an awesome time with a gentleman, check out Terry1111..lolHe'll kill me for this...xo
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Smilingwithfun
13 years ago
I've been pidgeoned holed. I'm single therefore not good looking.Saturn 65,i'm single thru choice,not looks.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Its called a double standard lol. There is no rhyme or reason for it. Have a scroll back to other forums and you will find men talking about terrible home situations and the flame throwers come out and he is often told to either end it or fix the relationship. You'll also find similar posts from women in terrible home situations and they are usually told leave him and "go girl". The world is a strange place :) may as well ask why flammable and inflammable have the same meaning :D
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi! Youngenough:) Thanks for your Topic.. I must say I agree with the other Women I can only go by My Experience ..I checked out your Profile I feel the most important thing you can do is have a face Pic up of you smiling ... Women can relate to you as an Individuall. Plus I didn't notice you mentioned your Partner is aware and supportive of your activities .. Now I don't know how much she wishes to know Personally about Your Lover .. Have a Phone Chat with your Playmate to be... allow your Partner to mention personally or a recording he!he! she is cool with everything.. That maybe taking it a bit far but she's being so unselfish sharing you anyway she may want to do that.. I mention I don't Intrude on Relationships but I have had Married Lovers to bring Balance in their relationship removeing the Sexual focus stop them pushing for more sex the Proviso is they have to want their Relationship and Love their Wives The most rewarding thing for me is when we Part ways and continue in a very Happy sexually rewarding Balanced Marriage ..I don't judge I like to hear their reasons .. Your Wife is awesome ..it's so refreshing when I come across this situation ..in this instance You would be treated as unattatched. by me... A good idea that is to put unattatched on your profile .as long as the Interested Females realize it's for FBW not a romance .. Good Luck! Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Market forces at their best here... women are picky, and their perception (often wrong or being deceived and lied to by married men that claim to be single) is that the single guy will give them all atention, time and effort of courtship (WTF is that anyway these days)... while they see a married man as a "problem" because their "conscience" will be hurt by cheating on the wife that does not know that her hubby is getting some extra sex. Well, guess what - men like sex more than women (exceptions aside, this is stats). Let's look at a website other than this one where I have full access... Total members: over 100,000 (won't put exact numbers not to offend this site), now filtering for women only - slightly over 5,000... next filter is for the age group I'm interested in 35-45... down to 1,500, if I only want them to be straight it's now less than 500 (seems that gay and bi ladies are twice as likely to be on sex oriented sites than straight ones)... filtering for just those interested in straight males and it's under 400 now - talking about the WHOLE AUSTRALIA here... do I need to continue? If I could filter by their desire to only see "unattached" males than it'd be in double-digits, and the few that might be close to me in a small regional town will be swamped by messages and winks beyond manageable the moment they confirm their registration!Well, that all said, it is possible to find a god friend with benefits, if you're married like me go for a married or separated woman hat does not want the emotional whim of an unsettled single man, or a baggage of a divorced guy with custody issues flying through Family Court... after all if all you want is an experience of someone that can bring your sexual experience to a whole new level you need to look beyond the selection criterium of an outdated archaic institution such as marriage... one day we all understand, might not be in our time but I see the future of sexual freedom of 2212 without the restrictions of monogamy... not everyone would get it but it doesn't matter - I'm looking for an open minded and intelligent female, status not important, sex drive of a donkey on heat preferred... do I need luck? you bet !
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hello keeper, With all due respect I have disagree with keeper that more women have been cheated on. Its more a matter of men getting caught more easily than women. They are not as smart as women when it comes to keeping secretes, especially secrets pertaining to an extra marital affair. They give themselves away in numerous little ways; suddenly taking better care with their appearance, becoming more attentive to his wife\partner in the mistaken belief that will make he less suspicious when the opposite is the case bringing her gists\flowers which he probably never did etc. Mostly, the man gives himself away through lack of performance. The reality is a man can only do it so many times, no matter how good he is, and he needs a break in between performances. Happy boy can come to the part jus tso many times, and then he has to take a break. Naturally, the wife\partner notices the lack of performance, if they had even a reasonable sex life. A woman can 'perform' any time. All she has to do is spread her legs and she is ready to go, (not being derogatory girls, just stating a fact) but the poor bugger, the cheating male, has to get it up to perform. Now I've been told I'm pretty good, but I'm not a ram. I do need a break in between performances. When I had multiple sexual partners, STRICTLY WHEN NOT IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP ONLY, sometimes young Johnson refused to clock on for duty.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes, definitely there is a strong case of double standards that apply to married\attached men haveing sexual relationship outside their marriage\committed relationship. Double standards are everywhere, often inexplicable. Harry's a herol for frolicking naked very publicly, but Kate is a fool for just going topless in a seemingly secluded, very private pool.
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RHP User
13 years ago
we dont discriminate, and have the same feelings about play with married/attached women as we do men. neither are options for us, regardless of their 'circumstances' or whether they have 'permission' or not...we simply wont go there. we've been let down by men in supposedly 'open' relationships (cancelled at last minute/rushed off early) and even approached by guys who had 'permission', but who wished to play 'on the sly' because they didnt want wifey to know they were bi...one guy...in a very 'open' relationship, pestered my wife to play alone, and even took to stalking her on line and in person, following her at the local shops a number of times, until i collared him and read him the riot act....his argument was that i must be very controlling to not 'allow' my wife to play 'solo'...for us, its always been a mutual choice..permission never entered our discussions...she, like me, is an adult capable of making her own choices...and i trust her implicitly....thus far our experiences with single unattached guys has been wonderful...they have, in 100% of our encounters, remained respectful, and at a safe distance, obviously because they respect that we have invited them in, and they appreciate that its actually a compliment for us to do so... we feel its not so with a married person..and we also feel that the one thing that most impresses us....'honesty'....is quite often missing from an encounter with an attached/married person..... just our opinion tho, based on our personal experience so far...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Okay so married men in open relationships are complaining that no single girls want them... So how about changing their tactics and going for married women who are also in open relationships? I'm curious as to why more don't do this instead of always targeting the singles; is there less of an appeal going for someone that is already married or would it intensify the feeling of guilt (for lack of a better way to describe it - hopefully you get what I mean)?
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RHP User
13 years ago
...but to address your comment, there are couples out there allowed (by their partner) to play on there own, be it with another couple or just either a male or female. There status is neither here nor there. For all you know they have single profile as well but they are attached. It's just about trying to be honest and upfront as a male but getting abused in the process, where is if I say as a female were to put up a similar female profile saying I'm attached who wants to play..it's a different kettle of fish. OP the status quo will never change I'm afraid . There are some out there that are willing to play on those terms but it requires patience on your part. I do get the other statements of wanting emotional connections etc that some have stated. Like everything on RHP one shoe or size does not fit all.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Second attempt at explaining my response, as my first response was written before my morning coffee. I'll try again as best as I can on my phone at work, so I apologise for the lack of paragraphs. Essentially, if you think about it, the stigma has been created from married men looking for single women, because only a single woman would see it as a big deal, whereas a married woman wouldn't as she is in the exact same boat. So we are comparing two parties here: A - married men looking for single women, and B - married women looking for single men. Let's look at all parties in terms of physical and emotional availability, with a stereotypical perspective. If we look at Group A first, married men are only physically available, while single women are both physically and emotionally available. Looking at the parties in Group B, married women are physically available, and while single men are mostly just physically available when it comes to these things (again, stereotyping). Group B is therefore on more or less equal footing, while Group A isn't. However, there if a married man were to seek out a married woman also in an open relationship, they're on equal footing, and in my opinion, there isn't so much of a stigma surrounding that situation. And now I've just realized I've pretty much repeated what most people have said on here and look like a bit of a twat, but now that I've taken so much time to type this on my phone, I can't be bothered not to send it :/
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi city-Kitty Both attempt's make sense there are many reasons most have been covered allready I'm not sure why a married man would waste his time looking for a single girl as the majority are looking for a 25 year old with washboard abs and a 8incnh cock to put another notch on!! This might be one reason why married men find it harder not so much social acceptance just there looking for hens teeth!!! We dont list open relationship as one of our interest's as it all semmed to hard as well as the safety issues for mrs 2n2 and we could have fun together anyway , We have meet another couple where if the option became available we would jump at' and I think your idea of married playing with married is the best idea and has less chance of complications changing targets is the way to go and accepting if you cant have it find the next best thing its all good !!!!!mr2n2 \Quoting 'City_Kitty'Second attempt at explaining my response, as my first response was written before my morning coffee. I'll try again as best as I can on my phone at work, so I apologise for the lack of paragraphs. Essentially, if you think about it, the stigma has been created from married men looking for single women, because only a single woman would see it as a big deal, whereas a married woman wouldn't as she is in the exact same boat. So we are comparing two parties here: A - married men looking for single women, and B - married women looking for single men. Let's look at all parties in terms of physical and emotional availability, with a stereotypical perspective. If we look at Group A first, married men are only physically available, while single women are both physically and emotionally available. Looking at the parties in Group B, married women are physically available, and while single men are mostly just physically available when it comes to these things (again, stereotyping). Group B is therefore on more or less equal footing, while Group A isn't. However, there if a married man were to seek out a married woman also in an open relationship, they're on equal footing, and in my opinion, there isn't so much of a stigma surrounding that situation. And now I've just realized I've pretty much repeated what most people have said on here and look like a bit of a twat, but now that I've taken so much time to type this on my phone, I can't be bothered not to send it :/
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RHP User
13 years ago
Well now who would have thought I would stir the pot this much. Really now I can completely understand where all you singles are coming from, however we have our way of doing things as i'm sure you do yours. I was merely asking a question, trying to ascertain what it was i was missing or just not seeing. I see myself as a fairly intelligent person and 100% respectful. I appreciate all your comments as it gives me so many more points of view to consider, in saying that but ours is our own point of view that suits us, and to have people pass their judgement's or criticisms based on that is just pure bullshivism. If people want to talk to my wife they are more than happy to do so...i will even give them her number so they can txt her directly, but hey was just a thought i had at the end of the day so the question had to be asked lol.PS we have played as a cpl before however my wife found that the whole matriarchal approach by some women in the scene just turned her off the cpl's, but hey that's just us.
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